Absolutely Thinking About Getting Around to Doing Something About the Lawn

Your love is like  marijuana edibles without the marijuana

• Australia has mandatory voting. Some French said they didn't vote because nothing will change. The US stays home, watching Americans Idle and the new Kardashians show. Ultimately, only the French are correct.

Today I identify as  a chest of drawers

Yes, it's that time again. Time when the repeated rains (Hello, London!) cause certain grass to grow. And by certain grass, I mean mine. It might not even be grass, but it's green and it grows and I have to mow it. It grows in clumps, as does most of my yard. It grows mainly in front, so I can share the view of unmowed grass with my neighbors, who hopefully know of my trauma and PTSD around lawnmowers. Nobody knows where from the trauma comes... perhaps I was bitten by a lawnmower when I was little. The doctors can't tell. Wife says it's weeds and we have to put some chemicals on them so just the grass will grow and I don't have to cut it every few minutes. Well.... wife..... get out the ($&# chemicals. You're not making this any easier on me. But then again, that may be the definition of wife.

• Stone Age people may have gathered at night to watch animated “fireside art”
• The Masked Furry would not go into production for a few thousand years...

Efforts to ban books jumped an 'unprecedented' four-fold in 2021, ALA report says

Book banning efforts are inspiring readers to form banned book clubs

C'mon people - it's 2022 - can we do away with the pitchforks and torches?

No.

Every Teen in the US Can Now Get Free Access to Banned Books

How Democracies Spy on Their Citizens

Please read this - knowledge is good  

WINNING!

Army of worm larvae hatch from man’s bum, visibly slither under his skin

It's great that 'magazines' review cars, for obvious reasons. However, I really don't understand why somebody reviewed the new electric Fedex truck. First they mention the 'infotainment' system. Why do delivery drivers need more than a radio? I can't imagine the bosses approving this. Then they mention certain areas being spartan. IT'S A DELIVERY TRUCK, STUPID. It's not the latest Porch SUV or a Lamborghini. More from the review....

• It has four tires. They are very effective at sticking to the road, and as part of the peppy electrical drive system.
• It does not have the VOOM that the Mercedes SUV has.
• the ride suffers when compared to a Cadillac
• room for 12, but only one seat
• surprising amount of room for cargo

Flying AIDS News 

By way of observation, when I've been out, there are very few masks.

Cases of rare vulvar ulcers have been diagnosed in adolescent girls after 2nd dose of Pfizer mRNA vaccine

Mysterious outbreak of hepatitis in children grows, first death reported

Fauci confirms parents’ nightmare: FDA may delay COVID vaccines for kids under 5

Beijing kicks off mass testing after spike in Covid cases

Bill Gates Gives TED Talk Proposing New Global Team to Quickly Prevent Epidemics 

Two words should always make you wary: Bill and Gates. He is not here to help us.

When Tom Justice failed to make the Olympics he decided to use his cycling skills to rob banks instead. 

Now this is the kind of feel-good Olympic story we need!

Presidential Hijinks

Boris Johnson is fighting claims of misogyny.

I told you he was England's Trump 

France's Emmanuel Macron said he's "the president of all."

This will probably come as a surprise to all the other presidents - they're probably humoring him, like Biden.

In certain species of spiders, after insemination, the female eats the male.

This has direct parallels to humans, only it happens painfully slowly, over years.

Sometimes it's so slow, the male doesn't realize it and staunchly denies it to the other males.

Wife is talking back to the tv today. Overheard:

Don't give it to her - she'll use it against you. Women are evil.  

• Google’s AI-Powered ‘Inclusive Warnings’ Feature Is Very Broken
• A feature rolling out this month uses algorithms to suggest edits in Google Docs, but falls into the same bias traps it’s trying to prevent.
• Errr.. why does anyone need their word processor to warn them when their language is not inclusive? Another case of the small diameter squeaky wheel getting the attention. 

The US Is Sending Ukraine a New Type of ‘Suicide’ Drone

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster (and Grumman). Although we're not going boots on the ground, we're still spending/sending millions in killing technology their way. Although the tech is expensive, it won't develop PTSD and be subject to the VA because it's not returning. So although this doesn't look like Endless War, it still is. In fact, no one can track what we sent to Ukraine. I'm sure the next 'war' is already planned and is heating up.

Elon Musk 

What do you do after you put together $42 billion to buy Twitter?

Watch an Autopiloted Tesla Crash Into a Multimillion-Dollar Jet

It's not like the technology is Not Ready for Prime Time, like I said repeatedly, but it's Not Ready for Prime Time. 

I haven't read anything on it, but I can just feel insurance companies hiring lawyers and ramping up for autopilot.

Speaking of Twitter, it's hilarious to see heads exploding, from staff to users. "OMG - he will allow people to say stuff we don't like!"

I reserve judgment.

Viola Davis responded to critics of her Michelle Obama portrayal

People complained because she pursed her lips too much.

Others complained about her erection.

Seriously? Were her nails not the right length? Teeth not bright enough?

There must be something in the water. Or people need stuff to do.

Finance 

Two 9volt batteries are $10.

Gas went nuts, Exxon showed massive profits, Congress went nuts (redundant, I know), gas went down a bit.

I can't wait to see what happens to prices when this is over. Will they go down to pre-Flying AIDS levels?

Deppaholics 

America (at least) has gone nuts over the Depp/Heard trial.

I'm not a lawyer. I have seen brief snatches of it, so I can't say much.

However, today there was a (smokin' hot) psychologist on the stand, and a Court TV banner that said Heard was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. This is my wheelhouse, having a wife with that diagnosis. Observations:

• MPD is now referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder, and has been for quite a while. The banner was just there for an exciting headline.
• The MMPI test is a good start for diagnosing DID
• You are not likely to walk in, examine the patient, and come away with a diagnosis of DID unless the person is faking. It *can* take quite a while, provided the therapist believes DID is a legitimate diagnosis. Some are still in the Dark Ages.
• The term 'personality disorder' was being thrown around a lot. Multiple Personality Disorder is not in the category of personality disorders, believe it or not.
• I called it before the psychologist did: Borderline Personality Disorder. This diagnosis would cover Heard's alleged volatility and odd behavior. Again, I don't know too much about her and BPD was a decent guess.

When watching trials, you start to realize how lonnnnng and drawn out they are. 

They ask some of the most interesting questions:

• What were you wearing on the first day of your job, twenty years ago?
• Did you have any previous school experience when you started college?
• Have you ever seen your mother naked?
• Have you ever seen your parents 'do it'?
• Where were you, Sir, at the moment of your birth?
• Were you bottle or breast-fed? And don't tell me you don't know.
• Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
• When was the first time you dressed as a woman, ma'am?
• Did you, in fact, have a cat that you referred to as Dog?
• How long have you been an adolescent, son?

