Kentucky. Really.

 I don't often ask for anything. I'm now asking you to contribute to Team Western Kentucky Tornado Relief Fund. It's an official fund and tax deductible. Western Kentucky is a mess and they could use our help. Contribute because you want to and because one of our readers was right in the path of the tornado. Fortunately, our reader is in one piece, which is more than can be said for the neighborhood, electricity, water, and sewer. I didn't consider how good I had it - I'll be contributing. Please do so yourself.

The governor has declared an emergency, because the roads are a mess, so drunken tractor races cannot be run. The president's advisors told him "Factory fall down, go boom."

Zircon-Encrusted Guitar Picks

 Your love is like   belly button lint

This enthusiast’s keyboard and trackball used to launch nuclear missiles

I want this. I need this. Maybe a panel with some blinky lights. Something that used to launch ICBMs. My guests will be so impressed!

Today I identify as  a boy band

Flying AIDS News

Navy commander fired over vaccine refusal

Pennsylvania Supreme Court throws out mask mandate for schools

Philadelphia could require proof of vaccination for indoor dining

Shit. Hole.

Pentagon considering COVID booster mandate for all troops

China ‘modified’ the weather to create clear skies for political celebration – study

(at least they admit it)

We could use some of that on the east coast. It's miserable.....

ThermionicEmissions sends its best to western Kentucky, where a tornado ravaged the place. Please send your best too. One of our readers lives there.

Contrary to popular belief, razing Kentucky is not an improvement.

This is the worst tornado in KY history. No electricity, no water, no heat, and worse, no internet.

• Australia will force social networks to identify trolls, so they can be sued for defamation
• Australia has gone full Orwell/SJW.

Are you a Verizon customer? They pulled a Privacy Switcheroo and you need to make some adjustments to your account. They gather data from your ISP. Did you know that?

My life is run by tobacco

The truly sad part of this is that I don't smoke.

Mrs. lefty smokes. I think she started in the womb.

I just found out what a pack costs. OMFG.

A doctor said we could save the money and use it for a vacation.

Easier said: he has cured hundreds of smokers. Mrs. lefty is the only one he can't.

When she comes in the house from smoking, she stinks. Ever get in bed with a smoker?

When she gets out of the car, the ciggie is lit before she gets up to get out.

Health insurance asks about tobacco.

Mrs. lefty can go an entire day without smoking. But tell her she can't smoke and all hell breaks loose.

When I politely mention she should just stop, I get The Look. Trust me, you don't want The Look. The Look parents give their kids to shut them up. The Look that will make concrete crumble. The Look that says 'No sex for 6 months.'   In the end I win: sex at six month intervals is better than I do currently.

When we get to a store, I have to wait til the car door is closed to walk to the store. Then I have to wait while the cig is smoked before I go into the store. Same on the way out. Then we have to stop to buy more. Even guitars don't take this much a chunk out of my life. But if she stopped, I could buy a lot of sweet guitars. Oddly, she is not impressed by this fact.

RIP Mike Nesmith(78), from natural causes.

DAMMIT, this shit has to stop. He had quadruple bypass, which should've been enough.

At the farewell concert, he looked a little feeble.

Monkees were my childhood favorite - first the tv show, then the albums. 

As I get older, I watch my heroes go. Rock and Roll, which is getting old, sees its practitioners getting old. It's actually a new phenomenon.

I told the doctors that the Agoraphobia certificate was only a joke - I just look like an agoraphobic because I don't leave the house. Sometimes I think all that education completely bred the intelligence and humanity out of the doctors. So I want to get out, not just to prove to the doctors that their ties are too tight. Strangely, this is not as easy as it seems. No, I don't get panic attacks or wet my undies. In fact, it has very little to do with me. Naturally it seems unnatural.

Sat: the rain and wind threatened to blow the car sideways

Sun: "You look a little green. You should go lay down."

Sat: "I have to go visit family. I'll be back before you get up." Eight hours later, the malls closed.

Sun: Yes, that was a train that went through the living room.

Sat: "The malls are open late because of the holidays!" Yes, perhaps we can step through this just-appeared wormhole and avoid driving.

Sun: "What do you MEAN your mother is coming for a few days... we have to excavate the guest room. We ran out of dynamite after the nieces and nephews came over last time."

Sat: A thunderbolt hit the car. The other car? It hit that one too. Yes, I know they were parked 1,500 feet apart. No, no other cars were hit.

Sun: I swear, there was lumber flying all over the place.

Sat: I'm telling you - there were 589 tarantulas in the bathroom.

Sun: The malls said all of the sudden we have to wear breathing arrestors (masks). I think Fauci is making an appearance.

Notice this never happens when I'm working.

• UK and USA seek new world order for cross-border data sharing and privacy
• Your data.

Edison was right: Waking up right after drifting off to sleep can boost creativity

This does not entitle spouses to throw objects or poke the sleeper, once they start sleeping.

• Eurostar tests facial recognition system on London train station
• just testing, of course. We'll turn it off after testing. London falling.

Wondering about an Internet of Things or other toy you want to buy? Head over to Mozilla, which will tell you about the privacy of that toy. Just. Say. No.

 

Poking Holes in the Anvil

Your  love is like    an ectopic pregnancy

New Zealand to ban cigarettes for future generations

New Zealand is obviously jealous of Australia. How do you stop people from buying and smoking? It sure didn't stop anybody from underage smoking in the US. Another example of Nanny State. People have the right to put whatever they want into their bodies. You want cancer? Good on ya.

Today I identify as  a female nurse. If you say a single thing about my mustache, I'll go straight to HR.

Flying AIDS News

COVID outbreak on cruise ship in New Orleans may be due to omicron

Omicron weakens vaccine protection, but boosters revive defenses, early data finds

Covid: Pfizer says booster shot promising against Omicron

• You're gonna ask yourself why you didn't think of this....
• Hacked Cryptocurrency Platform Begs Hacker to Please Return $119 Million

This blog gets a new entry about every three days. And every three days, Elon Musk gives us fresh material...

The SEC is investigating whistleblower claims that Tesla was reckless as its solar panels go up in smoke

Yes, faulty solar panels could catch fire. Musk/Tesla has a thing for fire. While on fire, they don't generate any additional power, or for that matter, any power at all. The whole house burning down thing is a drag.

Contrary to appearances, I like the guy. He has vision. He has money. His products explode. What's not to like?  He's welcome to stop by and have his say.

But WAIT!!!!

Tesla allows drivers to play video games in moving cars, raising safety concerns

what could possibly go wrong?

• Because of SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUES, Alaskans are having a hard time finding coats
• See - global warming isn't ALL bad! 

Today's IT moment: when you set up your wireless router, or anything else, CHANGE THE DEFAULT login and password, ok? If somebody somehow gets access and you use the default credentials, they're in.

• There's some nasty Stuff going on on in Afghanistan. I'm glad we're out. I'm just noticing no other country has stepped in to stem the nastiness. Isn't that interesting....

