Don't You Dare Call Me a HO HO HO

 Your love is like  nose cancer

After her visit to the groomer, there appeared some hair hanging off her stub of a tail. As her tail never stops wagging, she looks like a helicopter. The groomer said she's the happiest dog ever; her tail didn't stop during grooming. Sometimes I wonder if we got the right dog. 

Today I identify as   a transgendered infant

There's a fair amount of fighting in social media (yawn-just another day) about the loon who mowed down the Christmas parade in Waukesha. Some people say the man was a BLM supporter who did it on purpose (his social media history has a lot to say about killing white people). Perhaps this is why the police wouldn't rule out terrorism (domestic).

At this point, I'm going with the official narrative: he was running from a knife fight and had pages of prior criminal history. After I watched some of the video, I said it looked like he could have done a much better job (stay with me). Check out the video of him hitting an early part of the parade - the girls with the flags. He seemed to miss them on purpose, looking like he was blasting by on the side. And they were black.

If more comes to light, I'll be happy to change my mind. Just the facts, ma'am.

Further, I predict there will be a look at the alleged justice system that let him bond out twice. Also, his current and ultimate incarceration will not be pleasant for him.  "We don't know. He tripped, Your Honor."

There are numerous Gofundme's set up for the victims. Gofundme just pulled one somebody set up for the perpetrator.

• President Taxit will require vaccines for all border crossers as of January.
• Even the illegals. They won't need documentation, but they will need proof of vaccination.

So we identified an asteroid that somebody identified as dangerous.

Because we're Badass, NASA launched a mission to bomb it.

WTF is going on with us? We bombed the Moon. We bombed the asteroid. We bombed Japan. IF there are any aliens watching, they have a vested interest in not letting us off the planet.

--We are a primitive society whose major activity is clearly tribal warfare.  - the father of UFO research - Stanton Friedman (RIP)

• It's not enough that our legislators are a rogue's gallery of incompetent idiots - now we have Dr. Oz running for PA Senate. This cannot stand as goofy enough. We need even sillier candidates! Keep Pennsylvania the laughingstock of the states....
• how about Dr. Phil? Britney Spears (she has paperwork!). Joan Rivers (even dead, she'd have to be better). All of the sudden Richard Nixon doesn't seem that bad, does he? Better yet, one of those lizards with toxic mouth bacteria that will kill you if it bites!
• don't laugh, Texas - Matthew McConaghay(?) looks good for governor. On the last Sunday of the month, everybody will get stoned, get naked, and play the bongos at the governor's mansion.

Flying AIDS News  

Child COVID cases are on the rise, jumping 32% in latest surge

Austrian Chancellor: 'You don’t only have rights, you have obligations'

Democracy slipping away at record rate, intergovernmental body warns

must be coincidence it got worse during the Flying AIDS

Fury as controlling bureaucrats demand millions of Australians wear masks through the Christmas season even though 95% will be fully vaxxed

Denver renews mask mandate as COVID-19 cases surge in Colorado

Germany mulls full lockdown, vaccine mandate

(and not just... you know.. the Jews.. They want to be very specific about that. There is absolutely none of that going on anymore. Even with the neo-nazis. NOTHING like that is happening, they assure us. Nothing could happen anyway, because 'someone' didn't pay his gas bills last time. NOTHING. NEIN. NO WAY, BABY)

Italy to restrict access of unvaccinated to indoor venues - sources

Switzerland On Edge Ahead Of Covid Pass Vote

Covid-19 Antibody Tests in Demand as People Worry About Immunity
Doctors say what constitutes a sufficient level of protection against the virus isn’t known

COVID-19 vaccine can be bundled with routine childhood vaccinations, AAP says

Covid-19 Vaccines or Infections: Which Carries the Stronger Immunity?

More noise about programs on phones:

Only install the programs that don't look like they were hastily translated from a foreign language. From known authors, with many users and ratings from more than one person.