Eating Anvils Causes Indigestion

Your love is like   diaper bombs

New book: 101 ways to skin a cat (with illustrations)

Today I identify as  Johnny Depp's penis

Pr0n has a come a long way from the days of 8mm silent films. Some of them can actually act. The plots have gotten 5% better. The titles are funnier. But what we really need is Pr0n as Real Life:

• No, I Won't Fsck You with Blue Hair
• Please Please Please, I Beg You
• No, Mom, I Don't Love You That Way
• C'mon, Just a Handjob Then?
• Can We Try it in Your Vagina for Once?
• Once Every Few Months Isn't Enough
• No, My Ears Are Off-Limits
• That's NOT What 'Daddy's Little Girl' Means
• You Have So Many Tattoos, I Can't Find Your Vagina

Last post I mentioned the guy who asked his company not to make a birthday party for him, they did, he went to his car, got fired, sued, won $435k.

I am pleased to mention that my most recent birthday involved less than one party, consisting of less than one card, and the few people who insist on sending me texts. I think the texts are for under 50s and cards over 50s. 

The theme lately has been 'I ask for so little, and that's exactly what I get.'

I can't say I'm easy to live with (in fact many will tell you I'm impossible to live with, and that's just my mom) but the amount of things I ask for is laughably small. So I asked for my favorite pizza (I'm also an incredibly cheap date). After much struggle and four hours, it arrived, cold. Cold favorite pizza is a real stumper because the pizza place is down the block. Even when frigid outside, like that night, how can a 1/4 mile trek make a just-made pizza cold? It's probably the same law of physics that causes a malt to melt on its 1/2 mile trip. My car is like the Anti-Styrofoam.

Pizza People<tm> like me know that a pizza tastes different hot, cold, reheated, and eaten outside the house. So although there was a pizza-like-substance, there was no actual birthday pizza. This made me unhappy(ier). Loudly unhappy. The dog hid under the couch, in a 2" space. Actually I kid: the dog has taken to barking at loud noises, including my loud speech. This inadvertently makes Wife happy, because the barking covers the cursing.

Our taxes are late. This is another thing that makes me mad. The city never sent certain paperwork, causing phone calls and a trip, where they continued to screw things up, including telling me my email address 'did not exist.' It came as a great surprise to me, as I've had it over 20 years and I get mail every day.

So Stuff piled up over a month or so, making me look more forward to my pizza (that I didn't get). Some people want to golf. Some want tons of money and a gourmet meal. Some want Birthday Sex. All I asked for was a pizza. This shows the power of wishing. Some point to the Power of Attraction. I think I have the Power of Repelling. Next year I plan to cause a statewide shortage of $100,000 Bars by asking for one.

Flying AIDS News  

CDC launches forecasting center to be like a 'National Weather Service for infectious diseases'

Delta dragged for mask stance, walks back “ordinary seasonal virus” line

Covid: Woman caught virus twice within record 20 days

CDC decides to appeal to restore travel mask mandate; DOJ files notice

What experts told me to do after my positive COVID-19 at-home test 

Combo COVID booster is the way to go this fall, Moderna data suggests

Shanghai’s Low Covid Death Toll Revives Questions About China’s Numbers

Lucky Charms is this week's leader of the iwaspoisoned.com race. It's making kids (and adults) sick all over the place.

It's time again, for the anonymous work survey.

I didn't take the anonymous survey, so I got an email that I didn't take the survey.

It's all very anonymous.

Work is weird.

• The Queen is 96. 
• They woke her for the news 

Something called A$AP Rocky was arrested in connection with a shooting.

I miss the good old days of Rock, when the feuds were fast and bloody:

• When Billy Joel (East Coast) fought with Guns N Roses (West Coast).
• When Elton John had words with the homophobic punkers
• When Robert Plant called David Coverdale 'David Coverversion'
• When Buddy Holiday put firecrackers up The Big Bopper's butt
• When BB King called Buddy Guy 'that stupid n****r'
• When ThermionicEmissions told everybody Pink Floyd was named after a gay gangster

Yeah, they don't make violence and feuds like that anymore.

Had to stop for milk at a convenience store today. It was bleak.

No gallons of milk. NO COKE. No Mt Dew, other than diet. Nothing to drink.

Interestingly, there was a lot of Pepsi. Nothing to drink.

• Best email of the week: Exercising? Keep your teeth in shape.

A private purchase of Twitter would be a great idea. The fact that so many are in a panic about Musk is partial proof. Social media is owned these days: you will only see a certain narrative, and nothing else, across most of it. A new Twitter owner committed to reality would be welcome for society as well as upsetting for those benefiting from social media lockstep. Either way, Twitter is most important because of the light-speed in which it news flows.

• Obama Says Social Media Falsehoods Spur Skepticism on Politics
• G-Bus - haven't we gotten rid of him yet? Hasn't he done enough damage?

The UK has decided that it is ok to watch tv in a self-driving car.

I agree. It's like being on the back of a motorcycle - you have no inkling or view of the thing that's going to kill you.

• Russia is shaking its little sword or penis and stating that VP Harris, Lord Zuck, and other American officials are not allowed in Russia. 
• can we get some of that here, in the US?

Because Amazon has become more fun that Tesla recently, I'm happy to report that they're working on robots for the warehouse. We know Jeff Bezos at this point, therefore the employees (that haven't been maimed or killed yet) had better start looking for work elsewhere. The moment the robots can do the job, the employees will be jettisoned. There is no doubt. How the robots will destroy themselves or the remaining employees remains to be seen. 

Happy Happy 

Happy 4/20: if you've been under a rock for years, 420 is the slang for pot smoking. While I have no use for it, I fully support its decriminalization. Imagine a government that we allow to tell us what we can and can't put in our bodies. Just so long as no one is hurt.

Happy World Book Day: I grew up with books. Often they were one of the only positive influences or activities I had. I'd stay up ridiculously late on school nights, reading books I couldn't put down. My favorites were Robert Heinlein and Douglas Adams. I urge you to read them and/or any books and rediscover the magic.

Happy Waco Day: when the FBI burned a house and people to the ground.

Happy MOVE Day: when Philadelphia Police burned a house and people to the ground. Then the taxpayers paid twice to rebuild.

• Sudan anger over racist slur caught on air at Bashir trial
• angry that nobody can come up with a good slur for the Sudanese...

Alex Trebek's estate is for sale in Los Angeles. 

Did you know Alex was 80? 

A number of belongings come with the house.

Once again we're left with the aftermath(?) of Life. Alex ostensibly lived a good life, and this is what's left (ignoring if or where he went after). Whaddaya think? 

I guess the weather is officially changing because the birds are out like mad. The cacophony has started. It's so bloody loud, it's getting hard(er) to concentrate. What makes this worse is the dog, who essentially is a bird dog. The birds sing their song then the dog spends her time whining at them. Whining is definitely not a normal cocker trait when faced with birds. What a spoiled brat.

Who Hid Easter?

Your love is like  used napkins

The Quebec Health Ministry sent out a tweet linking a Pornhub video.

It's ok, though, it's only 'Femdom feet worship'

I want to know the mechanics of this (not the foot worship - the tweeting and linking). And doesn't Quebec have enough respect for its citizens to link them to something really good? No disrespect to the foot fetishists.

Today I identify as  George of the Jungle

 Someone emailed me to tell me Good Friday and Passover were the same day this year. So don't forget to nail your matzoh to wood.

