Cat Bowling

 

Your love is like  the charming odor of 4 day old sushi in your trunk

Even if the phone camera has anti-shake technology, what do you do if your hand shakes?  You hold it with 2 hands. And what good does that do if both of your hands shake?

Today I identify as   LGBTQ.  Straight LGBTQ.

How to secure your phone before attending a protest  

The Roe v Wade decision is approaching. 

We were lied to about the Flying AIDS and the drug companies. 

Perhaps people have more looting to do.

Currently the First Amendment is in play, around the call to protest at the homes of the Supreme Court Justices. Being a staunch #1A supporter (ok, all of them), I see this as free speech. The problem is that it's intended to intimidate. Some of the protesters will be ill-behaved.

I guess the only thing to do is let them exercise their rights, and arrest the bad apples. Rest assured it will be surveilled, both by the beefed up security and the protesters themselves. What do you think?

If you buy a Roomba or similar automatic traveling vacuum, there are many ways it can go wrong. I found a list of error codes. 

• CT: I am not a cat taxi. Put the fscker in a different room.
• HH: This place is a hell hole. There are 3 square inches to move. Perhaps you should call Hoarders. You have a problem.
• TB: I have bumped into so many obstacles, I have Traumatic Brain Injury.
• DM: Will somebody please get me out of the dog's mouth?
• MB: The carpet is too tall- you need a MowBa
• PH: Stop and clean me every 3 minutes. You have too much pet hair.
• SX: Stop having sex while I vacuum - it's too distracting.

After involuntarily pulling out half of my hair, work gave me a new laptop. I begged and pleaded, but they had to give me a Windows laptop. I offered a doctor's note, but no.

Laptops are shrinking all the time. This seems to make people say OOH and AH. I don't care. I don't think 14" is an acceptable size for a monitor (I'm a real size queen). I guess everybody else does. Considering the amount of work I have to keep onscreen, it's impossible to see much. Plus, Microsoft apps like to take up as much screen real estate as possible. You literally can't shrink Teams beyond 1/4 of the screen. 

Naturally when you get a new computer, you need to personalize it, because you open it and it looks nothing like it did before. I don't have pictures of my cat as a background. This is an especially good thing, as I don't have a cat. I'll be honest - the work laptop is a tool, nothing more. I do as little customization as is needed to make it functional for me. I don't need pretty or gee whiz sounds.... it just has to work. This is ironic, as I didn't mess with the last laptop either.. the one that broke. At least I got all my hamster pr0n files on the new laptop.

I prefer to single-click instead of double-click (I'm very picky that way). I want all the info from the old computer, of course. When I asked the tech for some info from it, he put the old laptop online and said I could take whatever I wanted. That's nice, only he didn't tell me where to look for some really technical things. So I was on a discovery of learning, whatever that means. There's something called a Profile Migration Tool, which transfers all the old data to the new computer. The tech did not use it.  Maybe he was afraid that whatever ate the old laptop would transfer to the new laptop. Maybe there was a language barrier: we both spoke English. I think Windows ate itself. This was very common with older versions of Windows. I thought they had that fixed, but that's just being silly. Some older versions had to be reinstalled every 6 months or so. I got so tired of it that I started trying linux out. I don't look back fondly. Microsoft's design people get a lot of reign over what the system finally looks like. Unfortunately, these people do a lot of recreational pharmaceuticals (or used to), which results in them hiding all the useful, familiar functions in each new version, confusing millions of people all over the world. I suspect half of them are named Leary. I'm terrified each time. None of it is intuitive, so I'd start screaming that I couldn't even get a program to come up. A coworker told me it's simple: just hold down ctl-del-F12 and type in what you need to run. Oh, that was obvious.

Aside from the fact I can't get some of my mail, it works, and it works much faster! Meh - we get too much email as it is. 

Although I never did a lot of recreational pharmaceuticals, I suspect my teeth talk to each other. I didn't go to the dentist for a while. Why, you ask? Because who likes to go to the dentist? I'd sit there in the chair, watching the bottom half of my body valiantly trying to escape, while the doc was inside my mouth. So I left Dr. Mengele and found a new, nicer practice, that still practiced Racket Dentistry. So they fixed stuff up. All the sudden I got lower pain. A week later, I got upper pain. Last night my food felt like I was trying to chew a popcorn kernel, but it wasn't: it was part of a tooth. My theory, which I came up in the last 30 seconds, while terrified that I'd have to go back again, is that the teeth were all communicating with each other, scheduling breakdowns, now that I was kinda sorta going back to the dentist.  A lot of the broken ones were previously operated on by Dr. Mengele, so I should ask if the work was substandard. Not that it will matter.... they'll probably try to redo it all (if it doesn't all fall apart anyway). The techs are all petite, which is good, but with the masks, I can't see their faces. I could walk down the street with them and not recognize them. That would be a good thing for us introverts, but I'd rather see who I'm talking to. So I don't even get to look at their (hopefully) pretty faces. Their uniforms are pretty tightly buttoned up, so I don't even get to look down their shirts. I did one time, but she was mildly..... large... so it didn't help much. Dr. Mengele's office was a literal United Nations, with all of the techs from other countries, wearing v-neck scrubs. Unfortunately I was so terrified, I couldn't be bothered to look down them. Let's be honest - if I have to go through the terror, plus pay tons for the pleasure, I should get something interesting out of it. There's something special about dental techs... whoever does the hiring tends to go for the attractively gifted. Or better appearing ladies flock to dental, who knows?

• Remember: abstinence makes the hard grow fonder

My shortwave radios are so old...

HOW OLD ARE THEY?

They're so old that the headphone jacks are 1/4". Some of them are MONO!

[for those of you playing along at home, all current jacks are 1/8"]

Oh the weather outside is frightful.

But the sun is so delightful.

So why is it fscking 42 in May?

The Mars Ingenuity helicopter is out of contact. The solar panels have gotten dirt all over them and can't charge the batteries.

Or so says NASA.

The truth is they bought the batteries from Tesla and they spontaneously combusted, just like in the cars.

Flying AIDS News 

So, about that Flying AIDS thing.......

Why is there no serious effort to find exactly how it occurred? Yes, we know it was from a lab in Wuhan. How did it come to escape? Who was working on it? Who was in charge? What did Wuhan do with the millions sent by the US to work with them on this? I'd say enough damage was done to merit an investigation, don't you?

• Amazon is spending $12 billion on five new datacenters in Oregon
• the sum of $12b is so small, no one bothered Bezos with the news 

Rapper Young Thug was arrested for gang-related charges.

No one saw it coming  

In other news, rapper Bank Robbah changed his name to Bob

Getting Your Elbows Waxed

 

Your love is like  getting up at 6am on a Sunday

Russian State Media Claims to Discover Militarized Ukrainian Witches

saves millions buying broomsticks instead of tanks

Today I identify as  an ectopic pregnancy

Nothing about the recent 'leak' of the Supreme Court's Roe v Wade decision is good. The holy wars continue.

