Your love is like a choir of kidney stones
You knew the car coming home from the body shop wouldn't be the last of it.
And it wasn't.
It has a flat.
Today in Olympic news: the US Trans Bodybuilding team won everything. Everything.
I'm going to blame CostCo for the flat, the last place the car was.
The place poor Mrs. lefty got badgered and literally assaulted by some crazy lady, who accused her of stealing her cart. Yeah, the lady with the cane stole your cart, then whizzed away so fast you couldn't see her, right? The police showed up, whereupon the crazy lady started yelling at them. They sent her away with a few pieces of paper.
I have never wanted to be at CostCo, but I wanted to be there at that moment. Lady, if you slap my wife one more time, I will break every bone in your hand, slowly. I will make you count them as I break them. If you do not appear sufficiently contrite, I'll start on the other hand.
After the police leave, you will write weekly letters of apology, and do 47 hours per week charity work. for the foreseeable future. You will also take college level courses in anger management.
If you fail to make one visit, I will get mad. You do not want to see me mad.
Today I identify as a pair of cheap computer speakers. I am everywhere hahahahHAHAHAHA!
But we clean. No, really.
Every now and then we get the Cleaning Bug<tm> and have at it.
This time I discovered the Cleaning Bug<tm> can be cured with antibiotics or chocolate.
Actually the bug was cured by attempting to clean.
Scenes from a Cleaning
- pick up trashcan in house, 4 things attack me, trash spills
- Mom comes to help, walks into dust, isn't seen til time to leave
- HONEY.... I can't put together the clutter organizer you bought because there's too much clutter
- We've got to clean off the table. Ok, where do you want this box? Put it on the table
- This week in vacuuming: it picked up everything. Except the red dog hair. It used to pick up dog hair. Maybe it needs a new bag. It takes bags? Yeah. Where are they? Stop asking stupid questions. They'll pop up. Eventually...
- why are there six car trunks from 1957 Chevys by the table? You don't wanna know. Anything interesting in them? You definitely don't wanna know. Repeat after me: these are all factory new...
- I don't want to say you don't listen to me, but I said 1957 left handed Stratocasters, not 1957 Chevy trunk assemblies. Meh, I guess they're close enough to get mixed up...
- remember the paper boy who went missing in 2004?
Fortunately Wife will deal with the flat. I'll work. Working provides structure. If I don't have structure, there's no telling what I might get into. Or who.
Still, one must wonder what the fsck is going on here.
- All the crashes to the last car, and now it's starting on the new car. We do not hit people - they hit us. Frequently without insurance.
- Tri-plumbing emergency.
- 2 cancerous cockers
- a house that knows when I get a few dollars and breaks accordingly
It has been one after another for at least ten years.
Can somebody explain this shit?
One of my friends absolutely poo-pooed any thought that it's personal.
I asked him if this happens to him or anyone he knows.
Well...
I don't want to think it's personal - that's just weird.
But the shit falling is so regular and predictable, it certainly feels this way.
"You get more than your share." When I hear this, I feel better. Nothing is sweeter than validation.
But I still have to pay for it...
We just bought 16 cases of sage. We're going to do the car and the house. So if you hear a lot of fire engines looking for flames, it's probably us.
BUT WAIT!
a friend dropped off some incense that's supposed to help.
C'mon now... incense? My friends burned that stuff in high school. I hated the smell.
Try it.
Does it smell like vanilla ice cream?
No.
Dammit. Does it smell like pumpkin spice?
No.
SOLD. What is it?
Frankincense.
I see. I don't suppose any myrrh will be involved...
No, just frankincense.
No babies - you know I hate kids.
Nope.
Camels?
No.
Mangers? I'm allergic to hay.
Negative.
Am I still a wise man?
That is up for discussion.
So I just burn this stanky stuff when some planet or other goes into retrograde?
And Mondays.
You have to figure that even things we can't see don't like Mondays.
And put this in your pocket
Dare I ask what it is?
It's a quartz crystal.
I see.
No you don't.
What does it do?
Protection.
Oh, wait, I got this one... if anything bad happens, I take the stone out of my pocket and wing it at someone, right?
You have just split the physical and the metaphysical.
Hey, I'm just that kinda guy.
You must recharge the quartz monthly.
Does it use the USB-C plug or the old one?
[sigh] No good deed ever goes unpunished. TO THE LIONS!
Speaking of BlueTooth speakers, it appears they're mono. Every one I've seen, anyway.
Without arguing whether it's necessary, I find it interesting.
- Rutgers banned unvaccinated students from attending virtual classes
- another institute of higher learning
The beatings will continue until "health" improves - @mkibbe
- The president of game server company Tripwire stepped down over support for Texas abortion law
- stop it already. So he has an opinion. I disagree with it but support his right to have his opinion. The only thing I'd be concerned about, if I gave a rip about games, is if he did his job well. More witch hunts.
What could possibly go wrong?
What about android phones?
- Coronavirus can spread among vaccinated people
- No it can't.
- Ok, yes it can.
- Get your booster.
- Still. No. Clue.
Google: no we don't. Ok, we do, but we're 'improving' the situation.
Of course they have. Governments need to be kept away from the hardware/software. This is part of Full Control. Heaven forbid anything serious happens, rest assured there will be connectivity issues. Also watch for back doors in encryption.
The government is already monitoring everything going through the net via humongous taps in carrier service rooms. This is fact.
- California bill takes aim at Amazon’s productivity-tracking algorithms
- this tells us that the government is meddling in Amazon's business, plus Amazon has productivity-tracking algorithms. Neither being too surprising.
My cousin got her shots. Upon completion of the second one, the pharmacist said, "Great, now we can schedule your booster." She was not amused. Her arm hurt for days and she was out of it for a day or so.
People around eastern PA like to visit the Pocono Mountains.
If you're from southeast PA, it's pronounced mou-ans.
A relative has a cabin. For some reason, that was entirely hunger, a bear took a fancy to it.
The bear ripped the screen door out and punched out the glass in the wood door.
The bear has obviously done this before. Are there Bear Universities where they learn this stuff?
Don't feed the animals, people.
Get some bear repellent, loud noisemakers, and a gun to fire up in the air.
Don't be bear food. I recommend against it.
- I've been trying to figure out what I hate about Teams, aside from everything and it's Microsoft.
- I think a great start would be to make all bleeps and popups opt-in and optional. Most of them are extremely annoying and not needed. Every meeting dropping notes into the Teams chat is silly, and I don't need to be notified every time it happens. I don't need a BING and large blue notification when someone starts a meeting I'm scheduled for in 5 minutes anyway. I didn't ask for them, yet they popped up anyway.
- Microsoft - you should take notice. When somebody who doesn't like your software makes a suggestion, there may be value in it.
- and while you're at it, when someone highlights text, why not make it an automatic copy, like linux? It does away with an extra step.
An astrobiologist suggests viruses may form a vital part of ecosystems on other planets.
Fauci, the FDA, and the CDC are petitioning NASA for immediate flights to these other planets, to give them shots.
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