I keep my information on my phone's calendar, so I knew it was my friend's birthday. After a while it hit me that it was also Easter (I'm painfully slow sometimes, like a president). Dammit, my calendar didn't tell me this. I distinctly remember adding US holidays to it last year, so this sort of thing wouldn't happen. Apparently the US holidays went on holiday or were stolen between then and now. I'm just at the point where I know whose birthdays are when, but I can't tell you when Christmas is.

We were sitting there, minding our own businesses, trying to figure out where to go when I had my Easter Epiphany. One of us celebrate(d) Easter, so I'd expect some sort of notification. You know, 'hey, today's Easter' or something simple. Instead I had to let out a few expletives (important for most occasions and discoveries, as well as repairing computers) and say, "HEY, TODAY'S EASTER." She shook her head, like I was supposed to know this. Well if it ain't on my phone, it doesn't exist. This will upset my family at Thanksgiving, especially as we bring the turkey.

So I figure, this being Easter, that our Going Out Thing would be rough. She figures it will be crowded. Well if it was going to be crowded, maybe you should've said something before the Easter day I didn't know about. I like to leave the house (no, really) one day on the weekend, just to get out and also to have some food at one of the three restaurants we like (not that we're picky). In the general direction of our first stop is a guitar store. In fact, the first stop IS a guitar store. Which, of course, was shut tight for Easter.  The second stop involved clothing, so there was shopping and much cheer. By 6pm, I was thinking maybe we should eat something, not having had more than toothpaste since we got up. I desperately wanted the One True Pizza, so off we went. You know what's coming, right? Seriously. You guessed it - the pizza place was closed. 

The day didn't get any better. I couldn't deal with reality anymore, so I went off to sleep. Just as I was crossing that bridge, I heard BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Yes, the Wife's Random Alarm had gone off. She didn't set the alarm and can't turn it off but it goes off at random times every day, usually when I'm near it. The clock wasn't even plugged in, so the battery backup must've been active, so the clock could continue to annoy me after it was unplugged. Sleep had failed me. Sleep. The one thing that everyone can rely upon to escape reality. I had to stay awake, which was painful, like watching an awards show.

Mrs. lefty has a bit of Lucy in her and I a bit of Charlie Brown. As soon as I left the bedroom, she was headed there. It's how we've stayed married for so long. I said hello to the dog, resting on the couch. She looked up at me, jumped off the couch, and followed her mommy to bed. So Lucy Mrs. lefty says she'll be making tortilla soup when she gets up. Charlie Brown I think to myself that it's not pizza, but it's good. What Charlie Brown doesn't remember is that Lucy says she'll make the soup when she gets up, and she will, but she doesn't guarantee when she'll be up. I suppose if I want tortilla soup for breakfast, I'd stand a chance of getting it, if she were up that early, before I went to work (in the next room). Oh yeah, am I even working tomorrow? I consult my holiday calendar. Because it's in my phone, it doesn't tell me whether or not I'm off. Then I consult my printed out work holiday calendar. Well, I would consult it, if I could locate it. It rests pinned to the wall, so I can forget to look at it, but apparently it has gone the way of my phone US holidays. I could log into work, but I couldn't stand the depression and aggravation of Windows on a Sunday. Oh wait, I might have downloaded a copy onto my computer. I just realized I now have three ways to lose something. I are organized.

Just a brief reminder that it's mid-April and I'm still hearing 'game changer.' To give you an idea how bad things are, I heard 'easy-peasy' the other day. We do not have enough forward momentum on The Project. I'm hoping we can redouble our efforts to eradicate this scourge upon our language. We are also monitoring 'side hustle.' Another looming concern is 'super': I'm super happy to see you.

A second brief reminder that it's mid-April and the weather forecasters are saying we're getting March temperatures. I think it's safe to believe them on this one.

I'm pretty enraged about the weather for a guy who rarely goes out in it. It's like sunshine: I may not walk under it, but I like knowing it's there.

Do you have moderate-to-severe Butt Itch? Do friends and family always comment and talk behind your back about you always scratching your backside? Do coworkers refuse to shake your hand? Do your pants wear out at the butt first?  Ask your doctor about Anocillin - the new medicine that will turn your moderate-to-severe Butt Itch into mild-to-moderate Butt Itch.

• Do not take Anocillin if you are allergic to Anocillin (you idiot)  
• Do not eat guacamole (because it looks like frog in a blender)
• If you experience a rash on your genitals, rush to the emergency room. This could be indicative of a life-threatening reaction (or gonorrhea)
• If you're on birth control pills, don't fsck if you're taking antibiotics - they lower the efficacy of the pills - and you could....  reproduce, heaven forbid
• Other side effects include male breast growth (gynecomastia), shrinking breasts (shrinkomastia) and death (nomastia)
• If you bother your doctor enough, he'll give you a prescription just to get you out of his office

New pr0n movie: Shaving Private Ryan

• If you ever feel bad about your job, there are people pulling dead bodies off very tall, snowy mountains.

The enlightened rulers of Philadelphia have reinstated masks. Pure genius.

Sunday there were few masks. Monday they were required.

There is court action.

and - US judge throws out Biden mask mandate for planes and trains

SHAFTED American men’s penises are only the 59th biggest in the world, study finds – beaten by Haitians, Australians & French

I am so embarrassed for my countrymen.

Fortunately I am enough for Mrs. lefty.

Or she's lying, to save my feelings.

Now I have to live with this potential strike on my manhood....

5.35 is the American average.

Uh-oh.

Asked by one of the internal kids:

Can a monster be depressed? 

Psychedelic frees up depressed brain, study shows

Magic mushrooms to the rescue! Might only have to be taken once or twice. Studies ongoing. Like ketamine, there will be pushback, by agencies who believe they have the right to control what you put into your body.

Speaking of which: Cops stil don't understand how Fentanyl works

I love this: an employee of a Kentucky company goes to his office manager and asks that there not be any sort of party or celebration for his birthday the next day. Naturally there was a party. He has anxiety issues and left. This was followed by chat with HR, firing, and of course, a suit. I love this guy, whether he was bluffing or not. $435,000 says he wasn't.

People have a right to not have birthday celebrations. He asked in advance. There is nothing wrong with this. Yet he gets grief for walking out.

You won't believe this, but I have a similar wish. Friends tried once. I told them "Thanks and don't do it again." They respected my wishes. After years and years of making my wishes known, my parents asked me if they could take me out to dinner. Although my head was screaming "NOOOOOOO," I acquiesced. Then shows up a nephew. Then another nephew. Then I picked my advanced ass up and left the restaurant. For some reason, they were surprised. People really don't get this. I figure honoring someone's wishes is pretty simple. I don't want presents, yet people still send them. Never mind that I need years of intensive therapy: I've made my wishes very clear - Just, Leave, Me, Alone.

• Philly's murder rate has already exceeded last year's. This is the only time Philly exceeded anything - they should be proud.
• And a portable nuclear device has gone missing from a stolen vehicle in Philly. But don't worry - it's more a measuring device than a bomb.
• Don't forget: nuclear sensors at certain toll booths are so sensitive, they can pick up if you've had a nuclear medical test. Better carry proof if you don't want to spend some time as a guest of the state, while it is verified.

