Anvils Alfredo in Auckland

 

Your love is like  douche cookies

 RIP Uhura - Nichelle Nichols dead at 89

Hailing frequencies closed for 24 hours, in her honor 

Today I identify as  Cousin Itt

Shopping Shenanigans 

they got everything except the condoms

What kind of sex are they having?

At the supermarket, I watched a guy pull out five carts to find one that meets his specifications. Retarded carts aside, the internal voices were screaming, "OCD, OCD!" but then the voices stopped. I realized this is the guy I want managing the national debt. He'd have it down to nothing in no time.

Alice Cooper (Vincent Furnier) lives in Scottsdale, AZ, and when not on tour, plays a lot of golf. What kind of rock star life is golf? Think about it: Ted Nugent shoots stuff, Zakk Wylde eats babies, Ozzy has to contend with his family... Alice plays golf. It seems there's just nothing left to believe in.

Uvalde School District Claims It Doesn't Possess Video Taken Day of School Shooting

It seems too silly to call this a coverup. More like a calamity of incompetence. First they didn't want to release the video, now there is no video. This is a disgrace to those lost and their families. It also means there's some gross incompetence here.

Google Maps added a tag to identify Asian-owned businesses. Before your group gets its panties in a knot, there are existing tags for women-led businesses, veteran, black, and Latino. What is women-led? Who owns it?

In any case, Google has been petitioned for several additional tags

• women-owned homes - displaying every one of them
• women-led homes - just do what she says, ok?
• businesses with over 75% left handed employees
• one-armed-owner businesses
• one testicle-owner businesses
• stores that don't vacuum as often as they should
• owner has a mustache (does not specify male or female)
• Asians that identify as black businesses
• owners that have been to the ER at least once for an accident involving their rectum

So Houston has a gun buyback. This is a bizarre concept by which the locals are encouraged to bring in their guns for money. This is a strange instance of magic thinking, under which crime will go down if innoced ent people bring in their guns. Some enterprising person made 3D guns and earned himself $3,000; the only true winner that day.

In the Parkland school shooting trial, the judge gave the jurors instructions on behavior at the school, which they're about to visit. She asked if there were any questions. I would have asked if, when the trial is over, Judge Hottie would like to join me for ice cream and Things. This may be why I keep getting turned down for jury duty.

If you keep getting picked, you can always buy the new Charlie Manson Jury Duty Avoidance Kit!

Yes, if you're just an average citizen and want to get out of jury duty (without yelling "GUILTY - HANG THE N*GGER"), you can use the subtle tactics contained in the Kit, such as

• stick on swastika for your forehead
• "I put the squeaky in Fromme"  t-shirt
• "Piggies must die" t-shirt
• phrases like: "Kill the rich", "But I am Jesus," "Of course I'd kill them all again, given the chance," and "Got a knife sharpener? This one can barely stab a pregnant woman."

Yes, kids, pick up your very own Charles Manson Jury Duty Avoidance Kit today.

Not available in stores! Not available on the internet! Not available at all!

• Why is it called the clap?

I think the waiting period for marriage should exceed the waiting period for a gun. One is lethal, the other can shoot people.

Equifax software bug messed up credit score calculations for weeks

Ooh, this is gonna be another serious slap on the wrist.

Inflating spider corpse creates robotic claw game of nightmares

An hour after pigs’ deaths, an artificial system restored cellular life

It's the fscking zombie apocalypse!  

Queensland shooting: Three killed on remote Australian property

That's impossible - they are not allowed to own guns.

China fires missiles near Taiwan after Pelosi visit

They should try to target their targets before they move.

just sayin.....

Shell staff get profits bonus as energy bills soar

Irony reared its ugly head today, when Shell staff could not afford their own gas.

The president tested positive for the Flying AIDS again.

He said it likes him so much, it came back. His approval rating with Covid is higher than the American people.