Pickle Green Houses

If you're feeling down because you've run out of toxic substances to ingest to kill the Flying AIDS, not to worry; the Food and Drug Administration is finding methanol (poisonous) in many hand sanitizers. That's a real load off my mind.



Your love is like a pickaxe to the eye.


States are running out of doctors and nurses as the Flying AIDS surges.
Well, what do you expect? They're so damn tasty.


Trumpie is after social media sites for anti-conservative bias and has submitted his complaint to the FCC. The FCC's tentative response is, "Huh? WTF you want us to do? We're only here to give away frequency spectrum to large corporations and industries."

Sorry, Donald. Although even infants can see the anti-conservative bias, you can't regulate the speech of private entities. You'd do better to go after whatever is pushing all social media to display the bias (but we can't have that).

Speaking of which, Twitter suspended Trump, Jr for 'misinformation'. If science hasn't figured the Flying AIDS out yet, how can his speech be misinformation? I smell agenda....


Virgin Galactic is going to launch people into space. Unfortunately, it will also bring them back. Some of us can save the outrageous cost because we're already out there.



Medical Science Does it Again

Researchers at the University of York traced the source of underarm odor to a particular enzyme in a certain microbe that lives in the human armpit.  Microbes? In my armpits? If they transfer the microbe to your nose, your nose will smell.


Two theoretical physicists specializing in complex systems conclude that global deforestation due to human activities is on track to trigger the "irreversible collapse" of human civilization within the next two to four decades.   Guys... you don't need a serious degree or even much school to see this coming. Have you read Twitter or Faceyspaces lately? Been in Seattle? That ship has sailed.

I'm watching my British tv again. There was a commercial for ice cream that references Cornish something or other. I know there are a ton of accents, Scottish and Wales-ish are among the most difficult to understand. But this commercial had 3 people saying 'things', then the name of the ice cream. I got the name, but the rest was an absolute blob. The mind wants to classify things, but there was no reference for this- it was just a jumbled mess. I suggested we talk to some professorial type expert in ancient languages, only found on pillars and pottery, perhaps pre-Egyptian, where everybody had pointed heads and men wore eye shadow, like Spock.

Scientists Pull Living Microbes, Possibly 100 Million Years Old, From Beneath the Sea.  Scientists named them McConnell-Pelosius.

A guitar I have been considering just dropped in price.

Is this a sign or what?

I told Mrs lefty that I just saved her hundreds of dollars. She remains unimpressed and suggested something anatomically impossible.

So about the Amazon/Goog devices you put in your house to spy on you?

A scientific paper is about to be released, which details a frightening amount of skills/actions without a privacy policy.  I'm going to keep banging away at this (because it feels so good when the pain stops).

Told You So

You're gonna be shocked... the goog is being sued for collecting your private information in Chrome, even though you opted not to. As Chrome is the #1 browser, you should really drop it.

If you're on Twitter, Kaspersky has settings for maximum privacy.

I'd avoid the suggestion about low value tweets, though. You don't need Twitter's 'help' plus you can blacklist anything you don't like.

I got caught in a YouTube rabbit hole. The best thing I found is this one, a mashup of guys reacting to Stevie Ray Vaughan.  There's hope for us yet.

I learned stuff today.
Well, not so much learned, as reinforced. My front doorknob was so hot, you could fry a hippopotamus on it. As I was taking trash out, a hedge trimmer fell on my foot. I know, I know... you can't swing a dead Ford without hedge trimmers falling on you, so why complain?  On the positive side, I don't believe Idiot Governor or Idiot Mayor require masks to take out the trash.

So what got reinforced? Don't leave the house.

If you think your job is tough, my employer put together a committee to figure out how to make the icons the same color in every department.

The Dude pedal [Guitar Content Only]

A very popular and incredibly expensive amp [Dumble] is sought out by many guitarists, until they learn the price. The last one I saw was listed at $50k, but I've heard that's not the most expensive. Users include Stevie Ray Vaughan (not anymore), Robben Ford, Larry Carlton, Ben Harper, and others. Dumble did some magic with the preamp to make a tone that's distorted at lower volumes and sounds great. You're not likely to get a new one these days, so others have stepped in, including Bludotone, Two Rock, and others, including Ceriatone, where you can get yours in kit form or magnificently built.

Carlton and Ford realized it was expensive to tote amps around Europe, so sometimes they found other ways. Ford used the Zendrive pedal, which is available in a few different forms and versions. There are so many Dumble-like pedals, it's near impossible to decide. Even the very cheap knockoffs can be had for well under $100. Here's where your work comes in: you need to research the pedals, whether locally, loan, or YouTube. YouTube is indispensable for hearing equipment. Whatever it is, someone put several demos on YouTube. The best video, in my opinion (it's my damn blog), is That Pedal Show's shootout of 7 pedals claiming D-tone. Let's ignore the fact that none of us have Dumbles and we may not be able to identify the tone. The guys thoroughly go through the pedals, that range from about $140 to about $600. The funniest/saddest entry was the combination of the Blues Driver and GE-7 Equalizer, which got them into the general neighborhood. The pedals were all pretty good, but I liked The Dude; for its similarity and tone in general.

At this level, we're subject to the 80/20 price/performance triple-tone Special Rule<tm>. This is where all the pedals sound great and close to their mark, but how much more are you willing to spend to sound the closest? I couldn't rationalize $600 for a pedal, so I waited for a good deal on a Dude. The Mad Professor Simble is another winner, to my ears, just from listening on YouTube. The aforementioned 80/20 price/performance triple-tone Special Rule<tm> also demands you look at the input and output jacks. You have to see whether they're on the front or the side of the box... this determines part of the tone*. I'm not going to give it away - do the research.       * I made that up

Special mention to Wampler. Everything I've seen of theirs is high quality and sounds great. Their entry was the Euphoria.  Let's not even speak of the Marshall pedals... tons to sound like every version of Marshall. Hint: listen to the MI Audio Super Crunch Box.

The first thing I noticed was The Dude was a lot smaller than I expected.
I have no idea why I expected a larger pedal, but there it is. I like big pedals - they're much harder to fit on pedalboards, and cause other guitarists to have fits. If you can't cause fits with your pedals, you have to do it with your playing. I am doubly talented, in that I can cause fits with either.  The pedal is also very solid, which is great as a weapon if the crowd (or other band members) attacks. Because The Dude traveled so far to get to my house, I let it sit in its box for 24 hours, to settle in and adjust its mojo to my house. If you play it too early, it may not have its mojo set yet, or use the mojo from its prior owner. Do you really want a pedal with mojo from Utah? Well, maybe you do... Utah is run by the Mormons, but consumes the most traffic from Pornhub of any state.

Where was I?
Oh yeah, Duding.
I assume you can power the pedal with a battery, but I wouldn't bother. It could take a week to get it open. Who uses batteries anyway? Ok, Eric Johnson prefers his batteries at 7v, but we're not Eric Johnson, are we? [If we are Eric Johnson, send me a message - we have things to discuss.] The pedal is black.. I hope I don't offend anybody by saying that. The writing is white, and I don't imagine it will show up well onstage. Since I rarely get onstage, it's a moot point. My wife would prefer a mute point.

I've been playing guitar since after the Moon landing, and I've collected huge amounts of Goodies. Naturally this means there is not a 9v adapter in the entire house. I think they hid when they heard I needed one. I just bought some other pedals and I know they needed adapters too. Nope - not one. So I discovered The Dude accepts a 9v battery, because I had to take one out of a different box, because we have no 9v batteries either. Do you see where this is going? I keep watching stuff leap off shelves at my wife. We're calling an exorcist later this week.

Fortunately The Dude works. I know this because the green light glowed. I never paid attention to LEDs until I got a Danelectro pedal with a piercing blue LED. The blue ones sound better than the green ones. Don't let anyone know I told you so. It will be our little tone secret, ok?

