When in Bangkok.....

Your love is like   acid enemas

President Biden delivers remarks on “risks of artificial intelligence”

To be fair, he said most of his is artificial and he could definitely use some more. Then he pledged $23 billion to AI research.

Today I identify as  another stupid mf-er who has very important things to say, so he has a blog, because naturally everyone else needs to hear the important things he emits.

Biden called on tech companies to ensure their products are safe before making them public

After the howling laughter stopped, the companies absolutely promised, swore, to make everything safe and good in the world.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr to challenge Biden for White House: JFK's nephew said his top priority would be to "end the corrupt merger between state and corporate power".

Please, Robert, for the love of God, stop talking silly: stay home, and remain alive. You're of no use to anybody after a Magic Bullet<tm> hits you 7 times. Also avoid talking of ending war and never have an affair with Jill Biden.

Best Headline of the Month

What Are Toxic Chemicals Doing to Our Genitals? Scientists Are Finding Out.

On the bright side, many won't be reproducing. Unfortunately they'll be not reproducing with smaller equipment.

"Designing Inclusive websites" - What a great concept!

Seriously?

As if I don't want to see as many people as possible coming to the blog?

Should I add stuff to be inclusive to traditionally underrepresented minorities?

Can I find the most offensive way possible to accomplish this? That would probably involve stereotypes. Everyone hates loves a good stereotype. It's one of the foundations of humor. It's also one of the foundations of SJW ire and apoplexy.

In order to avoid claims of discrimination, racism, religionism, and whatever else-ism, I'll just list some stuff that might help this blog to be more inclusive:

1. bagpipes and skirts
2. fried chicken and watermelon
3. cash registers and matzoh
4. homemade wine and stinky cheese, fighting at weddings
5. ice, because the inventor died and took the recipe with him
6. alcohol. Lots of alcohol. Many bars. Green beer
7. tampons and "Fsck the Patriarchy" signs
8. women not allowed to do things    (is that too broad?)
9. lisping and FAB-u-lous clothes
10. tea bags and Jug Ears

FBI detains wrong man in mock raid at Boston hotel

America's own Keystone Kops strike again. Yes, they're practicing for real work.

• I wonder what would happen if I dared all the washing machine pod-eaters to try it with gasoline...

Australian man charged over taking wild platypus on train

Don't you hate it when this happens?

ThermionicTip: If you are in the market for an android tablet, ignore the Amazon Fire tablets. They are android-based, but have an Amazon layer on top, which [SURPRISE] spies on you and tries to limit the android flexibility. There's work involved in getting it to not use the Amazon store.

How some beetles ‘drink’ water using their butts

This causes a real problem at the drinking fountain

Rant Time!

The lady who allegedly murdered her child, put his body in a suitcase, and drove across the country is now in court. The lawyers are claiming she was insane. They're also claiming Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly Multiple Personality Disorder. What a complete crock of excrement. There's a lot of expertise on DID at the Thermionic Mansion, as Mrs. lefty has it and lefty has been with Mrs. lefty for a long time. I can't wait for the psychiatric 'experts' to have their way with her. Of course we're wondering why DID has never reared its head before this moment. Also, having DID is not insanity. DID is caused by repeated, traumatic sexual abuse at a young age. It doesn't generally produce homicidal alters. It's harder than other psych diagnoses to fake, but not impossible.  We'll follow this with interest.

Ramadan and Passover raise tensions at Jerusalem holy site

Throw in Juneteenth and you might as well close down for the rest of the year.

The mad rush to AI is bringing all sorts of fun and applications to the masses. Unfortunately, the search companies using AI are red-faced at people using the AI for less than politically correct (as well as really nasty) means. So all search outlets needed to 'tweak' their AI so it didn't say anything 'bad.' As with anything 'bad,' it's going to depend on your definition of bad. We can all agree that child pornography is bad (and illegal), but we will not agree on what is funny. Heaven forbid we hurt anybody's feelings or say a 'bad word.' Also, don't take the AI output as 100% correct. There are many areas where it fails miserably and can even inject errors into a process. It will get better over time, as it is trained further. Lastly, AI and robotics will result in loss of jobs, at least for physical workers, like in (Amazon) factories.

SAD commentary

Many people are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder. This is when the dark and gloom of winter makes you sad and depressed. I have developed Constant Affective Disorder, where the weather always makes me sad and depressed. It's actually the same thing, but I felt entitled to my own disorder.

• It could have turned out really really really good, instead it turned out really good.

The Flying AIDS Files

Report: Spring COVID booster to be authorized for high-risk people in US
The move will put US in line with Canada, the UK, and WHO recommendations.

But Wait!!

Healthy adults don’t need annual COVID boosters, WHO advisers say

America's COVID Response Was Based on Lies | Opinion

I have been saying since the outset that they have no clue what they're saying or doing. If you doubt me, just read their own words. So long as Big Pharma makes record profits, somebody wins. You know, except the people. These fools have lost people their livelihoods, closed businesses permanently, and driven the prices of everything up (especially food). It's patently ridiculous and many cannot afford it. Even if the "Supply Chain Issues" have stopped, food prices aren't going down. 

Cat jumps on imam leading Ramadan prayers in Algeria

Someone once said "cats are assholes". Damn atheists are everywhere.

Happy Ramadan, if it applies.

The hullabaloo around TikTok gets louder every day.

In the larger sense, it's a security and privacy issue... it's owned by a Chinese company (as is the Opera browser).

Some squeaky wheels are framing it as data-stealing and demanding laws. On the surface, this sounds great-who doesn't want all this data collection stopped? Unfortunately, the reality is that the more we get government involved, the more problems we have. Government cannot be trusted here for two reasons:

1. they will immediately be swayed by lobbyists with huge dollars to exempt them
2. Congress has absolutely no idea how the internet works, no less the intricacies of data stealing. The only chance we'd have would be to let the Congresspersons see their own data out there, in the wild. This is how we got at least verbal action on illegal FBI data collection.

Government doesn't help you. The laws would be slanted and not beneficial. Think about this when people start to demand more laws, in any area. Europe has some interesting laws, which are causing major social media some grief, but America is not built that way. Our laws tend not to favor the people.

Johnny - What are You Putting in that Black Hole?

The SJW Squad is back (like they ever left) and they're pissed (like they're ever not pissed). One of them opened a science book, purely by mistake, and discovered astronomy. As soon as she found out about black holes, her head exploded and sent out the SJW Alert<tm>. They demand all science stop until a more appropriate name is found for the umm... space thingies. When NASA explained to them that they are holes and they are black, NASA was dismissed as 'a tool of the patriarchy.'

Ever in service, even to the SJWs, I tried to think of some alternate names for Black Holes

• dark holes   (that's doomed)
• Gravity-Enhanced Super Vacuum  (GESV)
• really really big Hoover
• gravity sucking devices   (GSD)
• hole that sucks
• white hole
• Patriarchy Sink
• SJW History Minute

Johnny, You Will Wear a Salmon on Your Head Like the Rest of Us, or Stay Home

Your love is like  alligator intestine stew

Bear meat vending machine is a first for Japan

do we really need anything past the first 4 words?

