I don't like it. No sir.
It's the dishes. Again.
We started with Normal Dishes, which were, well, normal.
Mostly we're stuck with Zombie Dishes. These are washed, then come back dirty.
I think we have something different now. Something new and beautiful, Dave.
It's some sort of variant on Zombie Dishes, but different enough to get its own name.
Pod Dishes. heh heh.. That's right - Pod Dishes. They wait til you go to sleep, then gather in the sink. Dishes I never washed. Dishes I haven't seen in years. Dishes I didn't know I had. Dishes from dead people. Dishes from the nuclear plant down the road (I can see them in the dark). The only problem is, we didn't put them there. There are only three of us and one of us is equipped with paws, that can't hold much.... she's limited to licking dishes. The female of the species asked if dish washing could be my job. I heartily agreed, but for a different reason: I'm much better at it. When she washes dishes, there's always some... dirt left over, only her dirt spells out complete words. Hmmm... maybe it's like tea leaves....?
Anyway, I know I didn't wash them. I do a lot of funny stuff in my sleep, but dishes isn't one. heh heh. I know they're there - we're not just seeing a mirage. Seeing things is her job anyway. And out of all the mirages you've ever read about, who sees dirty dishes? heh heh.
I'm beginning to think the dishes are in cahoots with the carpets. But this time it's the dog... as soon as i vacuum, she follows me around, disemboweling stuffed animals and depositing the stuffing where I've vacuumed. It's particularly bad when they have the little beanie balls in them. We find the balls on different floors sometimes. heh heh.
It's just that.... sometimes... I don't think I have control over this. heh heh. It's gotten particularly bad since I had to go on vacation. The Pod Dishes and Vacuum-Following isn't all, you know. My coffee machine is starting to make coffee that tastes different every morning. Sometimes it needs two teaspoons of sugar, sometimes five. It's the same machine, with the same pods in it..I have them flown in from Peet's weekly to make sure they're fresh. And brown... they must be brown. heh heh.
I'm not sure, but I thought I heard the carpets talking last night. I don't think they were talking to me - they were talking about me. heh heh.
Commercial Break: Hey, Kids. What did you do over the holidays?
We watched our favorite blogger lose his shit!
ThermionicEmissions, right?
Yeah. His boss made him take 2 weeks off and he hasn't really mastered vacation yet.
Isn't that the blog that documents the owner's slow decline into madness?
Apparently it's less slow than he thought.
Well, you kids grab some Deep Fried Sugar Bits and enjoy the show!
Return:
I swear I heard something. No, this has nothing to do with medicine I'm supposed to take or should have been prescribed a week ago. It sounded like Wife's phone. Let me look... I figure if she's out of the house, the phone must be here. Nope. OH, wait a minute... the sound was mild and didn't take my ears out - it must've been mine. Nothing to see here, people, move along.
I'd be ok, it's just that the guitars..... change places. Last night when I went to bed, the Fender was on my right and the Gibson on my left. This morning it was the other way. Now I actually have to look before I pick up a guitar. Have you ever reached for a Fender and picked up a Gibson? The horror!! The back strain!! The BOOOOs from the audience.
All this stuff seems to happen when I go to sleep. heh heh. Obviously the solution is to not go to sleep. They say you can last about 5 days without sleep before you take a trip to the Happy Place<tm>. I have one stipulation: if they take me away, they need to give me a job there. Otherwise it's like a vacation, with all that time to myself HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Your love is like streptococcus... or some other coccus.
- Minnesota teen jumps out of McDonald’s drive-thru window to save choking customer
- melt your heart this season
I do not like nose rings. So I make sure never to get one.
Unfortunately, others do. I'll see the absolute perfection that is a pretty woman's face, then a gold ring through her nose. Even if I thought it was nice, I'd be terrified I'd rip it out when I kissed her. Then Mrs. lefty would rip my sac off for kissing her. This goes with all piercings that aren't in the ears. You figure the people with the tongue piercings are playing with it all the time. It's even worse with the lip piercings.. there's a danger *I* will get caught in it, like two people with braces kissing. And I'll still get my nether regions altered. Speaking of which, people get their nether regions pierced. JFC, guys, you don't want to get that caught somewhere, do you? And women... you don't want to put shiny objects down there... we're easily distracted.
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