The YouTube demos get you the general idea, but you really have to play with something yourself (NO, don't do it) to get a real idea of how it handles. Let's start with the SRV fans: if you're buying this pedal to keep the gain all the way down and the volume up to overload your amp, you are going to be very disappointed. The volume control is heavily dependent on the gain control, so by the time you get much output, you have too much gain to cleanly overdrive your amp. This is the single warning I can pass along, but if you were that concerned, you'd have already bought a Tube Screamer, or one of the 666 variations of it.


Now for the fun part: the moment you plug in til the moment you have to be torn away from playing. This is a seriously fun pedal. Again, I have never played through a Dumble, but this pedal stands up well on its own. It has a very wide range of tones and way more gain than I thought it would. Forget using it for clean stuff or backing your guitar's volume to 2 - you'll just get less grit.

The Dude has 4 knobs: volume (volume), treble (treble), ratio (boost/gain), and deep (thick). They do more or less what you'd expect them to do. Deep is something you will need to play with. After playing around, I kept it at 9:00 because the tone got too 'large' above that setting. It probably wouldn't record well any higher.  Most of your attention will be focused on the ratio control. It goes from Smooth all the way to Too Much. I wound up with it around 9:00 too. It starts with a smooth, silky tone, which the treble control can do very little to ruin. I test stuff out through my Marshall Code 25 because it's tiny, solid state, and some of the presets are anemic, to be polite. If it sounds good through this, it will love my real Marshall and Fenders. The tone is large, brown-ish and smooth overall. It gets larger and way distorted as you turn it up, but still brown-ish. I think the key is not to crank the treble knob. In fact, it's almost too heavy (for me) past 12:00. It's fat and chewy at all levels. It doesn't sound like any pedals (or amps) I have, and I have a few. It's hard to give you a 'sounds like.'  It's more of an overdrive than anything else, with gain to spare.

Bottom line: buy the damn thing, used or new. If nothing else, it will give you a large, smooth tone to add to your palette. With a little tweaking, it will make you Larry Carlton and Robben Ford (assuming you can play like them). It's reasonably priced (roughly $140+ used, check Reverb) and music to my ears. I hate everything, so when I say something nice, it might be worth checking out. In the meantime, check out the reviews on YouTube.  I want to make my own channel, but video isn't my specialty and I'm too ugly to appear on video, so I'd have to find a good looking person to front for me (Sofia Vergara, anyone?).

If you have any questions, ask in the comments.
I'll post further observations as I play with it more (don't you dare).

At some point, I'll A/B it with the Lovepedal Superlead (dimed Marshall tones). If  I'm feeling particularly prickly that day, I'll A/B it with a phase shifter and a washboard.

Beef Tea?

The FAA ordered inspections of 737s after 4 non-fatal engine shutdowns.
They missed hanging out with the 737 MAXes, so now they're together.


San Francisco is not happy about naming a hospital for The Zuck.  They don't want to be associated with Faceyspaces, in spite of the $75 million donation.


I always wondered how there was a single unix user showing up in the stats. This person must be responsible for the single Lynx browser entry. If you don't know what this means, forget you ever saw it... I was not here and this did not happen.



Dear lefty:

• You offended me and I'm never coming back
• Good.  May all your pizzas have those huge bubbles in them.

Told You So

Google peeks into your android phone to spy on usage of their and 3rd party apps. Among other things, no doubt.


President Trump's re-election campaign has accused Verizon, AT&T, and T-Mobile of "suppression of political speech" over the carriers' blocking of spam texts sent by the campaign.  This one's loaded with issues... nobody likes spam. On the other hand, any political speech, at this point, is allowed to reach end users, unsolicited. How about we meet in the middle and stop political speech from reaching our phones?

"DNA is millions of times more efficient at storing data than your laptop's magnetic hard drive," reports Popular Mechanics."

Hey Bob... going to get that new hard drive for your laptop?

Heck no, Stan, I'm going to jack it straight into my nipple. My DNA can store my entire 4 terabyte pr0n collection, free!

Your love is like an aluminum baseball bat to the head

This should go completely unnoticed:

An Arkansas senator has described slavery as a "necessary evil" on which the American nation was built. Read the article - the phrase was first uttered by the Founding Fathers. But still.....

Ginsburg: 'I Am Mentally Fit Enough To Serve Through The End Of President Eisenhower's Term'    - Babylon Bee

Money burning a hole in your pocket?
The camera that took the footage of Rodney King getting beaten is up for auction. Bidding starts at $225,000, so get your cash ready!

NEWS:

Famotidine (Pepcid) has no effect against The Flying AIDS.

Ranitidine (Zantac) can give you cancer - call 1-800-SUE-NOWZ

Other things ineffective against The Flying AIDS:

applesauce, bleach, gunpowder, detergent pods (but they're still yummy), car exhaust, belly button lint, and urine. Anthrax is starting to show promise.

Headline: Google search trends used to calculate floating prophylactic prices

I made my fortune in rubber 

People in several states are receiving packets of seeds, which appear to be from China. The Feds are on it, testing the seeds to make sure they're not harmful. They are warning everyone not to plant the seeds.

I'm proud of my country; it's a country of action. If there's a link, we'll click on it. If there's a detergent pod, we'll eat it. If the sign says 55mph, we'll drive faster!

STANNNNNLEY!
Yes, Maude?
We got a box today.
That's nice, Maude.
It was kinda heavy.
Wonderful.
Let's open it.
Let's not.
Oh, look.. it's a... bomb?
Gee, you don't see those every day.
Ooh, it didn't come with any instructions. It's 2020 - you'd think people would send bombs out with instructions. It just says "BOMB" on it.
Thoughtless.
I know - I'll put it on the stove. Let's see.... I made sure it was flat, and I pushed the button.
WHAT button?
The Bomb button, of course.
Maude, someone sent us a bomb and you armed it?
Well, it had a button on it. I had to. I sure wish there was some federal authority to tell us not to blow it up.



We bought a Spaniel Enrichment Device. It's a board with 6 slides, under which you put a treat and the dog has to figure out how to get it. She sniffed, looked unhappy, then figured it out in short order. Phew... we thought maybe she was one of the special puppies.....



SJW SMILIES

The NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL announced studies on social distancing, so they know how far apart to kneel.


Surveillance is racist.
Ok, nobody said it directly yet, but Rite Aid pharmacies put facial recognition cameras in  hundreds of stores in low income and less white neighborhoods.

Rite Aid said the rollout was “data-driven,” based on stores’ theft histories, local and national crime data and site infrastructure.

Rite Aid dumped the program because facts are racist.
Not that anybody likes surveillance. Walgreen's uses one for advertising, so we don't shop there.

Your Love is Like a Halo

Your love is like a halo - it puts pins in my head

Why is it that Male Pattern Baldness does not affect ear hair?



Here it comes.....

U.S. agrees to pay Pfizer and BioNTech $2 billion for 100 million doses of coronavirus vaccine

HHS said Americans won’t have to pay for it.
aside from the $2 billion, of course...

Currently, vaccine manufacturers are 'immune' from lawsuits.

Also, we will have to wait until the vaccine has passed the process, which can take years.

Along those lines, Russian elite have been given an experimental vaccine since April. I like the idea. American elite should be given one too. The side effects will be hilarious.



Dear lefty

• My dog left me, my wife left me, and my pickup truck has 4 flat tires. What do I do?
• Go into country music - you have a major hit on your hands.

De-facto censorship continues

QAnon and thousands of other accounts were kicked off Twitter, as 'coordinated harmful activity.'  Yes, it's Twitter's platform, but when you look at the same activity across many platforms, it's clear that many are being de-platformed. Twitter and Reddit actually boasted they were free speech initially. My how things change. I'm not saying I agree with them or they're correct - I'm just pointing out the suppression. As for claims of violence, I can't say if they're true, but Antifa has not been de-platformed.