ThermionicEmissions' thoughts:

• Nobody wants an abortion. It's not a hobby. It's not pretty.
• Overturning RvW is tantamount to slavery - with women coming under the control and force of the state.
• The government needs to be out of the equation on this, like most other things. This is the official libertarian platform.
• You Own You - no one or state should be allowed to tell you what you can and can't do with or put into your body
• the holy wars have to stop, including attacks on speech by either side
• the Bible Belt needs to be stripped of the bible in all matters, as stated in the First Amendment. They were ordered to stop bible readings and some continue to ignore the order.
• the decision will also step up bad behavior, plus unsafe procedures, resulting in serious injuries.
• if you're tempted to 'discuss' this on social media, it would be more pleasant and effective to saw your own arm off.
• there are already places on the web with directions to make your own day after pill. Information wants to be free, like 3d gun plans.

Huge fence is put up at the Supreme Court and Justices cancel events as left-wing groups calls for protests at their homes and law enforcement braces for violence and over the Roe v. Wade leak    [like I said - bad behavior]

Louisiana Republicans advance bill that would charge abortion as homicide

Location Data Firm Provides Heat Maps of Where Abortion Clinic Visitors Live

Data Broker SafeGraph Stops Selling Location Data of People Who Visit Planned Parenthood

The Data Broker Tracking Abortion Clinic Visits Is Also Selling to the CDC

CDC Tracked Millions of Phones to See If Americans Followed COVID Lockdown Orders

Where is the outrage? (besides here)

I'm not entirely sure what's going on but I think the dog is auditioning for a Warner Brothers cartoon...  when I'm calmly relaxing, she very quietly sneaks up behind me and BARK BARK BARK BARKs. Then I launch from the chair and hang upside down from the ceiling. Bugs would be proud.

Flying AIDS News 

BA.2.12.1 poised to become dominant in US, raising concern for future vaccines

Despite unknowns, FDA officials make the case for annual fall COVID shots

Covid: World’s true pandemic death toll nearly 15 million, says WHO

Covid hospitalisation may affect thinking similar to 20 years of ageing

The body’s response to allergic asthma also helps protect against COVID-19

Some hamsters are extremely susceptible to COVID-19

noooooo - there goes my hamster pr0n!! 

Omicron subvariants BA.4, BA.5 evade protection from earlier omicron infection

FDA limits use of J&J vaccine over rare blood clots

Pfizer knew vaccine was under 20% effective

• Musk has “huge responsibility” to fight health misinfo on Twitter, WHO says
• avoiding demands like this is why he bought Twitter in the first place 

White House press secretary Jen Psaki is on her way out, where she'll be working on air at MSDNC. In a joint statement, the president and Psaki hailed her replacement as the perfect person for the job, being female, black, and gay.

In a followup statement, they said, "Oh yeah, her name is Karine Jean-Pierre."

• cat pizza?

Something is up with Dolly Parton, and I don't mean her plastic surgery bills. She covered "Stairway to Heaven" and is likely to sing with the Stones. Is this some sort of really weird midlife crisis? Does she want to be Mick's sugar mommy?

• oral sex prevents abortion

So the Louisiana republicans who want to charge abortion as homicide have a few other things they want to add as murder:

• masturbation - millions of dead sperm
• stopping wine from breathing
• eating eggs
• falling down the steps for the purposes of abortion

I have a few suggestions too:

• putting pineapple on pizza
• any congressperson raising the debt
• making Medicare and Sonic commercials
• Kardashians

What Amber Heard...

Even people living in the Himalayas can't avoid this trial  The International Space Station has its own feed. You know something is oversaturated when *I* have seen clips of it.

I have observations:

• While the circus is going on, Depp is drawing naked stick figures of Amber, trying to crack his lawyer up.
• I don't usually pick this stuff up, but Amber is a really bad actress. The whole time she was crying her eyes out, I was laughing hysterically. It must've looked pretty rude, but I couldn't help myself; it was an honest reaction. The dog figured out how to use the MUTE button whenever she spoke.
• Court TV is working behind the scenes, creating all sorts of dirty rumors, hoping to make the trial go on forever. Their ratings are through the roof. The anchors are starting to get laid. Some of them are even paying off their implants.

Vogon Opera

Your love is like  winter in May

from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams

“Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe.
The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off."

Ode to a Bolt I Found on the Carpet  

So you know what I was doing... I was minding my own business, on the way from one room to another. It had been sunny and mild for two days, so the neighborhood was on-edge, but at least they were quiet. The kids were down in their Panic Rooms, safe from the mysterious light in the sky. Grandparents still had their winter coats on, and were flummoxed when they got hot while walking outside.

As I walked, I said to myself, "GODDAMN, that really hurt." Always the brave one, I turned around to find the source of the pain. It was a rather large metal bolt, sitting on the carpet. Whether it was minding its own business or not, I cannot say. The thing is, I don't know where the bolt is from or how it got there. It was out in the middle of the walkway, so it couldn't have fallen out of a chair, or even the V8 engine I was rebuilding on the dining room table. And when I say rebuilding, I mean I had the idea to rebuild, got it on the table, took off a few bits and pieces, and allowed it to sit there while I waited for inspiration to strike me. It's been 4 years and so far nothing struck me (not even Mrs. lefty).

The thing is, the house is very quiet, as Mrs. lefty is out visiting for a few days. That leaves me and the dog. I'm reasonably certain I'd know if I left a large bolt on the floor. Logically, that leaves the dog. I know for a fact she doesn't like metal - it's just not tasty like tuna or lunchmeat. We do sometimes wonder if she knows that leaving her toys around and killing us would not be to her advantage. 

So I've covered all the logical causes, leaving only the illogical causes. Occam's Razor says the simplest solution is the right one. Unfortunately Occam never sharpened the razor, which grew incredibly dull with time and use. The obvious solution would be Mrs. lefty somehow managing to deposit the bolt there. BUT she could not put the bolt there from three hours away: she's good, but not that good. Whaddaya say about that, Occam? Back to illogical, non-Occam approved solutions, it could be the house just appearing and placing a bolt. It's not like we'd be too surprised. Much weirder things have happened, including carpenter bees and an entire expensive window hurling itself to the ground for no particular reason. I can't prove it, but I suspect the house moves a fraction of an inch every little while. It doesn't look really odd, but I just get the strangest feeling something's not right. This is where the house screws up. If it's gonna mess with me, it has to make things more obvious, so I'll catch them.  It could also be something living in the house that I can't see. Don't laugh - sometimes the dog sits and stares at things, motionless for a while. Sometimes I think we have Visitors.

So I'm essentially no further than I was before painfully discovering the bolt. I also can predict what's going to happen soon. Wife will return home, then step on the bolt too. It's not that I don't pick anything up, it's that I needed it to stay there, to give me the inspiration for this blog. This part of the blog might've shrunk and died (like the Grammys) if I didn't leave the bolt exactly where it was. Maybe she will have some idea where it came from. The dog sure ain't talkin'.

I can tell you another thing that will happen when she gets home. She will immediately pick up the phone and spend a few hours talking with all the people she spent the last few days with. "Give me a ring to let me know you got home ok" is code for "we need to finish our conversation about the proper plants for my garden and continue bitching about certain people we feel aren't carrying their weight, or are putting it on rapidly."

And I'm just sitting there, waving my hand, hoping to be noticed. You know, a little hello, a kiss, an 'I missed you', a bit of oral sex, something.

