Yes, That's a Vacuum, and Yes, it's Stuck

 

Your love is like  a soap sandwich

Chess robot breaks seven-year-old boy's finger during Moscow Open

Perhaps it knew the child was cheating.... They've become sentient.

 Today I identify as  Margaret Thatcher

South Carolina lawmakers want to banish abortion talk from the Internet

They've gone completely nuts, you know. This is a clear violation of the First Amendment, says your blogger/amateur lawyer. Even if it were to pass, this is state legislation and cannot be allowed to affect any other state. That should be an interesting technical solution. Brought to you by the Bible Belt.

Japan's police to take measures after wild monkey rampages

Hey, we just replaced the police tranquilizer darts with bullets. Let's see if they notice the difference.

Monkey soup, monkey fry, monkey ice cream.... target practice for the police (citizens aren't allowed arms, yet somebody just shot the ex-leader).

 

Lawmakers tell Facebook to stop deleting abortion posts for no reason

but... that would go against the narrative!

 Roe v Wade: Abortion pills a new front in culture wars

"We want to see the states across America move to make abortion unavailable and unthinkable," she said.

I want the states across America to make your group's dribble unthinkable

I support you if you like your beer - so many seem to. I don't. I can't even drink half a bottle. My high school friends loved beer and told me 'you learn to like it.' If you have to put in that kind of work, perhaps it's best I stuck with YooHoo. Many years later, I have still failed to like beer. I tried all sorts of varieties, even chocolate peanut butter, and I don't like any of them.  I might have liked plain chocolate, but couldn't find any. It's better this way; I save a lot of money not buying any.

Next up, wine. It may come as a shock that I don't like wine either. Ok, there's chocolate wine, but that's it. Red, white, green, I'm not fond of it. This saves me even more money than beer. I like the sweet sparkling ones, like Asti Spumanti. People seem to have this innate knowledge of which wind goes with what. Ok, I'll play along - which wine goes with sitting on the couch for a couple hours? Which one for web surfing? Tuning up your car? Plumbing? Bowel surgery?  Most of my family loves wine, naturally, except me. I'm the fuchsia sheep of the family. After asking them for tips, I'm even more lost. I toured wine country, frustrating winery employees across the area. One day we went to the Jelly Belly factory. It's like I was finally home. I didn't have to learn to like them. They were sweet. They cost even more than wine ($12lb?). I developed a bit of a problem with their hot cinnamon variety, but after a short stay at Betty Ford, I'm ok. Slightly ok. 

It should come as no surprise that I like sweet alcohol. I drink like a girl. My current favorite is a frozen strawberry margarita (sugar around the rim). Or anything with Godiva chocolate liquor (I honestly try not to drink it from the bottle). When it comes down to it, I'm not a huge alcohol fan. Mrs lefty is in agreement. She says why does she need alcohol or drugs when she is already out of her mind.

Warning:

• people with bipolar disorder should not take SSRI antidepressants. It could cause rapid-cycling
• women taking birth control pills and antibiotics need to use condoms. Antibiotics cut the efficacy of the pill
• grapefruit has weird effects with a lot of stuff
• sex cures most ills (except inability to have sex)

Few know this, but Albert Einstein was a little dyslexic.

What he meant to write was E=MC3. His estate is sorry for the error.

Cats Are An Alien Invasive Species, Poland Declares

Only Poland? What about the internet?

 Our friends at Google have done it again. Rather, they have not done anything. Ten million apps have been found to contain malware. I believe Google is large enough to have a serious lab to test the apps, yet they only respond when a security company discovers the issue. I'm an android-head but I don't use Play for my apps. There are a number of others, including aptoide.com and apkmirror.com. Clean apps, no Google spying.

Best thing overheard:

She had sex with a man, decapitated him, and left his head in a bucket in his mom's basement.

FDA’s top tobacco scientist takes job at Marlboro-maker Philip Morris

jeez - didn't see that one coming...

