Your love is like a dull knife in the bladder
Fish Might Really Be Self-Aware, New Study Finds
This study involves recognizing yourself in a mirror.
Based upon that, my dog and half my friends are not self-aware
Today I identify as a just-removed Christmas decoration
Hint: It ain't exercise
TOLD YOU SO!
pretty soon you'll see - exercise causes cancer, vegetables should be eaten lightly, and chocolate is a required nutrient.
Florida woman allegedly stabbed husband 140 times, fractured skull with meat cleaver: police said
Texas skydiving instructor dies after parachute fails to open
Sydney, Australia: all five members of the Australia Marketing Board were found dead this morning, in their offices. Suicide is suspected. The long, rambling note mentioned the fatal shark attack and the snake emerging from the supermarket shelf, both in the past 2 days.
Beijing Olympic News
It's over - YAY!
Now begins the finger-pointing.
slave labor is cleaning up with brooms purchased from Korea
Over in Russia, Vladimir "The Inhaler" Putin has categorically denied any plans or efforts to invade Ukraine. He made this statement one mile from the Ukraine border, in the midst of a line of tanks that went on for miles. Later in the day, Putin re-emphasized his desire for peace, from a battery of missiles larger than Moscow. His words received applause from the 35,000 peace-keeping troops at the border.
England is now in the spotlight, but doesn't always have the right words to alarm the world sufficiently. Not to worry - the US, which can't be seen to be directly involved, is telling Boris what to say (over the Batphone).
- Shocking BRAWL erupts on live TV debate in Ukraine as pro-Russia politician punched and put in a headlock by journalist
- maybe it's time we looked into this kind of journalism...
in a dispute over who was driving to the store
- 4 in 10 people admit to taste-testing their pet’s food
- Unrelated: 4 in 10 people are not properly medicated
being an amateur agoraphobic, acrophobic, and General Chicken has its advantages. When I consider whether to do something, I ask what's the worst thing that can happen, thus skydiving is a definite NO. RIP, guy.
**** Hey, is there a Left Handed History Month yet?
- My uncle has alzheimers. His cognitive decline is so bad, he's thinking of running for president.
Truism: no matter what your gender, a dog turning around with one foot on your nipple is excruciatingly painful.
Fleetwood Mac lost their superpowers when Lindsey Buckingham cut his hair.
In fact, some believe the short-haired Lindsey isn't even Lindsey. Paul is dead.
Flying AIDS News
A sign we're getting back to normal:World’s Top Condom Maker Sees Rising Demand as Virus Rules EaseAlso: condoms and KitKats warn of price risesThe C.D.C. Isn’t Publishing Large Portions of the Covid Data It CollectsIvermectin fails another COVID trial as study links use to GOP politicsVaccine makers announce slowdowns for omicron-specific boosterEfficacy of Ivermectin Treatment on Disease Progression Among Adults With Mild to Moderate COVID-19 and Comorbidities
Iceland to lift all COVID-19 restrictions on FridayCoronavirus: Face masks could increase risk of infection, medical chief warnsBill Gates: “This was an interesting test of people’s trust in their politicians or their health system. We didn’t do as well as I would have expected.”It's out in the open, from the mouth of Gates!
- One in Five Gen Z Adults Now Say They Are LGBTQ
- Rise explained by surge in those identifying as bisexual or trans, not gay or lesbian.
- They have absolutely no imagination. Why stick with LGBTQ when they can identify as a firetruck or a Lamborghini?
Harvard law professor says Tucker Carlson guilty of "treason" for criticizing Biden over Russia.
C'mon.... a Harvard law professor? I'd expect him to actually know something about law. If you need any proof that universities are useless indoctrination and this is a political statement.....
It's the 60th anniversary of Barney and Betty Hill's abduction in New Hampshire.
There was a lot of work done on the abduction. Hypnosis revealed both had the same story. Betty drew a star system that turned out to be accurate after it was 'officially' mapped. There was missing time and grays.
This is brave. Sometimes if you're a pilot reporting a UFO, you may wind up piloting a desk.
ME: Have you seen the chipotle spice?
HER: No.
ME: Have you seen ANY of the spices?
HER: No, why?
ME: They've gone missing.
HER: The garlic is there.
ME: How can you not know the spices have dematerialized but the garlic is there?
HER: Obviously somebody moved it.
ME: I'll go with that. Where did you move it to?
HER: Check the table.
ME: Nope.
HER: Well then I don't know where they are.
ME: Fifteen bottles of spices? Just disappeared?
HER: Maybe I was cleaning.
ME: Do you know if you were cleaning?
HER: No.
ME: I get kinda upset, asking you for the whereabouts of everything in this house. Speaking of which, I need a colander for this pasta.
HER: Let's see... where is the colander? Here - no. There - no. I dunno.
ME: Are you starting to understand my frustration?
HER: Yes [walks away]
The yes/walks away thing is not really a yes. You can tell from the tone. It's subtle. It's like asking someone to admit they were wrong. If they mumble, that's not really an answer. If they throw the dining room table at you, you should change the topic of conversation.
So fortunately I have garlic, the most important spice. It's great on anything, including breakfast cereal. But I really want to know where the spices went. I will meet in the middle and be happy if they re-materialize.
A place for everything - that changes hourly.
- Children with high intelligence start to speak late.
- My brother spoke early. I spoke at 19. They said if I didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything...
The Woke AMA
don’t say “equality”; say “equity.” Don’t say “minority”; say “historically marginalized.”
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