• Mental health apps have terrible privacy protections, report finds
• Shocking.
• Let's face it - the great majority of apps have no security or privacy. Nor do social media apps. Unfortunately it is the responsibility of the user to look out for themselves. READ the privacy policy first - don't just click OK.
• Most apps have ads that track, if not direct links to Faceyspaces. I have a game that tries to contact Faceyspaces every few minutes. I can't think of a single reason this is necessary, so it's firewalled off.
• If you have any doubts, do a little research. If it's still questionable, you're welcome to ask here, in the comments. Until you're satisfied, don't install the app - if you do, it can still access things without you knowing.

With the mad rush to 'green cars,' I asked what the ultimate cost was. Here's something interesting: "Clean energy's need for unsustainable minerals". Plus there's the generation of power to recharge the cars. I think we're going to find out that green cars aren't that green and we've been sold a bill of goods. Again.

• Dog breed is a surprisingly poor predictor of individual behavior
• This is a whopper... allegedly, breed makes up only 9% of behaviors. Not sure I'm believing, but make your own decision.

Today I identify as  Covid 20 - Son of Covid

These companies paid little to no taxes last year

This is a good read. Although they partially blame a Trump tax cut, what they fail to mention is the breaks written into the tax code by Congress. Corporations 'generously donate' to a Congressperson, who manages to slide some 'favorable text' into tax legislation. As you would expect, it's done in a sneaky way and the corporations are not necessarily named.  Although I don't have exact text, it goes something like this: A company incorporated in Bumfuct, Alabama. on March 12, 2001, shall pay no income tax.' You can look it up, but good luck trying.

Armed Robbery Staged in Front of FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C.

I suppose this isn't too surprising. The FBI is the modern day Keystone Kops, and spends more time arming dummies and 'catching' them than doing anything helpful.

Ode to a Useless Operating System 

As I'm finishing up work the other night, I notice I'm no longer connected to work. The only clue I have is the little blinky that tells me Windows installed something and I have to reboot. Well, that's probably all I need to know... it was being helpful by knocking me off so I could reboot. I gave up on work because no more of it was going to get done until I appeased the Reboot Gods.

The next day, after I just gave up and let it do whatever it wanted, it took 15 minutes to boot. When it eventually decided to come up, I noticed things were operating strangely (more strangely). Why? It had randomly changed the buttons on my mouse to right handed. After another fifteen minutes, I managed to get to the mouse settings and they were set correctly - they just operated backwards. I had to change them to look like they were backwards to make them work correctly.

Windows: It's not an operating system, it's a virus

Part II

I put in a help ticket.

A helpful tech, Bob, called me. Highlights of the call:

• oh, you sent me a screenshot?
• Antivirus? Oh, we can't do anything about that.
• Yes, the new one will have the same problem, but it will have the same problem faster, so it will only put you out of action one day instead of five
• You used to work on the first floor? No, I'm on the third floor. I don't know where the first floor is.

Wife is unreasonable.

Apparently, running around the house with a lampshade stapled to my head, singing songs about how Windows has finally beaten me is scaring the dog and is NOT normal behavior, even for us.

All I have left is to back up some files. Windows assures me that it's copying them, and after 30 minutes, it's 2% complete.  

It's going to be a long week today.

Let's Go!!!! 

My car won't unlock. That's new. Maybe the battery's dead. Or something.

I went back to the last century and unlocked the door manually. Battery's fine. Key fob not detected. WTF do you mean key fob not detected? It was detected just fine last night. It has a brand new battery in it. I'd jump off a bridge, but there are none within walking distance. Borrowed Wife's fob. I wish that was as dirty as it sounded.

Bob hands me a new laptop, didn't copy my profile over, containing all my settings. It should only take the rest of the calendar year to put everything back.

Home Again, Home Again 

Run the new power supply wires. Hook up monitors, nothing is on the same side.

Annnnnnd the wireless won't connect. Why? Somebody turned off the power strip (I'm going to blame the dog even though it was probably me). FINALLY connected. My major job function tool JUST broke down, so I couldn't do much.

And I was able to provide my employer with an hour of productive work. It's probably more than a lot of my coworkers did, and they were at their desks all day.

• I sure picked a bad week to stop shooting heroin

Heard this coming out of the police scanner:

...one house flipped into the air and landed on another

Sounds like a 'concentrated wind event'

Why does this look like an old SNL sketch with Chris Farley?

Looking for Blog Design Help

 

Are you kidding me? I can't even get readers to comment. ThermionicEmissions will remain the most eye-assaulting blog on the web. It's all about the content anyway....

Your love is like  eating Legos

Google has a secret iOS app to help you switch to Android

You can lead a horse to a phone, but you can't make him change

Today I identify as   some pronouns

Senators want to mandate anti-piracy technology across the web

Ouch. Two bad words: Senate and mandate.

You know this is being pushed by industry.

We need to leave the web alone. Period.

• The American Dental Association was hit with the Black Basta Ransomware
• Unfortunately it wasn't covered by their insurance 

Biden to use infrastructure money to keep nuclear plants open

Read it - the logic is stunning.

50% of you elected him and we're all constantly paying

And now, it's the drones:

Biden wants to give state and local police access to drone-tracking tech

Who's going to protect us from police drones? 

We all know coffee is a magical elixir that helps us start the day. Then move the day. Then get through the day. Then keep us from falling over, asleep, during the day. The most important part being starting the day. Using flavored liquid creamer is also important, as it's one and done - no sugar or powder needed.  This morning got weird. This is not my usual weird, this is a whole different kinda weird. The kinda weird that I didn't need and didn't help at all in starting my day. My creamer, caramel, tasted weird. In fact it tasted like hazelnut. I checked the bottle, thinking it looked similar and got picked up by mistake, but no - it said caramel. This is a fine thing to happen to a person minding his own business in the morning. And if we choose to return it, imagine the person at the return counter listening to the complaint... 

"Ok, Sir, it's labeled caramel but tastes like hazelnut. Yes, Sir. I'm sure it does. It happens all the time. Will you please move behind the yellow line for my safety? Thank you." 

Faceyspaces Strikes Again

Facebook Doesn’t Know What It Does With Your Data, Or Where It Goes: Leaked Document

With their history of idiocy and harm, Faceyspaces could rape kittens and get away with it.

Flying AIDS News 

America is 'OUT of the pandemic phase': Fauci confirms Covid-19 infections are 'at a low level' but people should still get 'intermittently' vaccinated

Kamala Harris tests positive for COVID-19

She is fortunately asymptomatic and wants everybody to know this is a very diverse variant.

75% of US children have now had COVID, up from 44%, due to omicron

• Mrs. lefty suggested I put out only one blog entry a week and blame it on supply chain issues.

The internal hand-wringing, arms-throwing about, running around and screaming reaction to Elon Musk buying Twitter has come out, and it's even better than you thought.  People are very upset at the concept of free speech and what it could do to their progressive bent and the next election.

US Supreme Court: Should this coach have been punished for praying?

Fresh off his mental health take on the Depp/Heard trial, Doctor Lawyer lefty weighs in on this. The answer, of course, is yes. The First Amendment keeps us from the establishment of religion. A public school is state-run, therefore prayer is establishment, same as bible readings in class. If it were a private school, no problem. This is not a religious freedom argument - he has freedom to practice his religion anywhere else but on state-owned grounds.

