Your love is like an Olympic-size pool of feces
- SHAFT to be remade with all white cast
Katie Couric edited her interview with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, cutting out her comments on NFL knee-taking, so people wouldn't get upset. Isn't that sweet?
Today I identify as a queer LGBTQ - I'm straight
It's time to get serious and address an issue of major import: today I speak directly to Nabisco.
As a fan of Oreos since birth, I just picked up some Double Stuff Golden Oreos. Sitting them next to regular stuff, it's obvious that there's way less stuff in the regular ones, and the double stuff has about what the regular ones used to have. Double Stuff is a uniquely American treat - a manifestation of too much of a bad thing. Are profits so bad that you need to Cut the Stuff? Do you need a boycott, featuring thousands of rowdy, unhappy stuff fans, giving you the kind of publicity you don't want? Halloween's coming up, and we already have to deal with shrunken candy bars - please don't join them.
Flying AIDS Follies
Southwest Pilots Warn Fatigue, Frustration Could Fuel Further Outages Executives say they are addressing labor challenges- 'Huge problem': Passengers are bringing a record number of guns to the airport, TSA says
- They're having a hard time getting into jail and wanted to go with a sure method
- it's not exactly news that you're not allowed to carry on planes, friends... did you miss 9-11?
Boeing workers are planning a #FreedomFlu sickout.
Italy will require all workers to show a coronavirus health pass from Friday, one of the world's toughest anti-Covid regimes that has already sparked riots and which many fear will cause "chaos".
The mystery of how long Covid damages our memoryPresident Taxit envisions wind farms on both coasts. He says they will serve a dual function: if we are ever attacked, we can reverse the turbine fans to blow away any ships headed our way. We can also lower them under water in case of submarines.
Why Jimi Hendrix was a Racist
Jimi Hendrix put Fender guitars and Marshall amplifiers on the map.
Jimi was black. RACIST!
Jimi forced Marshall to make 100 watt amps.
The amps were covered in black tolex. RACIST!
The amps always used tubes.
Jimi was a paratrooper in the army, along with other black men in his squad. RACIST!
He broke a bone and was discharged.
After the army, Jimi played the 'chitlin circuit' in the south, backing many black acts, like Little Richard RACIST!
During this period, Jimi used Fender amps, also covered in black tolex RACIST!
When Jimi first played England, rock royalty turned out to see the crazy man with the guitar (the Beatles, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton). They were devastated.
When he got famous, he used white Stratocasters RACIST!
Buddy Miles, who was black, had one of Jimi's white Strats RACIST!
At the height of fame, Jimi had a lot of pressure from black groups but didn't bow RACIST!
Jimi believed there was no color, just music RACIST!
Most of Jimi's music was engineered by Eddie Kramer, a white man from South Africa RACIST!
The Faucet
So after all the sweat and phone calls and arm hair and YouTube videos, we were no further than when we started. The faucet still refused to come out of its box.
On the bright side, there was precious little to do.
On the dark side, we probably have to call a plumber. ACK!! This means it's either the mortgage or the plumber. We also have to move the ICBM so he can get in the front door.
- Hey, remember that medical advice to take aspirin to help against heart attacks?
- Medical advice retracted, especially in over 60s. They cite the risk outweighing the benefit, in that aspirin can eat holes in your stomach. So take it with food, dummy. It would seem that's a minor risk, but I'm not a doctor, even though I have the long white coat and say 'gynecologist' a lot.
Oracle's new data center is in Israel, nine floors down, and able to withstand rocket attacks.
Ummm.... if you were going to open up a high-availability data center, would you choose an incredibly unstable region for it? Maybe they should move it to Iran.
- Google has certified its search engine 100% Flying AIDS-free
President Taxit will have an audience with Pope Francis at the Vatican October 29th.
The president plans to ask why he wears a yamulkah and what they did with Netanyahu's body.
- NASA is sending 'Lucy' on a mission to the Trojan asteroids
- Decided no additional protection is necessary in Jupiter's orbit
The Kongsberg, Norway, bow and arrow attack appears to be terrorism. The shooter recently converted to Islam. It's obvious they need common sense bow and arrow laws.
- Waymo Self-Driving Vehicles Keep Going Down the Same Dead End San Francisco Block
- Waymo says they're going home to spawn, before they die
- Seattle school cancels Halloween parade because it ‘marginalizes students of color’
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