The Queen has been asked to honor Black Sabbath for their services to music.
---> Run, Elizabeth, RUN!
Your love is like Ozzy's headless bird collection
- I may be ugly, but at least I have no filters.
Today I identify as Elizabeth Warren
Scientists have studied Covid-19, Long Covid, Short Covid, and Covid II - Son of Covid. They announced that after much research, they still have no clue. Big Pharma representatives called foul, saying all the answers are in their expensive, profit-generating vaccinations. The CDC said to either quarantine or not quarantine. The FDA promised the vaccinations are effective, if taken rectally. The good sheep citizens just do what they're told, without realizing that no one has a clue. To this date, people are still wearing masks outdoors.
Meanwhile, New York City found polio in the sewage system. So don't go swimming in New York City's sewage system, ok?
In other news, I suspect some of my less amusing qualities have returned (invisibility). At the hamfest/flea market, I picked up a bunch of tubes and carried them over to the guy who had the table and waited. And waited. And waited, while he chatted with someone. A quick look showed the guy wasn't buying anything - they were just chatting. And chatting.
And chatting.
Wife stood next to me, not quite as agitated. I like to keep her next to me because I like her, and because she's a good looking female at a hamfest, so she always gets attention. Suffice it to say hams are a bit nerdy and females are scarce as Brits having a spot of coffee. But even this ploy failed to work. The table owner then walked by me to ask a guy plumbing through the tubes if he found what he was looking for. At least he wasn't looking for somebody to pay. I suggested to Wife that the tubes were about to go airborne and I was about to go nuclear. I think about this time he realized I was standing there, a buttload of tubes in my hands, waving wads of cash. A quick look to my side indicated that Wife hadn't pulled down her top, which I considered a good thing. She only does this at guitar shows, when waving wads of cash fails. This actually happened once. Well, the waving of cash did; she remained fully clothed.
Eventually the seller allowed me to pay for my tubes and go on my way, after telling me to email him about some other tubes, at an address I couldn't remember if I had crayons and paper. I'm not asking for sexual favors - just a tiny amount of customer service. I ask for sexual favors when I get home. More accurately, I beg.
- We now face Zeppelin ransomware. If you manage to get infected, it doesn't encrypt your files - it plays "Stairway to Heaven" until you just give up and turn off your computer.
- Epson printers are an example of planned obsolescence. They are designed to run for so long, then shut down completely, advising you it won't work anymore. People are not happy. Lately there's an issue where something happens with ink saturation and the printer tells you "That's all, Folks!" Epson is now referring customers to a utility that will reset the printer. Just don't buy an Epson, or any other printer with 'features' like this.
Introduced in the Parkland school shooting was his Google searches, among other online tracks. This is a perfect example of why not to use Google. Google tracks you and keeps records. Had he used Duckduckgo, there would be no record. Plus we all need to use the private tab of our browsers, so all information is purged as soon as the tab is closed. I'm not suggesting we're mass shooters, but we all deserve privacy. The Constitution guarantees us privacy but we are not afforded it.
As for the shooter, the little bastard announced his intentions for quite a while on social media. One video announced the school he would shoot at. Unfortunately we need to remain vigilant and report these people.
A Researcher Jerked Off to Underage Japanese Cartoon Boys and
Published His Findings in an Academic Journal
but but... but... the fact checker said everything was accurate, so they published it
But seriously, folks, some of the subject matter would not be published in the US, because it's borderline (animated) kiddie porn. Jeez [shivers and showers]
Anonymous
poop gifting site hacked, customers exposed
this is just cruel. Why would anyone want to mess with such a great service?
"I'm sorry, Sir, we can't send any poop today - we've been hacked."
I wonder if you can specify the origin of the excretory matter...
Two
black holes merged despite being born far apart in space
Astronomers (and Al Sharpton) are outraged and insist that they be referred to as 'holes of color'
Say you're a black teacher in Minneapolis and notice there might be layoffs coming. Don't worry - the union demanded that white teachers be fired first.
Ah yes, more SJW clearly illegal discrimination. Meet the new boss....
If you read the verbiage, it speaks of underrepresented minorities, but the union says "..it’s still a huge move forward for the retention of teachers of color"
Federal regulators are looking into regulating the minimum size of airplane seats. This has left airlines scrambling to make up the revenue loss. Here are some ideas:
- removing the seats and stacking passengers vertically.
- removing the seats and stacking passengers horizontally.
- removing the seats and slicing the passengers thinly
- everybody flies cargo! If it's good enough for pets....
- removing the seats and making the passengers stand, holding the strap, like a bus
The list of cheapest cellular data by country is out, and the US didn't make the top 200. Shocking. I pay an obscene amount of money for a tiny plan.
The Boss hath decreed we must use the video portion of the Microsoft Teams program. I already did: I used Teams to turn off the video. Apparently this was not good enough. Internal laptop cameras are a security problem and should remain covered at all times (even Lord Zuck covers his), so this order is confusing. Then there's the fact that I'm ugly. Non--photogenic. Unpleasant to look at. Not in the queue for the cover of GQ. Not quite a monster, but people need to be protected. Somewhat incredibly shy of Brad Pitt. Picked just before the fat kid, if I wasn't the fat kid already. Even Mom insists on no video calls. Plus there's my unfortunate hobby habit of falling asleep at work.