God hasn't produced peace, so I don't think he's interested in your football game.

Dear God, we humbly ask your help in blowing our opponents to bits, in thy name.

Today's Safety Warning 

I received a text, telling me a friend wanted me to join them at Google news. Type YES for the url.

I'm not going to test the theory, but I did the first thing you should do: asked the friend if they sent it. The answer, of course, was no. Forward to 7746 (SPAM) and delete. Notify the friend to change passwords NOW, just in case.

lefty Attenborough's Hour of Animals

Portugal has a lot of land. But we're not going to discuss that today.

Portugal has islands too.

Down south is Desertas Grande ("bigass ice cream sundae"), where there are two main inhabitants. Ok, two interesting inhabitants. First there is the wolf spider. It has eight eyes and can reach 5.5" (12 quarts Canadian) across. Because of the wolf spider, nobody visits the island. It will attack anything it thinks it can eat, like lizards, cows, and small cars.

Swimming around the island are the last of the [something or other] seals, hunted almost to extinction by very very naughty people. It is estimated that there are about thirty left (seals, not naughty people). Once a year, environmentalists invade to measure this and that, and install streaming cameras. This has the effect of really annoying the seals, who refuse to reproduce if they are going to be streamed in the process. Meanwhile, sealpr0n.com is raking in the money.

The seals can stay under water for fifteen minutes without surfacing, which enables a siesta after lunch. The first thing that occurs to me is what it looks like when seals sleep. Some pull under a cliff and sleep upside down, bellies up. This coincidentally is the way human males sleep. Sometimes it's the way human males reproduce. The only way to tell which is to look at the expression on the human female's face. Belly up is also the way city employees work, but this is only a theory, as no one can find anyone present or working at City Hall.

Many nature shows have discovered that the Portuguese people speak Portuguese but nobody knows why. Brazilians do too, although they are quite far from each other. There are theories that Portugal broke off from Brazil and traveled to the Mediterranean. Warning: do not use Google or any other translator to go from Brazilian Portuguese to Portugal Portuguese. It is very slightly off and you wouldn't want any wacky mishaps.

Brazil: Good morning.

Portugal: Your mother is a sewage line.

Brazil: How are you today?

Portugal: Your mother sniffs socks, but she's not very good at it. 

Brazil: It's a hot one today.

Portugal: Your mother is a hot one. Everybody says so.

The women in Brazil are exquisite, as they are in Portugal, especially if you like enormous buttocks. Women with average size buttocks can be found, but it will require a small expedition. If you go in search of the average size buttock female, do NOT go to Desertas Grande. They have spiders the size of your head that eat babies.

Week's best title for something or other: Catalytic Hydrogenation Phthalate Plasticizers (or Don't Get it on Your Fingers)

My niece has been in contractions for a week. They tell me this is not all that great. Fortunately I am a guy, therefore exempt from all this stuff. The women all talk about it and the guys either nod their heads or are kept in the dark, gratefully, by their wives, who know it's just not good to talk about this with this husbands. It is a fact women are stronger than men and can deal with bodily functions, plus they're smart enough not to involve their husbands (with any more than cigars and drinks). 

Dear Adobe

It would be extremely helpful, as well as most productive, if when I clicked on a feature, the entire program didn't crash.

Thank you.

It's interesting that the climate change people haven't gone after wireless charging. It's grossly inefficient; it wastes large amounts of energy that should be charging your phone. So if you want to do your part, plug the phone in to charge it. 

Chaos erupted when Americans brought a 'souvenir' through an Israeli airport: an unexploded shell.

These people are too stupid to fly. Have them swim.

What could possible have gone wrong when bringing a shell on a plane?

Was it in the same case as their automatic weapon or the dirty bomb?

• Mastodon, the social network, saw 30,000 new users after Elon Musk bought Twitter. 
• Think about this... Thirty thousand people are terrified of free speech, and would prefer to delete speech with which they don't agree.
• [holds hands over ears] LA LA LA LA I can't hear you

An Ohio school board member posted a link directly to a porn website in a Facebook post about critical race theory and the perils of teaching students about sex education.

Absolutely Thinking About Getting Around to Doing Something About the Lawn

Your love is like  marijuana edibles without the marijuana

• Australia has mandatory voting. Some French said they didn't vote because nothing will change. The US stays home, watching Americans Idle and the new Kardashians show. Ultimately, only the French are correct.

Today I identify as  a chest of drawers

Yes, it's that time again. Time when the repeated rains (Hello, London!) cause certain grass to grow. And by certain grass, I mean mine. It might not even be grass, but it's green and it grows and I have to mow it. It grows in clumps, as does most of my yard. It grows mainly in front, so I can share the view of unmowed grass with my neighbors, who hopefully know of my trauma and PTSD around lawnmowers. Nobody knows where from the trauma comes... perhaps I was bitten by a lawnmower when I was little. The doctors can't tell. Wife says it's weeds and we have to put some chemicals on them so just the grass will grow and I don't have to cut it every few minutes. Well.... wife..... get out the ($&# chemicals. You're not making this any easier on me. But then again, that may be the definition of wife.

• Stone Age people may have gathered at night to watch animated “fireside art”
• The Masked Furry would not go into production for a few thousand years...

Efforts to ban books jumped an 'unprecedented' four-fold in 2021, ALA report says

Book banning efforts are inspiring readers to form banned book clubs

C'mon people - it's 2022 - can we do away with the pitchforks and torches?

No.

Every Teen in the US Can Now Get Free Access to Banned Books

How Democracies Spy on Their Citizens

Please read this - knowledge is good  

WINNING!

Army of worm larvae hatch from man’s bum, visibly slither under his skin

It's great that 'magazines' review cars, for obvious reasons. However, I really don't understand why somebody reviewed the new electric Fedex truck. First they mention the 'infotainment' system. Why do delivery drivers need more than a radio? I can't imagine the bosses approving this. Then they mention certain areas being spartan. IT'S A DELIVERY TRUCK, STUPID. It's not the latest Porch SUV or a Lamborghini. More from the review....

• It has four tires. They are very effective at sticking to the road, and as part of the peppy electrical drive system.
• It does not have the VOOM that the Mercedes SUV has.
• the ride suffers when compared to a Cadillac
• room for 12, but only one seat
• surprising amount of room for cargo

Flying AIDS News 

By way of observation, when I've been out, there are very few masks.

Cases of rare vulvar ulcers have been diagnosed in adolescent girls after 2nd dose of Pfizer mRNA vaccine

Mysterious outbreak of hepatitis in children grows, first death reported

Fauci confirms parents’ nightmare: FDA may delay COVID vaccines for kids under 5

Beijing kicks off mass testing after spike in Covid cases

Bill Gates Gives TED Talk Proposing New Global Team to Quickly Prevent Epidemics 

Two words should always make you wary: Bill and Gates. He is not here to help us.

When Tom Justice failed to make the Olympics he decided to use his cycling skills to rob banks instead. 

Now this is the kind of feel-good Olympic story we need!

Presidential Hijinks

Boris Johnson is fighting claims of misogyny.

I told you he was England's Trump 

France's Emmanuel Macron said he's "the president of all."