Justifiable Homicide  

Her: Hey - wake up!  it's 7:00 and your alarm didn't go off.

Him: ugh.. that's because it doesn't go off til 7:15.

• Hey - remember that iPhone switch that allowed you to remove tracking?
  
• it cut advertiser revenue 98%
• so Apple went ahead and reversed this, allowing a looser policy
• Apple is the self-champion of privacy rights
• what a load of crap. Android isn't much better, but they don't lie about it.

A quick perusal of this week's stories reveals good news about dementia/Alzheimer's

• drinking more coffee will push off onset
• Older people who get cataracts removed have lower dementia risk
• Giant Study Finds Viagra Is Linked to Almost 70% Lower Risk of Alzheimer's

So drink more coffee, get your cataracts removed (even if you don't have any) and stuff Viagra down your throat. Of course you'll need assistance with Viagra, so tell your spouse that helping you use it is lowering your risk of Alzheimer's. It's much easier to prevent than care for, so it's a no-brainer.

So that's three studies on Alzheimer's this week. Ever think the studies aren't quite right?

Like if you go to church and nobody wears masks. You get the Flying AIDS. Therefore, religion causes the Flying AIDS.

Baldwin says he never pulled the trigger. Experts are skeptical

This is another case proving what experts have said all along: guns fire themselves, even when sitting there, minding their own business. They don't even have to be in someone's hand. By the same token, cars crash into things, regardless of what the driver's doing.

Loath as I am to defend Alec Baldwin, he didn't know there was a real bullet in it (did he?).

'Possessed' woman, 28, undergoes nine-hour exorcism to rid her of 'the devil' after she attacked Italian priest during confession and started speaking Latin in three different voices

I dunno. I'm just not feeling demons.

There is a known syndrome of people suddenly speaking languages.

New languages and voices can be explained by multiple personalities.

In fact, in an interview with an exorcist, they check for multiple (MPD/DID) first.

• Pope Francis says ‘sins of the flesh’ aren’t that ‘serious’
• especially with little boys

Way back when I was considering working from home, Wife weighed in that it would take a toll on sexting. I told her I'd wait for it to start before making up my mind. When I started working from home, we added having sex on the desk to the list of things we weren't doing..

It definitely took the fun out of having a Work Wife. It was great while it lasted. I told her there were now two women who weren't sleeping with me. My next Work Wife was a lesbian. We would sit there and rate our female coworkers as they walked by. We were both particularly fond of boobies; she liked them bigger, I liked them in even numbers.

According to an Iranian journalist who moved to UK, every morning we had to to chant 'Death to America'

• on Thursdays we had to chant 'Dem camels look pretty good to me'
• when there was nothing else, the default was 'why is there so much fscking sand around here?'
• on weekends, we'd chant 'We can't chant today because of the sabbath'
• when we thought the Grand Dumdum wasn't listening, 'America, please build military bases here'

Gag Reflex Not Helpful - Please Try Again

 Your love is like  food poisoning

ThermionicEmissions tries to bring helpful information to everyone. 

If you're going to 'play' with candy canes, do not plug them into the female genital interface. The sugar upsets the delicate chemical balance. It's already a deep, dark mystery in there, so don't complicate things.

Seasons Greetings

• NOTE: if you're in IT and adopting the Zero Trust model, it does not apply to your boss.

Today I identify as  a girl scout, at the girl scout jamboree. If you say otherwise, I'll sue and shut the entire organization down. And you'll be canceled.

This week is also the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, when the Ethiopians bombed Eritrea and blamed it on England. This resulted in the bombing of Japan, cuz why not? It laid the groundwork for all future attacks on oil-rich countries starting with "I".

• hate exercise? don't like getting out of bed? think jogging causes heart attacks?
• the UNFitBit ignores your heart rate, instead showing pictures of ice cream, fudge, and brownies. 
• you can alternate with 100 sets of high fat foods. you can even set it to random!
• when you're stuffed, it shuts off
• No data sent to any servers.    
• Pick up UNFitBit at stores near you. Better yet, order online - walking is hard.

Flying AIDS News   

Italian Man Tries To Avoid Getting COVID Jab With Fake Silicone Arm

Judge blocks Biden vaccine rule, citing “liberty interests of the unvaccinated”

More omicron detected as hospitals strain under delta surge

Omicron variant may be less dangerous than delta, US health officials say

NYC has mandated vaccine passports for 5-11 year olds to enter places of public accommodation.

Belgian police used water cannon and tear gas to disperse protesters in Brussels as the country tightened COVID-19 restrictions to counter a surge in infections.

COVID vaccinations spike in US as delta rages and omicron looms

A massive 8-year effort finds that much cancer research can’t be replicated

• I've been working diligently to figure out quantum computers. As best I can tell, they stop working when you observe them.

Some people hate trackpads on laptops.

Much like some people hate bullies and gray weather.

I never had any problems and kinda like them, up until the current laptop. 

It's bad.Very very bad.

But I do my best.

There are some people, however, who shouldn't use trackpads.

In fact, they shouldn't be in the same room with a trackpad.

Better yet, the same city.

Mrs. lefty is one.

I sat and watched, for hours, trying to help, while she shopped.

It was not pretty.

What's worse was my pathetic attempts to help... 

Some married couples can patiently, ably assist each other with new tasks. This, of course, would not be us. We're like a pair of alpha lions. Leaders of the pack. The pack of two. All growling and no learning.

Overheard:

• You don't have to push the button, you can tap the pad.
• WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
• You just shut down my blog.
• I can't make that happen. How did YOU?
• LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
• I'm not sure, but I think you just threatened China in email.
• Please tell the dog that trackpads weren't designed for paws.
• How about I get you a mouse instead?
• Click on the tab, don't close it.
• What do you mean 'why did that happen?' You MADE it happen.
• Don't click on... never mind. Bring it back up.
• Perhaps you should shop for shoes in the store....
• No, the browser in your phone works the same way.

And speaking of trackpads, my laptop's keyboard bit the Big One, so I had to order a new one.

$25 to ship the thing USPS. I wouldn't trust USPS to mail a letter next door, especially after last year's debacle getting the xmas presents to me. 

When I first got the laptop, I put in NVMe drives, so it was no trouble to  open and work on.

That is, until I tried to open it this time.

I took a ton of screws out and it would not come apart.

At one point, it looked like a few screws had put themselves back - I briefly considered taking up drinking.

I had no choice but to take the option of last resort. Go online and find the manual.

The manual rated this operation as easy(!). Fortunately it listed the number of screws and pointed me to the one I couldn't see. BOOM - the thing came apart.

Have you ever seen flat cables? There were two that connected the keyboard. This is precisely the point you need to call somebody who doesn't do coke (or meth) and their hands don't shake.

I finally got the new keyboard in, with only one broken plastic part and two screws left over.

You shoulda seen me - cock of the walk. I bragged to Wife that I fixed it. I swaggered when I stepped. I jumped over the dog (tripping and spraining an ankle). 