Today I identify as  the last AM/FM car radio ever produced

I don't understand Wife's near fascination with the comings and goings of the neighbors. Maybe it's because we grew up differently, I dunno. She's like the crazy old lady, looking out the window, keeping tabs on the neighbors. If you need info, you come to her.  Only she's not old, and has her own life. One morning she looked out the window and wondered why the guy across the street wasn't at work (his car was in the driveway). The other neighbor must be away for their week-long family vacation. The gay ladies had a fight.  2 doors down are considering moving, and spend their days rehabilitating cockroaches. I'm just happy there are no loud children. I don't know the neighbors' names, no less the neighbors. In fact, some of them think we either got divorced or I don't live with Wife because they never see me. I do nothing to confirm or put them off their theories, but if I cared, the whole thing would be interesting. At first, I didn't believe neighbors like this survived the 1950s, as pictured on old black and white sitcoms. It turns out I needed me some educatin'.

[ring]

Hi, Mrs. lefty, I saw the police knocking at your door at 7:32 in the morning. Is everything ok?

Yeah, wrong address. Fortunately they weren't SWAT because they would have shot the dog before they discovered it was the wrong address.

Oh, like they did to Mrs. Green, at 2844.

More like Mrs. Cohen, at 2855, where they knocked down the door, broke all the windows, threw in enough tear gas to stop a seal team, and drove a tank into the living room. When Mrs. Cohen told them they must want the drug dealer next door, they got really mad and blew up the garage. The Cohens donated heavily to the Police Beer Fund. She had to take out a 2nd mortgage to afford the cleanup. The city won't pay for the damage they cause, especially if it's by mistake.

Good God, there are other people like Wife? How does she have time to sit at her window - I know one thing about my neighbors: she has a full time job. Maybe she has a set of security cameras pointed out her window and monitors it all day long at work.

Ok, I lied: I know another thing about my neighbors: there is not an attractive one in the bunch. Wife informs me that good looking women don't even drive down the street. This seems to be the norm for a few blocks. So either we're the Ugly Section of the city, or the good looking ones know better than to come out of the house. It would be bad enough if they had to be good looking enough to move it... the lawsuits would fly, like people to a public bus after a crash, feigning illness. But can you imagine an Ugly Test to move in? On the other hand, there probably wouldn't be any press or lawsuits.

**THIS is your KNBC reporter, Alicia Smug, at the courthouse, where we discovered that a section of the city has a requirement that you be ugly before you move in. I'm talking to the Alligator family, of 5462 Main Street... Mrs. Alligator, when did you first suspect you were ugly? There are perfectly attractive families suing because the Attractive have been denied a house in your area. How ugly do you think you are, in comparison with your neighbors? Do you compete for Ugliest Neighbor? What if you were to get implants or cosmetic surgery and weren't Ugly anymore?  Oh, there's a section of the sale document disallowing cosmetic surgery, except in cases of serious accident? And the surgery cannot make you any greater than a 4 on a scale of 10? That's tough. I didn't know there were negative numbers either.

I knew things were bad, but I never considered taking action until the old lady next door called to ask about the letter from the city in our mailbox. What was it about? I suggested Wife continue her monitoring activities, but do them from the front step, with a shotgun or small rocket launcher.

Marburg outbreak grows with concerning geographic spread in Equatorial Guinea

The reactions were swift and severe:

• it's antisemitic - the Anti Defamation League
• PANIC! - the Centers for Disease Control
• This requires extensive sitting back - the World Health Organization
• Lock Everything DOWN! - Idiot Governors
• they'll need DRUGS!!!   - Big Pharma
• we better pay for the drugs-$54 billion  - President Giveaway
• See? Marburg. It's the Jews again  -  UC Berkeley

It's wonderful to see the witch hunt against Trump proceeds unabated.

The record will reflect ThermionicEmissions said to leave Bill Clinton alone-it was his business and a waste of time and money. But there will be no stopping the Divided and Counquered from wasting everybody's time going after Trump. I'm stymied; Melania is worlds more attractive than the pr0n star.

Vote libertarian. Or vote Green Pen. Just don't vote for more of the same.

2023 is the Year of the Suitcase

One lady zips her boyfriend inside a large suitcase, where he suffocates. Another lady kills her stepson, puts his body in a suitcase, then drives across the country. It's concerning that both murderers are women, but not too surprising. Although few serial murderers are female, they're very good at what they do, including things men wouldn't do. Plus, if you think about it, who wouldn't want company on a trip across the country?

Now it's time to profit. Perhaps some company like Samsonite (because I don't know any others) could officially proclaim it the Year of the Suitcase. They could show all the normal stuff on commercials, while subtly introducing features....

• sides made of tampon material, to soak up... fluids
• larger storage capacity (because some men are bigger)
• airtight seal, because you don't want anything inside breathing, nor do you want to smell anything that might be not going on inside. Police-proof, if used under 24 hours.
• hermetic seal, so things stay.... fresh...  longer, even in the trunk, even in summer!
• new lidar zipper system, so nothing gets caught or hangs out without alerting you
• covering leaves no artifacts nor picks them up: no one can prove where it's been

This will emerge as a new era for suitcases. Just you watch. Better yet, buy some, and do your part for population control.

Useless fact: Your cell phone has way more horsepower than Apollo and Space Shuttle craft. If any readers are old enough to remember the 386 processor, I believe that's what was on the Shuttle.

I've decided to take a public relations job with Philadelphia. The first thing I did was start with some slogans:

• Philly: Yes, all of our highways are gridlocked, but at least the roads are full of potholes
• Philly, where our best and brightest climb greased light poles and turn over cars
• Yes, we know when snow is coming, but somehow we always manage to be surprised by it
• Philadelphia: if we could find a way to tax breathing, we would
• Hear that noise? It's Ben Franklin spinning in his grave
• Philly: where the mayor is a taxing, blithering idiot, so we had no choice but to re-elect him
• We started police beatings in the 1970s, decades ahead of other cities.
• Where the police won't show up unless the news vans show up first.
• Where it's too expensive and time-consuming to fight gangs of people on quads, harassing motorists, so we don't do it.

I think I have a bright future ahead of me, especially since I work for the city, so I don't even have to show up to collect a paycheck.

• God, I miss big hair. And tube tops.

I always knew Comcast was useless, but today they hit a new low. Problems usually revolve around contacting them or using their website. You won't find what you're looking for on their website, but they offer a Help system. If you manage to find the answer to your question, it's not really the answer to your question. It gave me a link to what I was looking for and detailed instructions, that were, of course, wrong. Just trying to log in was a chore. I wouldn't bother, but my email account couldn't log in. This matched my problem when I tried to get to my email online. It looked like it was doing something, but it wound up with a blank screen. Eventually it told me their email server was offline. Of course their email server was offline - it's only a minor email server, for millions of people. Eventually I got logged into mail, you know, the email server that was offline. Perhaps it was, as there was no mail. 

So essentially, Comcast is useless if you have to contact them. Not to mention the cost of the service - even just internet. But they don't have to care: they're either #1 or #2, in a city-mandated duopoly.

Those Wacky Republicans....

Missouri Reps Just Voted to Completely Defund the State’s Public Libraries

Most likely in reaction to ACLU suit.

What wonderful human beings!  Who needs those stupid old smelly libraries anyway?

This is what we elect.

If you think about it, they're right. Children and adults do not need to see this kind of filth - sexual education or anything like it. Body pictures=bad. Naked=bad. This is your brain on religion.

It is not law yet. Maybe it's time to make your thoughts known.

