Your love is like birthday cake. fuzzy blue birthday cake. with radish icing.
What do you want from me?
-she asked lovingly?
Today I identify as Gender-Fluid Barbie
I was just noting what a good day I was having. Big mistake. It only took three minutes....
I didn't think my dog was this talented. After all, we didn't get the smart one of the litter, we got the adorable one.
She just somehow managed to get tangled in my keyboard wire. How does a dog, typically a floor-bound quadruped, manage to get tied up in a keyboard wire, typically a desk-bound accessory? I don't know, but I moved the keyboard, because she has one talent - being able to extricate herself from a leash. HA! She yanked, knocking my coffee all over the desk, laptop, keyboard, floor, chair, and most importantly, ME.
It's been a while since I had to change clothes in the middle of the day. And it had nothing to do with a dog-influenced coffee spill. Let your imagination run wild...
Just in case you have a sliver of a doubt that Jeff Bezos is a genius, Amazon just accused the FTC of harassing him. Follow along at home...
- FTC looks into irregularities in Amazon Prime memberships
- Amazon accuses FTC of harassment
It's bloody brilliant!
- OJ just accused the legal system of harassing him.
- Johnny Depp accuses Amber Heard of harassing him. (ok, might be true)
- Elon Musk accuses FTC of harassing him, just because his cars spontaneously burst into flames and sometimes hit people and things they shouldn't.
- The Catholic Church accused thousands of little boys of harassing them.
Yes, we're having a field day here!
Dontcha hate when you go to an auction, buy some suitcases, get home, open them, and find human remains? I know I do. This happened to a New Zealand family recently. They had to be excited, thinking there was anything from air to some odd sort of treasure inside. Well, it certainly was odd. The police thought it was exciting and they're examining the treasure now.
Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams?
No, robot dog rocket launchers.
not a very attractive dog, but lethal.
rejected projects:
- frogs with frickin' laser beams
- turtles with surface to air missiles
- intercontinental ballistic moose
- the most dangerous ever: cats with nuclear weapons - because Cats Don't Care
The FBI is worried.
Yes, that's right.
Since the FBI targeted Trump, they have received a lot of threats.
One must admire the type of rabid follower who would threaten a three letter agency.
Wait til they find out who, of a certain party, sent the FBI after Trumpie.
no points will be given if you can guess the correct party
And now it's the CIA's turn: the CIA is being sued for spying on journalists and lawyers when they visited Julian Assange in the Ecuador embassy in London. Isn't it great that the CIA can operate in London? Not that it hasn't been operating overseas AND in the country for years and years....
Next: Terrorists will stage a running protest outside NSA Headquarters
The CIA, which declined to comment on the lawsuit, is prohibited from collecting intelligence on U.S. citizens, although several lawmakers have alleged that the agency maintains a secret repository of Americans' communications data.
There is a certain large furniture concern that's worldwide, known for Swedish design. You can visit the two-floor stores and find all sorts of things. Nothing is in any standard size and you have to put a lot of the large stuff together. The instructions are mostly hieroglyphics and pictograms, with some arrows and bullets, and a few words here and there, in Swahili. While shopping, you can visit the cafeteria and get Swedish meatballs and Mountain Dew, among other things. Now that the company has become woke, you can also buy veggie meatballs, made from parts of the plant you didn't know existed.
Where am I going with this?
Hell if I know.
I'll tell you where I'm going with this. I bought a really cool chair from them. My ex-cat also thought it was cool, so he proceeded to shred the crap out of the cushion. So I want a new cushion, please, if it exists. After checking out their website, I have come to the conclusion that it is actually easier and quicker to drive to one of their stores, in or out of your home state, and tour every square foot of the two floors, than to attempt to get anything at all accomplished on their site. It is obvious that the company decided to abandon all web sales and information, unless you live in a country in which there are none of their stores. You cannot simply look to see if they're still selling the chair or worse, if there are any cushions to be sold. In fact, there seems to be no usable information on the site at all. There is a lot on design and sustainability, but little to nothing on products. They're thinking that trying to find the answer to a single simple question will frustrate you so, that you will get in the car and drive to your local store. Or a store a few states over. In fact, it would be easier and less stressful to get on a plane and fly across the entire country to visit a store on the opposite coast, than try to get anything at all out of their (alleged) online presence. Let me step back a second, so I don't exaggerate: you can certainly tell they are woke from the site... just don't try to order anything or ask a question.
I tried to find out last time I was there, but the person with me had temporarily abandoned reality and I felt it best to get him home to his mommy, before they tried to hire him. I guess that means I have to gather Wife and Dog for a road trip. Any other store or chain would allow me to order online. Except the store that rhymes with Rye-Key-Uh.
Hallelujah - the first Barbie with hearing aids!
Be honest - you've been waiting and wanting for years, in quiet indignation...
You know, of course, this is merely an early stop on more diverse Barbies:
- Flying AIDS Barbie
- Dementia Barbie (goes with US president doll)
- Trans Barbie - formerly Ken
- Crack Whore Barbie, with Barbie's Crack House (sold separately)
- BLM Barbie - demands free Barbie house, burns it down
- Underrepresented Minority in Business Barbie (with briefcase and SJW Barbie)
- still no left handed Barbie
There was actually an Oreo Barbie, but it quickly got pulled.
I'm shocked. That it's only 18.Think very carefully before you install any app. Any hardware that uses an app (Fitbit, Roomba) *will* leak. Do you want this data going upstream? Be a geek - firewall your phone.
We already know that anti-telephone and text spam laws exempt political spam. The bastards have done it again. Now Gmail filters will pass political spam, so it will go right to your inbox. There is no word on whether constantly marking the spam as spam will help. It's worth a try.
Your best bet is not to use gmail, because it spies on you, as do the other free emails. Protonmail is free and encrypted.
Department of Extreme Irony
Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla tests positive for Covid, says he is experiencing very mild symptoms- says the Flying AIDS will only last for 2 days (it will last 7)
- says his company's medicine will cure it, with a 98% rate (rate is 19%)
- says he will quarantine at home (nobody ever comes to see him anyway)
- says he is clear to resume sexual activity (wife won't touch him without covid)
- says he isn't drawing a salary during quarantine (lobbying Congress for 3x sick pay)
Damn, New Yorkers are tough
Shark was harmless unless agitated
What an incredibly calm and schooled response. Next week, New York City mafia will shoot a flounder, claiming it attacked them. Lobsters will get poisoned because they pinched somebody's nose. Crabs will be underwater mined. Shrimp will go into hiding. The entire seafood industry will be affected... talk about supply chain issues.... New Yorkers will be lined up along the shore with automatic weapons, randomly shooting into the water. Things will get ugly when they 'forget' to aim at the water.
Actually it doesn't. But if you have Alzheimer's, you don't remember taking it and keep spraying it into your nose. Big Pharma will make a killing (sorry) on this.
First there was women's clothing sizing. It reflected sizes of women.
Then there was Vanity Sizing, to help people think they weren't as large as they were.
Yesterday I saw Acid Trip Sizing. Wife held up two pairs of pants, from the same manufacturer, of the same size. There was a huge difference.
And if you complain, you're fat-shaming.
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