After all that crap, I had Side Effects, completely unrelated to the keyboard: a new battery icon, greater difficulty with the touchpad, and an HDMI port that decided it too was going to bite the Big One. 

Keyboardwese, evetytngh's werknng fahn.

The head of the European Space Agency has urged the continent’s leaders to stop facilitating Elon Musk’s ambition to dominate the new space economy, warning that the lack of coordinated action meant the US billionaire was “making the rules” himself.

-- doesn't Musk understand WE want to make the rules? We better teach this young whippersnapper a lesson. No, we don't have any actual ships there, but that doesn't matter. Dammit.

Biden News  

RIP Bob Dole. They told Biden that 'Bob was going away on a long trip, ok?'

The video conference with Putin went well, after the staff explained to him that it's just like the talkies, and he can watch that guy with the funny accent. Afterwards they promised to take him to Disneyland.

• Noting the crippling ransomware attacks on worldwide businesses, worldwide businesses said, "[silence] NA NA NA NA NA NA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU NA NA NA NA"

Billy Joel referred to Taylor Swift as the Beatles of her generation.

Swift said that 'broke her brain.'

Billy was quickly hauled to the Happy Place<tm>, then scheduled for a hearing test.

• 'I had to move across America when I became allergic to the sun'
• all the poor lady had to do was to move to SE PA. We're allowed 2 days per week of the sun, maximum. We just crossed over from the hot and rainy season to the cold and rainy season

You're probably saying to yourself, "Gee, I'd love to build my own stun gun."

You're in luck.

This basic taser page has the info..

If you're even halfway decent with electronics, it's pretty easy. 

There's only a wiring diagram. It's a 9v battery into a stepup transformer (about $9).

Basic cautions apply. I don't want to hear your funny stories about tasing yourself.

Ok, I do.

• with all the cyber attacks and ransomware in the news, it's a great time to remind you to USE CASH. Don't give out any personal info. It worked perfectly well for a very long time and never got hacked. Robbed, yes, but no one got your details.

Nobody has seen anything like it... New York is running short of cream cheese.

Like Mittens for Roosters

Your love is like  diptheria

Smartwatches for children are a privacy and security nightmare

Let me give you a tip: for adults too.

Today I identify as   my wife - won't she be surprised? 

Leaked footage shows British F-35B falling off HMS Queen Elizabeth and pilot's death-defying ejection

A Ministry of Defence spokesbeing said in a prepared statement: "We are aware of a video circulating online. We must state categorically that the video has nothing to do with this incident. The video in question features a different F-35B falling off a ship."

Major: Gentlemen.

Crew: SIR.

Major: Very nice planes.

Crew: Thank you SIR.

Major: I have a small, trifling little question.

Crew: SIR.

Major: there seems to be a space. You know, where we'd park a plane and all that.

Crew: SIR

Major: I was just wondering... if I remember correctly, there was a plane there when we left.

Crew: YES SIR

Major: So it's not just me.

Crew: NO SIR

Major: Does anybody remember what kind of plane it was?

Crew: F-35B, SIR

Major: So..... gentlemen...  has anybody seen the plane?

Crew: NOT RECENTLY SIR

Major: I don't want to put too much emphasis on this, but does anybody know where it went?

Crew: NO SIR

Major. Drat. Are you sure?

Crew: YES SIR

Major: Well. This is highly irregular. It will entail a lot of paperwork. Are you certain you don't know where it went?

Crew: WELL... OVER THE SIDE SIR

Major: I see. Aren't they supposed to be... you know... fastened down or something?

Crew: YES SIR

Major: I don't want to put too fine a point on it, but how, exactly, did it come to fall off the boat?

Crew SHIP, SIR

Major: Yes, quite. How did it fall off the ship?

Crew: IT WAS SMITH-JOHNSON-PHLEGM, SIR.

Major: I see. And how did this happen, Smith-Johnson-Pharnyx?

Smith-Johnson-Phlegm: Smith-Johnson-Phlegm, Sir.

Major: Yes, that's what I said. How did it happen, Smith-Johnson-Philosophy?

Smith-Johnson-Phlegm: Smith-Johnson-Phlegm, Sir. Well, I was getting around to securing the planes, and I forgot to set the parking brake.

Major: Let me see if I have this right... a multi-billion pound attack fighter fell off a boat

Crew SHIP, SIR

Major: because you forgot to set the parking brake?

Smith-Johnson-Phlegm: Yes, Sir. In my defense, Sir, Manchester United was playing.

Major: That sounds perfectly understandable.And why is Lion-Hunting looking so out of sorts?

Crew: PARACHUTE ACCIDENT, SIR

Major: Did he also forget to set the parking brake, like Smith-Johnson-Phoenetics?

Smith-Johnson-Phlegm: Smith-Johnson-Phlegm, Sir.

Crew: NO SIR

Major: Look, I feel we're getting nowhere.

Crew: YES SIR

Major: Where was Lion-Hunting during this whole fiasco?

Crew: IN THE PLANE, SIR

Major: I see. So. I assume we're all still talking about the plane that fell off the boat thingie...

Crew SHIP, SIR

Major: And what happened with the parachute?

Lion-Hunting: I had to use it, Sir

Major: I see. I see. Why did you need a parachute on a parked plane?

Lion-Hunting: It was out of control, Sir

Major: Well, it certainly was not in control in terms of being physically attached to the ship.

Lion-Hunting: Exactly Sir. I was in fear for my life, so I pulled the emergency release, Sir.

Major: And I expect that would also be responsible for all the parachute cord wrapped around the ship's antennas.

Crew: YES SIR

Major: I suppose it was a one in 37.5 billion chance it would spell out FSCK YOU on the boat.

Crew: SHIP SIR

So you're probably asking yourself how we're doing, rodentially speaking.

We are relaxed and expect smooth sailing from here, thank you.

After it was all over, the firemen told us that rodents really don't like fire, so they were probably the first ones out.

The Pentagon Forms New Department to Watch and Study UFOs

This is what we call UFO Theater.

First there was Harry Reid's $22 million project that recently went public. Now an actual Pentagon department. Government only grows.

If they want to be helpful and avoid UFO Theater (they don't), they can simply reveal where all UFO reports have gone to since before the 1940s. All of the information has gone upstream and exists somewhere. I don't know where this is, but this is the key to everything we know about whatever's flying around up there.

But we're not going to get the truth - we're getting UFO Theater.

Speaking of stuff flying around, NASA canceled a spacewalk because 'it's too risky outside.'

They're concerned about space debris.

You can't take us earthlings anywhere.

We're barely off the planet and have put so much shit around the planet that it's dangerous to be around.

IF there are aliens around, it's probably their job to see we don't get off the planet. Think about it - would you like us as your neighbors?

• Straight from the people who brought you BJ's Wholesale, is My Favorite Facial, a cosmetic.
• Let me add onto the end of the commercial: BUT WAIT!! If you buy now, we'll reduce the price from $39.99 to $19.99. Just see Dr. lefty. He will provide what will become Your Favorite Facial!