Sex Worker-Led Payment Platform Shuts Down After Being Cut Off by Processor

This is a concerted attack against everything that's 'dirty' by.... guess who.... wait for it... religious conservatives.

It started when banks simply closed the accounts of adult actors and refused to do business with them. It has expanded all over the place. The same people who, under the guise of Family, are trying to shut down online porn. This means they spend most of their time watching or making it.

While talking with friends, we got to how cars all look the same. They're all small bubbles and nondescript. Way back, manufacturers strove to make their cars stand out. If you don't understand or don't believe me, look at the redo of the Challenger and Camaro. They certainly don't look like anything being made today. Unfortunately they also don't sound like today's cars. At least one of them makes a terrible noise, like a motorcycle, but many times worse, with more bottom end. They also had a lot of cylinders and actual room inside. I'm pretty happy that engine technology has progressed and I'm driving a 4 cylinder, whereas I used to drive 8's.

I guess car manufacturers have a bit of nostalgia and Marketing is banging on their doors, so they realize their cars should stick out. Rather than building a car that sticks out, they build the same crap everyone else does, but in order to stick out, they decided to do it with Ugly Paint. While this seems stupid to everybody who isn't in Marketing, it somehow slipped through. Aside from some of the ridiculous square cars, they started with green. All sorts of shades of green; from pea to avocado to puke. And some people bought them, somehow enabling Marketing. Seeing not a lot of people bought green, they decided to go further. They dispensed with original and bright colors, going straight for their own idea: milky colors. Milky green and Milky blue. They're the ugliest colors ever put on cars. Naturally people are ordering them like mad. 

"Hey Hon - let's get this average car in Milky Blue. It will stand out from all the other cars on the road!"

"So will covering it in vomit."

So not everybody's on board, but there you have it. The auto industry's latest Great Idea, born out of too many edibles and being hit on the head too much.

Creamy Furniture

Your love is like  frog in a blender  (the technical term for guacamole)

Tip

Friends don't ask friends to do anything with friends' wives' butts

Today I identify as  your ex and the government: I'm going to double fsck you.

The worst has come... we have to move.

It's not financial. The house is still standing. Nothing has changed.

Somebody just bought a Tesla.

We can no longer get fire insurance and are afraid for the house. And the dog. And the block.

The fire trucks are doing proactive patrols, for the first time since they were established in 1899.

I want to talk to the new Tesla owner but they already think I'm a few horses short of a stable.

Black holes may be swallowing invisible matter that slows the movement of stars

Al Gore blames global warming.

In a first, renewables beat coal in the US power sector in 2022

Al Gore blames black holes.

Another school shooting.

Another volley of calls for 'gun safety,' including from President Giveaway.

The shooter left notes. She/he (yes, there is gender identity involved) wanted to die.

Rather than another attack on the 2nd Amendment, we need to teach something useful in school: if you feel like dying, shoot yourself first. Nobody else gets hurt and you get what you want. Suicide by Cop is messy and someone can get hurt (other than the shooter). 

Oh yeah, you can also get mental health help, which is actually a better idea. Nobody needs to die, including you.

I went to work with a clean shirt. It now has tomato sauce stains. I haven't eaten any tomato sauce today.

Can someone explain this to me? Aliens?

• Bob Dylan said the definitive version of All Along the Watchtower was Hendrix's. I hope Jimi heard that - he was a huge Dylan fan.
• Jimi was here... in my area. Long before I knew who he was or could understand what he was doing, and before I played the guitar. Before I was born. Because playing guitar in the womb would have made things even more difficult for my mother. In any case, go to sugarmegs.org and you'll find all sorts of concerts of all sorts of quality of all sorts of bands. Even if you weren't born yet.
• Jimi and Buddy Miles singing "We got to live together."  It was a different time. Problem hasn't changed.

Conversations with my Dog 

Me: Were you eating your own food this morning?

Her: Dammit, I didn't think you would catch me. I figured I'd let it sit til tonight, then you'd throw in some tuna or cold cuts, to get me to eat.

Me: But I caught you.

Her: Yes you did. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

I hate being an unwitting parent.

Some of the kids are non-verbal and I'm supposed to know, or be able to figure out, what they're 'saying.' They gesticulate and I can see how sincere they are in getting their point across. I don't know if they don't know I can't understand. Sometimes they draw. Other times they ask someone else to 'interpret.'

There are many reasons we chose not to have kids; all good. In fact, my contraception is paid up through 2025, by concerned citizens and neighbors.

I love my dog.

• He spoke 2 languages. Frequently at the same time.

anpther sch

=============================================================

Your Government at Work 

US military needs 7th branch just for cyber, current and former leaders say

We haven't had a new branch since Space Patrol, and we're still not sure what they do.

Biden executive order bans federal agencies from using commercial spyware

It's disgusting. Why can't they use their own software?

Sssssssh. Listen very closely. Can you hear the hysterical laughter? It's the letter agencies, promising 'not to do that anymore.' They're very sorry for publicly undermining our rights, and in the future, will undermine our rights privately.

See if your phone is/was bugged with Pegasus

• Clearview AI used nearly 1m times by US police, it tells the BBC

nearly a million searches for the police. Information on US citizens - all presumed guilty.

• Here is the FBI’s Contract to Buy Mass Internet Data

• Could the US government actually block people from accessing TikTok altogether?

The US government could cut off the internet, if it wanted to.

It just happens to be correct, this one time, in saying that we need to stay off TikTok. It's owned by China, and there's no telling what they're up to. Let the theft of your information stay in America, where it belongs. After all, you put it there.

• India officials confiscate crane from man who saved it

That's right - the man nurses the crane back to health, the crane bonds with him, so it had to go.

================================================================

First cheetah cubs born in India since extinction 70 years ago

and they tell me MY sentences are weird....

Swimmers in Hawaii accused of harassing dolphins

This is disgraceful.

The swimmers were accused of hate speech, saying things about the dolphins' mothers, and claiming the dolphins were transvestites.

Netanyahu rejects Biden's call to drop Israel judicial overhaul

Tells aides, "It's ok, Joe probably doesn't remember saying it anyway."

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Last installment, I talked about scientists making a meatball of Woolly Mammoth. Now there's this:

Italy moves to ban lab-grown meat to protect food heritage

• America moves to ban electric vehicles to protect automotive heritage.
• France moves to ban Manischewitz to protect its wine heritage. 
• The Planet of California moves to ban thinking to protect its Stupid heritage. The ban is largely symbolic, as there has been no thinking in California since the 1960s.

Before I Do Something Stupid. Again.

France bans all recreational apps – including TikTok – from government devices

The funny thing is they'll never understand the huge increase in work output. If they block Faceyspaces, they will become a model of governmental efficiency - an oxymoron if there ever was one.

I'm no prognosticator. Ok, maybe a little. 

I have some concern over Artificial Intelligence. Like most of this blog, my concern is over Stupid. Because I am a stupid-ist. It is not considered a hate crime yet, and they will carry me off saying things about the Stupid, prolonging my sentence (both verbally and in jail). 

Here's the deal: People are lazy AND stupid. This is a bad and fundamentally dangerous combination. We have already beheld the accidents and unfortunate results of people listening to their phone's directions and turning into traditionally non turning-supported places, like buildings and stores (fortunately not children). These are just the things that are reported... imagine what else happens. Personally, I had three different devices tell me to drive into a large, dirty river. I will not mention that the devices may represent the wishes of humanity, especially as Wife was there too.

