It is at times like these that I am glad my penis doesn't have all the power (all the time). I have to admit it - Harley Palinson is cute.
Just not at the voting booth.
So it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm awake. This is not something that should ever happen, nor is it on purpose. The dog has decided it's time to go outside. No earthly idea why 5:30am is the Designated Urinating Hour<tm>, but there is simply no arguing with him.
As it turns out, it was a good thing he woke me up. I heard a loud noise like machinery or steam. I'm running around the house, sans clothes, looking for the source of the noise. My neighbors are not above running construction equipment at 5:30 but it seemed to be coming from inside.
Yes, the bathroom. Cold water is running full blast, coming up over the sink and getting all over the carpet. Yay.
My next thought is who would possibly leave water running full blast. The dog has absolutely no interest; when he wants to play, he simply sticks his paws in the toilet. My wife is the likely suspect but she has not been known to leave water on.
Of course - it's the cat.
I shouldn't be surprised.... this is the same cat who, the week we got him, kept jumping on the stove and turning the gas on. I swear he was trying to blow us all to pieces. We had to remove the stove knobs for months until he was past his Explosive Phase (and on to disemboweling Christmas trees, but that's another matter entirely).
I've seen cats turn water on with levers. The only problem here is that the water is controlled by a knob that is not paw-friendly. Even if he had opposable digits, it would require a lot of strength to turn the knob.
As if to punctuate the feat, it happened again. I came home from work, my wife wasn't there but the faucet was running.
If the cat could laugh, we would all hear him snickering.
Meanwhile, the little bastard ruined a carpet and two old levels of flooring.
It is my difficult duty, at this time every year, to wish everyone a happy Memorial Day. The difficult part is that I firmly believe that the brave men and women who lost their lives did so because of an illusion. They did what they were socially programmed to do: fight for their country and freedoms.
The sad fact is that our people dying in Iraq and Afghanistan thought they were doing so for their country and freedoms. Unfortunately America is not one bit safer or more free for our loss. I grieve with the families who lost someone but I have to call them as I see them and the only ones benefiting here are the military industrial complex and oil companies.
I call for President Giveaway and the impotent Congress to remove our troops immediately from every foreign country. Call them home at this moment. Stop all financial aid leaving the country. Stop feeding McDonnell Douglass.
In fact, we have trillions in debt and a healthcare system that went to hell years ago.
Imagine what the savings could do for us.... not to mention the tax breaks.