Your love is like bamboo sticks under the fingernails
If I had a hammer, I'd
- test your entire body 'to see where it hurts'
- hammer in the morning (revenge on the neighbors)
- see if your car wax does what it advertises
Today I identify as a CIS male Mickey Mouse
Brian's like Stevie Wonder - when he was being made, he got in the talent line a few times. Astrophysicist, guitarist, lyricist, animal activist, and now actor. Like Billy Gibbons, what can't he do?
Privacy, Thy Name is Dog
I spend a lot of time setting up my browsers to be private and secure as possible. Sometimes it's a battle against the browser itself, most of which have no interest in privacy or security. My main browser is Firefox, which is tricked out the best I can. It will not remember anything I was doing, at all, ever.
So I'm in my chair, laptop at the ready, talking to Wife. Unfortunately I didn't see the Flying Cocker, who needed to be in my lap that moment. She's wiggling, revolving, and trying to get at Wife. When everything finally calmed down, the dog did no damage, except somehow managed to close Firefox. Firefox, with two weeks of tabs open for different projects. And just like I set it, Firefox came back up, completely without any history of what was there. This would be great for my privacy, had anyone managed to break into the laptop and try to check on my history, but not so helpful for my projects.
I wish I could train the keyboard not to accept paw....
Speaking of Dog, it's getting worse...
When her mommy goes out to smoke, she comes into the office and looks at me with this horrible, sad look. She wants me to stop what I'm doing and take her to her mommy. Abandonment Complex is in the cocker breed standard.
Flying AIDS News
Fauci decrees kids under four will get three vaccines
Gov’t watchdog slams federal COVID response, puts HHS on “high risk” list
Japan's Kowa says ivermectin effective against Omicron in phase III trial
Horowitz: Whistleblowers share DOD medical data that blows vaccine safety debate wide open
- In today's Tesla news, they're disabling the 'rolling stop' because it can 'increase the risk of a crash'
- also disabling the 'going through red lights', 'not using turn signal' and 'running over children' features
I know you're on edge, wondering what happened with my new pillow, to replace the High Memory Pillow, which replaced my No-Memory pillow, which somehow threw itself out when I wasn't looking. The original pillow worked. This was exactly what I wanted. The High Memory pillow thrills my wife (and possibly the dog) but doesn't work. I reminded Wife about her promise to look for a Flat Old No-Memory Boring Old Pillow. A pillow appeared, which was the same size as the ones with memory.
I should have been there, at the Mart with Walls, when the shopping commenced. Wife and friend spent quite a while looking for a pillow. They fluffed, they puffed, they threw, but mostly they SAT ON. Eventually a member of staff observed they didn't have much to do that day. Of course there was a staff member there... no one needed her. Except for the checkout lines, but they can't afford to keep staff at checkout lines. Apparently you have to sit on the pillows to properly try them out. As I try it out tonight, I can sleep well, knowing two fine asses spent a lot of time testing it out.
Florida News
- How cold is it in Florida?
- It's so cold, iguanas are falling from trees
- How silly is Florida?
- It's so silly, Pillow fighting has gone pro
- it gets worse - there were 16 men and only 8 women
Becomes incredibly popular fishing spot....
A Florida Man is behind bars after allegedly battering a female victim with hot ramen noodles, according to police. (much worse than using pasta or batteries)
Jealous of a British military ship that somehow managed to lose a plane overboard, the US Navy is trying to recover an F-35C that also fell off a carrier.
I would like to get a gig as a Highly Paid Consultant for the Navy, whereupon I would tell them that firstly, they need to keep their planes ON the ships. I will do an intensive 360 day study, with the conclusion that they must use the system in place to lock down the planes, every time. These $337 million dollar planes suffer a reduction in operability and usability when off the carrier in this manner. The F-35C is not designed for underwater use. For the bargain price of $500 million, the manufacturer will produce an aquatic version. For this study I will receive $1 million; a bargain when you consider the savings in off-the-boat planes.
