Your love is like cockroach souffle
NEW YORK Today, Jimmy Olson announced the retirement of Superman.
"It's not like Superman is getting old or his super powers are waning... it's just that he can't find a single place to change without surveillance cameras."
Today I identify as null
TIPS, TOOLS AND HOW-TOS FOR SAFER ONLINE COMMUNICATIONS
Flying AIDS news
A year later, 45% of COVID patients in Wuhan still have symptomsPfizer/BioNTech vaccine antibodies gone by 7 months for many
J&J vaccine could be linked to another clotting condition: EU
Biden sued by Air Force officers who compare vaccine rule to death sentence
Meet molnupiravir, Merck’s Thor-inspired pill that hammers COVID
Rand Paul makes example out of HHS secretary for 'lying to people about naturally acquired immunity'
1 in 8 people say loved ones with opposing Flying AIDS views won't get holiday gifts.
- So there's a car for Betty Sue, and a wireless racer for little Jimmy. "What about big Jimmy?" He gets NOTHING. He won't wear a mask.
- Lisa is dead to me. She's out of the will. She refuses any of the booster shots.
- I threw Bobby out - he says Wuhan was an accident.
The McDonald's customer who called in a bomb threat to an Iowa
restaurant because he did not receive dipping sauces with his 30-piece
Chicken McNuggets order has pleaded guilty to a harassment charge
Oh c'mon... who among us hasn't been so pissed off at the incompetence of fast food workers that they haven't called in a bomb threat?
- Thousands of paedophiles active in French Catholic Church since 1950, commission finds
- people around the world are shocked
- Hint: check the Vatican
The 43-million-year-old remains of a four-legged killer whale, found in
Egypt's portion of the Sahara Desert, have been identified as a newly
discovered species
Researchers so surprised, they didn't report the 2008 find til this month.
When asked about a whale with four legs, they believe it was replaced with the two-legged model, a few million years later.
It is believed the whale got tired of seafood and evolved legs so he could go get some fast food when he felt the need. But even 43 million years ago, whales knew there was no fish in Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.
The whales put the prehistoric motorcycle business out of business, when they kept crushing bikes. It is a well-known fact in prehistoric academic circles (where they fancied themselves fancy, but were as dumb as a box of rocks) that four legged whales could not resist a Hog. The convertible whale never existed - it was a hoax.
The whales had quite an effect on the prehistoric economy, as everything had to be made bigger to accommodate them. Wendy's drive-thru can take everything from a Harley to a semi, but not a whale (4 legs > 18 wheels). Other scientists posit that the leg-like appendages were the remains of a really big penis, which made the whales very popular with female whales, as well as wives of scientists. At this point, one group of scientists say the whales walked right out of the water while the other says the whales hopped, like a massive pogo stick. The two groups agree on one thing: funding for future research.
Even whales did not eat kale or tofu, but liked asparagus because it smelled in their pee for a day after they ate. They liked a good steak, like the rest of us, but prepared theirs a bit more fresh: they ate the steer. They really liked the scratch off lottery tickets, but had to get somebody to scratch for them. Sometimes the octopi would, which led to a symbiotic relationship, where the 8 armed buggers would ride the whales into town, to pick up chicks. The women would later complain "they were all over me - it was like they had 10 arms." The whales liked to play guitar, but couldn't find one large enough, although the Gibson Les Paul certainly was heavy enough. They really hated dolphins. You definitely didn't want to mention dolphins around the whales. They felt the dolphins got all the good press, with their leaping about and funny noises, so the whales ate them. 43 million years later you see how well that worked out.
Stay tuned next week, as scientists will announce the discovery (in 1971) of sharks with boobies.
- This week's dead: Janis Joplin, Danny Gatton (the world's greatest unknown guitarist), Mike Gibbins (Badfinger drummer)
Faceyspaces whistleblower said the documents she leaked proved that Facebook repeatedly prioritised "growth over safety".
I hate like hell to come out on the side of Faceyspaces, but it's not their job to police content. Personal responsibility (of which there is none), needs to be exercised. Yes, it's toxic - pay attention and get out.
Speaking of social violence, a drunk TikTok cosplayer killer her friend while pretending to be The Penguin. She was playing with a loaded gun and shother. This is a very slow way of thinning the herd, and the wrong herd is being thinned.
Speaking of non-social violence, a man alleged to have been part of a group that blew up at least 15 ATM machines in Germany.... take a guess..... wait for it.... blew himself up.
Waymo and Cruise get the go-ahead from California DMV for self-driving taxi service.
With every ride you get:
- a homeless person, who will defecate in the cab
- a driver you can't see or yell at
- no one cleaned the seats after the homeless guy shit on them
- being able to watch your own accident
- the tax on the taxi goes up as you're riding in it
A Ukranian airline did something intelligent, not done before in the entire history of commercial aviation: their stewardesses now wear sneakers. I figure if they're not gonna wear hooker heels, why not something comfortable? They're on their feet all day and night....
Phrases include:
- I dig your meatballs
- I can make your man bits disappear
- I am really a man in a fancy dress - they don't call me the Queen for nothin'
- It's chocolate cake with chocolate icing, silly
It's obvious I need a vacation.
Where does the guy who doesn't like to leave his couch go?
Can he take his couch?
What about the dog?
And a guitar or two.
Come to think of it, a vacation would just cause more stress than staying home and needing a vacation.
SJW Sickness
- The maintainers of the Ruby programming language have updated their Code of Conduct to add "Tolerance for opposing views no longer enforced." This after a member posted a joke deemed to be sexist and ageist. So if you're programming in Ruby, you are notified that you don't have to tolerate opposing viewpoints. NYAH NYAH.
Yes, the Chinese boy was smart and wore glasses.
We have hit another milestone in SJW-ness: a group isn't even allowed to have a positive attribute.
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