Flying AIDS News  

Omicron: Do travel bans work against new Covid variants?

don't ask questions - PANIC and get in line for the next shot

Womp, womp: Efficacy of Merck’s Thor-inspired COVID pill crumbles, vexing experts

'experts' at FDA say approve it anyway

Rights groups petition Israel's top court over Omicron phone tracking

I see your true colors, shining though....

Covid: Dutch police arrest quarantine hotel escapees

threaten to put them in the same cell as Ghislane Maxwell

Covid: JCVI scientists to announce decision on booster rollout

Pfizer boss: Annual Covid jabs for years to come

Covid: Trigger of rare blood clots with AstraZeneca jab found by scientists

Many Severe Covid-19 Survivors Go on to Die Within a Year, Study Finds

What we know and don’t know about the omicron coronavirus variant

Omicron found in US—plus 23 other countries in 5 of 6 global regions

• Ghislaine Maxwell's sex-trafficking trial to begin in New York City
• as a courtesy, the prosecutor's office asked her how she'd like to die, when the video cameras in her cell go out.

Just for the good of this blog, Elon Musk has been in the news this week.

He said he's very serious about his plan to build a 'permanent moon base' and a 'city on Mars'

Right after that, he told his employees to stop rushing to increase quarterly deliveries.

This should be interesting. Will the Moon base spontaneously combust? Will the city on Mars crash into police cars? Will the Moon base have an accent?

• We Need to Stop Saying ‘Blacklist’ and ‘Whitelist’
• no, we need to stop telling people what they can and can't say

Speaking of telling people what they can and can't say, remember the people who were pissed at fashion magazines for creating unrealistic expectations on the part of the female readers?

My buddy called the other day to voice his complaint. He said that amateur pr0n created unrealistic expectations of people. He told me the couples were beautiful and well-built. How could real-life people possibly measure up to them? You don't see ugly, overweight people in amateur pr0n (except for the specialists). How could he possibly get a girlfriend when she was looking for an Adonis with a foot in his pants? It's unrealistic. It's one or the other (stop laughing). 

He makes sense. But my recommendations to the fashion magazine people still stand:

• learn to be ok with yourself
• learn what to do when people laugh at you
• do something so well, it makes up for your 'shortcomings'
• Parents: tech your kids about good self-image and confidence. Not everybody is a Hadid (or a Tracy Lords).
• The important one: sex can take place without a video of it. In fact, if you do it in the dark, she will never see your shortcomings. Take it from me, Dr. lefty Love. Mrs. lefty still thinks I look like a young Paul Newman, with a twelve inch measuring device in my pants.

Mrs. lefty just walked by, fresh from her monthly trip to buy Tupperware/Rubbermaid containers for leftovers and whatnot. When I went to use one, there was only a large space occupied by lids. What happens with containers after you buy them? Are they a special subset of socks? I checked all the other shelves and fridge - not even any containers in use.

If I remember correctly, Tupperware has a lifetime warranty. 

I'd like to get a replacement bowl.

Certainly, Sir. Do you have the old one?

No.

We can't replace without the broken one.

It didn't break.

Then what happened to it?

Best I can figger, it evaporated.

Evaporated?

Yeah. Or something like that. I have the receipt, so I paid for it. It's just not there anymore.

Perhaps you used it for storage.

For storage?

Yes, for your nuts. Or bolts.

Nah, I checked the attic and there are no nuts OR bolts.

Something else, then?

Hey - don't look at me with that superior tone and tell me I'm the first person who ever came to you with disappearing containers.

I can't offer you a replacement for disappeared items, but would you like some sex?

No thank you, I'm married.

Oh, sworn off sex completely then......

So there's the zombie dishes, the disappearing containers and the life-sucking couch. Are you ready to stop by for a while?

Don't even think, for a moment, that it's over, no sir, not at all.

Just this very evening:

Do you know why there are condoms on the bed?

WHAT?

Why are there are condoms on the bed?

We don't use condoms.

That's why I was wondering. 

No idea.

...and I went back to making dinner.

• We have a place for everything; it just changes every few hours.
• We thought we'd sage the house to clear it. Her mom suggested an exorcist.

Getting Even with Aardvarks

Your love is like  green eggs and ham

• Fired Employees Sue Google for Breaching 'Don't Be Evil' Part of Contract
• Lawyers for Google said the word 'Don't' was stricken from all work contracts
• Google has removed Pirate Bay domains from search results, citing Dutch order
• Do not use Google. Use duckduckgo.com

Today I identify as   a very popular $900 red Christmas tree

• Scientists figured out the chemistry behind marijuana's skunky scent.
• meanwhile, no one has figured out how it works or its long term effects - Go Science!
• Next up: scientists figure out why cocaine is white

My four day weekend went smoothly. Well, smoothly if you count by motion; I barely moved.

I don't move much while asleep, although I'm told I laugh a lot. In fact, I'm much more amusing when asleep. Napping is a large part of my life - I'm good at it and I practice often. Mrs lefty also raises the Nap Flag (it's black so you can't see it in the bedroom). I was rudely awakened from my first nap of the day by a request for assistance: someone had tripped. I got that sorted out and, shaking my head, left the room. Not before almost tripping on the thing Mrs. lefty tripped on. Every day is like the Three Stooges. It's only a matter of time until she asks me to carry a 2x12 and I turn around, hitting her in the head. Last night I fell down the steps, carrying shelves so we won't fall down the steps.

Of all the weird shit the builder did to this house, the absolute weirdest has to be the stairs. Halfway down, they turn at a ninety degree angle. No warning, no lights, no signs. The last washer we got broke trying to get it down the steps. I'm thinking of inviting my neighbor to see the steps....

Pants became a theme, perhaps because of the holiday, but not because I overate, no sir, I don't want you to leave with that impression. I was minding my own business, as I do once or twice a year, when the zipper to the aforementioned pants felt weird upon pulling up, and POOF, the zipper broke. I have never had a zipper break before. I couldn't figure out a way to fix it, as this is beyond rocket science (and napping). So I put on another pair - one with a functioning zipper. I sat in 'my chair' and felt weird. No, that can't possibly be liquid. I checked and I was wrong: it was liquid on my chair, and by extension, on my pants. Before having a Proper Fit, I went back one day, to discovering liquid on the couch. The dog lets us know when it's Liquid Time, and I believe the rest of us have the concept down, so we're stymied. So then it was time for a Proper Fit. I blasted through the bedroom door and turned the lights on, causing the dog to go into barking fits and the wife to go into Asking Fits. MY CHAIR IS WET. THE COUCH WAS WET. Plus I can't sit on the life-sucking couch.

I think this is either the universe fscking with me or it's the universe trying to tell me to just stay in fscking bed. There is no liquid in bed. I hope.