 President Biden has tested negative for the Flying AIDS and will leave isolation. When asked for comment, Biden said, "But I liked all that plastic around me, and quite frankly, I'm terrified of Jill. What was the question?"

spend, tax, spend, tax, Joe Manchin stuns Washington by announcing support for a measure to raise taxes and fight climate change. spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax,  spend, tax 

Hey Joe: How about that debt?

Meh- I'll be dead long before anybody notices it.

Florida Man Arrested Trying to Warn Space Force Base of Alien-Dragon War

He heard the voice of the president in his head, telling him to do it.

The guy must be really stupid. If I heard the president in my head, and he made sense, I'd know it was fake.

The president also told him to steal a truck.

We know this couldn't be true because the president would only tell him to steal an electric vehicle, because climate change.

California, The Silliest State, Can Now Auto-Detect Racist Language in Housing Deeds, HOA Rules and Have It Removed

• Yeah, they're serious about going after the Big Stuff. Yeah, there's pollution and Pelosi, but they're after something bigger.

This Town Closed Its Only Library After Residents Chased Out LGBTQ+ Workers

I think it's fake news. These people can't read - what would they be doing at a library?

Wait til they find out that some of the contestants on The Masked Furry are gay.... and some people who work at Budweiser.

I met a guy who did Civil War reenactment. This was fascinating to me, for a number of reasons.

Me: I mean no disrespect but I'm curious as to why you do Civil War reenactment.

Him: Among other things, it was a simpler time. I'm fond of it.

Me: That's really interesting.  [are you fscking nuts?] 

Him: The slower pace, more social interaction, and more.

Me: [I was right. You're fscking nuts] Dude, we have lots of social interaction. Aren't you on Faceyspaces and Twatter? When we have slower days, we start sniping at each other, bored and frustrated, and we wind up arguing.

Him: You can look people in the eye.

Me: [AAAAAAAAAH - PEOPLE!]  I see, pardon the pun.

Him: It was a slower time.

Me: Like when the mall's closed?

Him: There were no malls.

Me: How did they buy stuff? No food court? Amazon?

Him: They traded or sold. The closest we had to a food court was someone else's house.

Me: Again, no offense, but why reenact the Civil War? You could reenact life at the time, jobs at the time, politics, or something less serious, like slavery.

Him: Like everybody else, we like shooting stuff. Even with black powder.

Me: You could always go to the 50s and reenact malt shops. Then shoot real rifles. They had non-wool clothes, so you didn't itch like you had a sexually transmitted disease.

Him: It was a simpler time.

Me: It sure as hell was. The dog and I sleep well with air conditioning on my sleep number bed. I get up when my phone's alarm tells me, and drive where I need to go. For lunch I can go to any of 28 local restaurants. While working, the phone plays my favorite music. At home, I can microwave meals or heat them on the stove. Amplifiers make my guitar heard and can make it so loud, people in the next county call the police. I can have sex whenever I want, well, whenever she lets me, and she doesn't get pregnant because of an implant.  I don't have to walk to a mailbox because it comes to me electronically. And I can spend all my free time surfing pr0n. Tell me again about the benefits of a simpler time....

[Although I would like a cannon on the front lawn.]

Remember: if your neighbors aren't frightened and intimidated, you aren't doing your job.

I've been following the government and chipmakers' folly over $52 billion subsidy. That's fifty two BILLION tax dollars to subsidize chipmakers. Why again do we need to subsidize businesses? Yes, there are chip shortages, but why are we required to assist? If you want to give your money to the poor chipmakers, please, go ahead - I'd never dream of stopping you. We're already paying via higher chip prices; wanna pay more?  Watch the series of articles about getting the bill passed. Notice the naked influence of lobbying. Think of how much money changed hands.  Nobody even asked you for permission. You voted for him. If you didn't, you're stuck with him. #ImpeachBiden

Intel, other chipmakers boost lobbying spend to get CHIPS Act passed

Why $52b chip subsidies are being held up – and what the White House is doing about it

Congress continues playing hot potato with $52b CHIPS Act subsidies

Congress finally passes $52b subsidies for chip fabs on US soil