The FBI last year warned that QAnon and other "anti-government, identity-based, and fringe political conspiracy theories" posed a concrete threat to domestic safety.

In the past years, bible enthusiasts, people with American flags, Ron Paul supporters, and 2nd Amendment supporters were on 'the list' too.  Looks like led censorship across the board.  I'd rather see all the options and make my own decisions - not what's 'acceptable.'  The only free speech platform left is Gab.


In case you think this is an American issue, a study concluded lies are spread easily in the UK because the nation lacks a law to regulate social media. Huh?  How much more blatantly can you say 'censor social media'? Any pretense of free speech has gone down the loo (no, there is no official declaration of free speech in the UK).


Philly Genius
City officials say recycling pickup on will be suspended on Monday and Tuesday of next week as sanitation workers continue to manage the overflow of trash that has accumulated across the city.



Russian readers: KFC is testing 3D-printed chicken nuggets. If you're brave enough, let everyone know how tasty they are.



In guitar news, the first left handed Fender Telecaster (1951) is up for sale.
It's discounted from $150,000 to $120,000. I told Mrs lefty I saved her $30,000!
She seems less impressed than I thought she'd be.


Remember when one player on a team started kneeling for BLM?
Today one player didn't kneel for BLM and it made the news. He cited his Christian faith and he didn't like Marxism, which BLM stands for.



SJWs in Weird Places?

VMware to stop describing hardware as male and female, as well as removing abort, segregate, and kill.

How systemic racism weakens cybersecurity

To understand what's wrong with our public education system, you have to look at what's arguably the most powerful force in schools: White parents.   - The New York Times

A longtime writer for textbook publisher McGraw Hill is planning to capitalize the b in Black in a lengthy revision to a history textbook

BREAKING: Biden wishes public schools taught more about Islam; promises Muslims he will end terrorism-related ban on immigration from high-risk Islamic nations "on Day One"

Chicago Mayor Implies That Donald Trump Sending Federal Agents To Help With Violence Is Sexist

Black K-Pop fans continue to face racism.
I don't understand most of this and I don't want to.
When one group put their hair in cornrows, black people screamed CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. Strangely, black women with long, straight hair are also culturally appropriating, so we need to apply this term all around or not at all.

The National Association of Insurance Commissioners (NAIC) has announced the formation of a special committee focused on Race and Insurance

Your Love is Like a Cranial Injury Requiring Surgery

Much as we bitched about the Loud Family selling the house to the Loud Power Tool Family, we're sad to see the Power Tool Family move. Not that I've said more than 3 words to them.. that's what Mrs lefty is for. Mrs lefty will miss them. The only issue we had was asking the neighborhood bigot how we should feel about the mixed-race couple. Mrs lefty already already knows the new owners, who are also a racially-mixed couple. The neighborhood bigot said, "That's how they sneak in... only one of em is black. Before you know it, everyone's black. Git out now!"   At least we don't have none of them uppity ones.



The Evil Empire(s)

Microsoft accused of sharing data of Office 365 business subscribers with Facebook and its app devs

Read carefully.  MS (business) claims of privacy are false.

"In fact, contrary to its representations, Microsoft has regularly shared – and continues to share – its business customers' data with Facebook and other third parties," the complaint says. "The data is shared even when neither the customers nor their contacts are Facebook users."

Federal and other laws have been violated. Contacts have been shared.
If you think for a moment that this doesn't apply on the personal side of MS products....


Kanye for president?
Britney for vice president?
Corey Feldman for speaker?




Work has an interesting culture.
What about the Microsoft Teams BUSY indicator tells people to text and call me?  Of course this works both ways: when their indicator says PRESENTING, I like to email them to task if they're going through with the sex change operation, which pops up on their screen while they're presenting.

Also, when the company talks about sexual harassment training, why does everybody always look at me?

But seriously, it's a very unique place. There is no harassment of any kind, because people just don't care. They're busy doing (or avoiding) their work. Everybody gets along fine, even the kikes and wops and spics and micks. Sure, one lady snores so loudly that the entire area can hear her, but she'll be promoted out of there shortly. My buddies are smarter than that: they got promoted to an office, where no one can hear them snore. That's some prime napping time there.

They spend a lot of time talking about the next automatic weapon they're purchasing, so there's no talk of gun control (out loud).

Remember: not caring looks an awful lot like tolerance, so at least you have that.


Speaking of which, work has an Office Re-Opening Committee.
This ensures we will not reopen for years, if ever.



Dear lefty:

• Morris Morris, from Morrisville, Mississippi, asks why Dear lefty went missing for months
• Dear Mossie: because you're ugly and not very smart

Sydney police 'asked woman to remove tampon' in strip-search
Yet people complain when police aren't thorough....



Speaking of Australia, Wife was watching some show with bits of musicals.

Mein Gott, that's horrid. What is it?
It's Oklahoma. Haven't you ever seen Oklahoma?
No, my parents liked me.
You were deprived as a child.
You mean 'depraved.'



Told You So

When I saw the commercials for ancestry via DNA services, I said NOOOO - your results will get shared with insurers, marketers, and the feds.

lefty, you're paranoid. They specifically state they won't share.

POOF - FBI gets access to records

I told you not to put the stuff In The Cloud.

lefty, you're anti-technology. Everything's in The Cloud.

POOF - 60,000 ancestry.com records left exposed to the internet




When I was little, my friends taught me sports. Today it might look different:

Hey guys, let's play football
Yeah!

Jimmy, are you ok? Did you hurt something?
No, lefty, I'm taking a knee.
Where are you taking it?
No, this is because black lives matter.
Is this like a field goal?
No, you don't score game points - you score social points. You do it when people sing the national anthem.
Do we have to sing the national anthem when we play in the street?
Team: shut up, lefty.

Jimmy, aren't you running the wrong way down the field?
Yes, but I'm doing it for justice.
Isn't justice determined by the court system?
Team: shut up, lefty.

...which is why I play the guitar instead of sports.



SJW Silliness

The NBA commercial said that they have a fight for justice, as well as a fight for the championship.

Your Love is Like a Heatwave?

Here we are, day 2(?) of our particularly nasty heatwave.
Yesterday I did dishes next to the open window. It was so hot outside that I had to run my hands under hot water to cool down.

A good deal of the potential damage from the heat is psychological. No, really.... Mrs lefty was already up and worried at 7am, that she was going to dehydrate and sweat to death in the heat. With typical logic (NO!), I suggested she not go out.

Heh heh.

"But I have to go to Sal's," she offered.

Are the places you need to go that important?

"Well, there's Sal's and Home Repo is across the street."

Let me see if I have this right: you're worried about going out in the oppressive heat but have to go to the deli - it's an emergency.

"Yes. I'm out of the XXXX-Rated stuff."

You can get that online. Or so I hear.

"No, you pervert, the cheese."


Mrs lefty likes her sharp provolone. I save the effort of remembering which cheese it is by simply calling it Sock Cheese. It smells like dirty gym socks, marinated for an entire season in fish oil. When she puts it on something she's eating, I have to eat in the next county so I don't get ill. It's nauseating.

So you're running out in 100 degree temps, that partially disable you, to get cheese. Has Idiot Governor dubbed it Essential?

"No, *I* have dubbed it essential. Besides, I have to go to Home Repo too."

They don't sell cheese there, right?

"No I need a few things."

[Uh-oh. A few things can be anything from seeds to a lawn tractor.]

And are there any shoe stores anywhere between Home Repo and our house?

"I promise....."

[Uh-oh...]



Missouri governor's comments on the Flying AIDS and children:

“These kids have got to get back to school,” Parson told Cox. “They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.”

Wow.
P.S. homeschool




3 weeks ago, I ordered some parts online. One package showed up in a few days. It was in a tiny plastic bag, in an envelope that would hold cinderblocks. The 2nd tiny plastic bag arrived 3 weeks later, from California.