This will probably come as a surprise to all the other presidents - they're probably humoring him, like Biden.

In certain species of spiders, after insemination, the female eats the male.

This has direct parallels to humans, only it happens painfully slowly, over years.

Sometimes it's so slow, the male doesn't realize it and staunchly denies it to the other males.

Wife is talking back to the tv today. Overheard:

Don't give it to her - she'll use it against you. Women are evil.  

• Google’s AI-Powered ‘Inclusive Warnings’ Feature Is Very Broken
• A feature rolling out this month uses algorithms to suggest edits in Google Docs, but falls into the same bias traps it’s trying to prevent.
• Errr.. why does anyone need their word processor to warn them when their language is not inclusive? Another case of the small diameter squeaky wheel getting the attention. 

The US Is Sending Ukraine a New Type of ‘Suicide’ Drone

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster (and Grumman). Although we're not going boots on the ground, we're still spending/sending millions in killing technology their way. Although the tech is expensive, it won't develop PTSD and be subject to the VA because it's not returning. So although this doesn't look like Endless War, it still is. In fact, no one can track what we sent to Ukraine. I'm sure the next 'war' is already planned and is heating up.

Elon Musk 

What do you do after you put together $42 billion to buy Twitter?

Watch an Autopiloted Tesla Crash Into a Multimillion-Dollar Jet

It's not like the technology is Not Ready for Prime Time, like I said repeatedly, but it's Not Ready for Prime Time. 

I haven't read anything on it, but I can just feel insurance companies hiring lawyers and ramping up for autopilot.

Speaking of Twitter, it's hilarious to see heads exploding, from staff to users. "OMG - he will allow people to say stuff we don't like!"

I reserve judgment.

Viola Davis responded to critics of her Michelle Obama portrayal

People complained because she pursed her lips too much.

Others complained about her erection.

Seriously? Were her nails not the right length? Teeth not bright enough?

There must be something in the water. Or people need stuff to do.

Finance 

Two 9volt batteries are $10.

Gas went nuts, Exxon showed massive profits, Congress went nuts (redundant, I know), gas went down a bit.

I can't wait to see what happens to prices when this is over. Will they go down to pre-Flying AIDS levels?

Deppaholics 

America (at least) has gone nuts over the Depp/Heard trial.

I'm not a lawyer. I have seen brief snatches of it, so I can't say much.

However, today there was a (smokin' hot) psychologist on the stand, and a Court TV banner that said Heard was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. This is my wheelhouse, having a wife with that diagnosis. Observations:

• MPD is now referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder, and has been for quite a while. The banner was just there for an exciting headline.
• The MMPI test is a good start for diagnosing DID
• You are not likely to walk in, examine the patient, and come away with a diagnosis of DID unless the person is faking. It *can* take quite a while, provided the therapist believes DID is a legitimate diagnosis. Some are still in the Dark Ages.
• The term 'personality disorder' was being thrown around a lot. Multiple Personality Disorder is not in the category of personality disorders, believe it or not.
• I called it before the psychologist did: Borderline Personality Disorder. This diagnosis would cover Heard's alleged volatility and odd behavior. Again, I don't know too much about her and BPD was a decent guess.

When watching trials, you start to realize how lonnnnng and drawn out they are. 

They ask some of the most interesting questions:

• What were you wearing on the first day of your job, twenty years ago?
• Did you have any previous school experience when you started college?
• Have you ever seen your mother naked?
• Have you ever seen your parents 'do it'?
• Where were you, Sir, at the moment of your birth?
• Were you bottle or breast-fed? And don't tell me you don't know.
• Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
• When was the first time you dressed as a woman, ma'am?
• Did you, in fact, have a cat that you referred to as Dog?
• How long have you been an adolescent, son?

Eating Anvils Causes Indigestion

Your love is like   diaper bombs

New book: 101 ways to skin a cat (with illustrations)

Today I identify as  Johnny Depp's penis

Pr0n has a come a long way from the days of 8mm silent films. Some of them can actually act. The plots have gotten 5% better. The titles are funnier. But what we really need is Pr0n as Real Life:

• No, I Won't Fsck You with Blue Hair
• Please Please Please, I Beg You
• No, Mom, I Don't Love You That Way
• C'mon, Just a Handjob Then?
• Can We Try it in Your Vagina for Once?
• Once Every Few Months Isn't Enough
• No, My Ears Are Off-Limits
• That's NOT What 'Daddy's Little Girl' Means
• You Have So Many Tattoos, I Can't Find Your Vagina

Last post I mentioned the guy who asked his company not to make a birthday party for him, they did, he went to his car, got fired, sued, won $435k.

I am pleased to mention that my most recent birthday involved less than one party, consisting of less than one card, and the few people who insist on sending me texts. I think the texts are for under 50s and cards over 50s. 

The theme lately has been 'I ask for so little, and that's exactly what I get.'

I can't say I'm easy to live with (in fact many will tell you I'm impossible to live with, and that's just my mom) but the amount of things I ask for is laughably small. So I asked for my favorite pizza (I'm also an incredibly cheap date). After much struggle and four hours, it arrived, cold. Cold favorite pizza is a real stumper because the pizza place is down the block. Even when frigid outside, like that night, how can a 1/4 mile trek make a just-made pizza cold? It's probably the same law of physics that causes a malt to melt on its 1/2 mile trip. My car is like the Anti-Styrofoam.

Pizza People<tm> like me know that a pizza tastes different hot, cold, reheated, and eaten outside the house. So although there was a pizza-like-substance, there was no actual birthday pizza. This made me unhappy(ier). Loudly unhappy. The dog hid under the couch, in a 2" space. Actually I kid: the dog has taken to barking at loud noises, including my loud speech. This inadvertently makes Wife happy, because the barking covers the cursing.

Our taxes are late. This is another thing that makes me mad. The city never sent certain paperwork, causing phone calls and a trip, where they continued to screw things up, including telling me my email address 'did not exist.' It came as a great surprise to me, as I've had it over 20 years and I get mail every day.

So Stuff piled up over a month or so, making me look more forward to my pizza (that I didn't get). Some people want to golf. Some want tons of money and a gourmet meal. Some want Birthday Sex. All I asked for was a pizza. This shows the power of wishing. Some point to the Power of Attraction. I think I have the Power of Repelling. Next year I plan to cause a statewide shortage of $100,000 Bars by asking for one.

Flying AIDS News  

CDC launches forecasting center to be like a 'National Weather Service for infectious diseases'

Delta dragged for mask stance, walks back “ordinary seasonal virus” line

Covid: Woman caught virus twice within record 20 days

CDC decides to appeal to restore travel mask mandate; DOJ files notice

What experts told me to do after my positive COVID-19 at-home test 

Combo COVID booster is the way to go this fall, Moderna data suggests

Shanghai’s Low Covid Death Toll Revives Questions About China’s Numbers

Lucky Charms is this week's leader of the iwaspoisoned.com race. It's making kids (and adults) sick all over the place.

It's time again, for the anonymous work survey.

I didn't take the anonymous survey, so I got an email that I didn't take the survey.

It's all very anonymous.

Work is weird.

• The Queen is 96. 
• They woke her for the news 

Something called A$AP Rocky was arrested in connection with a shooting.

