from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
“Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe.
The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off."
Ode to a Bolt I Found on the Carpet
So you know what I was doing... I was minding my own business, on the way from one room to another. It had been sunny and mild for two days, so the neighborhood was on-edge, but at least they were quiet. The kids were down in their Panic Rooms, safe from the mysterious light in the sky. Grandparents still had their winter coats on, and were flummoxed when they got hot while walking outside.
As I walked, I said to myself, "GODDAMN, that really hurt." Always the brave one, I turned around to find the source of the pain. It was a rather large metal bolt, sitting on the carpet. Whether it was minding its own business or not, I cannot say. The thing is, I don't know where the bolt is from or how it got there. It was out in the middle of the walkway, so it couldn't have fallen out of a chair, or even the V8 engine I was rebuilding on the dining room table. And when I say rebuilding, I mean I had the idea to rebuild, got it on the table, took off a few bits and pieces, and allowed it to sit there while I waited for inspiration to strike me. It's been 4 years and so far nothing struck me (not even Mrs. lefty).
The thing is, the house is very quiet, as Mrs. lefty is out visiting for a few days. That leaves me and the dog. I'm reasonably certain I'd know if I left a large bolt on the floor. Logically, that leaves the dog. I know for a fact she doesn't like metal - it's just not tasty like tuna or lunchmeat. We do sometimes wonder if she knows that leaving her toys around and killing us would not be to her advantage.
So I've covered all the logical causes, leaving only the illogical causes. Occam's Razor says the simplest solution is the right one. Unfortunately Occam never sharpened the razor, which grew incredibly dull with time and use. The obvious solution would be Mrs. lefty somehow managing to deposit the bolt there. BUT she could not put the bolt there from three hours away: she's good, but not that good. Whaddaya say about that, Occam? Back to illogical, non-Occam approved solutions, it could be the house just appearing and placing a bolt. It's not like we'd be too surprised. Much weirder things have happened, including carpenter bees and an entire expensive window hurling itself to the ground for no particular reason. I can't prove it, but I suspect the house moves a fraction of an inch every little while. It doesn't look really odd, but I just get the strangest feeling something's not right. This is where the house screws up. If it's gonna mess with me, it has to make things more obvious, so I'll catch them. It could also be something living in the house that I can't see. Don't laugh - sometimes the dog sits and stares at things, motionless for a while. Sometimes I think we have Visitors.
So I'm essentially no further than I was before painfully discovering the bolt. I also can predict what's going to happen soon. Wife will return home, then step on the bolt too. It's not that I don't pick anything up, it's that I needed it to stay there, to give me the inspiration for this blog. This part of the blog might've shrunk and died (like the Grammys) if I didn't leave the bolt exactly where it was. Maybe she will have some idea where it came from. The dog sure ain't talkin'.
I can tell you another thing that will happen when she gets home. She will immediately pick up the phone and spend a few hours talking with all the people she spent the last few days with. "Give me a ring to let me know you got home ok" is code for "we need to finish our conversation about the proper plants for my garden and continue bitching about certain people we feel aren't carrying their weight, or are putting it on rapidly."
And I'm just sitting there, waving my hand, hoping to be noticed. You know, a little hello, a kiss, an 'I missed you', a bit of oral sex, something.
- Mental health apps have terrible privacy protections, report finds
- Shocking.
- Let's face it - the great majority of apps have no security or privacy. Nor do social media apps. Unfortunately it is the responsibility of the user to look out for themselves. READ the privacy policy first - don't just click OK.
- Most apps have ads that track, if not direct links to Faceyspaces. I have a game that tries to contact Faceyspaces every few minutes. I can't think of a single reason this is necessary, so it's firewalled off.
- If you have any doubts, do a little research. If it's still questionable, you're welcome to ask here, in the comments. Until you're satisfied, don't install the app - if you do, it can still access things without you knowing.
With the mad rush to 'green cars,' I asked what the ultimate cost was. Here's something interesting: "Clean energy's need for unsustainable minerals". Plus there's the generation of power to recharge the cars. I think we're going to find out that green cars aren't that green and we've been sold a bill of goods. Again.
- Dog breed is a surprisingly poor predictor of individual behavior
- This is a whopper... allegedly, breed makes up only 9% of behaviors. Not sure I'm believing, but make your own decision.
This is a good read. Although they partially blame a Trump tax cut, what they fail to mention is the breaks written into the tax code by Congress. Corporations 'generously donate' to a Congressperson, who manages to slide some 'favorable text' into tax legislation. As you would expect, it's done in a sneaky way and the corporations are not necessarily named. Although I don't have exact text, it goes something like this: A company incorporated in Bumfuct, Alabama. on March 12, 2001, shall pay no income tax.' You can look it up, but good luck trying.
Ode to a Useless Operating System
As I'm finishing up work the other night, I notice I'm no longer connected to work. The only clue I have is the little blinky that tells me Windows installed something and I have to reboot. Well, that's probably all I need to know... it was being helpful by knocking me off so I could reboot. I gave up on work because no more of it was going to get done until I appeased the Reboot Gods.
The next day, after I just gave up and let it do whatever it wanted, it took 15 minutes to boot. When it eventually decided to come up, I noticed things were operating strangely (more strangely). Why? It had randomly changed the buttons on my mouse to right handed. After another fifteen minutes, I managed to get to the mouse settings and they were set correctly - they just operated backwards. I had to change them to look like they were backwards to make them work correctly.
Windows: It's not an operating system, it's a virus
Part II
I put in a help ticket.
A helpful tech, Bob, called me. Highlights of the call:
- oh, you sent me a screenshot?
- Antivirus? Oh, we can't do anything about that.
- Yes, the new one will have the same problem, but it will have the same problem faster, so it will only put you out of action one day instead of five
- You used to work on the first floor? No, I'm on the third floor. I don't know where the first floor is.
All I have left is to back up some files. Windows assures me that it's copying them, and after 30 minutes, it's 2% complete.
It's going to be a long week today.
Let's Go!!!!
My car won't unlock. That's new. Maybe the battery's dead. Or something.
I went back to the last century and unlocked the door manually. Battery's fine. Key fob not detected. WTF do you mean key fob not detected? It was detected just fine last night. It has a brand new battery in it. I'd jump off a bridge, but there are none within walking distance. Borrowed Wife's fob. I wish that was as dirty as it sounded.
Bob hands me a new laptop, didn't copy my profile over, containing all my settings. It should only take the rest of the calendar year to put everything back.
Home Again, Home Again
Run the new power supply wires. Hook up monitors, nothing is on the same side.
Annnnnnd the wireless won't connect. Why? Somebody turned off the power strip (I'm going to blame the dog even though it was probably me). FINALLY connected. My major job function tool JUST broke down, so I couldn't do much.
And I was able to provide my employer with an hour of productive work. It's probably more than a lot of my coworkers did, and they were at their desks all day.
- I sure picked a bad week to stop shooting heroin
Heard this coming out of the police scanner:
...one house flipped into the air and landed on another
Sounds like a 'concentrated wind event'
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| Why does this look like an old SNL sketch with Chris Farley? |
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