Speaking of which....
Amazon wages secret war on Americans' privacy, documents show

• Coffee May Help Prevent Onset of Alzheimer’s Disease
• at the rate we're drinking, it will never onset

Some call me a-religious. Some say I have no faith. Some call me Jennifer. Ladies and Gents, I'm about to come in from the cold. I have seen verifiable proof that God exists. Valerie Bertinelli is splitting up with her second husband. Now God, I don't want to sound selfish, but if you could do something about Mrs. lefty's strict No Dating Policy, I will shout your name from the rooftops. 

It's either that or the universe is just fscking with me again.

So after insurance paid $10 grand to fix the body of the car, someone tapped it today. Fortunately it was just the mirror, and it moved as it was supposed to. I am going to install video cameras, firearms, and lasers. The next person who so much as looks at my car will be in more hurt than a Waukesha Christmas parade.

We just coined the phrase 'busier than a Costco parking lot.' Drivers are dangerous there, but today was an entirely new phenomenon: there were 53 cars waiting to get in the lot and park. As bad as that was, we still had to go inside Costco, which is a task for people way more brave (or stupid) than me.  It's not that the place angers or bores me (or makes me want to take a job with the postal service), but all I want is one of their berry slushies, from the area after you pay. Wife knows I am not suited to be inside the store. One time I saw the long line to check out, and started screaming that this was not acceptable. People stared. They opened a line or two. So being angry and loud helps (most people don't agree, especially after I've done it) (fsck them).

• Soccer legend Maradona Was Buried Without His Heart So Soccer Fans Wouldn’t Steal It
• I wonder if Jimi Hendrix was buried without his penis...

We decided Turkey Day was going to be different this year.

We received one really half-hearted invitation to dinner. Err... no thanks. We're going to keep it personal and local this year, hopefully avoiding the fire company, like last year.

Mrs. lefty is a great cook, but hasn't done the turkey thing in years. So she tends to forget things... like the turkey.

Once that got straightened out, the house filled with the delicious aroma of a turkey. In the oven this time.

I didn't know, though... I was sleeping. It was before 2pm, after all.

Stumbling downstairs, it was all I could do to produce coffee. It's a good thing eight ounces is the default on the Keurig, or I would need an ambulance. I need coffee, not so much to get going as to start breathing.

To be fair, I asked Mrs. lefty if she needed any help, praying internally that the answer was no, so I could begin the process of breathing and getting blood to my fingers.

Me: Do you need anything?

Her: No, thank you. In an hour, I will need you to pull it out. The turkey, I mean.

Me: Good, dammit.

I sat down to check email (I can do this without blood flow or being conscious). Ahhhhhh.....

Her: can you get me the vegetables?

Me: grumble... (gets up) here.

I sat down to check email.

Her: can you drain the sausage? I can't find the strainer - you can use a teaspoon.

I sat down to check email.

The dog realized there was 1/2" between the laptop and me, and jumped on my lap. To check some emails.

I checked my email.

There was a dog in the way. When she got done checking MY email, she stood up and observed the Cooking Activities. 

Her: can you move the chainsaw? So we can eat at the table?

I sat down to check email.

Her: Can you pull the turkey out so I can take the temperature?

Me: Why - is it sick?

Her: very funny. Now get your ass in here.

Me: Good thing you didn't need any help. I'd hate to see it when you need help.

I sat down to check email.

Her: Could you park the pickup in the driveway?

Me: Why?

Her: I told you, so we can eat at the table

Me: Why does my head hurt?

Her: [BANG BANG BANG] mumble mumble

Me: What?

Her: [BANG BANG BANG] mumble mumble

Me: I thought that's what you said

I laid down to take a nap.

Afterwards, I told no one I sat down to check email.

• The White House staff were caught with their pants down, when the president boarded Air Force One, because he thought he had to go to Turkey for Thanksgiving.

Philadelphia is red-faced (again) over hitting the magic 500 deaths for the year.

Some will say it was the way people were raised. Some will blame guns. Others will say drugs.

After a year of Detectiving, it will come out that the rage, violence, and murder was caused by the excessive commercials for Medicare supplements. There are no longer any other commercials - only Medicare. Every commercial break. We have gotten to know and despise Joe Namath, Jimmy JJ Walker, William Shatner, and George Foreman. All we're missing is Shaq. After a few hours of this, it's a wonder there are only 500 killings this year. So far.