This brings us back to AI, as we tend to veer to one side a lot.

Microsoft, a frequent target of this blog, has admitted their AI technology isn't right a lot, but its answers are helpful.  Let me see if I have this right: in my car, AI would also have told me to drive into the large, brown river, but I could seek some creative thought before drowning.  Are you supposed to open the windows when your car goes under water or not? That's not creative, it's life-preserving. If the battery shorts out, there's no way to manually open the windows, unless you're paranoid and have one of those little hammers designed to break glass in cases like this. The real irony is that I'm not paranoid (on this topic) and thought the hammer was ridiculous. The only way to save our lives is the hammer that Wife bought, behind my back. Meh-I'll be mad at her later, when we're home, somewhat dry, and the press is banging the doors down. I think some of them are hiding in the bathroom. Wife is a very smart woman, in spite of her poor mate-choosing skills. I watched our tv go bltttttht and that was that. Well, it wasn't really: Wife had purchased the extended warranty after I said not to. This makes me wonder what else Wife has purchased.

Which brings me back to AI, which was inevitable. People are going to listen to AI and take it seriously. Because people are lazy AND stupid, the outcome will not be pleasant.  I think it will take a few lawsuits over children driving the car through the neighbors' living rooms and running down their kittens to put a stop to it. Or complaints of a hangnail resulting in Bobbie's Home Arm Amputation kit. The shame of it all is that Bobby did such a great job, he could be a surgeon (single-handedly). Some of us, who didn't stop to think or bought the lies, have a 'smart speaker' in the house. Don't worry, they promise it doesn't listen to you unless you call its name. Oops, it does listen to you a little bit. A lot, actually. It helps determine some of the ads that appear when you surf. Imagine the creativity of AI when *it* starts not-listening. This will not end well.

Ok, enough prognostication - my head hurts.

Microsoft Now Claims GPT-4 Shows 'Sparks' of General Intelligence

So does President Giveaway, but that doesn't mean you should put them anywhere important.

Conversations with my Dog 

Me: What is that?

Her: It's a t-shirt.

Me: I see.

Her: You wear t-shirts all the time.

Me: Is there something... written on it?

Her: Cockers for Cold Cuts  -President

Me: I see. Do you know anything about a whirlygig in the fridge?

Her: No. But I know that's where the cold cuts are.

Me: I see.

We made the unfortunate decision to stop into a furniture store the other day.  I don't like furniture stores when I'm in invisible-mode, no less when there's a salesdroid about. They follow you like you'll somehow not buy something, or buy it from a different salesdroid, even if there are no other salesdroids in the store that day. Since I forgot to turn invisible mode on and was with an attractive lady (Mrs. lefty), we stood no chance. To his credit, he stayed a few feet behind me, which is almost out of range for a salesdroid.

There is a recliner that rocks too. One of us found that fascinating, but I'm not going to tell you which, other than to say she has bigger breasts than me. I was amused by the inclusion of USB ports on some of the chairs and sofas. I didn't have the heart to tell them that version of USB is dying. It's interesting that they include a USB port, as if that makes them so much more modern, and as if you don't already have charging ports for your devices. One had a middle cushion that pulled down, with USB and cup holders. Where would the dog sit? Designers are clueless. I really don't like cup holders; they're tacky (and believe me, I know tacky. Well.). As I messed around with the adjusting buttons (who doesn't?) I discovered the headrest moved forward. I know about lumbar support and vibration, but had trouble with a headrest that moved forward. What kind of person needs that? A hunchback? A cartoon character come to life? Will the chair double as a torture device? Will it fold you in half?

Mrs. lefty looked excited, and not in a good way. Salesdroid was hovering near her, as he realized either she made the decisions, or I wanted to put him in the chair and fold him over til we left. Jeez, did I remember to let him go before we left? Crap. Anyway, Wife picked out a chair and a sofa. As far as I knew, we were there for one or the other. Perhaps she got too close to the furniture and it forced itself upon her, like me at a guitar store. The problem here is that 

1. they were brown
2. they were both brown

This is not what you think. This would cause further complications

1. nothing in the house is brown, except for the dust
2. it would be the first thing in the house that ever matched

We have a reputation to protect. Nice furniture that matches is against everything we stand for. Or everything we could afford. Or something. I couldn't bear the embarrassment of somebody coming over and seeing matching furniture. After picking them up off the floor, they'd run out, thinking they broke into the wrong house.  Maybe if we let the dog roll over it for a while, it would be covered in dog hair and look used or something. Maybe we got it from a corner somewhere. Why do I itch so much? 

Mainstream or Pr0n

This is the exclusive ThermionicEmissions game where the reader picks whether the 2 movies or tv shows/books/games are mainstream or pr0n.  No looking it up on the web - that's cheating.

1. Kardinal Sin
2. My Mother is a Pornstar

Scientists have now recorded brain waves from freely moving octopuses

Say it with me: octopuses. Octo puses. Octopuses.

Doesn't it have a satisfying sound, the way it rolls off your tongue?

My friend had an octopus. He called it Calamari. It never came when called; I think it knew.

 This proves that octopuses are smarter than most Americans Idle viewers.

Hungary official takes on German MEP in AI 'rap battle'

This could save us billions.

 Alas, the Military Industrial Complex would assassinate both combatants before the rapping started.

Miniot Wheel 2 review: a unique vertical turntable worth waiting for

It's $2,000 and the reviewer says it sounds great.  He said it sounds better than the $450 turntable, but not as good as the $4,000 model. Just make sure when you're done, you compress the hell out of it into MP3s.

NPR is bracing for layoffs.

Quite frankly, I'm shocked it didn't happen years ago. Their schedule consisted largely of "Let us tell you what Trump did wrong today." I feel reassured when they tell me they do not lean one way or the other. A reprieve was granted when they found out about Trump's court woes. The minstrels played and the overly excited ladies damn near danced. Ok, they damn near moved. Then they continued the beg-a-thon.

A day in the life of Volodymyr Zelensky 

aide: President Zelensky, people here to see you.

Show them in.

Orlando Bloom, goodwill ambassador for the UN children's organisation Unicef, here, Sir. The strength of Ukranian people is amazing.

Thank you, Mr. Boom.

Bloom, Mr. President.

Do you have anything that goes boom, Bloom?

aide: President Zelensky, people here to see you.

Mr. President, I'm Ben Stiller and you're my hero.

[groan] You don't have any.... surface to air missiles or anything?

Sir, you're the best. Keep up the good fight. Pretend I'm funny. If you want, I'll 'act' at the front lines. That should cause some damage.

Tanks... I mean thanks, Jerry.

Jerry was my father.

A very funny man.

[to aide] This shit is endless. All these do-gooders from Hollywood flying over here, ruining the climate with their private planes, telling me how impressed they are. Do I look like I give a fsck? None of them bring so much as a couple of stealth planes or rocket launchers. What happened to the good old days, when people visited a president and brought large arms as tribute?

aide: Sir, you have a visitor, but you're not gonna be happy.

Try me.

Mr. President! I'm Sean Penn.

Who?

Very funny. I brought you something. It's my Oscar.

For what?

Sir, I was so impressed while making a movie here, I considered joining Ukrainian forces to fight against Russia.

What happened?

I coulda got hurt. America isn't ready for this kind of self-sacrifice or martyrdom.