I miss the good old days of Rock, when the feuds were fast and bloody:

• When Billy Joel (East Coast) fought with Guns N Roses (West Coast).
• When Elton John had words with the homophobic punkers
• When Robert Plant called David Coverdale 'David Coverversion'
• When Buddy Holiday put firecrackers up The Big Bopper's butt
• When BB King called Buddy Guy 'that stupid n****r'
• When ThermionicEmissions told everybody Pink Floyd was named after a gay gangster

Yeah, they don't make violence and feuds like that anymore.

Had to stop for milk at a convenience store today. It was bleak.

No gallons of milk. NO COKE. No Mt Dew, other than diet. Nothing to drink.

Interestingly, there was a lot of Pepsi. Nothing to drink.

• Best email of the week: Exercising? Keep your teeth in shape.

A private purchase of Twitter would be a great idea. The fact that so many are in a panic about Musk is partial proof. Social media is owned these days: you will only see a certain narrative, and nothing else, across most of it. A new Twitter owner committed to reality would be welcome for society as well as upsetting for those benefiting from social media lockstep. Either way, Twitter is most important because of the light-speed in which it news flows.

• Obama Says Social Media Falsehoods Spur Skepticism on Politics
• G-Bus - haven't we gotten rid of him yet? Hasn't he done enough damage?

The UK has decided that it is ok to watch tv in a self-driving car.

I agree. It's like being on the back of a motorcycle - you have no inkling or view of the thing that's going to kill you.

• Russia is shaking its little sword or penis and stating that VP Harris, Lord Zuck, and other American officials are not allowed in Russia. 
• can we get some of that here, in the US?

Because Amazon has become more fun that Tesla recently, I'm happy to report that they're working on robots for the warehouse. We know Jeff Bezos at this point, therefore the employees (that haven't been maimed or killed yet) had better start looking for work elsewhere. The moment the robots can do the job, the employees will be jettisoned. There is no doubt. How the robots will destroy themselves or the remaining employees remains to be seen. 

Happy Happy 

Happy 4/20: if you've been under a rock for years, 420 is the slang for pot smoking. While I have no use for it, I fully support its decriminalization. Imagine a government that we allow to tell us what we can and can't put in our bodies. Just so long as no one is hurt.

Happy World Book Day: I grew up with books. Often they were one of the only positive influences or activities I had. I'd stay up ridiculously late on school nights, reading books I couldn't put down. My favorites were Robert Heinlein and Douglas Adams. I urge you to read them and/or any books and rediscover the magic.

Happy Waco Day: when the FBI burned a house and people to the ground.

Happy MOVE Day: when Philadelphia Police burned a house and people to the ground. Then the taxpayers paid twice to rebuild.

• Sudan anger over racist slur caught on air at Bashir trial
• angry that nobody can come up with a good slur for the Sudanese...

Alex Trebek's estate is for sale in Los Angeles. 

Did you know Alex was 80? 

A number of belongings come with the house.

Once again we're left with the aftermath(?) of Life. Alex ostensibly lived a good life, and this is what's left (ignoring if or where he went after). Whaddaya think? 

I guess the weather is officially changing because the birds are out like mad. The cacophony has started. It's so bloody loud, it's getting hard(er) to concentrate. What makes this worse is the dog, who essentially is a bird dog. The birds sing their song then the dog spends her time whining at them. Whining is definitely not a normal cocker trait when faced with birds. What a spoiled brat.

Who Hid Easter?

Your love is like  used napkins

The Quebec Health Ministry sent out a tweet linking a Pornhub video.

It's ok, though, it's only 'Femdom feet worship'

I want to know the mechanics of this (not the foot worship - the tweeting and linking). And doesn't Quebec have enough respect for its citizens to link them to something really good? No disrespect to the foot fetishists.

Today I identify as  George of the Jungle

 Someone emailed me to tell me Good Friday and Passover were the same day this year. So don't forget to nail your matzoh to wood.

I keep my information on my phone's calendar, so I knew it was my friend's birthday. After a while it hit me that it was also Easter (I'm painfully slow sometimes, like a president). Dammit, my calendar didn't tell me this. I distinctly remember adding US holidays to it last year, so this sort of thing wouldn't happen. Apparently the US holidays went on holiday or were stolen between then and now. I'm just at the point where I know whose birthdays are when, but I can't tell you when Christmas is.

We were sitting there, minding our own businesses, trying to figure out where to go when I had my Easter Epiphany. One of us celebrate(d) Easter, so I'd expect some sort of notification. You know, 'hey, today's Easter' or something simple. Instead I had to let out a few expletives (important for most occasions and discoveries, as well as repairing computers) and say, "HEY, TODAY'S EASTER." She shook her head, like I was supposed to know this. Well if it ain't on my phone, it doesn't exist. This will upset my family at Thanksgiving, especially as we bring the turkey.

So I figure, this being Easter, that our Going Out Thing would be rough. She figures it will be crowded. Well if it was going to be crowded, maybe you should've said something before the Easter day I didn't know about. I like to leave the house (no, really) one day on the weekend, just to get out and also to have some food at one of the three restaurants we like (not that we're picky). In the general direction of our first stop is a guitar store. In fact, the first stop IS a guitar store. Which, of course, was shut tight for Easter.  The second stop involved clothing, so there was shopping and much cheer. By 6pm, I was thinking maybe we should eat something, not having had more than toothpaste since we got up. I desperately wanted the One True Pizza, so off we went. You know what's coming, right? Seriously. You guessed it - the pizza place was closed. 

The day didn't get any better. I couldn't deal with reality anymore, so I went off to sleep. Just as I was crossing that bridge, I heard BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Yes, the Wife's Random Alarm had gone off. She didn't set the alarm and can't turn it off but it goes off at random times every day, usually when I'm near it. The clock wasn't even plugged in, so the battery backup must've been active, so the clock could continue to annoy me after it was unplugged. Sleep had failed me. Sleep. The one thing that everyone can rely upon to escape reality. I had to stay awake, which was painful, like watching an awards show.

Mrs. lefty has a bit of Lucy in her and I a bit of Charlie Brown. As soon as I left the bedroom, she was headed there. It's how we've stayed married for so long. I said hello to the dog, resting on the couch. She looked up at me, jumped off the couch, and followed her mommy to bed. So Lucy Mrs. lefty says she'll be making tortilla soup when she gets up. Charlie Brown I think to myself that it's not pizza, but it's good. What Charlie Brown doesn't remember is that Lucy says she'll make the soup when she gets up, and she will, but she doesn't guarantee when she'll be up. I suppose if I want tortilla soup for breakfast, I'd stand a chance of getting it, if she were up that early, before I went to work (in the next room). Oh yeah, am I even working tomorrow? I consult my holiday calendar. Because it's in my phone, it doesn't tell me whether or not I'm off. Then I consult my printed out work holiday calendar. Well, I would consult it, if I could locate it. It rests pinned to the wall, so I can forget to look at it, but apparently it has gone the way of my phone US holidays. I could log into work, but I couldn't stand the depression and aggravation of Windows on a Sunday. Oh wait, I might have downloaded a copy onto my computer. I just realized I now have three ways to lose something. I are organized.