Rockstar edits out “transphobic” content from GTA V remasters

A hot-pink-clad "Captain Spacetoy" figure, in a box highlighting "interchangeable genitalia,"

Now that would be pretty handy, wouldn't it?

Chinese scientists have taught two monkeys to play Pac Man.

What have we learned?

That Chinese monkeys are smarter than me.

Study reveals surgeons work better if they listen to AC/DC during operations

Somehow we all knew this.

Yet I asked a dentist why they play that horrid music. He said you don't want a dentist tapping his feet to a rock song.

• The White House resumed its Easter egg roll
• The president found two!

Amazon is still experimenting with drones for delivery. 

We take you to their testing site...

Bezos: so what's going on here?

Employee: we're working overtime on these drones, but we're having a little trouble.

Bezos: what kind of trouble?

Employee: they're not making it to their destination

Bezos: why?

Employee: parts break

Bezos: don't we have redundant parts?

Employee: they break too

Bezos: I'm going to greenlight these for deliveries

Employee: but Sir, they're not ready

Bezos: what do you mean not ready?

Employee: they fall out of the sky

Bezos: that's no reason to stop the project. I'll save tons on delivery trucks!

Employee: Sir, I'm not an expert in public relations, but when people leave their houses, they don't expect to be wounded by drone parts. Nor complete drones, flying directly at the ground. As Douglas Adams said, 'Flying is aiming at the ground and missing.' Our drones don't miss.

Bezos: What percentage break?

Employee: Around 45%.

Bezos: and that's what you're worried about? I've got warehouses that kill employees at a higher rate. The bad press hasn't hurt me.

Employee: What are we going to do when a drone catches on fire and plummets to the ground, landing on a person and setting them on fire?

Bezos: Offer them a $25 Amazon gift certificate. People love those things. I'll even sign it for them. When I do that, people keep them instead of redeeming them. We have insurance, you know. Oh God I love money. Even though I have so much of it, I want more. Even the divorce, when The Bitch got half of everything, didn't make a dent.

Employee: You're right, Sir. Can I have a raise?

Bezos: if you keep the unions out. Bust some kneecaps or something.

Employee:  Sir, I've got it. We can fly the drones over the union people!

Bezos: are you saying we can fly them over the union agitators, then when the drones catch fire or go to ground at full speed, they will hit the agitators?

Employee: Yessir.

Bezos: this is wonderful. Put it into action. That was a great idea I came up with, but put your name on it in case it fails. It's just amazing how rich I am. I mean I put Captain Kirk into space and it was pocket change. Kirk shit his uniform, by the way. Have I mentioned that I'm rich? I'm richer than Bill Gates, because he keeps giving it away. I don't give money away, I make more. People hate me because they're jealous that I have more money than God. In fact, I loaned him a few hundred bil this morning. 

Employee: (to self) Great,where did I leave the chloroform this time?

Flying AIDS News 

Meet the InspectIR COVID-19 Breathalyzer test just authorized by the FDA

    So when the cops pull you over, make sure to tell them you want THIS breathalyzer

Autopsies suggest COVID’s smell loss is caused by inflammation, not virus

Mental illness may raise risk of breakthrough COVID-19, study says

It's been, what... two months since Russia invaded Ukraine. It's kind of a first because we can almost watch it on tv or the net. Daily reports. Propaganda. US warmongers wanting in. While firmly believing we have no business there, we're sad that people are dying. We don't need war.

Always entertaining Alex Jones' Infowars is filing for bankruptcy because of lawsuits over Sandy Hook. The suits claimed his adherents harassed people. So what? He had no control over people. He did not harass anyone personally. Whether you believe Sandy Hook was real or not, this is suppression of free speech.

Here’s how NASA’s Ingenuity helicopter has spent 1 year on Mars

If you think Ingenuity was busy, NASA had to airbrush out all sorts of things...

• Martians line dancing (with actual cowboy hats)
• Martians mooning
• Jupiterans and Martians giving Ingenuity the finger
• a demonstration for fair treatment of Pluto, making it a planet again
• Will Smith, slugging the Chinese rover

The Internet of Things had another great day, with Insteon automation disappearing from the net. The app and servers are dead. The CEO scrubbed his LinkedIn page. No one is responding.

Remember this when you buy your devices.

Fortunately the dead switches will default to regular old flip switches.

Don't Hurt that Concrete with Your Face

Your love is like  green eggs with no ham

So I'm minding my business, performing an activity I'm proficient at: napping. The fancy knock at the door indicates Wife is home. She seems to consider me her electric door opener. It must be something from childhood.  Anyway, I open the door for a salesgirl who wasn't Mrs. lefty and Penny goes running out to greet her. Then the neighbor happened to be walking by with his dog, that Penny has gone after twice. Well, make that three times.

Now awake from my nap, it no longer mattered that I didn't have any shoes on; I took a huge leap out of the house, ran onto the grass, and within a second of my socks hitting the grass, my head hit the grass. It was some sort of Olympian feat that I had no way of understanding. It must have been good, because the guy with the dog and the salesgirl kept asking if I was ok. I did hit a bit of sidewalk, but there was only minor damage (to the sidewalk). So I'm a little sore here and there, with abrasions on elbows and my butt. The strange thing was that I didn't land on my butt. Perhaps it was complaining or jealous that it never gets the attention. The most amusing part of the exercise was that I had to put a towel on the chair so I didn't bleed on it. It's the little things.

Today I identify as  a traffic light that's green on both sides

There is a bag of chips magnetically attached to the refrigerator.

This, I guess, goes with the bag of chips in the refrigerator.

I cannot find any salsa or dip.

Like most things, I don't know why, but choose to just let it be, like the 70s Camaro positioned vertically in the dining room. It's what's referred to as a Monolith. The first day, it appears. After a day or two of ignoring it, it becomes part of the room and nobody sees it anymore, kinda like the ICBM in the basement.

The chips are somewhat difficult to make out, because of the sheer volume of refrigerator magnets attached to it. I never heard this, but I think all that magnetism on the outside does something to the guts inside, causing the refrigerator to be referred to as the fridge, gaining a 'd' in the process. Attached to the magnets are all sorts of funny sayings (funny being in the eye of the beholder). I normally manage to ignore this 'art' but I'm having trouble finding the fridge handle. It's kinda like not being able to find the bed, between the dog's toys and my wife's stuffed animals. I stopped trying to put them back because they kept magically reappearing, like our Zombie Dishes<tm>. I'd sleep on the sofa, but it's full of chips and fridge magnets too.

• I'll bet you like your Chrome browser - most people do.
• But check out how Google builds a profile of you when you use Chrome...

Busy in our newsrooms since the 50s at least, the CIA has been feeding us false info about Ukraine. Trumpie wasn't completely wrong when he claimed 'fake news.' Yes, our government is feeding us whatever they want us to believe, via the news. Are we seriously paying for this? Are we seriously being governed by this?

Speaking of draconian Texas anti-abortion laws, a woman accused of self-induced abortion was jailed for two nights before murder charges were dismissed.

Remember: You own You.

A California (of course) lawmaker is pushing for a 4-day, 32 hour workweek.

"to create a better work-life balance for workers."

California's residents are up in arms, refusing to go to 4 days (from 3).

