Seeking Sister Wife and Dog. Send Picture of Dog.

  

Your love is like  beloved pet taxidermy

I don't wanna kink-shame, but maternity lingerie?

Today I identify as  someone who has fallen asleep at the top of the steps, with their head hanging over the top step. Snoring.

Lord Fauci Steps Down!

GOP Promises to Hold Fauci ‘Accountable’ as He Prepares to Leave Post

why start now? 

the man makes more than the president, as the highest paid in government. It's not difficult to predict a higher-paying job in the private sector. I'm sure Big Pharma has a spot waiting for him...

Let's get right to it. I want to bring you all updates on some of the more difficult personal projects, most just me trying to live without being disturbed too much.

Teams: The day was upon us, with Boss' draconian ruling that everyone take the duct tape off their cameras for meetings.  All in all, I was perfectly fine, not knowing what my coworkers looked like. We build up these images and go with them, unless we're forced to be in the same room. And it was every bit as terrifying as we feared. It was a given that I'd be the ugly one, and it turned out that I had very little competition. Nobody wanted to do this and they were quite right in that. Unfortunately, many years on the job taught me you generally want to obey the boss if you like the job. So in the end, the only happy one was the boss.  Since he already knew me, there were no unfortunate surprises.

While trying to set the program up for video, I discovered those terrible backgrounds. Every one of them made me even uglier. Then I discovered you can make your own. I have one with a Microsoft logo with a red circle and slash through it. I alternate with the MS Blue Screen of Death. I also discovered that when you ignore your parents and slouch in your seat, only your hat or small bits of the top of your head make it onto video. In a week or so, I'll have it adjusted so there's only my hat, like Tim Allen's neighbor. 

So... what other backgrounds do I need? Hmmmm....

• my dog, so it looks like she's laying on my head
• a slaughterhouse
• a poignant scene from WWII
• schoolbuses going off cliffs
• Waterboarding Gone Wild!

As if that weren't enough, I discovered the backgrounds show up backwards. I put up a picture of some guitars and they all looked right handed. Imagine my embarrassment. If you look closely, you'll notice any text is backwards.

After the battle was over, we were counting the wounded. Not a calm nerve in the room. Not a single agreement with Boss. I emailed Boss to take a few days off and told him it was nerves from being on video. He said he was sorry and suggested that as we keep having video meetings, we'd all get used to it. Yeah, that's what they told the assault victims: It only really hurts the first time - you'll get used to it.

I never minded meetings until this.

T-Shirts: Where were we? Oh yeah, after 4 new sets of wifebeaters, I discovered they are all 'ribbed.' I prefer my condoms ribbed, NOT my t-shirts. So I bit the bullet and donated to Jeff Bezos, over at the place that rhymes with Spamazon. Right off the bat, I had to figure out what to put in the search. Even after I figured it out, I knew I'd find some surprises. In the results there were actual wifebeaters, also a nose hair styler, rodent control, adult underwear, and a replacement exhaust system for a Tesla. Most were ribbed (including the Tesla).

Next search: men's sleeveless shirt cotton

Which naturally turned up 50% not cotton shirts.

Some were blends. 

Some were Speedos.

I had no choice but to call in an expert. WIFE - COME HERE, PLEASE.

It's pretty sad when a guy has to call in his wife to help find a t-shirt. To be fair, it was difficult for her too. She went to college and is smarter than me.

When I got everything in my cart, it asked me to log in. I did.

Then it told me there were no items in my cart. sigh 

So I had to remember everything I ordered and where I found it.

And when I went back to my cart, there were two of everything.

To summarize, my trash bags will arrive next day. My shirts will arrive just after it gets cold. The adult underwear will be thrown in 'by accident.'

TV Shows Never Released

Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay

The story of an average dude, trying to come out of the closet, but nobody believes him.

According to this article, NASA will now go full force investigating UFOs.

According to a random count, NASA will be the third agency to do so. Your government at work. This will come as a complete shock to NASA, whose only job as far as UFOs, was to deny they exist, deny that object near the Space Station was anything significant, and to cut off transmissions from Moon missions when they mentioned anything about UFOs. This should be fun.

Next week, the list of government agencies investigating UFOs will include the FDA (without Lord Fauci), the Highway Transportation Safety Agency, and the IRS - because the aliens obviously aren't paying taxes.

Once again, there's an agency, or an amalgam of agencies, that has been studying UFOs since before Roswell in 1947. They know what's going on, but have taken pains to ensure that the world doesn't. They have taken great pains, via obfuscation, disinformation, misinformation, threats, and whatever else. It's quite obvious they're invested in the people maintaining their ignorance. 

Why?

Nobody knows.

There are many guesses

1. Free Energy: they have it and our oil companies won't stand for not making a profit
2. They can blow us to smithereens and there's nothing the governments can do about it
3. They're a diversion, created to put us off the trail of something else
4. We did a deal, where they gave us technology in trade for a blind eye to abducting humans
5. They don't want to be known
6. They have better beer and the brewer lobby has bribed congress

I don't know about you but I'm a big boy and don't need to be 'protected' from the truth. Let's add that the government has no right to hide this. 

My theory is that this is America-centric because whenever there's an incident in another country, American personnel are there quickly. The lion's share of sitings are in the US, but not exclusively.

So right now, we have UFO Theater.

It sits nicely next to Security Theater, via the TSA.

If you're at all interested in the topic, read or YouTube anything by Richard Dolan. He is a meticulous researcher and historian. Do not take my word; do your own investigation and come to your own conclusions.

