Your love is like green eggs and ham
- Fired Employees Sue Google for Breaching 'Don't Be Evil' Part of Contract
- Lawyers for Google said the word 'Don't' was stricken from all work contracts
- Google has removed Pirate Bay domains from search results, citing Dutch order
- Do not use Google. Use duckduckgo.com
Today I identify as a very popular $900 red Christmas tree
- Scientists figured out the chemistry behind marijuana's skunky scent.
- meanwhile, no one has figured out how it works or its long term effects - Go Science!
- Next up: scientists figure out why cocaine is white
My four day weekend went smoothly. Well, smoothly if you count by motion; I barely moved.
I don't move much while asleep, although I'm told I laugh a lot. In fact, I'm much more amusing when asleep. Napping is a large part of my life - I'm good at it and I practice often. Mrs lefty also raises the Nap Flag (it's black so you can't see it in the bedroom). I was rudely awakened from my first nap of the day by a request for assistance: someone had tripped. I got that sorted out and, shaking my head, left the room. Not before almost tripping on the thing Mrs. lefty tripped on. Every day is like the Three Stooges. It's only a matter of time until she asks me to carry a 2x12 and I turn around, hitting her in the head. Last night I fell down the steps, carrying shelves so we won't fall down the steps.
Of all the weird shit the builder did to this house, the absolute weirdest has to be the stairs. Halfway down, they turn at a ninety degree angle. No warning, no lights, no signs. The last washer we got broke trying to get it down the steps. I'm thinking of inviting my neighbor to see the steps....
Pants became a theme, perhaps because of the holiday, but not because I overate, no sir, I don't want you to leave with that impression. I was minding my own business, as I do once or twice a year, when the zipper to the aforementioned pants felt weird upon pulling up, and POOF, the zipper broke. I have never had a zipper break before. I couldn't figure out a way to fix it, as this is beyond rocket science (and napping). So I put on another pair - one with a functioning zipper. I sat in 'my chair' and felt weird. No, that can't possibly be liquid. I checked and I was wrong: it was liquid on my chair, and by extension, on my pants. Before having a Proper Fit, I went back one day, to discovering liquid on the couch. The dog lets us know when it's Liquid Time, and I believe the rest of us have the concept down, so we're stymied. So then it was time for a Proper Fit. I blasted through the bedroom door and turned the lights on, causing the dog to go into barking fits and the wife to go into Asking Fits. MY CHAIR IS WET. THE COUCH WAS WET. Plus I can't sit on the life-sucking couch.
I think this is either the universe fscking with me or it's the universe trying to tell me to just stay in fscking bed. There is no liquid in bed. I hope.
I spent a lot of quality aggravating time with my laptop over the past days. The long and short of it is that it would have worked much better if the manufacturer would have suggested installing their proprietary drivers. This was suggested during a recent conversation with them. They sent a link. It was on a part of the page I've never seen before, under How to Buy a $4,000 laptop, Staff Baseball league, Hawaiian pizza, How to Remove Nose Hair without Infection. It was too obvious for me to find.
The reason I was taking about my laptop is that the keyboard's 'A' key only works if you hit it a certain way. I'm getting close to hitting it with a hammer. So that's $75 for a new keyboard, and $25 to ship it. I begged them not to ship USPS because I wanted to get it. And get it sometime before Summer. $25 to ship a new keyboard that has to weigh a pound or two. WTF is going on with shipping? Are they experiencing Supply Issues? Are the trucks on strike? Has President Taxit raised Unemployment Compensation or sent out more checks, so all the drivers quit? Are they demanding vibrating seats in the trucks and Comfort Girls in the cab? How come *I* don't get Comfort Girls when I go out somewhere? Hess trucks cost a few dollars to ship. WARNING: this year's Hess truck is an airplane, if you have OCD or that's the kind of thing that bothers you.