Just a brief reminder that it's mid-April and I'm still hearing 'game changer.' To give you an idea how bad things are, I heard 'easy-peasy' the other day. We do not have enough forward momentum on The Project. I'm hoping we can redouble our efforts to eradicate this scourge upon our language. We are also monitoring 'side hustle.' Another looming concern is 'super': I'm super happy to see you.

A second brief reminder that it's mid-April and the weather forecasters are saying we're getting March temperatures. I think it's safe to believe them on this one.

I'm pretty enraged about the weather for a guy who rarely goes out in it. It's like sunshine: I may not walk under it, but I like knowing it's there.

Do you have moderate-to-severe Butt Itch? Do friends and family always comment and talk behind your back about you always scratching your backside? Do coworkers refuse to shake your hand? Do your pants wear out at the butt first?  Ask your doctor about Anocillin - the new medicine that will turn your moderate-to-severe Butt Itch into mild-to-moderate Butt Itch.

• Do not take Anocillin if you are allergic to Anocillin (you idiot)  
• Do not eat guacamole (because it looks like frog in a blender)
• If you experience a rash on your genitals, rush to the emergency room. This could be indicative of a life-threatening reaction (or gonorrhea)
• If you're on birth control pills, don't fsck if you're taking antibiotics - they lower the efficacy of the pills - and you could....  reproduce, heaven forbid
• Other side effects include male breast growth (gynecomastia), shrinking breasts (shrinkomastia) and death (nomastia)
• If you bother your doctor enough, he'll give you a prescription just to get you out of his office

New pr0n movie: Shaving Private Ryan

• If you ever feel bad about your job, there are people pulling dead bodies off very tall, snowy mountains.

The enlightened rulers of Philadelphia have reinstated masks. Pure genius.

Sunday there were few masks. Monday they were required.

There is court action.

and - US judge throws out Biden mask mandate for planes and trains

SHAFTED American men’s penises are only the 59th biggest in the world, study finds – beaten by Haitians, Australians & French

I am so embarrassed for my countrymen.

Fortunately I am enough for Mrs. lefty.

Or she's lying, to save my feelings.

Now I have to live with this potential strike on my manhood....

5.35 is the American average.

Uh-oh.

Asked by one of the internal kids:

Can a monster be depressed? 

Psychedelic frees up depressed brain, study shows

Magic mushrooms to the rescue! Might only have to be taken once or twice. Studies ongoing. Like ketamine, there will be pushback, by agencies who believe they have the right to control what you put into your body.

Speaking of which: Cops stil don't understand how Fentanyl works

I love this: an employee of a Kentucky company goes to his office manager and asks that there not be any sort of party or celebration for his birthday the next day. Naturally there was a party. He has anxiety issues and left. This was followed by chat with HR, firing, and of course, a suit. I love this guy, whether he was bluffing or not. $435,000 says he wasn't.

People have a right to not have birthday celebrations. He asked in advance. There is nothing wrong with this. Yet he gets grief for walking out.

You won't believe this, but I have a similar wish. Friends tried once. I told them "Thanks and don't do it again." They respected my wishes. After years and years of making my wishes known, my parents asked me if they could take me out to dinner. Although my head was screaming "NOOOOOOO," I acquiesced. Then shows up a nephew. Then another nephew. Then I picked my advanced ass up and left the restaurant. For some reason, they were surprised. People really don't get this. I figure honoring someone's wishes is pretty simple. I don't want presents, yet people still send them. Never mind that I need years of intensive therapy: I've made my wishes very clear - Just, Leave, Me, Alone.

• Philly's murder rate has already exceeded last year's. This is the only time Philly exceeded anything - they should be proud.
• And a portable nuclear device has gone missing from a stolen vehicle in Philly. But don't worry - it's more a measuring device than a bomb.
• Don't forget: nuclear sensors at certain toll booths are so sensitive, they can pick up if you've had a nuclear medical test. Better carry proof if you don't want to spend some time as a guest of the state, while it is verified.

Rockstar edits out “transphobic” content from GTA V remasters

A hot-pink-clad "Captain Spacetoy" figure, in a box highlighting "interchangeable genitalia,"

Now that would be pretty handy, wouldn't it?

Chinese scientists have taught two monkeys to play Pac Man.

What have we learned?

That Chinese monkeys are smarter than me.

Study reveals surgeons work better if they listen to AC/DC during operations

Somehow we all knew this.

Yet I asked a dentist why they play that horrid music. He said you don't want a dentist tapping his feet to a rock song.

• The White House resumed its Easter egg roll
• The president found two!

Amazon is still experimenting with drones for delivery. 

We take you to their testing site...

Bezos: so what's going on here?

Employee: we're working overtime on these drones, but we're having a little trouble.

Bezos: what kind of trouble?

Employee: they're not making it to their destination

Bezos: why?

Employee: parts break

Bezos: don't we have redundant parts?

Employee: they break too

Bezos: I'm going to greenlight these for deliveries

Employee: but Sir, they're not ready

Bezos: what do you mean not ready?

Employee: they fall out of the sky

Bezos: that's no reason to stop the project. I'll save tons on delivery trucks!

Employee: Sir, I'm not an expert in public relations, but when people leave their houses, they don't expect to be wounded by drone parts. Nor complete drones, flying directly at the ground. As Douglas Adams said, 'Flying is aiming at the ground and missing.' Our drones don't miss.

Bezos: What percentage break?

Employee: Around 45%.

Bezos: and that's what you're worried about? I've got warehouses that kill employees at a higher rate. The bad press hasn't hurt me.

Employee: What are we going to do when a drone catches on fire and plummets to the ground, landing on a person and setting them on fire?

Bezos: Offer them a $25 Amazon gift certificate. People love those things. I'll even sign it for them. When I do that, people keep them instead of redeeming them. We have insurance, you know. Oh God I love money. Even though I have so much of it, I want more. Even the divorce, when The Bitch got half of everything, didn't make a dent.

Employee: You're right, Sir. Can I have a raise?

Bezos: if you keep the unions out. Bust some kneecaps or something.

Employee:  Sir, I've got it. We can fly the drones over the union people!

Bezos: are you saying we can fly them over the union agitators, then when the drones catch fire or go to ground at full speed, they will hit the agitators?

Employee: Yessir.

Bezos: this is wonderful. Put it into action. That was a great idea I came up with, but put your name on it in case it fails. It's just amazing how rich I am. I mean I put Captain Kirk into space and it was pocket change. Kirk shit his uniform, by the way. Have I mentioned that I'm rich? I'm richer than Bill Gates, because he keeps giving it away. I don't give money away, I make more. People hate me because they're jealous that I have more money than God. In fact, I loaned him a few hundred bil this morning. 

Employee: (to self) Great,where did I leave the chloroform this time?

Flying AIDS News 

Meet the InspectIR COVID-19 Breathalyzer test just authorized by the FDA

    So when the cops pull you over, make sure to tell them you want THIS breathalyzer

Autopsies suggest COVID’s smell loss is caused by inflammation, not virus

Mental illness may raise risk of breakthrough COVID-19, study says

It's been, what... two months since Russia invaded Ukraine. It's kind of a first because we can almost watch it on tv or the net. Daily reports. Propaganda. US warmongers wanting in. While firmly believing we have no business there, we're sad that people are dying. We don't need war.

