Tuesday, December 31, 2019

It's Not Polite to say Coccyx in Church

To my readers:
A very happy new year to you and yours.
To us and ours too. 2019 has been total crap and the faster gone, the better.

You know who you are: we miss you every day.



seen on twitter:
Just witnessed an airport proposal. She did not say yes.  [@wleaming]
Christmas came early for that guy. He really dodged a bullet there. [@JesseKellyDC]


After Mozilla got word that Avira and AVG Firefox extensions ate all your data, they pulled them. They're now back, after the extensions reduced the amount of tracking data being sent to their servers.    Seriously?






Dear lefty

  • What is your New Years resolution?
  • To stop answering stupid questions.



Yeah, I discover things really late..
Go to your phone's app store and download some sort of online radio listening app. You may be surprised at what you can listen to... I did a search yesterday and came up with a lot of interesting UK radio; comedy and rock. There's sports, xmas stations, 50s music, and sports. It's also a great way to remember which musicians died recently. The foreign stations are very interesting, in that you can't understand what they're saying. This is just like the TOP HITS stations in the US! If you can't find something interesting, you're not hitting PAGE DOWN enough.

Speaking of dead musicians, "    ,    , and Palmer" won't be touring. Palmer is holed up in a steel room (he thinks) Death can't get into.

50% of the Beatles won't be touring, as will 50% of the Monkees. I wonder if the ones who died are getting together in the afterlife. John Lennon, George Harrison, Davy Jones, and Peter Tork. They can call themselves John, George, Davy, and Peter, singing songs about the live ones who left them but are eventually joining the group. The dead ones are occasionally joined by the 5th Beatle, producer George Martin, and the 6th Beatle, Billy Preston.

If Danny Gatton isn't dead, he'll be shocked that all of his guitars are for sale.

Kurt Cobain remains dead, but he has an excuse. Have you ever seen his wife?

Only 25% down is Led Zeppelin, however the one causing all the trouble is an alive one.

Badfinger has not one original member left, sorta. The guitar player joined after the first album came out, so he didn't play on it. He counts as the only one not dead (and is reported to be hiding out with Palmer).

It's a bad time for Jimi Hendrix, but he is more prolific dead than any time he was alive. His sister is making a ton of money, releasing all sorts of stuff and putting his likeness on barstools.

Nobody from Deep Purple is dead, but the members change monthly, so it's difficult to tell.

Zappa remains wherever Zappa went after he left, but his progeny, Dweezil, tours the country, playing his music. Dweezil is probably the only one who can play Frank's music.

The Allman Brothers are now Brothers of the Grave, with exactly two original member above ground. There's Jaimoe, and sometimes I wonder if he knows he's still alive. I watched him shining his cymbals once, during a song. And there's Dickie Betts, recovering from a near death involving falling off something (or someone). There were a lot of Allman Brothers, hence a lot of different deaths: cycle, tree, shotgun, and cancer. Strangely enough, not from drugs.

Chicago never recovered from the death of Terry Kath (guitar/vocals). No one else has died, except their career.

The three Kings of the blues have gone underground: B.B., Freddie, and Albert.

The entire ELO band disappeared, so it's possible they're dead. They were all replaced by Jeff Lynne, the voice of ELO.

Joe Cocker is no longer Feelin Alright.

As for the Winters, remember that Edgar is the living one and Johnny has departed. Sometimes Johnny looked dead long before he died.

Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead) has flown the coop. The only good news is that supplies of JD and meth have returned to their former numbers.

Slade is still on the road. Nobody died - the members just quit at random times.

Robert Palmer no longer sneaks Sally through the alley

Ritchie Hayward and Paul Barerre's departures have gutted Little Feat.

The Turtles (Happy Together) are alive and touring, as part of retro package tours. I don't think anyone died, or at least Volman and Kaylan haven't. Cancer tried to get Volman, but he won.

I need a hobby.




  • Why do cats always land on their feet?




Conversations with the pharmacy

Hi, it's lefty. I need a refill on #125843.
Yes, we can fill that in 2 weeks.
Two weeks?
Yes, 2 weeks. The birth control, right?
I can assure you, nobody in the house, including the dog, takes birth control. Do I sound like I take birth control?
Oh. I musta got that number wrong.
You musta.


  • Faceyspaces will stop mining contacts with your 2FA number.
  • No they won't.


I miss the Old Days<tm>.
On New Years Eve, we'd sit around, complain that the fireworks displays were too crowded, then complain about the idiotic New Years shows, then ask "They call this shit music?" We'd play Flip the Nephew to figure out which show to watch the ball drop, talk about how much we hated last year, and go back to shooting up.

Come to think of it, just like every year!


  • Just when you thought the NSA spy satellites were new: giant surveillance balloons. 2020 will bring us Giant Flying Octopusses with Telescopes


Today I identify as  an xmas tree, out on the curb




  • If I played football, my position would obviously be offensive lineman. Or offensive quarterback. Maybe offensive coach.




No maudlin, semi-serious, sardonic, sarcastic blog would be complete without a list of notable deaths in 2019.


  • Danny Aiello, 86
  • Carol Channing
  • Norman Orentreich, 96, "the father of modern hair transplantation"
  • Peter Tork [Thorkelson], 77, complications of cancer
  • Hal Blaine [Harold Belsky], 90, session drummer (The Wrecking Crew)
  • Doris Day [Doris Kappelhoff], 97, pneumonia
  • Dr. John [Malcolm John Rebennack], 77, no longer in the Right Place, Wrong Time
  • Rip Torn [Elmore Raul Torn, Jr], 88 [not Rip Taylor]
  • Peter Fonda, 79
  • Valeria Harper, 80, cancer
  • Rik Ocasek [Richard Otcasek], 75
  • [Peter] Ginger Baker, 80, killed by life
  • Rip Taylor, 88, [not Rip Torn]
  • Marie Fredriksson, 61
  • Dominick Arena, arrested Ted Kennedy after Chappaquiddick
  • Rene Auberjonois, famous for nobody being able to spell his name, actor
  • Paul Barrere - Little Feat guitar and vocals
  • Tim Conway - master comic actor
  • Dick Dale - king of surf guitar
  • Daryl Dragon - The Captain, without Tenille
  • Arte Johnson - Laugh In
  • Aleksei Leonov - first person to walk in space
  • Peggy Lipton - Mod Squad
  • Eddie Money [Edward Mahoney], 70, esophageal cancer
  • Art Neville - Neville Brothers keyboardist, vocalist
  • Beverly Owen - Marilyn, The Munsters
  • Leon Redbone - guitarist
  • Charles Sanna - invented Swiss Miss Cocoa
  • Carroll Spinney - Big Bird from Sesame Street
  • Gerry Stickells - road manager for Jimi Hendrix, among others
  • Nathaniel Taylor - Rollo on Sanford and Son
  • Lorraine Warren - paranormal investigator, inspiration for the short ghostbuster in Poltergiest
  • Bob Einstein - was Super Dave
There's a theme here. Guess what it is.....

Bored?
Check out Death List



I really appreciate my existing readers plus the new ones from other countries.
If you're late to the party, this blog has no actual purpose, other than to amuse people and document the owner's slow descent into madness.








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