Your love is like queso past its expiration date
Today in Olympic News: somebody substituted a real gun for the starter pistol. Hilarity ensued.
- is Faceyspaces the AOL of 2021?
- trapped inside a manipulative notion of human contact
Today I identify as a 5 year old who insists he's trans
- nothing says America like bacon-wrapped barbecue pork tenderloin
Job Wisdom
- I met someone at work called a Customer Success Manager. I do everything I can to avoid people like this. The only people who like them are other Customer Success Managers and should also be avoided.
- Salesmen generally make me want to take a shower after talking to them or meeting them
- I can't meet marketing people and not see them with pom-poms
- IT people could use some Adderall
- You're in for a good time if you can get HR people to tell you some of their jokes
- laptops do not fare well under banging the keyboard or launching them across the room. You should probably avoid these activities.
The mowing will continue until morale dissolves
The new, fixed, safeguard-free mower has been out the past 2 nights and is due again tonight. This is due to the 15 minute battery capacity due to attempting to mow a medium-size jungle. Yesterday we found the dog in it.
Mrs. lefty asked if we could mow our 91 year old neighbor's front lawn, because she's slowing down a little and can only do the rear. I think this is a tremendous idea. In fact, I came up with it a few years ago. The problem here is that it takes me forever to mow my own lawn, and I don't want to burden her with this. If we manage to find someone to mow ours, we'll get hers mowed too. She has always insisted on mowing it herself. In spite of being me, I try to be a good neighbor. I want to mow my own lawn when I'm 91. Well, I don't so much want to mow it as to be able to mow it.
As for the Crazy Lady, she has a small army of people who do stuff for her. There's one who does the grass (every 16 hours), one who takes the trashcans out and in, and there would have to be one to deliver food and/or meals. She'll turn 489 this year. We wondered who was going to get the house when she died, until we figured out she'll never die. We were hoping for someone under 100, who wasn't immortal, insane, or impossible to get along with.
- The bushes between the houses are huge, as I saw while mowing. Marshall would hide in them, figuring if he hid, he wouldn't have to come in the house and the neighbor would throw him more hot dogs. This technique failed miserably in the winter, when the bushes were only sticks.
I had to pick some stuff up. So I went out to get the car, in the parking lot down the street, and it wasn't there. Ok, I looked down the street - maybe she parked it there. Nope.
This was not good.
Back into the house:
Where did you put the car?
In the parking lot.
It may have been stolen then. Insurance is going to love us.
Oh, you need to check a few rows up.
Sure - I'll play along. Back to the parking lot. Up a few rows. POOF - there it was.
I need to see a doctor (really?). It wasn't 50' (327 liters, 329 Canadian litres) from where it's normally parked and I didn't see it. This time I'm going to blame it on being a new car that I'm not used to driving yet. But I'm worried... Wife moves everything on a daily basis, but I'd like to be able to find the stuff that hasn't moved too far from its last position. Which doctor do you see for this?
Or it could be one of those magic shows where they make helicopters and other large stuff disappear. Maybe the car wasn't there til I went back. Maybe the helicopter got it.
Speaking of which, I miss the good old days, when I'd stand outside with my paranoid schizophrenic neighbor and yell at the helicopters that were out to get us. He moved and it's no fun by myself.
- Humanity surfaces again in New Orleans: Thieves ransack stores in scenes reminiscent of Katrina as city faces at least THREE WEEKS without electricity
They're our friends, right? Our enemies? I forget...
Was that escort or escorts?
- West Hollywood plans to give monthly unconditional $1,000 payments to at least 25 LGBT senior citizens. [Universal Basic Income]
- So tax money is going to citizens, but only one class. Why, exactly, do we need to guarantee income? Isn't this also discrimination?
My brother has a really nice fridge, with in-door ice cubes.
I am a shameless relic, who doesn't have water to my fridge.
When I go to his house, he falls on the floor with laughter as I run to the fridge and get ice for my soda.
I can't help it... ice belongs in soda. And don't get me started on those plastic ice maker thingies.
I recently discovered there are countertop ice makers. I discovered it moments after one arrived at the house. Do companies just send stuff to me because I'm a social media anti-influencer? For my honest reviews? Because I have a lawn mower?
Probably not, meaning somebody orders things.
Hey, what's that box?
Countertop ice maker.
I didn't know that existed.
It's great.
I didn't know we had ordered one.
It's great. I asked a range of people (my sister) for reviews and they all liked it.
Ok, I'll play along.... where is a countertop with enough space for that monstrosity?
It looked smaller in the ad.
The thing is almost as big as the freezer.
We could move some stuff around.
Yeah, we could take the entire kitchen to the basement.
At least you'd have ice for your soda.
OK.
[dammit - how does she do that?]
So I'm looking at guitar effects box demos on YouTube, and naturally they recommend "10 celebrity mind control glitches caught on camera." You know... cuz effects boxes and mind control are so deeply intertwined. So is "Hillary Clinton is a robot," which was also recommended.
It put me off immediately, as the first image is Mrs. Fronkenshteen, Wendy Williams. Wife loves her. So I watched a good 11 seconds before I turned it off. They had to strongly reinforce Wendy's implants because if they get loose, she'll knock herself out. They're bigger than entire pr0n shoots.
Whether you believe there is celebrity mind control or not, this ain't it.
P.S. why do so many Disney kids go batshit crazy? Britney, Miley, Amanda Bynes, Katy?
- this week's sentence: I had brought two women to tears in one day and it was barely noon.
pandemic fatigue, a term used to describe the boredom that can arise during a protracted crisis like the one we’re in now
How great is this? We not only get the Flying AIDS - we get psych disorders around it.
Let's not forget 'compassion fatigue' and 'second hand PTSD'. And 'second/third hand smoking'
It's only a matter of time til these as-yet undiagnosed diagnoses pop up:
- pandemic OCD fatigue: tiredness around washing hands all the time
- maskophobia: fear of not being able to breathe
- neighborphobia: fear of people not socially distancing
- Karenphilia: calling the police when people don't wear masks
- Flying Canine Phobia: fear your dog will get the Flying AIDS (or fear your dog will lift off)
- giveitup: realization that you're being fed BS by people and organizations who have no idea what they're talking about
An extremely rare message below the meme, but on a familiar topic: thanks
Please take a few seconds to compliment someone on good work they've done, or tell someone how much they mean to you. It takes no time or effort and means so much to both of you. You never know how long either of you will be around...
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