Your love is like performing dentistry on cats
I think it's called death, but don't quote me on it.
I don't like fishnet stockings. No, I don't have to wear them, but that's across the street from the point. They're called fishnet because they closely resemble fish net (really), which fishermen use to haul in fish and whatnot, whatnot being other things that get pulled up with fish, that may or may not be edible. If you apply critical thought to this, you don't want to be thinking of, or smelling, FISH while you're... you know... down there. I saw them on tv the other day... they looked trashy. Now I love me some trash, that's true, and my idea of fashion is a clean t-shirt, but it looked low-rent trashy, which is something I just made up for the purpose of this ranting. On the back end, as it were, is that I prefer the regular old stockings, which would fail miserably if used as fish net. They'd pull up absolutely anything; like fish, crabs, washing machines, bodies, and the occasional Toyota. It seems to come down to the size of the hole, which is a metaphor for life.
- It turns out that if you pile stuff in front of the fan, the air is too stupid to go around the pile to get to you. Science is kinda my thing.
Wow, a 3 day weekend! I was pretty excited, as I always am when there's a day off. Looking at the forecast, it was nothing but clouds and rain for 3 days. I recently realized that I tend to react and do the same things in response to the same things, with no recollection of the past or learning anything. F'rinstance, I get excited about guitar shopping. I bounce like a little kid - are we there yet, are we there yet? When I get there, there are zero or 1 lefty guitars, and none of the accessories or amplifiers are exciting. Every time. I feel like Homer Simpson: he says 'Mmm... donut,' reaches for it, and a hammer comes down on his hand. He looks back up and says, 'Mmm...donut, again. He never learns. I think I might just be Homer - I need to see a doctor to confirm my suspicions.
All I really need is someone with a few live brain cells to go over this with me. I call this the Sara Palin Effect. She used to say, 'and how's that working for ya?'
Sara: Where are you going today?
Me: Guitar shopping
Sara: And when was the last time you bought a guitar?
Me: About 3 years ago.
Sara: And where did you buy it?
Me: From a dude 2 hours away.
Sara: Not from a guitar store?
Me: Ummm... no.
Sara: And how many times have you been to the guitar store this year?
Me: I dunno, maybe 25?
Sara: And how many guitars have your bought?
Me: None.
Sara: So how's that workin for ya?
Sara: How many times have you been excited for days off work?
Me: Pretty much all of them.
Sara: And how many of them proved worthy of being off?
Me: [thinking] Well.....hmmm... just about... damn near, almost zero.
Sara: And you're excited about a 3 day weekend?
Me: Yeah!
Sara: And how's that workin' for ya? You must be a real joy with 4 day weekends, Einstein.
Sara: And how many times have you looked outside to clouds, gloom, and rain?
Me: Only about every time I look outside.
Sara: And how's that workin' for ya?
Sara: How many times have you shot yourself in the foot?
Me: Most times.
Sara: You'd think you'd learn to filter.
Me: Me? No filters.
Sara: And how's that workin' for ya?
Me: My feet look like Swiss cheese.
Sara has a point. Only I'm too stoopid to figger out what it is. Surprising she never got elected nationally.
Sara: You sound like a complete idiot.
Me: Why yes, I do.
Sara: And how's that workin' out for ya?
Me: Well, thank you. My wife bet me $50 I couldn't mention Sara Palin in the blog without getting political.
Sorry, I have to run. The guitar stores are only open til 9 today.
I'm no expert on witchcraft, but his name is very similar to Hermione. Coincidence? Do they burn witches at the stake in Seychelles? Should we start accusing our politicians of witchcraft?
Don't they call that irony?
Bids for ISS demolition rights are now open, NASA declares
This should be fun... how would you demolish the ISS?
- China would shoot it with one of its secret attack satellites
- Russia would say it never existed
- President Giveaway would give some country $25 billion to study the feasibility
- John Walsh would point at it and speak sternly
- the Military Industrial Complex wants no part of it - they only do construction
- Space Patrol wants to zap it with their confiscated Q32 Explosive Space Modulators
- if he were alive, Dick Cheney would want to use thermite. Don't count him out.
- the Philadelphia Parking Authority would simply tow it to their yard and no one would ever see it again, but it will cost Biden $15 million per day storage fee
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