GET OUT OF MY OFFICE AND DON'T COME BACK WITH LESS THAN BILLIONS OF DOLLARS or anti-tank weapons. No wonder people hate Hollywood.

But Mr. President... because of this, Jerry Ben Stiller and I can't enter Russia, ever.

And take your Oscar with you before I put it so far up your backside, it will take a team of surgeons 3 weeks to remove it, even with the rocket-propelled grenades you didn't bring me.

Mainstream or Pr0n

1. Kardinal Sin - Swedish metal
2. My Mother is a Pornstar - pr0n

Hippopotamuses on Demand

Your love is like  a 16 ton weight falling on you

Masked man with loaded gun stopped from entering Florida strip club

I don't want to live in a world where a masked guy with a gun can't go into a strip club.

Oh... Florida.

Today I identify as  a TikTok super-influencer (who can say it without laughing)

Japan celebrates world baseball tournament victory over US

Huh? 

We invented baseball. Oh, the shame.

Ok, I think I understand what happened. Since we are so awesome, everybody wants to be us. American culture is huge in Japan, from music to jeans. It was inevitable that baseball took a flight to Japan. Like many things, Japan got better at it, probably because they weren't paid millions to run all the way to that base over there. In America, players hire people to do the running; it's beneath them.

America suffered additional embarrassing losses too:

• Ukraine won in volleyball because they trained in a different country (and their breasts are way  more jiggly)
• Somalia also beat the US in baseball, in case Japan failed.
• Russia won in chess, until it was discovered the match was never played. They moved it to Russia and forgot to tell anybody. Since the US didn't show up, Russia declared themselves the winner.
• Kyrgyzstan beat everybody at the spelling bee, although Nagorno Karabakh put up a good fight.
• Mayotte didn't have a chance until the guards let them past the front gate, referring to them as a non-country and making unkind references to mayonnaise.

Mainstream or Pr0n

This is the exclusive ThermionicEmissions game where the reader picks whether the 2 movies or tv shows/books/games are mainstream or pr0n.  No looking it up on the web - that's cheating.

1. Kynseed
2. Jim Slip

The Supreme Court has yet another interesting case, this time brought by Jack Daniels. A dog stain detergent is packaged in a similar bottle, with the title Bad Spaniels. Jack D feels that people would confuse the two, plus there is an issue of parody. Because I'd confuse a bottle of liquor with a dog stain remover with none of the same names. Even the least mentally acute among us wouldn't have any difficulty.  Plus if you pick up the wrong bottle, the whiskey will taste really bad. On the other hand, your gastric tract will be completely free of dog stains. Mix in a little Jack and it's a win-win.

What's in the Air in Utah?

Utah is first US state to limit teen social media access

Yes. the Nanny State steps in and does the job of the parents. What if the parents are fine with their under 18s accessing social media? This is pretty stupid, even for Utah.

Fun Fact: a recent study showed the state with the most incoming porn traffic is Utah. 

Parent Calls Bible ‘PORN’ and Demands Utah School District Remove It From Libraries

This is a funny one. The parent reacted to Utah throwing books out of libraries by demanding the bible be thrown out due to the violence, sex, incest, and murder. Well, they have a point. This person is too smart to live in Utah.

Many years ago, Kansas City wanted Creationism taught with evolution. Thus was born the Flying Spaghetti Monster, god to us all (because it's every bit as realistic). Think about it: beer, pirates. wenches, and every Friday off. You too can be a minister - check out the site.  R'amen!

Animals without a brain still form associative memories

Sure they do - we vote for them every few years.

Maybe Putin had something..... according to Ukraine, Russia has gained 10 meters (34 grams Canadian) within months. They are a formidable foe. At this rate, they should make 20 meters a few months after the war ends.

Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu is passing "responsible legal reforms."

The passing of a new law on Thursday that makes it harder for courts to remove a leader deemed unfit for office has angered many people.

 I appreciate the man. Why? He's honest and shows his hunger for power right out in the open. In America, it's hidden in 1,006 page bills, right after cow farts.

Bruce Springsteen, Mindy Kaling and Julia Louis-Dreyfus honoured by Biden

Aw, shucks... 3 no-talents and 1 no-comprehend.

Martina Navratilova: Tennis legend says she is 'cancer-free' after treatment

ThermionicEmissions celebrates her health.

The planet of California said the cancer was anti-LGBT and a 'real hater.' They expect to pass a law against it as soon as they're done giving reparations of $5 million to every black person.

In other news, the US may stop flights to the planet of California because, "it's just too silly."

Mainstream or Pr0n

Kynseed - a Windows game

Jim Slip - pr0n

So Hard to Get A Good Slave These Days

Your love is like   extra large fried spiders. the value pack.

I bitch a lot about having 6 blog followers and laughable traffic, but I want to sincerely thank those of you who come here, hopefully not under duress or threat of (too much) bodily harm. 

Today I identify as  someone who just discovered his work laptop has a touchscreen. After 2 years.

Trapdoor spider: New giant species found in Australia.

The males grow to 3cm, the females 5cm (that's 4 kilometers Canadian). 

Happy nightmares! 

Conversations with my Dog 

Me: Why do you chase and catch birds when you're outside, but when a bird gets in the house, you bark like a mad dog?

Her: So you'll do something about it.

You're probably seeing a lot of press or email about TikTok. Congress wants to close it. Many other groups call it censorship and/or call for more laws about data protection. The problem is being framed incorrectly: the problem is that it's owned by China, which isn't a good thing, given their propensity to spy. From the White House down, we've gotten rid of Huawei phones and networking equipment for the same reason. In the meantime, feel free give all your information to the existing data thieves at Faceyspaces, Google, Amazon, Instagram, and many others. As for more laws, it's not going to happen, due to the contributions to Congress and because they don't care. We also know what happens when the government gets involved.  In an ideal world, our information would remain ours. In the real world, we already have laws and they're not working. There are laws on robocalling, yet we still get robocalls. 

If you want your information to remain yours, there are a number of things you can do, but you're not gonna like them

1. Get off Faceyspaces and other social media. Faceyspaces has profiles on people without accounts
2. Stop oversharing
3. Make everything you do anonymous
4. Use tracker blockers and privacy addons on your browsers and email.
5. Dump Gmail or other 'free' email. Everything you type is scrutinized for better ads.
6. Dump Windows - a lot of what you do is sent back to Microsoft and 'others'.

Got questions? Check out Safe Surfing (above) and feel free to ask in comments.

Speaking of laws: 

Tech makers must provide repairs for up to 10 years under proposed EU law

Another great-sounding law. It will cause manufacturers to have staff assigned to this project, raising their costs and the cost of the device. They're not going to just absorb the price. Right now, android (the operating system) guarantees to support their operating system for around 3 years (also dependent on phone manufacturers-it's a mess). Making that 10 years would certainly cause issues. Also, some OSes are out of date and beyond safe at that age. Again, I'm not saying it's a bad-sounding idea, but unintended consequences. Most of Congress is incapable of understanding this (or just ignorant).

Europe's laws are more citizen-centered, where America's laws go to whoever has the best lobbyists, with the most money to give. Of course this is the corporate world. Congress only listens when a LOT of people make a LOT of noise.  Do what's necessary.

Mainstream or Pr0n

This is the exclusive ThermionicEmissions game where the reader picks whether the 2 movies or tv shoes are mainstream or pr0n.  No looking it up on the web - that's cheating.