California's businesses are tired of the government's paws in their businesses.

I heard noise here and there and discovered some guys taking trash away from my ex-neighbor's house. Her patio, which held her rocking chair and plants all over the place, was bare - barren. I'm sure they're cleaning so they can sell it. 

• The guy who shot up the New York subway is in custody. He worked for Doordash and Amazon for a while. Amazon - that explains it. 
• In another rail incident, a former train engineer for the Port of Los Angeles, derailed a train in 2020. His defense team is going with 'studying QAnon and hopped up on caffeine.'
• Hopped up on caffeine? That could describe half the country on any given morning - you don't see them derailing trains....

The Taxing Problem

The system is beyond broken. Remove the IRS and make it simple. Don't forget - Congress got it to where it is. The income tax was 'temporary'.  It never goes away.

Coastal cities around the globe are sinking

When you have lemons, you make lemonade.

• Manilla first floor properties now boast 'a unique unlimited underwater vista'
• Tianjin, China, says cities are not sinking at all; it's just Western propaganda. The Tianjin Planning Department issued this statement from the first few floors of its building, where they're training octopi to type. They figure they can get more out of them with eight arms.
• As for Karachi, Pakistan, they're very upset because they get no press. No one can find it on a map

Everyone's up in arms after Elon Musk offered to buy Twitter for an absolutely obscene amount of money (half the US budget overage). Elon is concerned about free speech on the platform. Twitter has gone down the shitter in terms of free speech, along with all the major social media platforms. It's funny and ironic to watch Twitterites all of the sudden abandoning their beliefs on freedom of speech and endorsing monitoring.

Assuming Musk is taking this literally, it would be great to have actual free speech on this platform, as you can currently get banned for an incredible number of infractions, including posting old actual news from an 'official' source. Social media has a narrative and you had better abide by it if you want to play.

*As a private company, there is no guarantee of free speech, regardless of ownership. The First Amendment guarantees that the government shall make no laws; it doesn't cover private businesses. Your place of business is free to say you can't use the word 'semprini' during business hours.

The rush to regulate social media is obscene and should be resisted at all costs, even if you agree. Further on down the road, it will be you that gets your speech regulated. 

• Zero Calorie Treat: if you mix Cocoa Krispies with Cocoa Pebbles, a quantum reaction occurs and the cereals disappear.

Working at an Amazon Warehouse Got Even More Dangerous in 2021

After an intensive review, Jeff Bezos, Amazon Owner, Top 3 richest people on Earth, man who sent Kirk into space, ordered the following discontinued, effective immediately:

1. Throw the Packages at the Spinning Blades
2. Knife Your Neighbor
3. Parking Lot Whack-A-Mole
4. Cafeteria Stab Yourself in the Eye with Fork
5. you no longer have to Hit Fingers with Hammer if you're written up. It has been changed to 'if you're written up more than once,' for your safety.

Mr. Bezos hopes this will make the Amazon warehouses a safer place to work, or at very least, get off the public stats for unsafe warehouses.

NOTE to the dog out back: stop doing your impression of my dog. This causes me to run to the door to let her in, even when she's already in. It also gets my dog in trouble with the neighbors because they think it's her barking. Ha ha very funny.

She was soooooo ugly.....

HOW UGLY WAS SHE?

She was so ugly, when she said she wanted to be tied up for sex; I tied her up and ran.

Johnny, Don't Sleep on the Light Pole

 

Your love is like  one of those huge pimples on the pimple popper show

Today my buddy, Bob, found out that not everybody uses a different deodorant for each arm. Boy was he embarrassed. 

Today I identify as  a man who transitioned to a woman and realized he made an Oops

I feel sorry for the non-spousal people out there. I've been married so long, I wouldn't know what to do. I'd wind up making a horrible fool of myself, in a bar somewhere, with my pants down and everybody laughing. 

I don't really drink, so being in bars is not fun for me (unless I'm getting paid to perform). I'm not an extrovert by any means, so social interaction is also borderline painful. I'm probably not of the bar age anyway, but I'm not sure Dairy Queen is where I want to meet women. I know the trick would be to stand outside a store with Penny. Dogs are Chick Magnets. Unfortunately I'd have to actually speak to implement my evil plans, if I even came up with them. As soon as one talked to me, I'd freeze up and look like an idiot. It was only years later that I realized I could've cleaned up (if I could figure out they were interested). I talk to women all the time; on elevators, on the street, at work... situationally. I'm never shy and I make them laugh. I just make observations and complain. Everybody loves that. But even married, it's not like they asked for my number. I never said I was good at it, dammit.

When I discovered computers, I had not discovered Adult Chat. This confused the hell out of the females....

Hi

HI

What are you wearing?

JEANS AND A TSHIRT.

Do you like sex?

WELL OF COURSE I LIKE SEX - SHOW ME PEOPLE WHO DON'T.

Guess what I'm wearing...

JEANS AND A TSHIRT?

I have a black, see-through nightie and stockings.

OOH, THAT SOUNDS NICE. YOUR HUSBAND IS A LUCKY GUY. I CAN'T GET MY GIRLFRIEND TO WEAR THAT STUFF - SHE SAYS 5 MINUTES AND IT'S OFF. WHAT'S THE POINT?

click..

Many men (mostly me) are absolutely blind with women and the signs they may be interested. Back when I performed, I'd stay in the back and fold up equipment so I didn't have to interact with anybody. On the few occasions I did, Wife would ask me if I saw that. That? Yeah, those chicks were staring at you. They were all over you with their eyes. What chicks? How did you know? How was I supposed to know? There was a girl in high school who sat next to me. She once showed up with a shirt... let's see... it was like a knit sweater, but with huge holes in it. If you couldn't see what you wanted to in one hole, all you had to do was move to a different one. Did I mention she had dispensed with a bra? I discussed the shirt with her, but that was it. I only found out later it was for me. How clueless was I?

At one show, a lady came up to me and said she thought I was gorgeous, and would I give her my number. I thought she just escaped from a mental health facility - nobody said that to me. Ever. It never registered she was hitting on me - I thought she was trying to get my number for some sort of privacy invasion, so I walked away. I'm telling you, I'm thick. At another show, one kept her hand on my leg. I thought she was scared.  They could pretty much walk by with a sign that said "I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU, lEFTY" and I'd still miss it. Then, later on, I'd ask a band member what she meant with that sign. Being men, we'd discuss it, invariably coming up with the incorrect conclusion.  Maybe she was going for a sleep study. Maybe she sleeps better with someone else in the bed. Maybe she's trying to get out of her house.

After all that, I'm much better at spotting it (and beating myself up because I can't do anything). All this ability is wasted on me. Know something??  After 29 years, I am not interested in going anywhere. Good luck to you, single folks, whether looking for a relationship or mattress-testing.

• Hey, just wanted you to know about a blast from the past: Gonorrhea's back! It's borderline untreatable because it's becoming resistant to antibiotics. Insist on protection.

Porsche (pronounced 'porch') has an $1800 pc monitor. Women are attracted to it (but don't know why) and it displays everything faster than other monitors.