Huh?
I check where the parts ship from to make sure it's not China, because I don't want to wait the lifetime of a Siberean hamster to get them. These shipped from California. Has the Flying AIDS halted shipping? Or has the Flying AIDS halted shipping out of California? Has Idiot Governor Newsom enacted a law installing a wait time before shipping anything? I have literally gotten packages faster from China. Tiny electronic parts.



It Continues....

Federal judge's son, 20, is shot dead and her criminal defense attorney husband is critically injured after a gunman disguised as a FedEx driver ambushed their home - four days after she was assigned a case linked to Jeffrey Epstein

This case dealt with money laundering and a specific bank.   
The most frightened person on the face of the Earth has to be Ghislane. Not only is she in jail, but she won't get a hearing til next year. Any bets?




Indonesia is trying to crack down on bride kidnapping, where women are kidnapped for marriage. Good for Indonesia - marriage is frightening enough when you volunteer for it.



A Vaccine!

We're starting to hear about a Flying AIDS vaccine.
Beware quick miracle vaccines. Any vaccine for any malady would take a long time to come up with, then a longer time to go through clinical trials. This is science fact.




Just sayin....

"I heard on Wendy about....."

Stop. Not interested.

"I was just sayin....blah blah blah."

The problem with 'just sayin' is that you don't stop sayin....




Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
a how-to

• Always remember: workplace sexual harassment is only harassment if it's unwanted.
• One corporate manual forbade sexual 'looks.'  But only when accompanied by a tongue sticking more than 1/2" out of the mouth.
• Most organizations have completely eliminated sexual harassment: everyone works at home. This causes an undue burden on the harassers, who have to come up with new and more creative ways to harass.
• Begging for oral favors is not harassment, because it's not a condition of work. It's more of an annoyance.
• If you feel you are being harassed, contact your supervisor (or social media). This is not recommended, because you know what happens to whistleblowers... snitches get stitches.
• The Americans with Disabilities Act doubly forbids harassment of people with disabilities. This came as a shock to the people with disabilities, who would like a little harassment now and then.

My Nigerian great-grandfather sold slaves
Ooh, that's gonna be inconvenient for the SJWs....




SJW Follies

Seattle Councilmember Lisa Herbold suggests SPD fire white cops

The Emotional Evils of Ebay

I don't get out much, nor does my house's heater.
I don't even get online much, also like my house's heater.
Way back, I used to spend a lot of time on Ebay, to the point of having little brown boxes showing up at my door daily. If I didn't do a few transactions per week, Mr. Ebay would call me up to make sure I was feeling ok, much like Shoe Shopping Network and Mrs lefty. Eventually it occurred to me that I had to keep paying for these things and other things started happening, so the boxes stopped. No so Mrs lefty and the shoes.

Mrs lefty understands Ebay but doesn't spend a lot of time there. Being an occasionally nice husband, I occasionally point out a thing or two, like some amazing shoes and stuff she likes. If I were possessed of any live brain cells at all, I'd have stopped showing her additional ways of shopping a long time ago, but we know of my great love for shooting myself in the foot. In fact, at this point, I know of 437 ways to shoot myself in the foot, backed up by xrays. To make matters more evil, Ebay has this relative new thing... Ebay is on its way to becoming sentient, like Sky Corp, but more expensive. Wife was looking at shoes, just doing what came natural to her, and checking the Watch button on pairs she liked. She quickly learned the button can only store 500 pairs at a time, so she pared back. The thing that shows Ebay is almost alive is where Ebay watches the watch list. If the item (we'll call it shoes) doesn't look like it's going to sell, Ebay will email you that you can buy it for $20 off or some other discount. In my second shot at my foot that day, I told my wife the shoes were $20 off. BINGO - through the foot and the wallet at the same time!

I'm going to put a guitar on the Watch List, to see what happens.

If you think Ebay is bad, Amazon is already sentient. It knows exactly what you bought and can tell you what you're going to buy next. Every now and then I buy some baby toys or high heels to confuse it.



We're on the eve, or the beginning, of  a serious heatwave. No, not the song, the temperature. I hear it's going to feel like 100 on the beach in New Jersey tomorrow. Good thing we're not in New Jersey, eh? We got a break, in that it's only going to be 99 here. So many benefits of not living in New Jersey.  Due first to the Flying AIDS, and now to the temperature, we don't get out much anyway, so we're less likely to notice how hot it is, except when we lay under the car on in the driveway. To this day, we have no idea why. The only way we really know it's hot is when the news has wall to wall coverage of how HOT it's going to be. It's just like the 5 days' warning we're going to get 1/4" of snow in the winter. WARNING: we're going to have WEATHER tomorrow!

Another thing the Flying AIDS has killed is my only summer activities: guitar shows and electronics flea markets (hamfests). Thus far, they're all canceled. We know that less time out of the house is more time in the house, which means the strain goes back on Mrs lefty.  Even though places are opening up, they still require masks, and I refuse. They make my nose sweat and annoy me. So I'm still in the house, questioning my life choices.


Florida's a mess, but this time due to the Flying AIDS, which is on the rebound. They're thinking of locking down again. I say go ahead - the more of Florida locked down, the better off the rest of the states.

Speaking of Florida, a fatal motorcycle crash was listed as a Fying AIDS death. Asked to check again, the death was removed from the Flying AIDS list. Because sometimes it's hard to differentiate between a bloody motorcycle crash and a disease. They look so much alike. Looking further, other deaths that might be removed from the Flying AIDS list involved explosions, suicide by gun, leaping off buildings, and claiming to have evidence against the Clintons.

In today's Mask Follies, a woman urinated on the floor after refusing to don a mask at a Verizon store. Police had better investigate thoroughly; things are not always what they seem. Perhaps it was a statement on the quality of Verizon's service...


An NBC Sports jockey is filing suit, claiming discrimination because he's a heterosexual.


Hundreds of people tried to pull down the very large Columbus statue in Chicago. You know, these people can probably make good money in demolition. Why don't they get jobs?


In the midst of everyone having to bow down to Black Lives Matter, everything stopped while a black guy had to do an Apology Tour to be sorry to the Jews. That's power.


This is killing me... hundreds of advertisers are cutting spending on Faceyspaces. I almost feel guilty for laughing.*               *not really


A Kentucky couple was fitted with ankle monitors and placed on house arrest after the wife tested positive for coronavirus but refused to sign self-quarantine documents, according to reports. See what happens when being kept inside for too long stops drunk tractor racing?

not available on ebay

Your Badger Ate My Transmission

If you've been awake at all, you'll know of Atomwaffen Division, a white supremacist group that celebrates both Hitler and Charles Manson.

Ok, I get the Hitler thing. It's standard. But good old Charlie Manson?
Can you tell the members of the group by the swastikas scrawled into their foreheads? Do they think Kanye is talking to them?


Why do I have to read BBC news to discover there's an American rapper called Megan Thee Stallion? Grade school must've been rough for her.

Further investigation reveals that a stallion is a male horse. Apparently this is ok, whereas if I identified as lefty the princess, people would laugh. The sexes will not be equal until this is addressed.

While we're beating a dead ... stallion... there's also a Tory Lanez, which is suspiciously close to adult star Tory Lane.


Minnesota, lately known for police killing a black man, is now using drones to spot nude beachgoers at an unofficial nude beach. True to form, police were accused of approaching black beachgoers first.  Black Breasts Matter.



Best thing on Twitter in the past month:
As a trans woman, it is literally an act of violence to refuse to suck my dick.



SJWs Attack Psych


Let's avoid talk of 'chemical imbalance': it's people in distress.


Atheism is an overwhelmingly (almost exclusively) white, western, wealthy male phenomenon. Should it be cancelled?  [Thaddeus Williams]


The National Museum of African American History & Culture defines White Culture as including: rugged individualism, nuclear family, emphasis on scientific method, work ethic, etc.  Is this a bad thing?