1. The Flourish
2. Kyuuketsuki Sugu Shinu 2

An Alternative Theory of Inertia will Get Tested in Space

I've been seriously wondering when we would have a new form of propulsion. Stealth planes are so old, some are retired. We have yet to see really new propulsion. I define this as not burning something to move the craft. Maybe this is it. I'm also not stupid enough to think there are technologies that are still Black. I doubt this was allowed out of the basement before it was scrutinized. Bravo!

• I receive approximately, about, more or less, nearing zero phone calls per week. This is not a good thing nor a bad thing. The phone is always attached to me, excepting the odd shower. If I leave my office to get something from the kitchen, the phone will ring. If I walk out to have lunch with Wife, the phone will ring. How does it know? 
• Due to some sort of snafu with 7 of the planets in retrograde, the I-Ching sticks caught in the ceiling, and the tarot cards having sliced off a few body parts, my phone somehow got listed as Wife's number. Sometimes it's fun.

Hello?

[silence]

Hello?

.. uhhhh... is Mrs. lefty there?

[when I'm feeling particularly prickly]   This IS Mrs. lefty  

Uhhh.. I'm calling to remind you of your doctor's appointment yesterday.

Ok, I'll be there.

Click.

As fun as that is, it gets tiresome. I discovered that trying to get phone numbers switched is several orders of magnitude more difficult than getting the IRS to admit it was their error and give you your house back. Some of the numbers on file are so bizarre, I don't know where they came from. One place had the in-laws' area code, the brother's first 3, and anyone's guess on the last 4. The trick here is that once they fail at this number, they'll call mine anyway. All roads lead to lefty.

I'm managing to avoid the Gwyneth Paltrow case quite successfully. Wife pointed out that she just sits there, with the most bored "just ate a lemon and it bothers me to be with the average people" puss.  I suspect lack of humility could cost her, but my lawyering days are kicked out of the courtroom over. Consistent with the press on the story, I have nothing significant to say. 

A-HA!

It's great when you figure something out. Something others might not have.

It came to us the other day, going to Chik Filet. When we got there, there were 2 complete drive-thru lanes, with 3 people manning each one. Both lanes were wrapped around 3 times. I thought maybe the entire chain is a mafia laundering operation, but no. They make so much money, they don't have to work Sundays.

Yes, I've had larger brainstorms, but sometimes I don't have enough explosive ideas to blow my nose.

Speaking of the little things, websites keep track of people in many ways, but one identifier is your browser (Firefox, Chrome, etc). Some browsers allow you to change the "agent" string, which says what your browser is. It was a chance for a bit of fun, so I did. Google sent me a note about a login to my account with a Death Browser. You gotta get your jollies where you can.

By the way, this blog entry is coming to you from the keyboard of my new laptop. Can't you tell the difference? It's so much more smooth, the keys make more noise, the screen is better, and the keyboard's backlight cycles through all colors by itself. It's probably a bad thing for consumers of recreational pharmaceuticals, but I have other problems.

Oldest most complete Hebrew Bible goes on display in Israel before sale

Expected to fetch up to $50 million.

Jesus.

oops  

We ate at a place new for us: Smashburger. I read reviews before making a decision. They did pretty well, but my favorite review gave the place 1 star because they opened the paper on his straw for him and he didn't like that. If I bothered with review sites, I'd definitely add a note to his review:

Dear Sir or Madam (or anything in between)

I read your review with interest. The first thing that occurred to me was that you obviously don't understand rating systems. Did you have fun buying a car? A house? Toothpicks? It's ok that you didn't like the Straw Situation, but rate the place on food and service (you idiot). As for your emphasis on the opened straw, what exactly are you afraid of? Germs? They'd be the same germs on your food. Eat up!

Apropos of nothing, medical science has come up with excellent medicine to counter germphobia and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Some of that medicine will also help with various other neuroses. Therapy is also recommended with the medicine. Anybody who read your review would suggest therapy. You have a nice day and stay away from restaurants and any other retail outlets.

P.S. it was just as it was said to be: decent food (several large steps up from McD's). They had an employee shortage and warned the customers via a note on the front door. They were still faster than other places we've been. 

You know me - I'm the safety guy. You never plug an unknown USB drive into your pc. NEVER. You don't know how things could blow up on you....

Journalist plugs in unknown USB drive mailed to him—it exploded in his face

In 1967, at Malmstrom Air Force Base, in Montana, Captain Robert Salas was given a report of a large, saucer-shaped craft close to the base. At this time, many ICBMs were deactivated. This was not normal. The Air Force whistled past the front gate, saying "There is nothing to see here, move on." The witnesses were ordered to stop any reports and not to submit them.  Shutting down nuclear warheads is very serious, yet nobody seemed to do anything.  Read up on this and many others, before you believe the recent committees on UAPs are breaking any ground on the topic. Don't get me wrong: I hope this is the start of disclosure, but the policy of 100% denial and deception was/is in full effect. The book Disclosure details many of these events, from the people who were there.

Mainstream or Pr0n 

1. The Flourish is pr0n
2. Kyuuketsuki Sugu Shinu 2 is a tv show, possibly not made in America

You Naughty, Wicked, Vile Woman - We Need to Hang Out More.

Your love is like  nazi toast - French toast's evil cousin.

Enter the Goon Cave, Where Porn and Masturbation Is All That Exists

Is this the natural successor to the Man Cave? I know the wife isn't cleaning it.

Don't forget the Fleshlight - the portal to the future of sex.

Today I identify as  a practical joke that went rogue

Florida surgeon general wrong on vaccines and bad at his job, CDC and FDA say

Uh-oh. They loved him at first...

Apology: Naturally I didn't look closely at the warning when you come to the blog. I didn't realize it wanted people to log in. Unfortunately I can't do anything about it, other than take the adult flag off the blog and try to be squeaky clean, until the next gutless coward reports the blog to Google for 'adult content.' All I can offer is my sincere apology. Up around the top right is "Subscribe to this blog." Check that out if you'd rather bypass signing in.

I'm reading online when I come across this bit of wisdom: In no case should a grown person's socks be ringed. He was obviously referring to socks with stripes across the top.

What is wrong with the world? Can't we all live together?

Why the Serious Hatred for striped socks?

It hit very close to home many years ago. Mrs. lefty was talking to someone and mentioned that she discovered my striped socks and was systematically throwing them out. This was her first mistake: if she had just done it and not bragged, I'd never know. Men are dense sometimes. I can be dense most of the time. And sometimes dense co-exists with trying, aggravating, and soul-crushingly bull-headed. But at least I'm unattractive.

I can't imagine, for the life of me, what generates such meanness about striped socks.

Once I was done with the striped socks, all I had was your generic white socks; the same as the striped socks, but without the stripe. This seemed to cause harmony within the universe. Within the universe, perhaps, but not among my band at the time. At a gig, they all had a whack at me for my socks. Apparently they were too tall. I guess I'll just have to accept my Sock Blindness. 

Hello, I'm lefty.

HELLO, LEFTY.

I have Sock Blindness.

[applause, cheers] We hear you, brother. YES. Woo hoo. Testify!

I thought I had all I could stand (get it - socks/stand?) when the drummer had his turn. 

"Fix your socks."

Why - they don't look broken.

"One of them is much lower than the other one. Pull it up."