Today's Happy News 

11 Best Private and Secure Email Services for 2022

Proton.me has a free version, also a VPN

Read the article for some happy information

Internet Service Providers are Logging EVERYTHING You Do Online

If you're having a happy day, be sure to read this. Especially if you're having a really happy day.

Top 10 Secure Browsers That Protect Your Privacy in 2022

It's important to know the why. 

 

Wanna know what Google knows about you?

https://takeout.google.com will download all of it

You're not gonna be happy  

 The other day the dog was outside, looking up. Instead of barking like a loon, she was watching roofers next door. What could possibly be interesting about roofers to a dog? I suggested she check her own roof, but she just stared at me and wagged her tail. This happens a lot, as if to say, "I'm just a dog, Dad, I don't understand what you're saying." She's currently barking at thunder.

Best Headline: Should we be trying to create a circular urine economy?

Finland is bored. Tragically bored. Without scandal or issues or problems. The big news is that the (female) Prime Minister was caught on video, dancing with men and partying down. 

Seriously?

Since we refuse to see anything of import, let's imagine... Joe Biden, dancing with (clothed) women, partying drunk. Better yet, let's not imagine it. But if you think about it, he can do significantly less damage while partying....

The PM also took a drug test. We think Biden would pee clear too. As for the day of the week, we're not so sure.

My mother, now in assisted living for dementia (see Dementia page up top) got the last laugh on us. She gave us some dishes. What we didn't know was they are coated with something that makes them extremely slippery. I just took two hot slices of pizza out of the oven and turned around, causing both slices to slide off the plate and fly to the floor. Even if the food manages not to fly off, the silverware will. It's the perfect ending to a great day at work. WATCH OUT - FLYING FOOD!  Good one, Mom.

Elon Musk, a favorite of this blog, announced the Full-Self Driving software is going up to $15,000 (347 lbs British). Think about this.... updates and features are implemented via software. I wonder if there's any Tesla software to make it explode predictably, instead of randomly. Or hit certain people, as opposed to just children. And hit only certain emergency vehicles, like police instead of fire. I couldn't bring myself to buy one. Or afford one.

Elon said, "Now you can pay three thousand more for something that doesn't work."

Woman cut off boyfriend's penis after he tried to rape 14-year-old daughter, reports say. The Lorena Bobbitt of India caught her boyfriend in the act and went into action. The animal was booked for rape. It is not known if the woman will face charges. Go Lady! 

Berkeley co-op bans WHITE PEOPLE from common areas to 'avoid white violence and presence' and all students trying to sign in are asked to declare their race

Remember when there were signs on businesses that said NO COLORED? It was intolerable racism then, and it's intolerable racism now.

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

So far, one student has been hospitalized for stress, because he's mixed race and couldn't figure out where he's not allowed to go.

Yale professor ripped for helping toddlers with ‘gender journey’

Do college professors come from different planets?

How does a toddler tell a professor he or she is transgendered?

This is child abuse. And it's stupid.

The YouTube video was removed from Yale's page.

Dear parents of students: we can no longer be responsible for the random bulldookey that comes out of the mouths of our professors. It has gotten so far out lately that we simply cannot afford the resources to keep track of them (at only $50k per student per year). In the future, if you hear or see something this ridiculous, just shake your head and say, "Oh, those wacky professors!"

Meanwhile, in other departments at Yale...

• history is taught but there are no white people in it
• science teaches that there are only minority astronauts on the Space Station
• Congress and the president are all black
• Trans babies can be diagnosed in the womb
• 'best man' at weddings should be changed to 'sperm-manufacturing human' or 'best woman.' Or 'best person of color.'

Biden’s new Title IX rules deputize teachers to override parents on gender identity

The state owns your children. Is that ok with you?

#ImpeachBiden 

OCD ASSHOLE

So Wife has OCD, as I've mentioned. I'm a genuine asshole because sometimes I poke her OCD. Just the other day I noticed that the Keurig pod had to be aligned with the writing top-up before the coffee could be made. It's not often she's near me when I make coffee, but you can bet the writing on the pod will be upside down next time.

We have a vertical paper towel holder, repurposed as a toilet paper holder. It fits two rolls and I always pull from the bottom roll first. Sandwiches on long rolls have to be sat 'the right way. Since I don't know what the right way is, I have a 50% chance of screwing it up. And if I don't put it in the right direction, it can't be eaten. Living with me is no vacation either, but I'm a passive nuisance, as opposed to an active nuisance.

The truth is that I am the first to be diagnosed with ROCD - Reverse OCD. When I see something obviously OCD, I have to mess it up. The smartasses among you will say it's just a different version of regular old OCD. My compulsion is to destroy, like some Japanese monster that steps on a city.

'A San Francisco restaurant is run entirely by robots

The restaurant opened a year late because they had to teach the robots to screw up your order, ignore your table, and put things on your check you didn't order. For an extra 10%, the robots will be rude to you. For an extra 50%, the robots will misgender you.

CONCERTS 

Jeff Beck is touring! You should see one of the greatest guitarists ever. He is not playing anywhere near me. We need to have a chat. At very least, look him up on YouTube. It looks like Johnny Depp may be involved. Much as I like Depp, he doesn't appeal to me musically.

Mickey Dolenz (The Monkees) will be appearing at the Retrocon, at the Philly Expo Center, September 27th and 28th. You can get your picture taken with Mickey and the Monkeemobile. It would be really great to ride around in that car. The gas mileage must rival F-35s. Plus you can't see over the blower (or whatever that thing is, sticking out of the hood). There are other dates.