Flying AIDS News 

How Profit and Incompetence Delayed N95 Masks While People Died at the VA

Pfizer Hired 600+ People to Process Vaccine Injury Reports, Documents Reveal

People are developing trauma-like symptoms as the pandemic wears on

Dr. Anthony Fauci’s Little Known Biodefense Work. It’s How He Became The Highest Paid Federal Employee

In Operation Paperclip, after WWII, we brought over a bunch of nazis. Werner von Braun was one, who was drafted into rocket service. He used the V5 to help us get rockets off the ground. In the years since, we haven't had a radical change to the way rockets function: one incredible boom and the rocket starts out, using incredible amounts of fuel. You'd think in 80 years, we'd have come up with something new and more efficient (cars and planes too, for that matter). Nope. It's either Top Secret or it's not there at all. Now we're worried about fuel costs and the climate. Odd, that.

• Big oil companies are using wartime profits to enrich investors, report says

RIP Gilbert Gottfried (67) - we don't always hear about the cause of death immediately, but it was from recurrent ventricular tachycardia due to myotonic dystrophy type II. It sounds like he gave us a final laugh. He was delightfully politically incorrect, harking back to the great days of comedy, where you could say anything you wanted. Tributes came in from all over, including Mel Brooks.

• I started blogging out of nowhere, and stayed there

Boris Johnson, Prime Minister and part-time light fixture in England, was fined for attending a birthday party during a Flying AIDS lockdown. This delineates a huge difference between the UK and US. Can you imagine Dick Cheney being fined for 9-11 or Biden fined for the debt? George Dubya fined for.. well.... being George Dubya?

One day at work, one of the bosses questioned the moose I had hanging. It was a simple moose, riding a car tire, like everyone else has. I asked her, "Whatsamatta, you never seen a well-hung moose?"  She walked away and left me alone. And this is how I got more work done than others.

• OK, this is getting out of hand. Because of shortages, my coffee is going up in price. This is the kind of shit that starts unrest.... 

If you collect stuff.... jewelry, guitars, whatever... do an inventory of it right now. Leave some contacts to get the stuff valued. This way, if you check out, those left behind have it easier. Unless you hated them, in which case give it to the SPCA or home for wayward women (my house).

Asshole in a Mercedes cut you off?

BMW doing 100mph?

Girlfriend just dump you?

No problem - this app will take a picture of their car and send it to the police.

Of course if you use it in a car, you're not paying attention to your driving.

The app has generated a ton of hate mail.

Remember: snitches get stitches.

Related:

EU countries want to pool photos in massive facial recog database

this is what we've been warning you about - WAKE UP!! 

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

Anti-LGBTQ Proposals Are Flooding U.S. State Legislatures at a Record Pace

The New Campaign for a Sex-Free Internet

Sex Workers Banned from Banks Turn to Crypto

feel the love 

Functionally Miserable, but Watch Out for Aardvarks at the Beach

Your love is like   deep fried tires

Here’s what happens when cops pull over a driverless Cruise vehicle

At least it didn't explode when it pulled over....

Today I identify as  Stevie Nicks

I just filled up my car for FIFTY NINE DOLLARS. This includes a discount.

I don't drive an SUV or truck. That must mean gas is ridiculously high.

Apropos of nothing, Exxon's last profit statement was through the roof.

Now Congress is knocking at their door.

When this is over, do you think all the price increases will roll back? 

• One part of Philadelphia's subway system is closed today because of Operator Shortage. 
• If this isn't a sickout, where are the people? Everyone needs employees - are they hiding under a rock?

The oven mitt sat comfortably, by itself, against the coffee table in the living room.

I couldn't decide whether to explode or go with it. The doctors told me to be more accepting, so I smiled at it. It smiled back, as did the sofa. So there we were, the three of us, smiling away; none wondering if our meds needed adjusting, It would definitely be one less oven mitt to help in the kitchen when we needed to avoid being burned. I have a very nice pot, that I hear is very expensive, with the requisite two handles. One is fine, the other gets so hot I can't touch it. It all makes perfect sense to me, no matter if I live in the seven ring circus or the five ring circus. It's the same circus - only the rings change.

Mrs. lefty has a sick relative and will be off attending to them (them is their chosen pronoun). No it's not.  So the amount of rings in the circus will probably decrease, as there will be only one ringmaster for a bit. Naturally we're back to the age old debate of who's going to babysit me while she's gone. With all the trouble she's having lately, I wonder if Valerie Bertinelli is around. But then that would bring out my Inner Helper and we'd probably have to add another ring to the circus. It's too late to call Linda Fiorentino or my one stunning cousin. Things aren't looking good for me, in terms of babysitters. Wife needs to have relatives get sick with more notice next time, so I can procure an acceptable babysitter. 

The IRS already ruled that each of her personalities cannot file individually; talk about inflexibility. They all did not get their checks in the Great Money Giveaway. You try explaining to a mob of kids why they don't all get a check. No matter, it just went to household emergencies. The household emergency fund is my paycheck, plus any other income that may appear.

So I'm gonna be alone for a bit. I'm pretty sure I have custody of the dog. The dog will be terribly confused, as her main gig is following her mommy around the house. I will be terribly confused, as there will be no one to tell me, "You can't wear that - it's all wrinkled." The dog doesn't cook either, which is dreadful. She gets depressed (no, really) when her mommy is gone and just lays on the couch. Come to think of it, so do I.

Speaking of the IRS, we tried doing our taxes today. Note: tried.

It's a minor miracle in that it's before June or October. We use an online service, that has sent me an email every day since last April. I got two today. Signing on is fun, in that it requires multi-factor authorization (MFA). This is more secure than login and password, and twelve times as annoying. It wanted to send me an email with a code to put back in the website before I could go ahead. It also asked for a piece of my mother's nose hair, a bit of my wife's pubic hair (because we're filing jointly), and a few used guitar strings, so they know it's me. This was merely Step One on our journey.

The program remembered who I was, bless it, and wanted to verify some stuff on my W2. So I went to get my W2 and couldn't find it, despite downloading it and keeping three copiealong with a fourth in my pillowcase (shit, I wasn't supposed to tell you that, was I?). Never mind, I'd simply log into work and get yet another copy. Oh no, this was gonna involve Windows. The pain continued, as Windows tried to decide if my credentials were correct, then welcomed me a lot. Minutes later I had a desktop, but no wireless connection - you have to wait even longer for that. Once logged into work, I brought up a browser to get the information and it stared at me. I told it to open a new tab and it stared at me more, only this time its eyes were looking in two separate directions at the same time. The browser was either in Complete Refusal or had locked up entirely. So I brought up another browser. Eventually. Slowly. Monolithically. It came up behind the Broken Browser, so I didn't know it was there. Have I mentioned this process is painful?

I logged into my W2 program and don'tcha know, it too wanted to email me a code before it logged me in. I can't fault security, being a Professional Security d00d, but it was killing me. Eventually I got what I was looking for and emailed to myself (go email yourself). In the meantime, the tax program logged me out. So I had to login again, with another one-time email code. Even my email program was laughing at me.

The rest of it was pretty easy, and when I say the rest of it, I mean uploading the W2. After that there were more problems, including more paperwork that wasn't sent to us in error.

Every. Single. Step. of this process has been painful. Is it like this for you?