I spent a lot of quality aggravating time with my laptop over the past days. The long and short of it is that it would have worked much better if the manufacturer would have suggested installing their proprietary drivers. This was suggested during a recent conversation with them. They sent a link. It was on a part of the page I've never seen before, under How to Buy a $4,000 laptop, Staff Baseball league, Hawaiian pizza, How to Remove Nose Hair without Infection. It was too obvious for me to find.

The reason I was taking about my laptop is that the keyboard's 'A' key only works if you hit it a certain way. I'm getting close to hitting it with a hammer.  So that's $75 for a new keyboard, and $25 to ship it. I begged them not to ship USPS because I wanted to get it. And get it sometime before Summer. $25 to ship a new keyboard that has to weigh a pound or two. WTF is going on with shipping? Are they experiencing Supply Issues? Are the trucks on strike? Has President Taxit raised Unemployment Compensation or sent out more checks, so all the drivers quit? Are they demanding vibrating seats in the trucks and Comfort Girls in the cab? How come *I* don't get Comfort Girls when I go out somewhere? Hess trucks cost a few dollars to ship. WARNING: this year's Hess truck is an airplane, if you have OCD or that's the kind of thing that bothers you.

Have you ever worked on a laptop? It is not for the short-of-temper, ADHD, far-sighted, impatient, or blind. None of them are alike - I mean no single laptop out of the millions sold over the years is alike. If you're lucky like the Pope, there will be a YouTube video of the teardown. If you're unlucky like me, there will be little arrows on the case, telling you which screws to remove to get the case open. You also might find the process in the manual, which you threw away with the packing, or it came on a CD you couldn't find if you were on fire. Fortunately there's the website, where all the manuals are kept. Under How to Buy a $4,000 laptop, Staff Baseball league, Hawaiian pizza, How to Remove Nose Hair without Infection. After you get the screws out and pry the damn thing apart, there are no little arrows telling you what to do. But you sure do look intelligent, with two halves of s laptop on your 'bench', or dining room table that will not be used for dinner for a solid year, until your wife throws the damn thing out and you get a new one. Or become proficient in abacus. Or send the thing in for service. Or bribe your kids' friend, the odd-looking nerd who gets picked on all his life. Offer him something substantial, ok (guess who that nerd was)? WARNING: You will have screws left over. It's a universal fact.

In the process of cleaning, I watched Mrs. lefty arrange the cereal boxes. It took a while to figure out, but she was arranging them by size. So naturally I moved them around when she left. Every house with an OCD also has an Asshole, and that's me. The joke is probably on me, because it's just more time and effort. But like Christmas, it's worth it.

Guitar Center, like every retail outlet on the planet, had Black Friday, which lasted approximately a month. I didn't really think about it because I opted out of their emails. The first few were innocuous, but then they started arriving daily, accusing me of shopping at Sam Ash, and other local stores. I had to stop it. So naturally, after Black Friday it's Cyber Monday, the most blatant attempt at commercialism since Christmas. I was going to check Guitar Center out because I haven't been there since the Flying AIDS started. But getting up at 3pm and my napping schedule made it impossible. I'll have to wait a week or two, til everything is open til midnite. Or I could go online. This is where all of the sad Barnes&Noble customers have to go, after their stores were shuttered. I guess they got tired of people buying overpriced Starbucks drinks but not their overpriced books. I dunno.

Christmas or sales in general are sad times for the left handed... they advertise a Bob's Midnite Special guitar for 30% off. If you were to ask, they'd tell you it was only for the right handed models. If you want a lefty, it will be 30% extra. It doesn't matter - they don't have it in the store for anyone to try. At times, it's tiring being treated like a leper: you have to pick up a backwards guitar and your arm falls off. To be fair, Guitar Center had 135 guitars on sale. One was left handed. Either we have to acknowledge their effort, or burn the place down - your call.

Four days with the leftys. Do you have this kind of fun?

Good God, my feet are ugly.

• so far, the only Black Friday Month Cyber Monday Week item that generated any interest was a phone holder that clamps onto a surface and you can twist it around.  I'm easy. Very easy.

Cat Tails 

• All cats have ‘an element of psychopathy’, according to new study
• Woman found ‘breastfeeding cat’ onboard flight in front of horrified passengers, cabin crew messages reveal
• No, cat owners are psychopaths. Cats are just assholes. Mine used to jump on the stove, turning the gas on.

President Taxit released many barrels of oil to reign in gas prices.

To do their thing, Canada released half its store of maple syrup.

I did not make this up   

• One third of the workers in Australia's parliament have been sexually harassed, per a report
• Australia's doing some weird stuff lately, but guys - it sounds like there are job opportunities!

Flying AIDS news   

New variant: PANIC!!!

From discovery to global panic in 48 hours: How South African scientists' warnings about soaring cases of Covid super-mutant variant sparked frantic cabinet meeting and worldwide travel ban

Excellent, Smithers

Dr. $400k Fauci says the new super-strain is probably in the US already

uh-oh, we'll need a third vaccine and to wear four masks

U.S. President Biden says not considering new vaccine mandates

watch for mandates

Merck's COVID-19 pill significantly less effective in new analysis

do you mean to tell me a few months' testing doesn't produce accurate results?

US preps vaccine contingencies amid panic over poorly understood omicron

we don't understand it, but we're making up the contingencies now. Don't get mad - it's how we've handled everything so far...

Africa has extremely low COVID-19 death rates despite only 6% of its population being vaccinated,

• Jeffrey Epstein Spent Final Days In Fear of MS-13, Struggling With Constipation
• if  he was tormented by a cellmate, maybe the cellmate saw how he died.... it was apparently not on the toilet....

Nebraska’s attorney general recently identified 57 priests and other Catholic officials responsible for allegedly sexually abusing more than 250 victims

Sue the church. Force it to compensate victims. Prosecute the abusers, from the priests to the pope. It's long past time.

Which reminds me, it's Hanukkah. Or Chanukah. It's also Chanukkkahch. The Jews have a lot of holidays that sound alike. I wanted to explain Hanukkah for my non-Jewish readers (mostly for me). Hanukkah is observed for eight days and nights, strictly for the purpose of pissing off Christians, who think they have the only important holiday in December. Hanukkah commemorates the Jews setting alight the Holy Grail and walking around the desert for 40 years (the more modern Jews walk around the dessert for 40 years). They had a very bad sense of direction. Of course I kid - Hanukkah recognizes the only time in history the Jews were not picked on, for eight days straight. Right after Hanukkah, it was back to making bagels, and the usual, "My god is better than your god" stuff.

At the evening of each day, one candle on the menorah is lit. In ancient times, it was hard to tell the time, so most holidays begin the night before. Not only do the Jews have no sense of direction, they can't tell time. The candle is lit with the traditional Holy Flamethrower, by the head of the house or by any child they can get to stand still long enough.  Each night, another candle is lit. No one has the ability or math to figure out how many candles are lit in total, but rest assured each box of candles is always one short.

1 first night

11 second night

111 third night

1111 fourth night

I'm not typing this all out.