Always entertaining Alex Jones' Infowars is filing for bankruptcy because of lawsuits over Sandy Hook. The suits claimed his adherents harassed people. So what? He had no control over people. He did not harass anyone personally. Whether you believe Sandy Hook was real or not, this is suppression of free speech.

Here’s how NASA’s Ingenuity helicopter has spent 1 year on Mars

If you think Ingenuity was busy, NASA had to airbrush out all sorts of things...

• Martians line dancing (with actual cowboy hats)
• Martians mooning
• Jupiterans and Martians giving Ingenuity the finger
• a demonstration for fair treatment of Pluto, making it a planet again
• Will Smith, slugging the Chinese rover

The Internet of Things had another great day, with Insteon automation disappearing from the net. The app and servers are dead. The CEO scrubbed his LinkedIn page. No one is responding.

Remember this when you buy your devices.

Fortunately the dead switches will default to regular old flip switches.

Don't Hurt that Concrete with Your Face

Your love is like  green eggs with no ham

So I'm minding my business, performing an activity I'm proficient at: napping. The fancy knock at the door indicates Wife is home. She seems to consider me her electric door opener. It must be something from childhood.  Anyway, I open the door for a salesgirl who wasn't Mrs. lefty and Penny goes running out to greet her. Then the neighbor happened to be walking by with his dog, that Penny has gone after twice. Well, make that three times.

Now awake from my nap, it no longer mattered that I didn't have any shoes on; I took a huge leap out of the house, ran onto the grass, and within a second of my socks hitting the grass, my head hit the grass. It was some sort of Olympian feat that I had no way of understanding. It must have been good, because the guy with the dog and the salesgirl kept asking if I was ok. I did hit a bit of sidewalk, but there was only minor damage (to the sidewalk). So I'm a little sore here and there, with abrasions on elbows and my butt. The strange thing was that I didn't land on my butt. Perhaps it was complaining or jealous that it never gets the attention. The most amusing part of the exercise was that I had to put a towel on the chair so I didn't bleed on it. It's the little things.

Today I identify as  a traffic light that's green on both sides

There is a bag of chips magnetically attached to the refrigerator.

This, I guess, goes with the bag of chips in the refrigerator.

I cannot find any salsa or dip.

Like most things, I don't know why, but choose to just let it be, like the 70s Camaro positioned vertically in the dining room. It's what's referred to as a Monolith. The first day, it appears. After a day or two of ignoring it, it becomes part of the room and nobody sees it anymore, kinda like the ICBM in the basement.

The chips are somewhat difficult to make out, because of the sheer volume of refrigerator magnets attached to it. I never heard this, but I think all that magnetism on the outside does something to the guts inside, causing the refrigerator to be referred to as the fridge, gaining a 'd' in the process. Attached to the magnets are all sorts of funny sayings (funny being in the eye of the beholder). I normally manage to ignore this 'art' but I'm having trouble finding the fridge handle. It's kinda like not being able to find the bed, between the dog's toys and my wife's stuffed animals. I stopped trying to put them back because they kept magically reappearing, like our Zombie Dishes<tm>. I'd sleep on the sofa, but it's full of chips and fridge magnets too.

• I'll bet you like your Chrome browser - most people do.
• But check out how Google builds a profile of you when you use Chrome...

Busy in our newsrooms since the 50s at least, the CIA has been feeding us false info about Ukraine. Trumpie wasn't completely wrong when he claimed 'fake news.' Yes, our government is feeding us whatever they want us to believe, via the news. Are we seriously paying for this? Are we seriously being governed by this?

Speaking of draconian Texas anti-abortion laws, a woman accused of self-induced abortion was jailed for two nights before murder charges were dismissed.

Remember: You own You.

A California (of course) lawmaker is pushing for a 4-day, 32 hour workweek.

"to create a better work-life balance for workers."

California's residents are up in arms, refusing to go to 4 days (from 3).

California's businesses are tired of the government's paws in their businesses.

I heard noise here and there and discovered some guys taking trash away from my ex-neighbor's house. Her patio, which held her rocking chair and plants all over the place, was bare - barren. I'm sure they're cleaning so they can sell it. 

• The guy who shot up the New York subway is in custody. He worked for Doordash and Amazon for a while. Amazon - that explains it. 
• In another rail incident, a former train engineer for the Port of Los Angeles, derailed a train in 2020. His defense team is going with 'studying QAnon and hopped up on caffeine.'
• Hopped up on caffeine? That could describe half the country on any given morning - you don't see them derailing trains....

The Taxing Problem

The system is beyond broken. Remove the IRS and make it simple. Don't forget - Congress got it to where it is. The income tax was 'temporary'.  It never goes away.

Coastal cities around the globe are sinking

When you have lemons, you make lemonade.

• Manilla first floor properties now boast 'a unique unlimited underwater vista'
• Tianjin, China, says cities are not sinking at all; it's just Western propaganda. The Tianjin Planning Department issued this statement from the first few floors of its building, where they're training octopi to type. They figure they can get more out of them with eight arms.
• As for Karachi, Pakistan, they're very upset because they get no press. No one can find it on a map

Everyone's up in arms after Elon Musk offered to buy Twitter for an absolutely obscene amount of money (half the US budget overage). Elon is concerned about free speech on the platform. Twitter has gone down the shitter in terms of free speech, along with all the major social media platforms. It's funny and ironic to watch Twitterites all of the sudden abandoning their beliefs on freedom of speech and endorsing monitoring.

Assuming Musk is taking this literally, it would be great to have actual free speech on this platform, as you can currently get banned for an incredible number of infractions, including posting old actual news from an 'official' source. Social media has a narrative and you had better abide by it if you want to play.

*As a private company, there is no guarantee of free speech, regardless of ownership. The First Amendment guarantees that the government shall make no laws; it doesn't cover private businesses. Your place of business is free to say you can't use the word 'semprini' during business hours.

The rush to regulate social media is obscene and should be resisted at all costs, even if you agree. Further on down the road, it will be you that gets your speech regulated. 

• Zero Calorie Treat: if you mix Cocoa Krispies with Cocoa Pebbles, a quantum reaction occurs and the cereals disappear.

Working at an Amazon Warehouse Got Even More Dangerous in 2021

After an intensive review, Jeff Bezos, Amazon Owner, Top 3 richest people on Earth, man who sent Kirk into space, ordered the following discontinued, effective immediately:

1. Throw the Packages at the Spinning Blades
2. Knife Your Neighbor
3. Parking Lot Whack-A-Mole
4. Cafeteria Stab Yourself in the Eye with Fork
5. you no longer have to Hit Fingers with Hammer if you're written up. It has been changed to 'if you're written up more than once,' for your safety.

Mr. Bezos hopes this will make the Amazon warehouses a safer place to work, or at very least, get off the public stats for unsafe warehouses.

NOTE to the dog out back: stop doing your impression of my dog. This causes me to run to the door to let her in, even when she's already in. It also gets my dog in trouble with the neighbors because they think it's her barking. Ha ha very funny.

She was soooooo ugly.....

HOW UGLY WAS SHE?

She was so ugly, when she said she wanted to be tied up for sex; I tied her up and ran.