Rolling Stone writer (Jamil Smith) calls for the word "pro-life" to be retired because it's 'racist.'


Teen Vogue: Sleep is Systematically Racist


Ashville, North Carolina, has unanimously voted to give financial reparations to black people..... just days after the county's health board declared racism a public health crisis.


College biology textbooks still portray a world of white [male] scientists

proof of the conspiracy to end covid testing

Do Not Compute with Fruit

Welcome, fans, to Covid Tennis.
The idea of the game is to introduce a new 'fact' every day. Extra points for weird cures and bizarre facts.

Socially distance.
Go to concerts.
Wear masks.
Go to restaurants.
Joe Biden wears a mask to bed.
The CDC warns of darker times this fall (when the clocks get set back?)
White House orders hospitals to bypass CDC and send data to it.
This drug cures it.
That drug does nothing.


This device keeps Alexa and other voice assistants from snooping on you. There are also lists of words that 'mistakenly' trigger Alexa. One is 'semprini.'

Speaking of which, Google is being sued for tracking you, even when you opted out. You may have turned off "Web & App Activity" tracking, but Google is tracking news, ride-hailing, and other apps. They also watch your wallet, car, and kids, via a token with a special cloaking device that would make the Klingons jealous.

Germany ruled that Tesla's 'autopilot' is misleading.

Well, when you activate autopilot on a plane, it flies without your input and makes decisions for you. When you activate Tesla's autopilot, you're likely to crash and die.  I think Germany might have something there....

Solution in Search of a Problem department:

Sized socks. Yes, sized socks. From the people who brought you socks with toes, no doubt. MOMMMMMM - I can't wear these socks - they're not correctly sized. I wear a 7 and Bonnie wears a 6. She stole my 7's.  Mom: remember the good old days, when socks were adult or child? Male or female? Hangnail or talon?

A lady's cat has taken to bringing home swimming goggles, as gifts for her owner. This is the kind of feel-good story we need in the midst of the Flying AIDS. Unless you use swimming goggles around Bristol, UK.

AMD's latest CPU chip is called Threadripper.

Rejected names: Ovary-Ripper, Intestine Stealer, Face Smasher, Anal Invader

Territorial acquisition games are fine when they're called football and on tv. They should never involve the bed. The odds are stacked against me because there's a Mrs lefty and a Penny. Last night I had about 6" of sleepable space. I put up a barrier, but Penny slept on my side of it. They're obviously trying to toughen me up by sending me to work with little space and little sleep.

April 15th, July 15th, who cares?
Yeah, it's time to tally everything up and feel sad at what has been taken from you in taxes.
First you'd have to remember it's the 15th.
Then you'd have to remember where your envelopes, pencils, crayons, and tax software are. Along with your nerve pills.
Has anybody seen the tax papers? I GAVE THEM TO YOU.
Remember that form I had to research and have reprinted? Have you seen it?
So, aside from the TinyTax software, you can't find a single very important paper. You can't call your boss at 11pm to ask for a copy of your W2. Well, you can, but it won't reflect well on your next review.

CHECK UNDER THE SOFA. Yes, Dear, I did. I checked so many times, the sofa is on the front lawn. The crazy lady would call the police, but when you're 441 years old, you have to go to bed before 11. HOW ABOUT IN THOSE MOUNTAINOUS PILES OF PAPER YOU CALL FILING?  Nope. Not there. I sent the dog in to sniff for them. Has she come back yet? What about that bin that says VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS? No, not there - these are Ultra Important Papers. Oh.

Hey, have you noticed it's 20 minutes to deadline for filing?
Let's go online. Maybe we can get an extension.
Oops, you need an account. You need an account to blow your nose online.
T minus 15 minutes.
WELL I GAVE ALL THIS STUFF TO YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?
I obviously ate it. W2's have lots of really good fiber. Check the toilet.

HEY, it says here that you don't need to file for an extension if Mercury is in retrograde, your couch is out front, and your dog might be missing.

Let's start again tomorrow!
YAAAAAYYYY!

this is why there are blonde jokes

Johnny, Do Not Put That in Cindy

Real Questions Department:

Why is there a lemon on the couch?



All of our dogs were black. Penny is red. She sheds like a mofo, and it shows up on everything. The vacuum is on strike, and refuses to pick up red hair, but will pick up everything else. The next door neighbor has shingles, and all I did was suggest she replace some of the shingles on my roof.....



One of our local outdoor concert venues canceled its schedule for the year.
This was quickly followed by uncanceling its schedule. I'm trying to figure out how they socially distance... 6' is about 12 concert seats, so there will only be 3 people in each row. Tedeschi Trucks is coming and shouldn't be missed.



The local news showed state police enforcing distancing regulations at downtown bars. I'm sorry, but I have to put my foot down: the staties have many more important things to do than enforce distancing. Do they even have jurisdiction? Did the female patrons appreciate their shorts?


Best Headline: Two men arrested after police officers find nothing suspicious on plane.


Strange Headline: Coronavirus: Will women have to work harder after the pandemic? Women often say they have to work harder to prove themselves than men - will Covid-19 turn back the clock for women's careers?  Will green be a different shade? Will tires still be round? Can we continue to call them black?


Remdesivir may work even better against COVID than we thought.
As we thought it didn't work, it would have to work better.
No clue.


I'm Joe Biden and I approve this message.
Well, they told me I approved it.
Did I approve it?
What message?



Good Taste: Find it Elsewhere

There is a telemedicine abortion.
No, really. The doc tells you to reach on up there and...
I'm kidding.
The doctor tells you to fall down the steps.
I'm still kidding.
The doctor prescribes a pill.



SJW Sloth

San Francisco museum curator resigns after he is accused of racism for saying he would still collect art from white men.

Tech 21 Fly Rig 5 [Guitar Content Only]

Through a very silly, long trial, I purchased a used Tech 21 Fly Rig 5.

This thing looks monstrous.
It's absolutely tiny.
This will cause a problem for large, flat-footed, extremely clumsy guitar players like me, who could trip over a wireless.


That aside, I have some friends who love these things for a fly-in gig or a backup. I don't fly in, but who can't use a backup? Especially the kind of guitar player who isn't playing out currently?

This technology  was a problem for me from the start - I only want to hear it if it has tubes in it and runs into real speakers. But the truth is the truth: this little guy sounds good. It might sit well in a recorded track, especially at 2 in the morning when even your Marshall is yawning.


Features:
DLA - delay (duh?)
Sansamp - their main product, clean to a good sounding classic rock grind, plus reverb
Plexi - their version of a Marshall Plexi
Boost - a variable boost button that works on Plexi or Sansamp

I don't have a Plexi (mine is a Slightly After Plexi) but I like this channel. They have a separate Plexi box available too. It's a hot Marshall type sound. One of the impressive features of this box is that you can crank the pedal up and ease back on the guitar volume, to crank it for leads (either channel). When both channels are off, you're hearing your straight signal.

I tested it with my #1 Strat through a Marshall Cube 25 at living room levels. It sounded good. While I haven't tested it at club levels, I think this will do the trick as a backup, in the event of Total Catastrophe (or tripping over all your cords at the same time). It's also a cool little toy for the living room. The knobs light up when activated, so that should keep you blinky light guys happy too.

To be clear, this device can be used as a pedal, like all your other pedals, or be used right into the board/p.a./recording board.


End of Helpful Review.

Now I will review it like the YouTube guys do:

Oh, look, a box!
Let's open it.
Don't cut your fingers, lefty - you may need them.
Isn't that some box? Built to stand the rigors of the USPS.
Very well-packed.

That was the unboxing.

The 2nd video describes the unit.

We have here a Tech 21 Fly Rig 5. The 5.2 is out now, but this is a 5.
5.2 is prettier, but we use what we gots.  Thanks to Bob's Music for Flying out this rig, ha ha ha.