The children spin a dreidel, which is a little wooden spinny thing. After 300 years of persecution, most children have dropped the dreidel and instead play with the holiday edition of Playboy. It is said that Hugh Hefner did more for Judaism than Jesus himself. While the kids spin the dreidel, or play with Playboy, their parents make deep fried food, in tribute to the Christians. They also put mayonnaise on meat, which doesn't happen the other 357 days of the year.

Hanukkah is not a really important holiday, but it's used to get even with the Christians and Christmas. In fact, Hanukkah wasn't even invented until 1999, by Jews trying to sell Kwanzaa trees.

• We all have this coworker, don't we? The guy you ask a question, because he's very knowledgeable. Then the answer comes....
• Dear lefty: someone asked me about this 2 weeks back, on a Thursday, at 5pm. We came up with  a temporary workaround, but I asked for some information, that I haven't received an answer to. So I'm prodding you to prod the Boss, or it ain't gonna work right. And good luck catching the boss' attention. Even Ritalin doesn't help him. Let me know... I have a spreadsheet of every question everybody has asked me since I was hired.

Hey, don't forget, Giving Tuesday follows Cyber Monday. They want you to give to businesses that maybe you didn't give to on Cyber Monday. I didn't look, but I bet there were sales.

I can't wait for the rest of the week. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, Hyper Sales Wednesday, and my favorite, Naked Thursday. Note: Black Friday starts in October and runs through Christmas.

Then there's Boxing Day. This is not a US thing, but more a Canada thing, where Canadians stop talking about hockey for five minutes and throw boxes at each other. The box has to contain an absolutely stupid gift they received. The winner stays home.

• I did what I was told: I took the chainsaw and the pickup truck out so we could use the dining room table for Thanksgiving. Then a screen door tried to push Mrs. lefty down the stairs.

Don't You Dare Call Me a HO HO HO

 Your love is like  nose cancer

After her visit to the groomer, there appeared some hair hanging off her stub of a tail. As her tail never stops wagging, she looks like a helicopter. The groomer said she's the happiest dog ever; her tail didn't stop during grooming. Sometimes I wonder if we got the right dog. 

Today I identify as   a transgendered infant

There's a fair amount of fighting in social media (yawn-just another day) about the loon who mowed down the Christmas parade in Waukesha. Some people say the man was a BLM supporter who did it on purpose (his social media history has a lot to say about killing white people). Perhaps this is why the police wouldn't rule out terrorism (domestic).

At this point, I'm going with the official narrative: he was running from a knife fight and had pages of prior criminal history. After I watched some of the video, I said it looked like he could have done a much better job (stay with me). Check out the video of him hitting an early part of the parade - the girls with the flags. He seemed to miss them on purpose, looking like he was blasting by on the side. And they were black.

If more comes to light, I'll be happy to change my mind. Just the facts, ma'am.

Further, I predict there will be a look at the alleged justice system that let him bond out twice. Also, his current and ultimate incarceration will not be pleasant for him.  "We don't know. He tripped, Your Honor."

There are numerous Gofundme's set up for the victims. Gofundme just pulled one somebody set up for the perpetrator.

• President Taxit will require vaccines for all border crossers as of January.
• Even the illegals. They won't need documentation, but they will need proof of vaccination.

So we identified an asteroid that somebody identified as dangerous.

Because we're Badass, NASA launched a mission to bomb it.

WTF is going on with us? We bombed the Moon. We bombed the asteroid. We bombed Japan. IF there are any aliens watching, they have a vested interest in not letting us off the planet.

--We are a primitive society whose major activity is clearly tribal warfare.  - the father of UFO research - Stanton Friedman (RIP)

• It's not enough that our legislators are a rogue's gallery of incompetent idiots - now we have Dr. Oz running for PA Senate. This cannot stand as goofy enough. We need even sillier candidates! Keep Pennsylvania the laughingstock of the states....
• how about Dr. Phil? Britney Spears (she has paperwork!). Joan Rivers (even dead, she'd have to be better). All of the sudden Richard Nixon doesn't seem that bad, does he? Better yet, one of those lizards with toxic mouth bacteria that will kill you if it bites!
• don't laugh, Texas - Matthew McConaghay(?) looks good for governor. On the last Sunday of the month, everybody will get stoned, get naked, and play the bongos at the governor's mansion.

Flying AIDS News  

Child COVID cases are on the rise, jumping 32% in latest surge

Austrian Chancellor: 'You don’t only have rights, you have obligations'

Democracy slipping away at record rate, intergovernmental body warns

must be coincidence it got worse during the Flying AIDS

Fury as controlling bureaucrats demand millions of Australians wear masks through the Christmas season even though 95% will be fully vaxxed

Denver renews mask mandate as COVID-19 cases surge in Colorado

Germany mulls full lockdown, vaccine mandate

(and not just... you know.. the Jews.. They want to be very specific about that. There is absolutely none of that going on anymore. Even with the neo-nazis. NOTHING like that is happening, they assure us. Nothing could happen anyway, because 'someone' didn't pay his gas bills last time. NOTHING. NEIN. NO WAY, BABY)

Italy to restrict access of unvaccinated to indoor venues - sources

Switzerland On Edge Ahead Of Covid Pass Vote

Covid-19 Antibody Tests in Demand as People Worry About Immunity
Doctors say what constitutes a sufficient level of protection against the virus isn’t known

COVID-19 vaccine can be bundled with routine childhood vaccinations, AAP says

Covid-19 Vaccines or Infections: Which Carries the Stronger Immunity?

More noise about programs on phones:

Only install the programs that don't look like they were hastily translated from a foreign language. From known authors, with many users and ratings from more than one person.

Speaking of which....
Amazon wages secret war on Americans' privacy, documents show

• Coffee May Help Prevent Onset of Alzheimer’s Disease
• at the rate we're drinking, it will never onset

Some call me a-religious. Some say I have no faith. Some call me Jennifer. Ladies and Gents, I'm about to come in from the cold. I have seen verifiable proof that God exists. Valerie Bertinelli is splitting up with her second husband. Now God, I don't want to sound selfish, but if you could do something about Mrs. lefty's strict No Dating Policy, I will shout your name from the rooftops. 

It's either that or the universe is just fscking with me again.

So after insurance paid $10 grand to fix the body of the car, someone tapped it today. Fortunately it was just the mirror, and it moved as it was supposed to. I am going to install video cameras, firearms, and lasers. The next person who so much as looks at my car will be in more hurt than a Waukesha Christmas parade.

We just coined the phrase 'busier than a Costco parking lot.' Drivers are dangerous there, but today was an entirely new phenomenon: there were 53 cars waiting to get in the lot and park. As bad as that was, we still had to go inside Costco, which is a task for people way more brave (or stupid) than me.  It's not that the place angers or bores me (or makes me want to take a job with the postal service), but all I want is one of their berry slushies, from the area after you pay. Wife knows I am not suited to be inside the store. One time I saw the long line to check out, and started screaming that this was not acceptable. People stared. They opened a line or two. So being angry and loud helps (most people don't agree, especially after I've done it) (fsck them).

