Coffee Flavored Coffee

 

Your love is like  dirty sandpaper soup

The Science on Anal Pleasure Is In (But Not All the Way)

Stop snickering - this is Science! 

Today I identify as  Ru Paul's car mechanic

• I am not qualified to be awake - please come back tomorrow

As you no doubt remember, the houses on both sides are for sale.

One side was purchased by a couple and we took some cookies over to introduce ourselves. As that happened, I could hear the collective groan of all my ancestors and my hopes and dreams when I was little.

Being welcoming to a new neighbor?

What kinda excrement is that?

I'm the most introverted person on the block. I'm so introverted, some of the neighbors think Mrs. lefty is single.

I think we did it as a precaution.... if we sent cookies, they'll be less likely to get upset at some of the stuff that goes on around here....

• dog getting lost in the foot-tall grass and barking
• picking our (neighbors') nails
• the lynchings
• blasting talk radio at top volume
• the upside down crosses tattooed on our eyelids
• kitten bbq Fridays

It was Saturday morning.... ok, it was Saturday afternoon, but it was morning to me. I was minding my own business reading a book, and trying my best not to fall asleep. If I get over 5 hours of sleep, I can't function. Thinking quickly, I got myself another cup of coffee. Fifteen minutes later, I could feel it: now I was in a hurry to fall asleep.

• Do mask mandates work? Bay Area COVID data from June says no

• FDA calls for fall boosters against BA.4/5 as subvariants take over US

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz blasts Sesame Street – again – after Elmo gets the coronavirus vaccine

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, so although we agree with Ted once or twice...   

Elmo had to ask his two daddies if the FDA has OK'd the shot for trans kids his age, and will the side effects keep him out of the Pride Parade.

The other day I heard some woman say another woman had 'fake lips.'

Fake lips?

Did she have no lips at one point, then someone did a Mr. Potato Head on her and gave her lips?

I'm happy being a guy (except for that multiple orgasm thing). I can be ready in 15 minutes after the alarm goes off; Wife needs 60. I don't bleed regularly. I don't require makeup or foundation garments. Never in my life have I had to be pretty. I don't have to maintain my ugliness. I survive with two pairs of shoes; sneakers and the ones I haven't worn since the job interview. My semi-unibrow doesn't get plucked. It's better that my boobs don't precede me by much. I require shaving cream, but not 2 bathrooms full of creams, solvents, and exfoliants. I don't even have to remember not to use certain creams below the equator, if you know what I mean.

Where the hell was I going with this? 

It was 5:30 on my day off and I knew I needed to get things done... to do something.. to make the day feel worth it. I knew then what I needed to do: I jumped up to begin and went right to the sofa for a nap. You can't start things too quickly or haphazardly. You could get hurt or something.

A visitor to Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming has become the second person in just three days to be attacked by a wild bison.

The 71-year-old women inadvertently approached the animal as she returned to her car, causing it to charge.

I dunno about you, but I hope I'm bright enough not to screw with very large animals when I'm 71. I saw a few bison once, at a local zoo. I was terrified - those things are the size of railroad cars. What really bothered me was that there was only some sad wire fence keeping them away from us (us away from them). This lady must be fun around sharks.

They say Old Faithful is going to get us. Maybe the bison are sneaking in ahead of it. I'm sure there are many species willing to put an end to the scourge of humans upon the planet.

So how's the lunatic quadruped, you ask. You know, the fur-bearin' critter.

Well, she's still beautiful, but she graduated from barking at me to barking at the fireworks. We need to start flying out of the country on July 4th. 

North Korea claims the Flying AIDS arrived on 'alien things' near the border with South Korea. "No Flying AIDS in Best Korea until South Korea started blowing it across the border to infect us. Much hot air in South Korea."

In other news, North Korean citizens are in turmoil. Not because of the Flying AIDS, but because they all need the exact mask Kim Jong-un has or they'll be shot. The Flying AIDS will look like a head cold in comparison.

The other day in San Francisco, driverless Cruise robotaxis all stopped working simultaneously, blocking streets.

Governor Gavin Newsom said they should WORK, or he shall tell them they should work again.

BLM was seen smashing the taxis to bits and setting them on fire. They were not prosecuted because the cars are white.

Congress had a hearing on making the Venture Capital world less white and male.

Why in the universe is this any of Congress' business? Did they run out of other places to stick their noses? No more special privileges, voting themselves pay raises, or acting outraged about other things?

Happy 4th, friends, countrymen, and everyone else.

We did a great job back then. And now we're fscked again.

stupid Russian antivirus...