Setup is easy, right out of the box (see my unboxing video).
The first issue is size. It's so small, my python boots can hit most of the footswitches at once. Because of this, I'll be going to the Footie Socks - the ones with a spot for each toe.  They make the tone better, plus they freak out the dog.

For our test today, I am filming this with 4 iDevices, spread around the house, because iDevices are special, and so am I.

My signal chain is nothing special: a  left handed 1977 antigua Strat, with 2 custom-wound Duncans, and in the rear, a JBjr, wired for coil drop. The trem is blocked with ash, due to density. I always use 2 different cables: a crappy coiled cable and a Music Maker $95 ROCK cable. I always put the crappy cable first, for acoustic reasons. I ran it into my Marshall 1987 from 1974, with the channels jumpered, a post phase-inverter master volume, and Jose Arredondo's fingernail, taped to the output transformer. This goes into a 4x12 Marshall cabinet, with all original greenbacks from the early 70s. I use a SM57 and Telefunken U47 (with leather) to mic the cabinet, then take it through 2 discrete Neve channel strips, where I send half the signal to a Studer 24 track analog machine and the other half to Pro Tools, run on a Cray supercomputer. I'm telling you this because everybody has this setup at home, so you'll know exactly how it sounds.

I'm going to add a little phase shifting, to confuse your ears and completely screw up the demo. When I turn the phaser off, I'll turn on my Dan Armstrong Green Ringer, which will have the effect of making you think the video is broken.

Most importantly, I will smile vacuously and use my whammy bar to excess. Your girlfriend will come into the room and ask when he's always wanking on that thing. Your pets will flee.

And that's my demo.
Thanks! See all my other demos. Follow me for more inanity.
And unboxing videos.

The AntiSports Speaks

The BLM-ites have been very busy lately, knocking down statues, whether by demand or by themselves. Some cities have taken to removing statues themselves, in the middle of the night, to avoid violence or cow mutilation.

The statues themselves are very angry and meeting this moment at an undisclosed location, under a mountain, in Colorado, where the president goes in the event of a threat. The statues are in the process of getting together their demands, but at this point, they wish to throw stones back at unruly mobs and to spend some time traveling in Europe.

Meanwhile, next on the hitlist is Mt Rushmore. BLM demands all of the existing presidents be removed and replaced with Kanye, Beyonce, Chairman Mao, and Tupac. They say the existing presidents probably thought about slavery once and  they also represent the White Patriarchy, so they must go. Today.



A 30-something man has died from the Flying AIDS after attending a Flying AIDS party.  I keep thinking there was some way he could have avoided this.



I was let loose the other day. My keepers thought it would be good for me to get outside and offend people in-person, as opposed to online.  I took the opportunity, in spite of having to get off the couch to do it. I had only had 2 or 3 naps, so I wasn't in great shape. We were off on a mission of peace, to see Mom and take her out for a milkshake or something, as it was 97. Since it was 97, Mom had taken most of her heavy gear off and was down to a parka (Mom is always cold). Her latest fashion accessory is this... thing... it looks like something out of the wild west, and functions like a mask. Or at least that's what we think it does... Mom's known to do Odd Stuff from time to time.

It was a real treat. We were treated to pouring rain, 50' lines, no chocolate ice cream, the dog and I protesting via barks and lack of masks, and Mrs lefty's ice cream melting down her hand so badly it looked like she just thrust her hand in the ice cream and was turning very white.

And this is why they let me outside today?


A group of 83 millionaires, including a Disney and Jerry from Ben&Jerry's, are calling for higher taxes on the rich to cover the Flying AIDS. In other news, 83 millionaires have been found dead. 83 billionaires are persons of interest



I was just asked to move the thingy thing in the bathroom.
Is it just me?



There is yet another reality contest show, this time around construction. These bright lights have to build something by a certain time.
Construction is extremely important, except when these people do it.
It's only a matter of time til the shows feature getting on the subway, walking to the corner, calling an Uber, and who can get to Faceyspaces first. Let's look on the positive side: none of these shows involve Kardashians. The Kardashians will lay anything but bricks. Or caucasians.



The New York Times says the Flying AIDS lingers in the air.
The WHO is skeptical of this.
Pete Townshend has no opinion.
The Washington Post says it remains in the air but ascends as a 90 degree angle, then bounces off buildings.
Pornhub is skeptical, but always had a thing for masks, mainly of a rubber variety.
The president has wished it all away.
The vice president has prayed it all away.
Amazon will happily sell it to you, along with masks and those little plastic things that hold your shelves up.
BLM says it's racist.


The Wall Street Journal says 'Quit Chrome. Safari and Edge are just better browsers.' Editors say the tech columnist is very sorry and will never again post without his meds.



Pro Tip: if your wife, or any woman, shows you a picture of a newborn baby, the correct response is not "Oh look, a baby." I know this now.

Cutting out these sorts of phrases is a new goal of marriage mine. In order to cut them out, I have to know I'm using them. This is very close to a filter, of which I have none.  Tonight I listened to the stuff I say and managed to avoid phrases like this. Some of you will say 'then you didn't say anything the whole night', but I managed anyway. The point here is that holding this stuff back was painful. It hurt, like watching tv in the bathtub.  I need to find an easier goal and work my way up to being less normal nasty.

What do you say to someone you spent literally every day with for 13 years?
We miss you, Marshall.
Gone 2 years.

Will Someone Stop that Mountain from Growling

It's brown, with a tinge of green outside today.
Perhaps if we painted sun on the blinds....


Ford employees asked the company to stop making police cars.
Ford has a African Ancestry Network (FAAN).
Employees want some kind of action by July 15th. They have clarified that sales of cars to mall cops are ok, provided they are used in malls.
Employees have also demanded..

• a new cafeteria - a nice one, with free food and pet-sitting
• a new hiring package with bonus, retroactive
• reparations for black employees
• management donates half their salaries to BLM
• giving each employee a Chevy
• an end to world poverty
• paid time off for rioting protesting locally

In the Flying AIDS parade, grocery stores are now closed at night. Why? Does the Flying AIDS attack only at night? No, it's so stores can clean. Weren't stores cleaning before this bright order? Of course they were. Let me know when this starts making sense, ok?

The European hamster was added to the 'critically endangered' list.
No word on the Siberian hamster.


While it's raining, I can't help but notice the very loud construction equipment, just outside my window. Somebody told someone you can dig to China and they're probably taking it seriously. It's a nice neighborhood. Weird, but nice.



Several blasts have hit Iran in the last few weeks, but Iran wants you to know that the last blast didn't happen. Nope. Total fabrication.


Supreme Court rules half of Oklahoma is Native American land.
Native Americans tried to give it back.
BLM knocks over Indian statues, insists the Indians owe the land to them.





My dad's birthday is coming up. If anybody sees him, please send our wishes.




SJWery


BLM Effect: Linux Kernel to Adopt an Inclusive Code Language, Blocks Terms like Blacklist-Whitelist and Master-Slave

Stop. It.

Scrabble players move toward banning 200+ slurs from tournament play.

After tournaments, there will be book burnings.

Moo Goo Gai Guitar

My office has a fan. My living room has air conditioning. This means the dog has air conditioning and I don't. Which one is smarter than the other?


University ordered to stop running women-only job ads.
Yes, it's discrimination.


It was a few hours before work ended. I was tired. Not the end of day tired - this was full-blown Heavy Nappy Time tired.  The kind of tired where your pot of coffee needs a pot of coffee. Your neck muscles get a heavy workout, just keeping your head up. You're lucky to fake that you're awake.

As 5 o'clock approaches, you find you're actually more awake. This is an entire science that you don't want to bother with - take my word. Wouldn't this be better sponsored by NASCAR?