• Soccer legend Maradona Was Buried Without His Heart So Soccer Fans Wouldn’t Steal It
• I wonder if Jimi Hendrix was buried without his penis...

We decided Turkey Day was going to be different this year.

We received one really half-hearted invitation to dinner. Err... no thanks. We're going to keep it personal and local this year, hopefully avoiding the fire company, like last year.

Mrs. lefty is a great cook, but hasn't done the turkey thing in years. So she tends to forget things... like the turkey.

Once that got straightened out, the house filled with the delicious aroma of a turkey. In the oven this time.

I didn't know, though... I was sleeping. It was before 2pm, after all.

Stumbling downstairs, it was all I could do to produce coffee. It's a good thing eight ounces is the default on the Keurig, or I would need an ambulance. I need coffee, not so much to get going as to start breathing.

To be fair, I asked Mrs. lefty if she needed any help, praying internally that the answer was no, so I could begin the process of breathing and getting blood to my fingers.

Me: Do you need anything?

Her: No, thank you. In an hour, I will need you to pull it out. The turkey, I mean.

Me: Good, dammit.

I sat down to check email (I can do this without blood flow or being conscious). Ahhhhhh.....

Her: can you get me the vegetables?

Me: grumble... (gets up) here.

I sat down to check email.

Her: can you drain the sausage? I can't find the strainer - you can use a teaspoon.

I sat down to check email.

The dog realized there was 1/2" between the laptop and me, and jumped on my lap. To check some emails.

I checked my email.

There was a dog in the way. When she got done checking MY email, she stood up and observed the Cooking Activities. 

Her: can you move the chainsaw? So we can eat at the table?

I sat down to check email.

Her: Can you pull the turkey out so I can take the temperature?

Me: Why - is it sick?

Her: very funny. Now get your ass in here.

Me: Good thing you didn't need any help. I'd hate to see it when you need help.

I sat down to check email.

Her: Could you park the pickup in the driveway?

Me: Why?

Her: I told you, so we can eat at the table

Me: Why does my head hurt?

Her: [BANG BANG BANG] mumble mumble

Me: What?

Her: [BANG BANG BANG] mumble mumble

Me: I thought that's what you said

I laid down to take a nap.

Afterwards, I told no one I sat down to check email.

• The White House staff were caught with their pants down, when the president boarded Air Force One, because he thought he had to go to Turkey for Thanksgiving.

Philadelphia is red-faced (again) over hitting the magic 500 deaths for the year.

Some will say it was the way people were raised. Some will blame guns. Others will say drugs.

After a year of Detectiving, it will come out that the rage, violence, and murder was caused by the excessive commercials for Medicare supplements. There are no longer any other commercials - only Medicare. Every commercial break. We have gotten to know and despise Joe Namath, Jimmy JJ Walker, William Shatner, and George Foreman. All we're missing is Shaq. After a few hours of this, it's a wonder there are only 500 killings this year. So far.

Turkeys Go Well With Vaccines

 Your love is like  a box-o-spiders, all Black Widows

Q. Are zebras white with black stripes or black with white stripes.

A. Neither. Zebras are green.

Today I identify as  a microphone that everybody walks up to and asks "is this thing on?"

A German State Is Saying Goodbye Windows, Hello Linux

Now, if only our government....

Flying AIDS News  

The new COVID war: Redefining vaccinated

Germans will be ‘vaccinated, cured or dead’, says minister

ve haf zees nice camps for zem  

Dutch police arrest more than 30 amid ongoing unrest

Adults nationwide eligible for boosters this weekend as CDC gives sign-off

Covid in Kenya: Unvaccinated to be banned from public spaces

53.3% of the world population has received at least one dose of a COVID-19 vaccine

Sweden now has Western Europe's LOWEST Covid infection rate - didn't shut down society

Europe's lockdown fury: Violence breaks out in Vienna as 10,000 protesters take to the streets and thousands more march in Amsterdam - hours after two people are SHOT in Rotterdam during clashes between activists and Dutch riot police

I don't advocate violence, but people all over the world are starting to wake up and show backbone.

• Tesla entertains us once again: some Tesla owners were unable to unlock their cars due to server errors.
• THIS is the problem with the Internet of Things. Anything that needs to contact a server to operate is a no-go. By the same token, Tesla can push software to your car that you did not approve or want. No IoT here, thank you.

A Michigan woman tried to hire an assassin online at RentAHitman.com. Now, she's going to prison.

What kind of world is it when you can't even rent a hitman?

I made the mistake of getting between the dog and her mommy yesterday.

Penny was sitting on my lap, when her mommy appeared.

Penny got so excited, she did a 180 and ran off the chair, splitting my lip with a nail.

So now I have this impressive cut down my lip.

When people ask, I tell them I got it trying to save children from an out of control car.

My life just isn't that exciting.

• FDA approves first drug for genetic cause of dwarfism
• the drug is being boycotted "until they refer to us as little people"  

the pedos
the joke was on him - Epstein was Jewish

Black Friday has been going on for a month now. This must confuse the hell out of children.

MOMMY - why is it Black Friday today? It's Tuesday.

I thought Black Friday was after we eat turkey.

Oooh, games!

Next year, Black Friday will be in February.

So, reader-type-people, I need a favor. Can you check in and tell me what, if anything, you want?

I promise not to tell anybody.

Can you also tell me if it's normal not to want anything? The Black Friday sales bore me to death, and I can't think of anything I want for xmas. Or is it just the Spirit of Humbug?

Technically, I'd like Emilia Clarke to babysit me while Wife is out of town, but I feel it unwise to ask Wife for that for xmas.

Anybody?

I generally don't want anything for birthdays or holidays. Well, anything I can afford, like vintage guitars that cost as much as my house.

I actively dissuade anybody from buying me anything. It's not only because I don't want anything, it's because it will inevitably be stupid.

How about some nice, generic cologne?

A hairbrush (for the remaining hair)

Diet candies (good lord)

a sports jersey (for the AntiSports)

animal slippers (not old or female enough to wear slippers)

mowing accessories (let's get him something to complement his most hated activity)

an iPhone  (it sizzles when my skin comes in contact with it)

an iPhone cover  (won't that fit on your phone?)

a sweater  (ugly sweater contest? EVERY sweater is an ugly sweater. Have you ever SEEN me wear a sweater?)

Windows 11  (also sizzles)

A concert ticket (Yay!) to see Ed Sheeran (oof)

a Junior Demolitions Kit (Yay!)  without plastic explosives  (boo)

Do It Yourself Crab Farm

Home STD Kit  (testing or getting?)

Alexa

Johnny Bravo Home Napping Kit  (I can teach a master course in napping)

guitar picks  (yay!) with Justin Bieber on them (boo)

Me: xmas is coming

Her: yeah, I have to find anthrax for my sister

Me: Do me a favor? I love your mother, but could you please tell her not to get me anything?

