Happy Virgin's Day - Get Out the Golf Balls

 

Your love is like  liver

• Women and boob guys want to know why, when she loses weight, are the boobs the first thing to go?

Today I identify as  run-over squirrel

A Tale of Love or something - How We Met  

We worked in a building with a bunch of doctors' offices. I was friends with her office, especially the petite brunette nurse, who was unfortunately leaving. So I faxed my requirements to the doctor for the new nurse (petite brunette, etc). He was a bit of a trouble maker, so he showed my specs to his new nurse, who wasn't petite or brunette or anything else on my list. She was not amused, to put it mildly.

It was a cold, gray, snowy day, which could be 5 moths out of the year. I didn't bring lunch, nor did she. Someone suggested we order out, so we did. Our first sit down happened in her office. The entire building had very dry heat, so everything you touched gave off a spark, including us. If you ask her, we had sparks. I don't argue. We had a great time and she did something she told me she never did; gave me her number. She was feeling a bit light and dizzy.

One day she was in my office, because I had the Chocolate Drawer, which drew women like mad. After she left, my coworker said I must like her, because I allowed her in my personal space, even just to get candy. Uh-oh. I think that's when it hit me like a brick wall. I could think of no one nor nothing else. My mother said I had never called to bring a lady home before - she must be special.

She was.

A long time later, she still is.

It ain't perfect. But it IS.

We've been through hell together, with medical and psych diagnoses, and a house and cars and dogs that eat up every cent I make.

And only a few years ago, I discovered our meeting was a plot between our two offices. Thanks, guys.

We even have a song.

We're off to our anniversary dinner. I just have to find my rubber hose.

Flying AIDS News 

STUDY: CensorTrack Documents Over 800 Cases of Big Tech Censoring COVID-19 Debate

FDA, Pfizer abandon 2-shot COVID vaccine in kids under 5, citing new data

COVID causes “substantial” longterm cardiovascular risks, huge study finds

Booster protection from omicron hospital stay dips from 91% to 78%

Why is Canada's Covid death rate so much lower than US?

Omicron wave was brutal on kids; hospitalization rates 4X higher than delta’s

Covid: Charles met Queen two days before testing positive

(she gave it to him on purpose - you would too) 

Study: Vitamin D Deficiency Linked to Severe COVID

CDC wants to “give people a break” from masks, says new guidance coming

So with all the auto manufacturers going electric, are we satisfied that the costs to produce the cars and keep the electrical charging grid going are significantly lower and less environmentally detrimental? 

• "No," he said, he was not aware that their marriage wasn't diverse enough.

Beijing Olympic News  

• Winter Olympics: Kamila Valieva competes after failed drugs test
• unrelated: Alec Baldwin allowed to shoot, Dick Cheney allowed to hunt, President Taxit allowed to go outside unaccompanied 

China censors Friends to remove lesbian jokes in crackdown on ‘immoral content’ as millions defy regime to complain

Idiots. Imagine them going to all this trouble for lesbians. They should have banned the show for lack of content or taste.

Winter Olympics: The couples spending Valentine's Day at Beijing 2022

UPDATE: the US couple identified as Friends with Benefits, the French Couple identified as 'just came out of the Port-A-Pot.' The Belgian couple were just swapping with the Swiss. The Ghana team was all over the place because other athletes wanted to know if it was true what they say....

• Winter Olympics: Games official claims stories of human rights abuses are 'lies'
• Ve did not chop off limbs, pull toenails, or hook anybody's nipplez up to car batteriez. Ve haf only annexed Taiwai a little bit. We haf not pulled off the ears of za whiggers. Lastly, ve did not unleash the Flying AIDS upon the world - zat voz Switzerland. Ya, Switzerland.

President Taxit called Vladimir Putin over the weekend to warn him about trying to shut down Disney in Sweden. He was very firm. The problem arose when somebody discovered that he didn't speak Russian and Putin didn't speak English.

Why was the Super Bowl halftime show 95% black? Are we going to hear impassioned cries for diversity? I learned guitar by listening to white and black players - there's your diversity.

• It's freezing outside and the dog is running around with a fiber bar wrapper.
• All is normal.

It's been a while since I've said it, so twatwaffle 

• Catholic priest incorrectly performed thousands of baptisms by changing word, making them invalid
• Instead of 'baptize', he said 'molest'.

There is some confusion over the passing of Bob Saget. 

The cause of death was initially natural causes but has morphed to severe skull fracture from a beating. We know these things look very similar in Los Angeles. The family has asked for privacy (meaning one of them did it).

We will endeavor to rout out the truth (no we won't). Our initial theory is that he beat himself to death then hid the baseball bat.

Pelosi, Schumer Urged to Pass Chip-Funding Bill by 21-Industry Group

HUH?

Why do we, the citizens, need to fund increased chip manufacturing? 

The government does not exist to fund. This is the function of business.

The government has no money; it's YOUR money.

• Ericsson admits it may have paid off ISIS terrorists
• this line item here... it's either additional fuel or we paid off terrorists...