It's a wonderful day here in Pennsylvania; it's 90 degrees, with 80% humidity. Much nicer than yesterday. We're waiting for lefty to leave the office and the crowd is louder than normal. I see the office door opening, and it's lefty. The crowd gives him their typical fart under the armpit salute and he's taking an early, unscheduled pit stop. It looks like something from our sponsor, Snapple. A smart napper trusts his crew but checks anyway: yes, the air conditioner is on. The couch is free, the wife is out, probably shopping, and the coast is clear.   The crowd starts getting louder as he approaches the couch.

Jim, this is the most recent approach to the couch we've ever seen.

He's got the couch in his sights- the look on his face tells it all...

Eh, Richard Petty had a look on his face when he had to go to the bathroom.

He has shut the living room lights off and removed the dog from the couch [crowd cheers]. The temperature is just about right for this kind of napping.

Interesting fact, Jim... this is what was thought by the 17th Soviet Antarctic Expedition, led by Yevgeny Korotkevich.

lefty stopped to pick up a single piece of debris - looks like a sale flyer from a shoe store. Or a dog toy. Moves a cushion over to make a comfy pillow and it looks like he's good to go. [major crowd noise]

Eh, Jim, it's a fact that spaghetti is not Italian - it's Chinese.

He's taking his special Side Sleeping Position, which drives the crowd crazy. He looks like he's finally resting and... oh no.. it's the phone. lefty developed an almost eerie ability to ignore the phone because Mrs lefty likes to leave it by his head when she's not in the room, or the house.

The phone was invented by Alexander Graham Bell, also the inventor of Graham Footballs, which didn't go as well.

The crowd whispers in hushed tones, as lefty appears to be drifting off yet again.... BANG BANG BANG - yes, it's the door. Someone's at the door. No, we don't need any windows, of any type, thank you.

Back for his 3rd time, this looks like it could be the one! The crowd stares intently. LOOK - he's going for the flat on the back technique! The roar of the crowd can be heard in California (where the governor has banned crowd roaring). Wait.. his breathing is slowing.....

Jim, my wife won't sleep with me.

In spite of his left leg twitching like Jenna Jameson, he's OUT! Yes, he's asleep.
The crowd certainly got what it came for on this hot and humid day, like all the other hot and humid days. lefty planned on 30 minutes, but from the looks of things, it's going to be closer to an hour. His crew is waiting with the Snapple and some chocolate chocolate chip cookies. His couch is clear, except for the dog, who's sleeping on his head, and his wife is still out shopping. Come back next week for the lefty 500, in which lefty sleeps the entire night through. They said it couldn't be done.

Jim, what's this red spot here????




What you need to know out the airborne transmission of COVID-19You need to know that airborne Flying AIDS is this week's PANIC item and again, they have no idea what they're doing. It can fly, then it waits by your door for you to come out and play again.


Ringo Starr is 80.
Ponder that.


Odd Justice:
Mary Kay Letourneau, who raped and became pregnant by an underage school child, went to jail. She had another child with the child, whose friends wore his hands down from slapping him 5, and has died from cancer. We can't decide whether it's divine retribution or she knew Jeffrey Epstein.



SJW Silliness Anew

Oracle sued by a shareholder who alleges its lack of progress in diversity amounts to 'dishonesty'

When Facebook says you're not a good 'culture fit', it means you're not White or Asian enough – complaint

Kinda Captivity - Peanut Butter Steering Wheels

I'm typing this on the new laptop. See System76 on the front page.


Pieces of Precarious Penguin Poo can shoot 4 feet.
I thought you needed to know.



2020 Has not gone well, he said, in his typical British understatement, even though he's not British. I would like to have a do-over. Let's have a New Year's Eve, right after our July 4th, and just do it normally, ok?


Annnnnd here we go; a new swine flu.
I'm gonna give you free advice: don't fuck pigs.



An asteroid's moon just got a name, Dimorphos, so we could blow it up. It's not in danger of hitting the Earth: we're just testing our ability to blow things up. Perhaps this is the reason the aliens don't make themselves known: they're afraid of Earth trying to blow them up. We're a screwed-up little planet.



Elon Musk is starting a school.
He's also starting a car wash, nail salon, sex change one-stop, and drive-thru oral gratification service. He's a man ahead of his time. And with too much time.


Homework assignment: How can BLM tear down Mt. Rushmore?


STOP and take notice: soap is racist, because of a Christian sermon and being used to cleanse African people of their sins.

This is definitely going to cause a problem.



Sooo...... who got the government bailouts this time?
Read them and weep.


RIP Charlie Daniels (83) from a stroke

RIP Ennio Morricone (91), changed the sound of movies



Ghislane Maxwell, pal of Jeffrey Epstein, is in jail. Her lawyer says she's in danger and might kill herself or be silenced. The attorney suggested she could shoot herself 12 times in the back of the head and hide the gun. She could handcuff herself behund her back, then inject herself with poison. She could open an investigation into the death of Vince Foster. She could become suicidally depressed over the video system in her cell being broken. She could cry out that the guys with the guns can't get into her cell block. The problem is that no one will sit in her cell on suicide watch, fearing they too will be suicided.

Laptop Hinges That Heal

Black Lives Matter.

Click here to see what ThermionicEmissions is doing for black people.

We would like to acknowledge the first responders, at the convenience stores, at Dunkin Donuts, and Dairy Queen.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way......

Today's Irony News:
Mexico closes border to US due to Flying AIDS fears

I pretended all was well and ran some errands today.
The construction guys tearing up the street... no, what I mean is the guys who leave the Caterpillars and construction signs want us to know they're aware of the Flying AIDS and have put precautions in place: there's a sign that says Covid 19 precautions in effect. It doesn't appear they're doing anything anyway and we can't imagine what kind of precautions are necessary for heavy equipment, but we play along at home.


Nothing has changed at Dairy Queen: you still have to wear a mask and only 2 people are allowed in the store at one time. This results in a small city developing at their door, hungrily waiting for an ice cream product. It also results in me not stopping there, as I have the patience of a pregnant gnat. Years from now, these people will still be there.. the Soft Serve Zombies.


The most horrid thing caused by the Flying AIDS is that nude beaches feature no clothes, but you have to wear a mask. On your face.


Human sitcom Governor Gavin Newsom (R-Uranus) ordered all California wineries closed. Except his.



Never mind the Flying AIDS, Australia has a flesh eating bacteria problem. If you catch both, you could wind up on a respirator without any skin. Now shut up and go have lunch.

Waaaaay back before the bean counters started running things, you could get a good job and count on being there for life. You had a pension, steady work, and maybe even a Coke machine. 

Not anymore.

Especially the Coke machine.

What did a steady job get you?

Funny you should ask...  in the 1895's (1950's for the non-dyslexic), Leo Fender started making guitars. To give you an idea of how successful he was, you won't see a group onstage these days without a Fender guitar or amplifier. Jimi Hendrix played a Fender Stratocaster (yeah, me too). But this isn't about Leo, Jimi, or even me... this is about a little-known member of the Fender assembly line, Abigail Ybarra.

Abigail Ybarra was with Fender early on, winding pickups (those things under the strings, that use a coil of wire). Guitar players are weird on a good day; it goes downhill from there. A famous artist, or better, a famous deceased artist, obviously has something to show all guitar players, the world over.... it's just a matter of what it is. Jimi had Marshall amps. Eric Johnson has a pedal called the Fuzz Face (as did Jimi). Stevie Ray Vaughan had a pedal called the Tube Screamer, which caused a cheap box to go to $300 to start. Like I said - weird.

When dating a Fender guitar, you do not take her to a Mexican restaurant. You open her up and look for signs of the date she was made. There are also identifying initials.  People noticed the AY initials coming up a lot around pickups, so they got excited because they had Abigail Ybarra-wound pickups. Because of this, there is now an official Abigail Ybarra set of pickups you can order from Fender. She's well-known in the lunatic Fender fringe. She's famous simply for doing her job. And now one can buy Abigail Ybarra-wound pickups.