Her: She tries so hard.

Me: I know she does, and I try to look grateful. It's just that last year's Santa mittens weren't quite me.

Her: You're tough to buy for.

Me: That's why I tell everyone not to buy me anything. You're easy - a gift certificate to a shoe store puts you over the moon.

Her: What do I tell her?

Me: I dunno - tell her I have taken a vow of poverty or I have cancer or something...

Her: Yeah, lemme get right on that. 

Me: What about the family polyanna?

Her: Oh, we took you out of that years ago, after the Plumbing Incident.

Me: Look - all I said was, "This explosive has a waterproof fuse, so you could flush it down the toilet." I'm not around kids. How was I to know they'd actually do it? Why is everybody so sore - I paid for new plumbing for the house.....

Michael Hutchence (INXS) died on this day.

Michael, a real rock star, failed to die a rock star's death (choking on his own vomit due to drugs).

Michael died of autoerotic asphyxiation. This means he strangled himself while having sex with himself.

This is why you should never have sex by yourself. Always bring a friend or three.

Biden and aides tell allies he is running in 2024 amid growing Democratic fears

President Taxit said he expects he'll be running most mornings, and has anybody seen his ice cream? They told him he'd get ice cream after speaking.

Much like the republicans before them, democrats are getting repetitive stress disorder from shaking their heads, sadly.

I got out of the shower the other day and things started to shake and rumble.

Why does this Stuff only happen when I'm in the bathroom?

Years ago, at work, I sat on the toilet, and the entire building shook. It was an earthquake.

Mrs. lefty, who was Out and About, told me it was fighter jets.

The problem is that the only fighter jet base anywhere near closed years ago.

After two days of this, we discovered it was a NORAD exercise.

Why would an organization that looks for hazards (and ufos) coming in over the horizon, need an exercise in the North Atlantic US?

Happy Turkey Day, people.

I am most thankful that you come by and read my rantings.

You Thought I Was Kidding, Didn't You?

Your love is like    raw Brussels sprouts

The good news: Waukesha public schools are closed today.

The bad news: because somebody in an SUV plowed through the Christmas parade. Two dead so far. Twenty three taken to the hospital. One "person of interest" in custody. Police fired on the vehicle but didn't stop it. Law enforcement examining whether vehicle and occupant were fleeing another crime (stabbing per NBC). The suspect is Daryl Brooks, a 38 year old black male, per Heavy.com. He was charged with another crime, jumped bail, was arrested for domestic abuse, then allowed to bond out.

Twitter has videos (#waukesha). YouTube has milder videos.

Among others, several of the Milwaukee Dancing Grannies were impacted. Waukesha Hospital is in need of blood donations.

ThermionicEmissions does not approve of this sort of thing and sends its best to the victims and families.

Today I identify as  the kiss Vanessa Hudgens plants on me

I mentioned eyebrows... eyebrows were but one thing in the Box of Annoyances I used on coworkers, friends, family, and band members. The funny thing is, I didn't know it at the time. I thought my only annoying trait was my mouth. That particular aperture is capable of causing upset, severance, annoyance, and explosions of varying sizes. Only when I think about it does it register that I have more ammunition to use in the war on sanity and normalcy.

Most of it involves the other party having OCD.

    There was my bandmate who got upset that my socks were at different heights. Being the fine gentleman I am, I pushed them apart even more. Some might say this affected his performance that night. I say that his lack of talent affected his performance every night.   [weirder than this was the declaration that I was wearing the wrong socks. It just made my head hurt.]

    Then there was the coworker who asked why, when I used the microwave, I'd put the dish in for 1:26 instead of 1:30. Only I didn't know this was a problem til later.

    The other coworker was upset about the aforementioned eyebrows. There was always (at least) one hair that pointed in some other direction than the rest of them. It took a while, but in a time of stress, this fact came out. Boy, was I surprised. My eyebrows, however, continue to mock me, and everybody who sees me.

Isn't it sad that in life, sometimes you never know what little things really torque people off? These things could really help you... or at least torque people off.

• After 20 Years of Failure, Kill the TSA
• Great idea, but government never shrinks - it only grows (and taxes more)

U.S. Interior Secretary Deb Haaland, the nation's first Native American Cabinet secretary, said a newly created federal advisory committee will review and recommend changes to derogatory geographic and federal land names.

Didn't I just say something about government only growing?

I only half understand this one: Somerset Cricket Club (England) have "reprimanded" Jack Brooks over historical tweets he sent which contained racist language.  In 2012.  Rather than laugh, spit, or have his cranium explode, Brooks unreservedly apologised.

As if that isn't silly enough, one of the instances was for calling Cheteshwar Pujara 'Steve'. I guess we don't get this because we speak the wrong English.

I want you to know, celebrities, sports stars, people in the public eye, and anyone on Twitter.... your tweets are under examination. You will be called to answer for anything you tweeted that can be even vaguely be considered racist. No word on antisemitism or picking on the left handed.

Although I don't have the time or space to catalog my affronts to race and good taste, I wish to unreservedly apologize (suck it, England) for tweeting

• Christopher Colombus is a weenie who didn't discover a thing - all his discoveries were made by his cross-dressing alter ego, Chrissie
• Michele Obama is not a man. She's a reptilian, people-eating alien.
• No, really, Trump's hair is like that naturally.
• If Booth shot Lincoln, I'm the next president.
• Lady Diana had to sleep with Charles and took the easy way out.
• Jimi Hendrix is black colored negro nig African American person of color non-white dark skinned a hell of a guitar player. The left handers are a special breed.
• I have a friend called Steve. I call him Bob. Is this racist?
• I'll do that when NASCAR is 50% black
• That Michael Jackson... he sure wants to be Italian
• I'll tell you why there's no Polish navy - they kept installing screen doors on the ships and drowning
• Nah, smoking is cool!
• Jewish women, I tellya. What do they make for dinner? Reservations.   [oh wait... this isn't a problem yet. Wait til the ADL gets word....]

And every redhead on the planet for saying their hair is orange. Only punk rockers have red hair.

When man makes the first time machine, it will be used by everyone to go back to the past and delete their tweets.

• A look at the intimate details Amazon knows about us
• Read em and weep. No, really, you need to read this.

Tesla has given us our weekly fun. Well, sort of.

There is now a device made specially for extinguishing fires in electric vehicles. Apparently regular fire hoses are wasteful and don't directly hit the batteries, which keep getting hot and restarting the fire. This device fires up, from under the car, to hit the batteries directly.

So now Tesla will have to build more fire hose resilient cars (or hide the batteries better).

• Upcoming smart home products wirelessly charge without cable or pad
• The future is here. Isn't it?
• I can tell you that wireless charging is grossly inefficient. I can't tell you about the specific effects of transmitting electricity (look at what it did to Tesla), but I have my suspicions. The jury seems to still be out on cell phones and our bodies.