Your love is like food poisoning
ThermionicEmissions tries to bring helpful information to everyone.
If you're going to 'play' with candy canes, do not plug them into the female genital interface. The sugar upsets the delicate chemical balance. It's already a deep, dark mystery in there, so don't complicate things.
Seasons Greetings
- NOTE: if you're in IT and adopting the Zero Trust model, it does not apply to your boss.
Today I identify as a girl scout, at the girl scout jamboree. If you say otherwise, I'll sue and shut the entire organization down. And you'll be canceled.
This week is also the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, when the Ethiopians bombed Eritrea and blamed it on England. This resulted in the bombing of Japan, cuz why not? It laid the groundwork for all future attacks on oil-rich countries starting with "I".
- hate exercise? don't like getting out of bed? think jogging causes heart attacks?
- the UNFitBit ignores your heart rate, instead showing pictures of ice cream, fudge, and brownies.
- you can alternate with 100 sets of high fat foods. you can even set it to random!
- when you're stuffed, it shuts off
- No data sent to any servers.
- Pick up UNFitBit at stores near you. Better yet, order online - walking is hard.
Flying AIDS News
Italian Man Tries To Avoid Getting COVID Jab With Fake Silicone Arm
NYC has mandated vaccine passports for 5-11 year olds to enter places of public accommodation.
Belgian police used water cannon and tear gas to disperse protesters in Brussels as the country tightened COVID-19 restrictions to counter a surge in infections.
- I've been working diligently to figure out quantum computers. As best I can tell, they stop working when you observe them.
Some people hate trackpads on laptops.
Much like some people hate bullies and gray weather.
I never had any problems and kinda like them, up until the current laptop.
It's bad.Very very bad.
But I do my best.
There are some people, however, who shouldn't use trackpads.
In fact, they shouldn't be in the same room with a trackpad.
Better yet, the same city.
Mrs. lefty is one.
I sat and watched, for hours, trying to help, while she shopped.
It was not pretty.
What's worse was my pathetic attempts to help...
Some married couples can patiently, ably assist each other with new tasks. This, of course, would not be us. We're like a pair of alpha lions. Leaders of the pack. The pack of two. All growling and no learning.
Overheard:
- You don't have to push the button, you can tap the pad.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- You just shut down my blog.
- I can't make that happen. How did YOU?
- LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
- I'm not sure, but I think you just threatened China in email.
- Please tell the dog that trackpads weren't designed for paws.
- How about I get you a mouse instead?
- Click on the tab, don't close it.
- What do you mean 'why did that happen?' You MADE it happen.
- Don't click on... never mind. Bring it back up.
- Perhaps you should shop for shoes in the store....
- No, the browser in your phone works the same way.
And speaking of trackpads, my laptop's keyboard bit the Big One, so I had to order a new one.
$25 to ship the thing USPS. I wouldn't trust USPS to mail a letter next door, especially after last year's debacle getting the xmas presents to me.
When I first got the laptop, I put in NVMe drives, so it was no trouble to open and work on.
That is, until I tried to open it this time.
I took a ton of screws out and it would not come apart.
At one point, it looked like a few screws had put themselves back - I briefly considered taking up drinking.
I had no choice but to take the option of last resort. Go online and find the manual.
The manual rated this operation as easy(!). Fortunately it listed the number of screws and pointed me to the one I couldn't see. BOOM - the thing came apart.
Have you ever seen flat cables? There were two that connected the keyboard. This is precisely the point you need to call somebody who doesn't do coke (or meth) and their hands don't shake.
I finally got the new keyboard in, with only one broken plastic part and two screws left over.
You shoulda seen me - cock of the walk. I bragged to Wife that I fixed it. I swaggered when I stepped. I jumped over the dog (tripping and spraining an ankle).
After all that crap, I had Side Effects, completely unrelated to the keyboard: a new battery icon, greater difficulty with the touchpad, and an HDMI port that decided it too was going to bite the Big One.
Keyboardwese, evetytngh's werknng fahn.
The head of the European Space Agency has urged the continent’s leaders to stop facilitating Elon Musk’s ambition to dominate the new space economy, warning that the lack of coordinated action meant the US billionaire was “making the rules” himself.
-- doesn't Musk understand WE want to make the rules? We better teach this young whippersnapper a lesson. No, we don't have any actual ships there, but that doesn't matter. Dammit.
Biden News
RIP Bob Dole. They told Biden that 'Bob was going away on a long trip, ok?'
The video conference with Putin went well, after the staff explained to him that it's just like the talkies, and he can watch that guy with the funny accent. Afterwards they promised to take him to Disneyland.
- Noting the crippling ransomware attacks on worldwide businesses, worldwide businesses said, "[silence] NA NA NA NA NA NA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU NA NA NA NA"
Billy Joel referred to Taylor Swift as the Beatles of her generation.
Swift said that 'broke her brain.'
Billy was quickly hauled to the Happy Place<tm>, then scheduled for a hearing test.
- 'I had to move across America when I became allergic to the sun'
- all the poor lady had to do was to move to SE PA. We're allowed 2 days per week of the sun, maximum. We just crossed over from the hot and rainy season to the cold and rainy season
You're probably saying to yourself, "Gee, I'd love to build my own stun gun."
You're in luck.
This basic taser page has the info..
If you're even halfway decent with electronics, it's pretty easy.
There's only a wiring diagram. It's a 9v battery into a stepup transformer (about $9).
Basic cautions apply. I don't want to hear your funny stories about tasing yourself.
Ok, I do.
- with all the cyber attacks and ransomware in the news, it's a great time to remind you to USE CASH. Don't give out any personal info. It worked perfectly well for a very long time and never got hacked. Robbed, yes, but no one got your details.
Nobody has seen anything like it... New York is running short of cream cheese.
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