After days of getting nothing done, I went to make dinner and burned myself, because I couldn't find the oven mitt. Do you ever have months like this? 

Flying AIDS News 

The painfully simple reason Hong Kong saw one of the highest COVID death rates

Appears to have peaked.... but Incomplete data likely masks a rise in U.S. Covid cases as focus on infection counts fades

Shanghai residents question human cost of China's COVID quarantines

“Implausible:” Zero deaths in Shanghai’s COVID spike spurs skepticism

DC’s Gridiron COVID outbreak tally hits 72 as cases tick up nationwide

• Here's a cheap present for friends or yourself: a Vermin Supreme keychain. Show your support for everybody's favorite libertarian with a boot on his head.

Ya know, I was very sympathetic to Britney Spears' mental well-being and conservatorship. As her conservatorship ended, she announced she is pregnant. If ending conservatorship means pregnancy, perhaps ex-Disney folks are better off staying conserved. 

• President Taxit announced new gun control, demanding all 3d guns be serialized and registered. It's the Constitution, Brandon. Biden also demanded that the guns be diverse.

• In related news, Mexico's wants to sue US gun manufacturers for $10bn. Because we're the cause of their violence. Actually it makes sense from a health standpoint.. if you blame the cartels, you'll wind up dead.

The microchip implants that let you pay with your hand

it's not often I find myself agreeing with some Christian groups, but they refer to it as Really Bad Stuff, like the mark of the beast kinda thing. I'm just going with Really Bad Stuff. Initially, people were really excited to get these implants, as a trial run. But then, people are interested in posting their Social Security numbers on Faceyspaces. Many are still interested.

• although they're FDA-approved, so are phones and Flying AIDS vaccines. Do you really want radio frequencies to penetrate your skin?
• using Bluetooth and other technologies, hackers can already access information on your phone. It won't be long til they can access your arm.
• rest assured the data will be owned and mined and you'll have less and less freedom.

Just when I'm worried about seeing stuff, the pill bottle starts moving toward me and leaps to the floor. I'm not prescribed this kind of medicine. Warning: the glass on the front of the iDevice is incredibly slippery and almost anything you put on it will wander. 

SpaceX launches first totally private mission to the International Space Station

Nothing good will come of this...

• NASA veterans will look down their noses at these young whippersnappers
• California astronauts will want to "catch a gnarly space wave, dude!"
• Floridians will change Space Dinner to 4:00
• Texans will start on plans to make it twice the size (everything's bigger in Texas, even if it's in space)
• the Bible Belt astronauts will make sure there's no abortion (or pr0n) on the ISS

Mars News

On Mars, the speed of sound depends on its pitch.

All sound travels slower through Mars’ air compared with Earth’s. But the higher-pitched clacks of a laser zapping rocks travels slightly faster in the thin Martian atmosphere than the lower-pitched hum of the Ingenuity helicopter, researchers report April 1 in Nature.

What this means is that you'll hear classic rock sooner than you'll hear the Hot Hits on the radio, with the low-pitched drum machines. Even Mars knows what's good. 

Secret Government Info Confirms First Known Interstellar Object on Earth, Scientists Say

Meteor falls to Earth in 2014.

It was kept secret for 8 years.

Even with our government's penchant for secrecy, why would this be classified so?

This stuff needs to stop.

• Obama jokes with 'Vice-President Biden' at White House
• Biden worried for President Obama over this Russia thing 

“The more laws and commands there are, the more thieves and robbers there will be.” – Laozi

the Beetles

The Front View from Behind

 

Your love is like  repeated coughing fits

On the Court Channel is news about Johnny Depp and his trial for allegedly beating his girlfriend. Wife is a huge Depp fan, sees his picture, and says, "He can beat me."  I have never been more proud.

Today I identify as  a small pile of dirt that your broom just can't pick up

Another reason I'll never be The Boss: at a recent meeting, The Boss spoke of our pronoun program and told everyone where to change theirs. He did it without laughing or banging his head on the desk.

I felt compelled to comment. It took everything I had to remain silent. I even had Wife and dog with me, trying to distract me. Wife was naked. Dog was 'clothed'. I wonder if I could get one of those exemptions for Extreme Circumstances or lack of filtration, or mental illness or Tourettes.

• Biden group launches TikTok account to boost the president’s agenda
• Wants to know why they won't let him sing and dance..

Flying AIDS News 

Covid: Blood clot risk higher for six months after having virus

India Reports First Case of Highly Transmissible XE Variant

Nancy Pelosi tests positive for Covid only a day after visit to Biden in White House to sign bill

Second COVID booster shot extends protection for just a few weeks, study shows

Two COVID Variants Just Combined Into a ‘Frankenstein’ Virus

More than 150 Comparative Studies and Articles on Mask Ineffectiveness and Harms

Congressional pressure mounts to pass $52b CHIPS Act

President Taxit wants a FIFTY TWO BILLION DOLLAR act put through to fund the semiconductor industry.

No.

Government does not exist to fund business, even if it's 'too big to fail.'

This is your money, people....

It is shade #222 of gray outside today. We had thunder, which scares the hell out of the kids. The whole house shook, so I don't blame them. The weather forecast on tv said rain all day. Shocking. Even though he's wrong 50% of the time, he's obviously right today. When someone asks me about the weather, I always tell them gray and rainy; I'm usually right. No one suggests I take a gig as a weather man. It's a good thing, too. I can't dress that goofy and don't like cameras. Plus I'd be perpetrating fraud, and I just can't do that to people. I'd need some sort of eccentricity, as all weather people have these days. Let's see... the bow tie and dressing horribly have been done. The poodle hair look to celebrate race has been done (Frank Zappa would up and die a second time - he hated poodles). Too small suits, flaming gay, really hot but stupid, and many others are in rotation. I'd need something completely my own. How bout a bag over my head? The Unknown Weather Person. Dress as an evil clown, like "Killer Clowns from Outer Space"? Frighten the children off becoming a weather person. The Automatic Weapon Weather. The Drop Something Expensive Weather. The trade witty remarks with the hot anchor weather. Telling secrets about the anchors weather. Play a guitar instrumental weather, with the brand new, in-house news band.

I could do it, but I just don't want to.

It happened again this morning. I'm sitting in the office, minding my own business, attending the Big Meeting, when I sense a presence at the door. I mentioned this before; something about me having a meeting compels Mrs. lefty to seek my attention. We have made progress in this area, as she no longer yells or juggles plates (poorly) while I'm online. Like today, she just stood there, vibrating or shaking or having a seizure - I didn't have the time to diagnose anything. I sit in my office eight hours a day, with a few short meetings. What is it about the meetings that forces her to want to talk to me?  Is it the taboo nature of interrupting? Is it because she'll never remember what she was going to tell me and will forget to write it down? Pretty much. Is it just the fun of bothering me? Could be.

So the interruption starts with the shaking, which proceeds to the vibrating, sometimes causing her to vibrate a few inches off the floor. She is not at all afraid of the Death Stare<tm> I give her when she does this. My final deterrent (ha!) is to ask her if it's important. Of course it's important - she has something to say. Is she sure she can't ask it during the other 7 hours of work?

"Did you hear what Bobbi said at the party? Have you chosen your personal pronouns yet?"