What have we learned?

1. It paid to have a job for life.
2. guitar players are waaaay out there on the stupid suspicious scale

All of my dogs have had... weird... somewhat human... talents.
Penny is a dog. And that's apparently where it stops.
I tell you this as she sits next to me, with her latest toy: a dish sponge, that she got out of its wrapper.

Today I'm reviewing Microsoft Teams.

After a considerable amount of time with it, my review is thus:

Don't.

Well, sure it works. It's solid and doesn't crash much. But the design team was off that week, so anybody who could hold a crayon was in charge. It's done in early You Can't Get There from Here style. The most notable feature is the audio/video settings. Naturally I keep the mic and camera OFF.  Microsoft supports people like me by not remembering audio/video settings. I have to turn them both off every time I use the program. Ah, Microsoft, your quirks are why I love you.  (and why I use linux)

Voluntary Captivity

If you're bored and happen to have an Alexa, Siri, or Google Assistant hanging around, here are 1,000 phrases that 'false trigger' them...


The US has purchased the world stock of Flying AIDS drug Remdesivir.
Little is known about the drug, which may or may not treat the Flying AIDS, on several days of the week, but at least we own it all now, nyah nyah.


According to the Detroit police chief, facial recognition software misidentified 96% of the time, which is "good enough for us."


Happy 4th to everyone!
People died so you would have social media. Thank them.




Don't forget about your unconscious bias.
You know... the bias you have against certain groups, of which you're not aware.

A recent study revealed that 95% of people had an unconscious bias against people pointing guns at them. The Union to Destroy Unconscious Bias said this was unconscionable and would work diligently to remove this stigma on people who just happen to be carrying weapons. The Union further said this is a particularly nasty bias if the weapon-holder is black. They suggest that if you encounter a black person pointing a gun at you, you should give him everything you have, even taking him to your house and giving him everything you have there too, to atone for your unconscious bias, white guilt, and the lack of reparations. Perhaps if you admit your bias and give up all your worldly possessions, the person with the gun won't shoot you. You must understand their struggle.

The Anti Defamation League is revving its engines, figuring out how to get in on the Guilt Thing.  They have seen what black people are able to accomplish and believe they can rise to the occasion, after the black people are done, and take advantage of Guilt. What the ADL is not counting on is Guilt Fatigue. This is when the crackers give and give and give, so they have nothing else. They're not interested in hearing more guilt: the black people have worn them out.


I need all my readers to get on this: visitors to national parks are still over 70% white. We cannot let this go unanswered.



I was bored, so I thought I'd go out surfing to find some new stuff.
I finally found the solution to all net boredom: find the lists of sites to be blocked for children and visit the sites it recommends. There are porn new sites I never heard of!



Hillary Clinton mourns the upcoming suicide of Ghislane Maxwell, associate of Jeffrey Epstein.




GUITAR CONTENT

So, that Tech 21 Fly Rig from ebay..... it had a little trouble, in the form of motorboating or oscillating. Whenever I turned the gain up, the thing started making noises. At one point, it was so bad, the box seemed to have a built in tremolo. It was a pretty cool box, when it wasn't motorboating. It had 2 preamp sections, Tech 21 and Plexi. Tech 21 sounded like any old tube amp, but with a master volume. Plexi sounded a little like a Marshall, plus it had a boost on a separate switch. It had delay and reverb, but the reverb was only available with the Tech 21 setting, which I found odd.

Since the rest of the Fly Rigs are pretty expensive, I'm looking around for something else. Doug Aldrich has a signature distortion pedal out for about $100, that seems to do everything from light boost to distortion. I'm leaning this way. There are over 14 billion different overdrive/distortion pedals. If you don't believe me, check ebay. Some are just rebranded, like Mooer and all the rest. Just in case you're asking, a $90 Mooer is not going to sound just like a $400 whatever it's attempting to be, but it can get close. Your best bet is to head to YouTube to listen for a demo. That Pedal Show is really good. Their Dumble shootout was very interesting.



ROME — Pope Francis told members of the Catholic Press Association Tuesday that the media should build bridges, defend life, and help people, especially the young, “to distinguish good from evil.”  Because we're very busy molesting little boys.

My Comfort Elephant Rides a Tractor

Well, not really, but she's probably the only one, especially in Kentucky.
Kentucky has some sort of strange affinity for tractors, especially mixed with alcohol. I am absolutely truthful when telling you this. The Kentucky state sport is drunk tractor racing. Today there was a new spin on an old theme: the police were chasing a man on a stolen tractor.  I lived in Kentucky before I could remember. My parents said we had to leave because we had all our teeth and people was lookin at us funny.

• The Kentucky Tractor Factory Meeting will take place the 6th Sunday in February - bring something stronger than Jack Daniels. Sign up for classes on evading cops while pickled. At the end of the day, there will be prizes for the best ride while passed out.
• The Dan Quayle Kindergarten class invites you to bring your tractors by for a tuneup. This week's special is one of those hats that holds 2 cans and you stick the tubes in your mouth. Don't drive without them!
• The Women and Children's Benevolence League is petitioning the city and state to widen all roads, so it's more difficult to crash when riding a stolen tractor.
• The Kentucky Bourbon Association is holding trials, and is also on trial. They are studying how fast a drunk Kintukkyin can go on his tractor while passed out.
• Tesla is working with Kentucky to automate tractors, so they can continue to run, long after the operator has passed out.
• The state of Kentucky is carefully considering gambling. People will be able to bet on which tractor wins the race on Friday nights.

You think I'm kidding, don't you......

NO LIVES MATTER department

Aren't you glad we're back?

If you're at Verily Life Sciences and were expecting a spot bonus, you're outta luck. The money went to fund diversity and inclusion initiatives.

Walmart stops selling "All Lives Matter" t-shirts.

Reparations bill gains steam...
You know it's only a matter of time til some Congressman gets caught saying, "They're only gonna blow it on crack and Thunderbird."

Since Code Green has broken out, I went to Wendy's dot com to see if we were allowed to walk in. That information was not present, nor was much about the food, but there was a huge ad about what Wendy's is doing for black people. Today's hot job is inserting "BLM" into the front pages of web sites.

I like to sit and think... if you sit and think, these sites translate to "Please don't burn our businesses down, black people and white supporters." Didja ever think you'd see that on a web page? Pretty soon there will be BLM banners in the stores.

Still no "Left Handed Lives Matter".



Mrs lefty is... well... let's say no one in the house, dog included, is the pinnacle of grace. We call it Elephants in Tutus. It's amazing that any of us can walk in a straight line without tripping, falling, soaring, and tripping over objects that aren't there. Aside from the physical injuries, it takes its toll on jewelry. Mrs lefty is... how do I say this... hard...difficult with... dangerous... she's rough on jewelry. I don't want to say this is a problem, but if you put motorcycle chain around her neck to hold a pendant, within a week the chain would be broken. In truth, we can blame some of it on the dog(s). What dog isn't happy to see their mommy, jumping up to say hi, and ripping the chain right off her neck. We are no longer surprised when this happens. We have a huge pile of ex-jewelry because jewelers don't want to work with exploding silver (sissies). The huge pile is disheartening because there's at least another half pile missing. I watched her go outside and a necklace simply burst open, spewing chunks (STOP IT) of stones all over the sidewalk. Maybe it was the exploding silver again.....



I just threw out the (clean) diaper. Still, no one knows how it appeared. Dog's not talking. How come needed stuff doesn't just appear?




Tom Seleck is on tv sellicking reverse mortgages, with teeth that are threatening to leap out of his mouth and maybe dance a bit, when they realize they're on tv.
Reverse mortgages are a very difficult concept to grasp. A regular mortgage is when you pledge your life to rich bankers for a house. A reverse mortgage is when you pledge the rest of your life to rich bankers.. See - I cleared that right up for you. All you missed was the interest, of which you have none.