Have you ever worked on a laptop? It is not for the short-of-temper, ADHD, far-sighted, impatient, or blind. None of them are alike - I mean no single laptop out of the millions sold over the years is alike. If you're lucky like the Pope, there will be a YouTube video of the teardown. If you're unlucky like me, there will be little arrows on the case, telling you which screws to remove to get the case open. You also might find the process in the manual, which you threw away with the packing, or it came on a CD you couldn't find if you were on fire. Fortunately there's the website, where all the manuals are kept. Under How to Buy a $4,000 laptop, Staff Baseball league, Hawaiian pizza, How to Remove Nose Hair without Infection. After you get the screws out and pry the damn thing apart, there are no little arrows telling you what to do. But you sure do look intelligent, with two halves of s laptop on your 'bench', or dining room table that will not be used for dinner for a solid year, until your wife throws the damn thing out and you get a new one. Or become proficient in abacus. Or send the thing in for service. Or bribe your kids' friend, the odd-looking nerd who gets picked on all his life. Offer him something substantial, ok (guess who that nerd was)? WARNING: You will have screws left over. It's a universal fact.
In the process of cleaning, I watched Mrs. lefty arrange the cereal boxes. It took a while to figure out, but she was arranging them by size. So naturally I moved them around when she left. Every house with an OCD also has an Asshole, and that's me. The joke is probably on me, because it's just more time and effort. But like Christmas, it's worth it.
Guitar Center, like every retail outlet on the planet, had Black Friday, which lasted approximately a month. I didn't really think about it because I opted out of their emails. The first few were innocuous, but then they started arriving daily, accusing me of shopping at Sam Ash, and other local stores. I had to stop it. So naturally, after Black Friday it's Cyber Monday, the most blatant attempt at commercialism since Christmas. I was going to check Guitar Center out because I haven't been there since the Flying AIDS started. But getting up at 3pm and my napping schedule made it impossible. I'll have to wait a week or two, til everything is open til midnite. Or I could go online. This is where all of the sad Barnes&Noble customers have to go, after their stores were shuttered. I guess they got tired of people buying overpriced Starbucks drinks but not their overpriced books. I dunno.
Christmas or sales in general are sad times for the left handed... they advertise a Bob's Midnite Special guitar for 30% off. If you were to ask, they'd tell you it was only for the right handed models. If you want a lefty, it will be 30% extra. It doesn't matter - they don't have it in the store for anyone to try. At times, it's tiring being treated like a leper: you have to pick up a backwards guitar and your arm falls off. To be fair, Guitar Center had 135 guitars on sale. One was left handed. Either we have to acknowledge their effort, or burn the place down - your call.
Four days with the leftys. Do you have this kind of fun?
Good God, my feet are ugly.
- so far, the only Black Friday Month Cyber Monday Week item that generated any interest was a phone holder that clamps onto a surface and you can twist it around. I'm easy. Very easy.
Cat Tails
- All cats have ‘an element of psychopathy’, according to new study
- Woman found ‘breastfeeding cat’ onboard flight in front of horrified passengers, cabin crew messages reveal
- No, cat owners are psychopaths. Cats are just assholes. Mine used to jump on the stove, turning the gas on.
- One third of the workers in Australia's parliament have been sexually harassed, per a report
- Australia's doing some weird stuff lately, but guys - it sounds like there are job opportunities!
- Jeffrey Epstein Spent Final Days In Fear of MS-13, Struggling With Constipation
- if he was tormented by a cellmate, maybe the cellmate saw how he died.... it was apparently not on the toilet....
- We all have this coworker, don't we? The guy you ask a question, because he's very knowledgeable. Then the answer comes....
- Dear lefty: someone asked me about this 2 weeks back, on a Thursday, at 5pm. We came up with a temporary workaround, but I asked for some information, that I haven't received an answer to. So I'm prodding you to prod the Boss, or it ain't gonna work right. And good luck catching the boss' attention. Even Ritalin doesn't help him. Let me know... I have a spreadsheet of every question everybody has asked me since I was hired.
- I did what I was told: I took the chainsaw and the pickup truck out so we could use the dining room table for Thanksgiving. Then a screen door tried to push Mrs. lefty down the stairs.
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