- Weather predicting Milltown Mel dies just before Groundhog Day
- wanted to save himself the embarrassment....
Matching Silverware - or - A Chat with the Voices
A lot has changed.
Of course it has, dummy.
No, I mean from childhood.
You have a job. That's a change.
Normally one would have to be married for this level of nasty dialog.
Well, you are, aren't you.
You're not helpful.
You're not good looking.
At least I'm bright.
Not according to Her.
Ahem... as I was saying... I grew up in a nice home. We were taught something akin to manners. We didn't just walk into our friends' houses, we knocked. We didn't go into their fridges unless told to. But mostly, the house had Order. And when I say mostly, I mean most of the house, except for the parts I was responsible for.
Yeah, you're a slob.
I prefer to say I lack organization. Or I have a lot of stuff.
All of your friends, when talking about a mess, said 'it looks like lefty's room.'
I came from four generations of clean freaks.
Yet somehow you never inherited the gene. Do you look like the mailman?
So the house was clean. Stuff couldn't sit on the steps for a 6 hours. Nothing in the sink. And after you washed it, you bloody well dried it. Other parents had ill-behaved kids, who were into booze and drugs. My mother's ill-behaved kids didn't dry the dishes after they washed them.
Bad to the bone. You're bad, you're nationwide. You should be a comic.
I was.
My brother had a black hole under his bed. If anything was missing, it was under his bed. Everything got sucked up. Apparently he had a thing for whipped cream, because there were tons of those compressed gas canisters under the bed.
The dishes matched. The mugs matched. The silverware matched. It wasn't fine china but it matched.
Many years passed, and now I'm an (alleged) adult, or at least a person with a house. I could have gone either way, and as you'd expect, I went The Way of the Disorganized. It doesn't help when you have two people who couldn't organize a sock drawer. Plus there's the household motto: A place for everything, that changes hourly. The most spoken phrase in the house starts with "Where is..."
My siblings are mostly organized, one by Wifely Force. So I'm the black sheep, the one far out on the loose branch, the one whose house everyone is afraid to visit.
Screw you, the dog never complains.
We have matching silverware. And when I say matching silverware, I mean silverware from several different sets. There are a ton of coffee mugs, because of two klutzes and the tendency for them to commit suicide by leaping from the drying rack to the floor (no, we do not dry our dishes after washing them. sorry, Mom). We have Dishes by Mom. Whenever she decided to get a new set, we got the old ones. So some of it matches. We had these really cool black dishes. I can't tell you what happened, but only one bowl is left. And for some reason I don't want to understand, even the new stuff can't go in the microwave.
Because microwaves, like phones, are such a new technology....
There's a shoe room.
Of course there's a shoe room.
I don't go in there. I suspect the shoes have reached Critical Mass and will chase me.
Ha ha, shoes chase you.
The shoe room is past filled, so there are shoes everywhere. Plus the person who wears them can never remember where she put them.
There's a guitar room.
Of course there's a guitar room.
It's a tiny room and it has overflowed a bit.
Plus you couldn't organize a pack of strings.
The basement.... well, the basement... we suspect the body of Jimmy Hoffa is down there, so we only go there when absolutely necessary. There is a road case that went on tour with Robin Trower. It may still be on tour... there are things I'm just afraid to ask, so I let them be.
Yeah, Ancient Aliens is going to do a show from the basement. Giorgio Tsoukalos will have to bring in lighting to show off his hair, which keeps getting caught in the ceiling... it's gotten rather out of control lately (the hair, not the ceiling).
My friends (both of them) understand and drop by.
But won't come in.
Taking Gender Out of Watches
Younger buyers do not like gender classification, so brands such as Zenith and Watchfinder & Company are starting to group timepieces by case size.
They also want the gender taken out of shoes, underwear, and pantyhose
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