So just like my campaign not to be forced to use an iDevice for work, I offered to produce a doctor's note. Or a religious exemption, because it will steal my soul. Or an exemption because I might make others ill. Like the iDevice, my boss ain't buyin' it (although he's amused at my attempts). Not even a note from my mother will suffice.
I was thinking about opening the laptop and snipping the videocam wires, but they'd only insist I fill out a ticket, which would result in a new laptop. When Wife and I were discussing children, I almost opened up and snipped...
I tested it out today and things were worse than I feared. I was even more ugly. They say the camera adds ten pounds (20 litres UK), but instead, it adds 20 Ugly Points. I've seen myself in mirrors (that haven't cracked yet) and I can't believe I look worse in Teams. Naturally I blame Microsoft, because Teams is theirs, and they can't even screw up correctly. Of course if I were even slightly attractive, this would be much less of a problem. Now I have to blame my parents, which won't help because of dead dads and a somewhat demented mom. And don't tell me I didn't get anything from my stepfather: I gave him kidney stones. Not that blaming them would help anyway... what are they going to do - wave a magic wand and make me good looking? I don't want to be good looking, just partially. Not ugly maybe. Good looking comes with its own baggage. There would be women after me all the time. It would be horrible. No, not horrible, what's that other word? Oh yeah, fun. Then I'd have to wonder if people liked me for my stunningly bright personality or my looks. If I were famous, people would all call me sexy. There's something about fame and fortune that makes women weak in the knees. We've already established how popular I am with gay men, for whatever reason. So all in all, I'd like a 17.5% improvement in looks and an exemption from having to appear on video (or in person) at work.
- It's 4:30 and Wife hasn't appeared from sleep yet. Should I have lunch now?
Apparently one of the local churches is bothered by what's going on in their parking lot. Quite frankly, I don't know why they're upset about 10-23 local business trucks, 43 neighbors, several full size RVs, 13 abandoned cars, a couple of stalls selling pr0n, and several arrests for Real Protestant Prostitutes. This sort of thing happens in every church lot, doesn't it?
This was the same church where I had the Horrible Hair-ist Happening...
Her: HI, how are you?
Me: Good.
Her: Do you ride a motorcycle?
Me: Not that I know of, why?
Her: Oh, we have a Motorcycles for Jesus group
Me: Aw, that's nice. Thank you anyway.
Just because I have long hair, I ride a motorcycle, do drugs, have tattoos, and go to church? Now I know what it feels like to be an African American.
I should have told her that's my Sewing for Satan night.
In Florida (you know this is going to be good) a
man is in jail. In fact, many men are in jail. This particular 53 year old was eating at Burger King, not currently a felony, when he became upset with his girlfriend. He hit her with a burger, causing her to fall over a curb onto the ground.
This one is going to tie up the courts worse than O.J.
It's been many years since I've been inside a Burger King, but I'm going to side with the man. There is nothing of any value in one of their burgers, but at the same time, there is nothing solid and heavy enough in their burgers to cause someone to fall over a curb onto the ground.
Maybe this is one of those slip and fall cases that causes salivating on the part of every lawyer who advertises on tv or has ever smelled ambulance exhaust fumes. She's a klutz but won't take any responsibility for her own fall (sound familiar?). The real fun will come during the trial, when the defense team brings out the visual aids. They will line up 25 burgers and one of the lawyers will hit another lawyer with the burgers, one at a time, proving that the burger isn't substantial enough to cause movement or trippage (I just made that word up, like it?). They will bring in expert witnesses from McDonald's, Wendys, and some celebrity chefs to testify on the ballistic properties of burgers. Gordon Ramsay will personally curse at the burgers. Chef Paul will be exhumed to testify. The prosecution will put forth a theory that an employee at Burger King inserted a very heavy metal plate into the burger, causing the damage to the girlfriend.
Being Florida, the case will end in a hung jury, because they can't make any sense of it, although they kept asking for video of the lawyer throwing burgers at the other lawyer. This video will go immediately to #1 on YouTube and CourtTV. After the verdict, both sides will engage in a BURGER FIGHT! One of the jurors will attempt to eat a burger and will require urgent medical help. She will sue and break the case because 'lettuce has iron in it' and iron is heavy and that's what caused the damage.
The defendant will want a total separation, but the plaintiff will cry openly, pleading, "But I love him...."
Meanwhile, CourtTV reports that O.J. still has not found the 'real killer.'
*If you think I'm making stuff up about visual aids in court, my imaginary little scenario wouldn't hold a candle to one I watched a few weeks ago. A woman allegedly stabbed her husband in bed. The prosecutor had her actual bed brought into the courtroom. She had another attorney lay on it, then got up on top of him with a knife, swinging away. It looked like Knife Sex. That poor attorney couldn't get up off the bed for 30 minutes, due to a strange lump in his pants that wasn't there before he got on the bed.
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