[ooooooooohh. I know what THIS is. Time for a little revenge...]

I pulled the lower sock up - is this what you mean?

"Yes."

Then I pulled the other one down. His face dropped. So I pulled it down further.

This could have gone on all day, because sometimes I enjoy being a bastard, especially when OCD is involved. But I pulled them to within a half inch of each other and measured it for him. I was honest when I told him I couldn't guarantee they'd both stay that way when I started moving around during songs. If I hadn't walked away, he'd have volunteered to check them between songs.

But we can also talk about shorts. I was out of my mind when I could no longer purchase shorts. Every pair came down to my knees, like a skirt. I wanted no parts of them. But I had no choice. And then, just the other day, I saw women wearing 70s shorts. You know - the short shorts you picture roller skaters wearing around California on a nice day. *I* couldn't wear them, just out of decency, but maybe they will lead to men's shorts that don't drag on the ground.

The drummer was not the only OCD person I performed with.

The other one had a tuning problem. Between every song, he'd be looking down, tuning his guitar. I even caught him doing it in the middle of songs.  Next time I hid his tuner, just to see what happened. The shaking and tears were just too much so I gave it back to him.

I have no idea what drives me to be a bastard around OCD. I have some internal sense that it's not right, but it's so much fun.  When we go food shopping, Mrs. lefty puts the items on the belt and makes sure they're all facing the same direction. Naturally I sweep in behind her and turn them. I'm a bastard. But I don't do much else, even when it takes forever to get out of restaurants because she's taking all the cash and making sure the bills are lined up correctly, in the same direction.  She loves me anyway, which is some sort of deep personal failing of hers.

What a man freed from a 241-year prison sentence finds strangest of all

• That he's not 241?

• That a 241 year sentence is impossible to serve? 

• There's pr0n on the internet? 

• That BlueTooth headphones make you look schizophrenic because you're talking to yourself? 

•  Sex Workers

 I finally found a new laptop; an HP Omen. I had to take a chance it would work with linux. It turned out to be 95% compatible, except for keyboard backlighting that keeps changing colors. It doesn't bother me at all. I wish it had a number pad, which I somehow missed when looking at it. See the System76 and New Laptop page up top for details (if you care). The feeling of blowing away the Windows install made my month. Micro Center is the place to go for just about anything. It's Disney for geeks.

Denied by AI: How Medicare Advantage plans use algorithms to cut off care for seniors in need

EMERGENCY. Know those extremely annoying commercials on tv, with all sorts of people saying you can get more than you did on regular old Medicare? I've warned against them, but this is the best reason of all: they can, by law, cut off your insurance. Even if you're dying. All legally. You can appeal all you want, but you have to pay in the meantime.

Online tests suggest IQ scores in US dropped for the first time in nearly a century

I often say we're a nation of morons. Just in case you don't believe me...

We have our best people working on how to end the drug problem. As with most things, we failed to look in our own backyard. According to President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, of Mexico, "lack of hugs caused fentanyl crisis."  Can you believe it was right there all the time, and so simple? We need to pay closer attention to el presidente, Mr. Manuel Lopez Obrador. Last week he informed us that Mexico is safer than the US. Such nuggets of wisdom. Even after the cartel killed 2 people by mistake. Let's get President Giveaway to tell them their violence epidemic is due to them having too many names. It's good to have a first and last name. Maybe even a middle name. Some Mexicans take it too far, which obviously causes violence. Regardless, it would be pretty funny to see Mexico build a wall to keep the gringos out.

Bruce Willis's wife speaks of her grief at his dementia on his 68th birthday

Dearest Emma Hemming Willis,

Sympathies on your husband's condition. My mother is similarly affected.

Sympathies also on your role. You are mourning the loss of your husband in real time. You are taking on a massive burden, with the caretaking that exists and will come. As a veteran of similar situations, I strongly urge your to look after yourself. Firstly, there will be nothing left of you to help him if you don't. Secondly, you need this for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you taking a break. This is the hardest lesson to learn. Bruce will eventually have to be institutionalized, unless you can do 24/7 coverage and are willing to deal with all it entails. It's not just that... in addition to everything else, I'd hate to see you become a shell of yourself. You are in for a wild ride, very little of it pleasant. Live and love consciously, while you can. Maybe check out online or in-person groups with others in your situation. Although our situations are somewhat different, the basics are the same. Only you know what's best for you and your family.

Sincerely --- lefty

I don't have your phone number or email address, so obviously I can't call or write.

French First Lady loses lawsuit after being accused of secretly undergoing gender reassignment surgery

Best headline in months.

It is a completely unsubstantiated accusation, based upon a YouTube video. It is possible that it was a rumor started by far-right political groups.

Whatever is going on inside her body, to quote the Tubes, She's A Beauty.

Granted, that's France, but does this mean I can't say Hillary eats babies? Or will I just wind up coincidentally dead? Or that Cheney is teaching Satan some new tricks? It's all so confusing.

On the Planet of California, there exists a small area called San Francisco.

San Francisco's city-appointed reparations committee has the idea to give $5 million to every black person, plus other brilliant, air-sucking ideas. I'm not complaining: the Plant of California comes up with so many sanity-defying ideas as to keep Earth entertained for decades. In 100 years, people will read about California in history books, and be completely unable to make anything of it, aside from accusing teachers of putting them on. There will need to be a complete guide with the history books to give context to the Planet of California; how it decided to leave Earth and become its own planet, in its own universe. One conservative analyst estimated that each non-Black family in the city would have to pay at least $600,000.

Dear black people:

It tears my heart out that you were used in that heinous way. 

I didn't do it, nor did my ancestors: we suffered persecution too.

As a result, I will not pay for the grievous sin of slavery. No human can own another human - it makes no sense, morally or otherwise. 

My advice for everybody: be the best you can. Make your future, don't demand it.

And remember: Reparations for the left handed. We've been discriminated against since the dawn of time. We were called evil, punished, assaulted, and killed for having a different dominant hand. We suffer from ink stains, desks we can't use, more expensive guitars, and lots of other indignities. People are still superstitious about us.  BURN HER - SHE'S A WITCH!!  With the current president, we have the best chance of getting millions ever. 

The South African choir that performed for Queen Victoria

One would hope while she was still alive....

Rupert Murdock set to marry for fifth time at 92

"This time it's truly love"

Just this morning, there was news of commercial hacks, like Saks Fifth Avenue, Ferrari, the NBA and several others. There are many many cases of hacking that happened simply because the company did not patch their gear. IT Security needs to be on top of this, or at least allowed to be. The cost is way too high. Soon, insurers either won't cover it or jack the prices through the roof. The hacks are not all patch-related, but it's imperative that patches are applied - immediately.

More Republican Outrage!

Republicans Are Panicking Because They Somehow Just Found Out You Can Buy Vibrators at CVS

They better put together some laws to prevent people from privacy in their own homes. NOW!

The sad truth of this is that we'd all be better if Tucker Carlson and Marjorie Taylor Greene (mentioned in the article) used these toys. If they don't already, which is a fair bet.

Ok, I thought it would be funny once the republicans got into office - they'd give the democrats a taste of their own medicine.  They're proving to be a largely un-funny lot. Vote libertarian. Or The Green Pen!

Naturally the Crazy Christians are at it again, but that's probably redundant.

Unfortunately, people will continue to get caught up in existing archaic, unconstitutional laws until they're repealed.

