Your love is like a week of Rosie Perez 'talking' at you
I didn't think it would come to this, but I have to cancel my wife.
I came downstairs, turned my head, and screamed: my wife turned black.
Turns out it was some sort of face cream or mask.
So since she wore blackface, I have to cancel her. The only reason the neighbors haven't canceled her is that they'd have to talk to me instead.
Do I have to call a lawyer?
Today I identify as a broken key on a laptop keyboard
- more men going to hospital with painful erections lasting hours
- ya don't think this coincides with any medicine they took, do ya?
Elon Musk says Tesla has not signed a deal with Hertz, as reported earlier.
Because two huge entities cannot figure out if there is a deal and if it has been signed. This is a very technical, difficult process, so people just say it has or hasn't. Words mean nothing.
Meanwhile, Hertz has also ordered 25,000 tow trucks to deal with the Teslas that the renters did not bother to charge. Also to deal with crashing when the drivers decide to sit in the back seat. Hertz also ordered 10,000 ambulances and fire trucks, for the inevitable spontaneous explosions and battery fires.
Err... Honey.....
What do you want? I'm sleeping and it's 15 minutes before my alarm goes off...
Have you noticed anything different?
Yes, I noticed I'm being awakened when I should be sleeping.
Anything else?
I'm tired.
Look down.
HOLY FSCK... BOOBIES!
Remember we put a quarter in the Genie Machine and told it we want to change bodies for 24 hours? It appears the machine works better than I thought.
I have boobies!
That ain't all.
HEY - where's my junk?
I have it.
Hmmmm....... could you call me out of work today?
Stop playing with your tits and pay attention.
What do I do with a vagina.... ohhhhh.
I guess I'll have to go back to single orgasms.
So much to play with....
I just felt my brain move south. There's this chick at work.... whoo boy, I'd love to do her.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH.... so that's what an orgasm feels like for you. AHHHHHHHHHH. I could do this all day. Did you know that nipples are like an ON switch for the vagina? I have to use two hands, but it's worth it. Wanna fsck?
Do I wanna? I'm ready all day. And night. I been thinking about banging you all morning.
Is that all you think about?
Whaddaya mean?
There's more to me than tits and vagina.
You want it in the butt?
That's NOT what I was talking about. Forget it.
Why does this thing I'm carrying around all day want to make all my decisions for me?
Why do I feel moody and suddenly want to cry?
It's almost like it's talking to me.
I'M BLEEDING - call an ambulance!
What are Daddy Issues?
I don't know, but this thing keeps pointing straight ahead and insisting I follow it.
Hey.... why don't we....
Ohhhhh. Ooooh. Ahhhh. No, not yet! Oh. You were great. The best.
Give me another half hour.
I've got a headache. But look at all the closet space!
OMG - I don't have to wear a bra. But you do.
Can we both take off and go shoe shopping? Why do people stop and watch me walk by?
If we go shoe shopping, I get to go guitar shopping too. Have you taken out the trash yet?
HEY - these are MY new boobies. You can't touch them til later. If you're nice to me. Look at them dance when I move.
Why do I want to nail anything in a skirt all of the sudden?
Why do I want to discuss my feelings? I never had feelings before.
Why do I only have three pairs of shoes?
I can't walk in these...
I can't walk out of the house like this
You're telling me the price of boobies is a backache? Still... worth it.
Can we have boom boom a few more times before we switch back?
[both] I will never get mad at you again for things you say or do.
-------> if we could all spend 24 hours in each others' boobs, the world would be a better place
The Climate Change Summit is making the news all over the world, and rightly so.
It hasn't been smooth sailing, though: aside from President Taxit slumbering, there is a major language issue: it is being held in Scotland, and they forgot to get translators for all the English-speaking countries.
- It's a great thing Mrs. lefty has medical experience... I told her the minute she bleeds, I'm passing out, so she better be able to take care of herself. And me.
I might've had too much coffee today.
I didn't know it at first; I still felt like napping at work.
Then I had a bowl of soup.
It's not like I was shaking, but I picked up a spoonful and launched it across the desk. It now occupies most of my monitor. I'm debating cleaning it off, but my work looks so much nicer now...
Flying AIDS news
- New study suggests SARS-CoV-2 spreading widely within wild deer population
- Jesus Christ - vaccinate the deer! Have Fauci do it. For $400k/year, he should make himself useful
CDC overwhelmingly recommends COVID vaccine for kids 5 to 11
US mothers divided on vaccines for young childrenGOP-appointed judges freeze Biden vaccine requirement after federal lawsuit
- If you're an owner of a (British) Sky TV set top box, they want you to know they're very sorry that the box 'forgot' the time change. They expect the problem will be rectified shortly.
It's been a solid week since Tesla did anything funny, and Elon never disappoints: they're recalling 11,706 vehicles over Full Self-Driving beta software bug.
- how do they know the 11,707th car is ok?
- The new software bug caused phantom emergency braking events. What this means is that the car would randomly brake for you. Unfortunately not when actually needed - you have to do that yourself. This means your insurance will no longer cover you for rear-end collisions.
- with all the fun we've been having at Tesla's expense, you just know I'm going to win one in a contest or something. On the bright side, it will be a never-ending source of blog material...
Hey, there's a box for you.
Oh, that's just something I ordered for Mom for Christmas.
[next week]
You got a box today.
[looks] Oh, that's just an automatic ship I'm on. I didn't order anything new.
[3 days later]
Hey, here's another box for you. It's from DSW.
[I'm beginning to think something's up]
The shoe warehouse does not have auto-ship (I checked). The box is shoebox-shaped.
The problem with sneaking shoes into the house is that they can be in any size box. On the other hand, I cannot sneak a guitar in. I guess I could do it in parts...I can have the parts auto-shipped, but it will take a year to get them. Perhaps my hobbies need to be smaller.
You got a box today.
Ohh cool!
It is strangely guitar-shaped.
It's vitamins. Guitar-shaped vitamins. I'm on auto-ship
- After a year of betas, Microsoft Edge for linux is ready to go.
- It is very difficult to type while laughing
Microsoft: Windows 11 built-in apps might not open on some systems.
This is not a bug - it's a feature!
Balloons are the new Swamp Gas
Remember the 'guy in a jetpack' seen flying close to passenger jets? Probably just balloons, says FBIBecause everybody knows balloons can take on the shape of a guy with a jetpack.
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