Dear huge bidding site that rhymes with EPay: when I search for left handed guitars, why does the result suggest left handed guitars that the search didn't find?

And why is there a bunch of preamps labeled "kit", consisting only of a manual, for the bargain price of $80?

• Palm Springs looks to give trans residents monthly cash payments
• yet another area in which government does not belong, regardless of sexual orientation. If a private business or group wants to do this, fine, but not with tax dollars. Universal Basic Income is a joke.

Having said that, it must be terrible to realize you're in the wrong body. 

Then the grief from others must be insane, family included. Good luck to you, people. We here at ThermionicEmissions have a strict No Care policy. We don't care what body you're in, what body you would like, who you're attracted to, and what you do with your winkie, if you have one. So long as nobody gets hurt (that doesn't want to) and no one is underage, go for it. Remember: We don't care.

• Week's best album title: Please put me in a medically-induced coma

Wife is shopping and called me about something. It's not like the prices are going up as she stands there, but Starbucks drinks are three times what they used to be and we don't even like Starbucks. The busiest person in the store is the one with the price gun.

When speaking to store people, they say the issue is not being able to get enough truck drivers and unloaders. They're offering large signon bonuses and paying for Commercial Driver License training and still having trouble.

• Google's android Play Store will begin hiding apps not updated for 2 years
• They have no trouble doing this, but testing for malware, not so much...

There are QR codes everywhere, including tv commercials. You know, those Rorschach ink blots that you point your phone at to do something, like install programs. BEWARE. You really don't want to do this. Firstly, it could be a malicious program.  Secondly, it could send your information up the line. If you insist on installing something, go to the Play Store and install from there.

Grammys Are Finally Relevant!

 APRIL FOOLS!

Your love is like  being run over by a construction vehicle, which backs up and runs you over again

President Taxit stepped up to the plate on Long Covid, suggesting it all be converted to Short Covid, so there's only one Covid to deal with. His advisors said, "Nice going, Brandon," and put him back in his case.

Today I identify as  an entire class of trans 5th graders

Faceyspaces news 

Lord Zuck surfs every day, to wash off the tons of negative press he receives.

Hitler didn't surf.

TikTok is taking away a lot of Faceyspaces users. It's getting so bad that people are livestreaming their shootings and crimes on TikTok instead of Faceyspaces.

• It was interesting to be out recently, seeing a few people with masks. Good on them - it's their choice.
• It was sad to go to a mall with long lines of stores closed. They should sue the governor for mandating closures. It probably wouldn't fly, but it would be nice.

While at the mall, I saw electric car charging stations in the parking lot. This was my first time (I'm not lying when I say I don't get out a lot). I took a look - the charges were free. Regardless of cost, there's still the cost of electricity generation. I have no opinion on how green this is, but I'd like an accounting of the 'green' cars; including charging electricity generation, electricity required for manufacturing, battery cost, and battery disposal. Plus battery replacement, if necessary. I suspect things aren't as green as stated. Interestingly, there is already a hack on chargers.

The abortion ban in Texas is draconian. Unfortunately, Texas is so large, women may have to travel quite a distance to other states. Philadelphia imposed a huge tax on luxury cars, so all the dealers moved just across the city line, into the suburbs. I guess this will help Texas women to some degree.

Remember: You Own You 

Elon Musk just bought a metric shitload of Twitter stock, making him the largest shareholder. In unrelated news, Twitter is now spontaneously catching fire.

• Musk had been publicly calling into question Twitter’s approach to free speech
• This should be interesting. Unfortunately going after Twitter is insufficient.

Flying AIDS News  

10,000 Covid Patients, Almost Zero Deaths: The ‘Miracle’ of Imperial Valley

How Fact-Finding Fauci Led To My Cancellation At Forbes

NIH begins trial of COVID boosters to fight future variants

'I've had long Covid for two years now'

38,000 health workers dispatched to Shanghai as COVID outbreak worsens

LG lithium ion car batteries have been discovered to spontaneously combust, causing engine fires, and are under the federal microscope. I dunno about you, but I'd add this to the negatives when you decide whether electric cars are for you. Let's see - no internal combustion to add to climate change. With regular cars, it's what we know, plus the batteries don't blow up. It's a tough choice. With current cars, you can replace a part or a battery. With electric, you can replace batteries that run the width of the car, for only $5,000 plus. But you can also stand outside the dealer's shop and see if they blow up.  It's a very difficult choice.

The car industry’s multibillion-dollar bet on electric vehicles was built on a single premise: that batteries would carry on getting cheaper.  Yeah, you tried that with albums and CDs. How did that work out?

• While the Religiously Addled are at it, they have passed an almost total ban on abortion in Oklahoma.

So I'm minding my business after work, when the day's best idea hit me: a nap.

While I (and the dog) are settling in, British tv is on. I'm starting to drift off when I hear "the business of sex." I would be a bad anglophile if I didn't pay attention. It was only moments til I saw a 65-ish year old transvestite, masturbating, fully without the benefit of clothing. HANG ON a tic..... this was going to require my undivided attention, so I put settling down for the nap off a bit. You know how there are many words that don't mean the same thing in the US and UK? I spent some time working on 'transvestite.' She advertises as a transvestite, but she has two rather large, obvious bolt-on breasts and one vagina. In the US, a transexual may have the midsectional plumbing redone; no idea about the UK.

So there she was, naked and touching herself. Good for her, making a buck.

I rejoiced, not because the 65 year old transvestite was masturbating, but because the citizens of the UK were 'allowed' to see it on tv. I thought perhaps because of the subject matter, they figured people wouldn't watch it, so I hung in for anything else that might, you know ...come up  ....in the show.  The next bit involved a 50-something lady (CIS hetero), who, it seems, had men come by and made videos of them Doing Stuff with her. Her husband (you knew it was coming, right?) was older and played on his laptop while the fun was being had. I guess she makes the house payments. They showed a bit of this also. Considering my orientation, it was a bit better for me than the transvestite. At some point there was a naked old man, who was getting ready to participate in  .....something or other.  Maybe it was the Laptop Guy, having a go at his own wife.

As the UK will tell you, the US is depraved (I prefer to pronounce it 'deprived').

It's not like I want to watch the over 60 set, in any configuration, having sex on tv, but I'd like to have the option.

• California Can't Mandate Diversity on Corporate Boards
• sometimes, occasionally, sanity prevails
• but it goes against my libertarian sensibilities, which say government has no place in private business

 

The guitarist who saved hundreds of people on a sinking cruise liner

What do you do when the ship is sinking, the officers have taken the first lifeboat and run away, and the captain is in mental shutdown, smoking in the dark? Haul out the guitarist! He got people in lifeboats, called Mayday, and helped with the helicopter rescues. Talk about hero.....    (never mind that he put a Kahler on a Les Paul)       --- Guitarists: we're good to have around.

Our Automatic Trashcans have again done their duty and put themselves back in their place after the trash trucks were done with their rounds. We're intensely curious. I guess our friendly neighbor is doing it because Mrs. lefty has trouble getting around. This, of course, means they think I no longer live in the house. Perhaps I need to get out and argue more with the neighbors or something.