That's not a Divot, it's a Small Aircraft

Your love is like  drinking bleach to kill the Flying AIDS

• Don’t be afraid to shoot for the stars. Even if you fall short, you could make it to the moon! Sadly, the nature of its atmosphere would kill you almost instantly. Have a nice day, anyway.     --Pat Sajak  [@patsajak]

Today I identify as  a CIS trans lesbian

In the Late to the Party department, the groundhog did its thing, as it is wont to do. As usual, it was horribly depressed, saw clouds, and thought about shooting itself to end the pain. It thought better because it might miss the important parts of its brain and render itself still alive, but a cripple.

Because the Sun Never Shines in Philadelphia.

I feel accomplished or something. I finally got a look down the shirt of a dental tech where I go. It was not my fault - she bent over. Naturally she wasn't the good looking one. But still... boobs is boobs.  This office is weird. Maybe because they're all skinny or size their uniforms correctly or, heaven forbid, don't want to show off their mammalian protuberances. I can't even see their faces because of the damn breathing arrestors (masks). You know the most beautiful eyes there don't show that she has a mustache. Judging from some of the arm hair, it's thicker than mine.

Don't call me sexist - every tech there is now complaining about their patients being ugly, like lefty. "Maybe he should keep his breathing arrestor ON."

While I'm waiting for my emergency dental appointment, I don't really care what they look like - just that they're really good at what they do. The tooth that hurt like hell now doesn't. The pain has migrated to a different tooth, as well as the palate. And a headache that feels like someone with an industrial drill took a 3/4" bit and has been drilling for hours. If huge amounts of ibuprofen didn't help, I'd be in the emergency room.

UPDATE 

The dentist spent too much time discovering I needed a lot more numbing than normal people, drilled a bit, and told me it had to come out. I sincerely hoped she was talking about the tooth. Afterwards, she patted me on the back and said that was it. I had to speak up, because apparently my tears weren't sufficient to get the point across. IT HURT. REALLY BADLY. I begged for ibuprofen. So they gave me acetaminophen. Which covered about 20% of the pain. At home, a handful of ibuprofen later, and I could at least function. And it hurt. Really badly. I may have to dip into my 497 sick days. I also have to remember that antibiotics can mess with birth control pills....

• Don't forget - it's Black History Month
• still no left handed history month..
• by the way - if you wish to celebrate Black History Month at work, I wouldn't go with anything but a button. Many were disciplined for wearing Mexican hats on Mexican History Month. No dreads. No fro. No rap getups. No lamp chains around your neck. Nothin. And please, God, no watermelon.

Flying AIDS News 

Community furore after police stop St Bernadette’s Glendalough church service to check masks

Ottawa Fears Vaccine Protest Has Morphed Into an Occupation

Omicron BA.2: What we know about the Covid sub-variant

Europe entering Covid pandemic 'ceasefire', says WHO

For T-cells, omicron is nothing unusual

A faulty immune response may be behind lingering brain trouble after COVID-19

I just went past a car with two occupants, both wearing masks.

These people are allowed to drive on the same roads as the rest of us.

• Woman applauded after giving birth on transatlantic flight
• Unfortunately a fight broke out because the baby wasn't wearing a mask 

The UK is spending 1.4 billion pounds (14 grams Canadian) on a Space Laser "to bolster our interests in space." Boy will they be sorry when they realize they have no interests in space.

Between the spy satellites, the communications satellites, the Chinese satellites which can literally devour other satellites (James Bond, anyone?) and the Space Lasers, we have created a Space Traffic Jam the likes of which no planet has ever seen. Yes, we militarized space, but then we took our poor road planning and traffic jams there too!

Once again, the aliens watching us are shaking their heads. No other planets or associations want to meet us because of what we've done to the planet. Their only interest is keeping us from getting out past the Moon, to do damage elsewhere. As if monitoring our television and seeing The Masked Furry wasn't enough. The gray aliens will continue to stick things up our butts and the black aliens will continue to date Kardashians. Other than that, it's Hands Off.

Speaking of which, Israel is developing a laser-based interceptor, to demolish more local threats, like drones. Even poor African nations are getting into the Space Weapons Race. The United Nations has a rotation of Space Traffic Reporters to let all countries know if they can proceed and using what routes. 

Welcome to UN radio. We'll get right back to our feature, Fauci Said I Had to Wear a Mask to Bed, after this traffic report from our ace reporter, Johnny 'Slowdown' Bugger. Johnny?

There is a bad Space Jam on planet route 95 due to volume. There is no alternate route, so expect your satellite to take quite a while to orbit. Route 87 has a four parsec backup due to a Chinese satellite with a flat antenna. We recommend using the bypass. Finally, Interplanet 78 has random slowdowns because Space Force is hiding behind internet satellites and giving out speeding tickets. Back to you, Bob.

• do you have the [whatever it takes] to wink at someone?
• much like dancing and sports, I just look stupid.

NSA watchdog finds 'concerns' with searches of Americans' communications

You had no say in a special court and they ignore it anyway. This is not the government you signed up for. Are you shocked yet?

Havana Syndrome may be caused by ‘directed energy’

A very short time after it was declared to be caused by things equivalent to swamp gas, all of the sudden it may be caused by 'directed' energy. Of course it's something like directed energy. It's what they've always done. To put it down to a psychological cause is disingenuous. 

International Space Station will plummet to a watery grave in 2031

• Expected to come down in the Pacific, maybe, but other countries are still in the running. NASA has an unofficial poll, with a $50 entry fee.
• NASA says to 'just ignore' those radioactive bits - it will dissipate in a few million years
• stay away from the Russian section - they were always short of toilet paper
• it's about the size of a football field, so if it misses the Pacific Ocean, you're pretty much screwed.
• the plant growing experiments got a little out of hand, so if one of them talks to you, you should probably leave it alone.
• does not come with the attached alien ship, batteries not included, do not fold, spindle, or mutilate, without the express written permission of the NFL

When someone with multiple personalities watches "Three Faces of Eve" or "Sybil," does it set up a feedback loop and change reality as we know it? 

Tesla should put together a weekly newspaper because of all their problems. Hey, wait, ThermionicEmissions is kinda their weekly newspaper. This week we feature the recall of 817,143 vehicles because the seatbelt chimes are rather more silent than they should be. If I owned a Tesla, I wouldn't take it back: I don't want to hear from my car if the seatbelts aren't in use. Seatbelts seem to be useful for getting caught in the door and not allowing it to close (plus holding your dead body in the car). These are particularly amusing, as they freak out if you have a dog in the seat. At twenty-some pounds, they can't decide if someone is sitting in the seat or not.