All Outrage

It appears as if there is finally some bipartisan support for something: national divorce.

Yeah, I had to look it up too. It's the idea that somehow the red states separate from the blue states.

Divide and Conquer has reached a whole new level. This is some sick stuff here. Could we put this back in the bottle and at least attempt to work together? Or just dump the 2 parties? For once, let's be too smart to let this happen.

 

The Space Shuttle Will Dock with New Jersey Tomorrow

Your love is like  porcupine popsicles

Global cocaine production has reached record levels as demand rebounds following Covid lockdowns, a new report has found.

Isn't it great that at least one segment bounced back from The Flying AIDS?

We need a success story now and then.

Today I identify as  a poisonous frog. Lick me.

• I don't really dislike people, I just prefer if they are somewhere else .  -stev2244

Backup Lunch? 

We know 'stuff happens' whenever it involves me and retail. Or online payments. Or trying to order things. It turns out this effect also applies when I'm not around(!)

Wife: I'll stop after my meeting and get you some lunch. What do you want?

Me: Just grab me some stuff you know I like.

Wife (from restaurant with Qdoba sign out front): What do you want to drink. Ok, let me push the buttons on the machine - don't hang up. No, they're completely out of Dr Pecker. How about iced tea-lemonade? Oh, wait, there's no lemonade.

Wife (outside restaurant): I don't know where they got the kid at the counter. Either he was never trained or he's just plain stupid.

Me: Why not both?

Wife: I can't vouch for your order. There's a Chik Filet next door. Do you want me to get you a backup lunch?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we need Backup Food because we know the original food won't be right.

At Home

Wife: You wouldn't believe it. He called the manager over. She asked why. He said to watch him check the order out. The manager shook her head and walked off. I should have too.

Me: Well, it's partially open and it's spilling. Hmmm.... that's an awful lot of cheese. I don't like cheese.

Wife: [gasps]

Me (picking around in bowl): Have you noticed anything? Perhaps something missing. They didn't put the MEAT in the fscking BOWL.

Her: That's the first thing they ask you - which protein do you want.

Me: It's getting pretty bad. This happens everywhere.

Her: And it cost $20 for the wrong bowl and 2 drinks.

Me: Supply Chain Issues? Call them and tell them you have a small suggestion for improvement: put the MEAT in the bowl when the customer orders it. It's a bizarre concept, but maybe they'll be open to it.

Her: Did you try the sweet tea? I don't want to say it's sweet, but I took one sip and spit out my pancreas.

Me: We have inadvertently saved a lot of money. We keep crossing the incompetent restaurants off our list and don't have anywhere to eat. We'll have to stay home for every meal.  The savings will be substantial. New guitar fund! 

It just gets tiresome, ya know? 

==========================================

The Musk Files - following the wacky weekly antics of a real American success story gone off the rails...

Musk said Twitter would open source its algorithm – then fired the people who could

Man Accidentally Drove Away in Someone Else’s Tesla Using the Car’s App

Tesla has a home battery to sell you, with or without solar

Yes, now your house can spontaneously combust - just like your car!

To be fair, it's the LI batteries, not Tesla. 

Microsoft just laid off an ethics team.

FIRE AWAY!  Oxymoron: Microsoft ethics. 

It's been a banner week for nazis:

• Stanford University is investigating swastikas and an image of Hitler, drawn on a Jewish student's door.

[Stanford University's ranking in the 2022-2023 edition of Best Colleges is National Universities, #3] .

It was the latest of several reported acts of vandalism that included antisemitic symbols and language at Stanford this academic year.  Our best and brightest! 

Naturally it's a 'hate crime.' Because it's illegal to draw on and deface property, but more illegal to do it based on religion. The dummies should have just drawn random pictures and they would be ok.

UC Berkeley said there is no crime here and Jews are still not allowed on campus; along with Zionists, people with any sense, and anyone to the right of Bernie Sanders.

• Nazi salutes, pepper spray and pistols: Ohio drag event devolves into an extremist melee

Hundreds of protesters, including armed white supremacists, members of several extremist groups and LGBTQ community supporters descended on Wadsworth, Ohio, a small town outside Akron, for a drag queen storytelling show

Did you ever, in your wildest dreams, expect white supremacists and LGBTQ supporters to be drawn together? Such is the power of Drag Storytelling.

 White supremacist protesters shouted "Heil Hitler" and made Nazi salutes outside the event

Old Adolph never knew how fondly (and often) he'd be remembered. 

There are unconfirmed reports that some of the white supremacists were in back of a building, swapping spit with some of the men in drag. The supremacists said it was ok because the drag performers were white.

* Although no one has gone full nazi yet, Wellesley College is in a snit over whether or not to admit trans men. The endless permutations of college, SJWs, and sexists make this a really funny (and sad) story.

The referendum, which is nonbinding, asks whether admission should be open to all nonbinary and transgender applicants, including trans men. Currently, the college allows admission to anyone who lives and consistently identifies as a woman.

The referendum would also make the college’s communications more gender 
inclusive — for example, using the word “students” or “alumni” instead of “women.” The new cheer is up in the air until this item has been settled.

 5  6  7  8  Who do we hate?

Men!  Trans men!  Logic!  Hitler!  Trump!

CEO: Bailing Out Tech '1000000x More Important Than Defending Ukraine'

STOP. Hey. Wait. Hold on!

This is a story about corporate greed.

Let me give you the real answer: we have no business doing either. NO. MORE. BAILOUTS.

If you want to help bail out tech or Ukraine, by all means do so. Just don't use force on the rest of us.

Speaking of the Space Station, it will reach end of service in the 2030s. The problem is bringing it down safely, on which NASA will spend around $1 billion. The president asked if $1 billion was enough, and gave them a few more billion, just in case. If there is change, he told them to use it on anything but the Debt.

Experts are not concerned about the Russian parts of the Station, as they are expected to malfunction and fall away by themselves.They are currently ahead of schedule, with both sections leaking air.

NASA is consulting with Congress, Governors, and industry on where to bring the Station down safely. The current choices are Detroit, somewhere on the planet of California, or on the studio that does Americans Idle and The Masked Furry.

But NASA doesn't sit idle, no sir. They just revealed the new spacesuit for the anticipated moon landing. Unfortunately this has become a bit of a hot potato: Ru Paul designed the suit, which is said to be FABulous. Pointing out the rainbow flare, the astronauts say it's not necessary and would prefer the suits be designed for functionality, not flair. They're concerned about trivial little items, like keeping the air in the suit. Ru Paul's camp issued a one word statement: Racists. LGBTQ+ groups demanded new astronauts or no Moon landing. UC Berkeley said fine, so long as the astronauts aren't Jewish. Drag groups demanded at least one member, for the first ever Drag Storytelling Event on the Moon. The Pentagon said if we think the last time we bombed the Moon was bad, wait til they see THIS time. The entire state of Texas said it would turn out with automatic weapons if there was a Drag event on the Moon. The Anti-Defamation League called the mission 'antisemitic.' Louis Farrakahn and Jesse Jackson said that it was just another plot by the 'Hymies.'

Catholic group spent millions on app data that tracked gay priests

It was unofficially called Project Catholic Tinder.

It was suggested they could pay less for storage by using an app to track priests that weren't gay.

When asked for comment, Monsignor Pope OohLaLa said it was a good thing they didn't have to pay for storage of the data on pedophile priests.