I Watch LivePD - I'm Almost a Cop

I'm missing out on family outings because of my loose bladder.
I typed that as it just spewed from the tv. How many times have you heard that phrase?

• due to the order in which I put things together, this was written on February 30th.

What has the dog humped today?
Glad you asked. Her original boyfriend was a large sofa pillow. When her mommy made it CLEAR that he was no good for her, she switched her affections to a huge purple stuffed elephant. This is the same stolen elephant she tore holes in the first week she arrived. Now she can't figure out whether to shred it or hump it. I think we have an abuser in the house.

Hey - aren't male dogs supposed to do the humping?




Dear lefty

• Reader Stepphan Keys, of Cross Keys Avenue, in the Florida Keys, asks why men put stuff up their butts.
• Go fuck yourself, Stepphanie.

What's in a name?
Siobhan (shuh-VAWN) is an Irish name.  You can tell because the spelling has absolutely nothing to do with the pronunciation. Yet it is also spelled Shavaun, Chavon, Chevron, Shavonne, and Rhinoplasty, all pronounced the same way.

In related news,
James is Jim.
Margaret is Peggy.
Jeffrey is Geoffrey or Jeff (where did they come up with that?)
Richard is Dick. Most people named Richard had rough childhoods.
Sometimes John is Jack, except for when he's Julie.
We can never remember which Quade is the 'funny' one - Dennis or Randy.
By any standards of language, one cannot pronounce Phoebe, yet Phoenix makes sense. Sort of.
Karen is close to Kieran, yet not close enough for anyone to care.
Ian can be pronounced E-an or I-an, depending on what hand they throw with.
Not wanting to be left out, the Irish spelling is Ioin. I know one.
All children are Jesus Christ I Said Get Over Here.
My friend Michael is known to all as Michael. We have no idea where he came up with that.
Both Leslie and lefty are Leh.
Wife says the short form of lefty is Asshole. But it has the same number of syllables.  Oh...

• I'm ok playing fetch with the dog but after a while I get tired of fetching and the toys get soggy.

There is a great tale of the late Jackie Gleason, wherein he got picked up in a limousine driven by the late Richard Nixon (late president and part time sign post), who had escaped his protection detail. He drove Gleason to a military base and showed him some... people... who weren't from the region. Or hemisphere. Or globe. It is a tale without any factual backup. As far as we know.

• The key to making life interesting is never self-censor. If you've got something to say, say it! Speak the first thing that comes to mind. Blurt out stuff randomly, for no reason. Not only will this amuse you, you won't get invited to any of those annoying parties and social events.

I always suggest using a password manager/locker to hold all your passwords. The great majority of these use The Cloud. I recommend Keepass, which doesn't use The Cloud. Why? Because the moment you can't touch your data, it's no longer yours. The Blur password manager was just discovered to have a ridiculous amount of their data open to everyone. This is precisely what I warned about. This was a configuration error, discovered in December, with no idea when it started. Since it was a configuration error, one would think the problem started as soon as it went online. Regardless of which you use, your data is elsewhere; susceptible to hackers and config errors. You might as well put your password on a sticky note on your monitor. There's s reason I wear a tin foil hat, and it's not because I like being laughed at. Ok, a little.

• After an airplane crash, an autopsy is always done on the cockpit crew, to look for alcohol or drugs, whether they survived or not.

Iphone users: if you have any of the listed games, they're communicating and sending data to Bad Places. This is odd, as Apple prides itself on vetting its apps.

Commando Metal: Classic Contra
Super Pentron Adventure: Super Hard
Classic Tank vs Super Bomber
Super Adventure of Maritron
Roy Adventure Troll Game
Trap Dungeons: Super Adventure
Bounce Classic Legend
Block Game
Classic Bomber: Super Legend
Brain It On: Stickman Physics
Bomber Game: Classic Bomberman
Classic Brick – Retro Block
The Climber Brick
Chicken Shoot Galaxy Invaders

• If you're a linux user, aliases are great things. You can take a long command and shorten it to a few letters. This applies to the command line only. 

A lawsuit was filed against the Weather Channel because their app misled its users about how it would use their personal information. 

Tin foil advice: most, if not all apps, are excuses to mine your personal information. When you install (android) apps, they frequently ask for way more permissions than needed. I have a word find app that asked for mic, location, camera, and several others. We all know these are not needed. When they are, it's purely for your data. Pay attention to what the apps request. You can also take permissions back inside android or uninstall the app. As a rule, I don't install apps that replace logging into a website, for this very reason. Faceyspaces is the worst offender by far: demanding access to things like your contacts, so it can mine them for information. If you must use Faceyspaces, use a browser - not the app. This is good advice for all apps.

• I don't know about you, but I'm going to forget all my own advice against Internet of Things devices and buy this Kohler smart toilet, which promises an immersive experience. Although I thought the idea of a toilet was to avoid an immersive experience...

Dear lefty:

• A cornucopia of cunning linguists asks why there's so much information tech and security stuff here.
• You are what you eat.