Your love is like a vacation on the Sunny Gaza Strip
Someone recently gave me some packs of Fritos. I forgot how much I liked them. And how bad they are for you. So I'm sitting here, shoveling them into my face. I have to keep stopping to type a word or 2. When these are done, I promise to go back to my other problem, British Toffee Oreos. They literally crunch when you eat them. I have to get my jollies somewhere.
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I've mostly loved my jobs; I've been very fortunate.
UNfortunately, the current job experience is fraying a bit at the edges, like dealing with Hamas.
It's not that it's upsetting my entire group, but we're being encouraged to drink on company time.
I had a conversation with my boss.... (boss in italics)
Good morning.
Good morning.
When there is a large failure, it's always good to have a post mortem, to figure out what failed and how we can prevent it next time, if there IS a next time. It's like an autopsy, hopefully without all the body fluids, but I can't make any promises.
This is a good idea.
So, let's begin at the beginning.
Right.
Box Number One.
Yes.
It was found to be costing us more than the gross domestic product of Europe.
Yes.
So the new guy, anxious to prove himself, decided to kill Box Number One, even though it does everything we want and has been working well for years.
Yes.
And he wasn't specific about its replacement, or if there would be a replacement.
Exactly.
Well, who needs entire departments devoted to security? Give them an abacus and let them work it out.
Exactly.
Then somebody remembered cheaper software, which became Box Number Two.
Yes.
Our department was given 30 days to learn, install, and operate Box Number Two.
We were.
And on the 27th day, we were notified that we were no longer using Box Number Two, nor the unbelievably huge amount squandered on training.
Yes.
Why did Box Number Two stop all of the sudden?
Marketing.
Marketing?
Marketing.
What about Marketing?
They didn't like it.
Hang on.. Marketing didn't like security software and thusly it was terminated?
Yes.
Since when does Marketing have a say in securing the corporation?
Since now, apparently.
I fear there is a Box Number Three.
You betcha.
And since no one asked us, how did we wind up with it?
Janitorial.
Janitorial made the security decision?
Yes.
I think I liked it better when Marketing was making the security decisions.
I have to tell you something in confidence....
Oh dear lord, there's more?
It gets better.
It couldn't.
We're looking at Box Number Four.
Why, oh why?
The guys who hold the door open when we enter the building were very unhappy with Box Number Three.
So let me see if I understand... we have but a few days to self-study up on Box Number Three and be all excited about it and get it working, knowing full well that Box Number Four is in the pipeline.
You got it.
Why don't we just skip Box Number Three and study up on Box Number Four?
We can't announce Box Number Four until we get sign-off from the people who raise and lower the flag every day.
I was hired in security.
Me too. I'm your boss, remember?
I am reminded daily. Ever since I got here, our bosses and other departments have made the major decisions for us.
Yes.
I had a high school teacher.
How long did it take him to kill himself?
He lasted quite a while, surprisingly. He had a very scientific process for grading tests. He'd take the pile of tests and throw them down the steps. The tests that landed on the floor got an A. The tests that landed on the first step got a B, and so forth.
Sounds fair.
We are trained security professionals, yet no one has asked for our input into our own gear.
Yes.
These were also the people who killed the weekend shift because hackers don't work on weekends.
Yup.
Ya know, I think the only decent decision anyone has made is the recommendation to drink during work.
Agreed, shall we?
We don't normally drink, so make mine a triple.
The EPA wanted all water systems to have cybersecurity testing, to make sure we're safe in case anybody tries to hack water systems. The idea is so solid and brilliant that there was no way the industry or the republican states would have any of it. Legal warfare happened, and as a result, water remains potentially insecure. Yay! I've been warning about electricity and water for years. I'm right most of the time, but I'd be ok taking a hit here (you republican and industry idiots).
We've really had enough of the constant grief and aggravation at ThermionicMansion. Most who know us just shake their heads and ask what happened this time. We successfully made it through the dog's platelet emergency and she looks quite well. Last night she couldn't get up on the bed. She gets up on the couch fine, but the bed's taller. I don't even want to think about this. She's only about 11. It's not that we love our dogs, but how many other people have portable steps to get on the bed for when the dog has trouble? And don't give me any of that crap about dogs sleeping in beds, you nazis. All 4 of them have and didn't mess anything up. World Peace<tm> would be more likely than separating a dog from her mommy. Mommy lays down, dog lays down.
In other news, last night I told the dog to go get one of her toys. She thought about it a second and got one of her toys. This is not a command or anything we taught her. It was impressive, but she can no longer play stupid when I tell her to take out the trash. Which reminds me... it's trash night. I can tell the weather without looking out the window... since it's trash night, it's raining. Someone gets a kick out of watching me haul the cans out and cursing the weather, getting drenched in the process. I'm putting a GoFundMe together to get us a climate. One that isn't covered by clouds 90% of the time.
It's Annoying Sports Time. By this I mean any time anybody's excited about the local sports teams. As if that weren't enough, two of our teams are doing well, presumably in different sports. I'd gotten good at identifying the sport, but it went to hell when I stopped watching tv. The kids were watching something and I noticed the program was infested with commercials. Mrs. lefty said that's perfectly normal. Oh, dear, I certainly miss tv. The worst of it was the news. They spent the first 10 minutes of news dealing with sports. It's certainly a good thing nothing else was going on in the world and cancer had been cured. There are stories about which areas of the city are having people catcher rails delivered. I thought sports fans only rioted downtown (and turned vans over). They just piss at the stadiums and homes around it whenever there's a game. The first time we won something, the yahoos were climbing the light poles. I was not amused, until other fans started making targets of them by throwing beer cans. The next time they greased the poles. For some reason this stopped no one. This year I suggested electrifying the light poles, but as usual, nobody listened to me.
My coworkers were very upset when they tried baiting me about the local team. I agreed with them. They stopped baiting me. I'm for anything that doesn't result in trashing cars and light poles.
- Lastly, we bid a fond farewell to Singapore, which visited in throngs and pushed the stats way up. Thanks for the hits. And thank you, loyal readers.
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