Dangerous Levels of 'Do Not Care'

 

Your love is like  wood splinters

• fisting? 

WARNINGS: 

• Wendy's has a lettuce emergency in several states, which got hit with the e.coli (poop) bacteria. I can't believe they had a problem, as there's so little actual lettuce on their burgers. This is what you get for eating green food - just order your burgers without lettuce. If you want a salad, you shouldn't be going to Wendy's anyway. Calorie Theater ain't workin' for you.
• Walmart Sells Fake 30TB Hard Drive That's Actually Two Small SD Cards in a Trench Coat. Takeaway: Don't. Buy. It.

Today I identify as  Elizabeth Warren. Just Elizabeth Warren.

Those wacky Aussies

Nightclub bans STARING without getting ‘verbal consent’ – and hires ‘safety officers’ in pink vests to police revellers

More than that, what kind of person would go this club?

He didn't exactly stare at me, but it was definitely more than a look 

Now people can go out and safely get shitfaced without fear of people staring at them.

Hey guys - there are no rules against roofies, so long as you don't stare at them while you drop the pills.. 

The club always believes the reporter, so make stuff up and get people kicked out!

Most importantly: go to another bar. This one will close in 3 days.

While we're on nightclubs...

In 1947, Florida shut down a popular drag club. The state has resurrected the case to do it again.

Yes, another group of 'people', shoving their 'morals', onto everybody else. The 1947 law stated that the club was a public nuisance. Was it receiving noise or drunk complaints? No. A hotshot, politically ambitious, juvenile probation officer argues that the performers were 'sexual perverts' and they were breaking down the character of the youngsters (it's for the children - always). So this person got the club shut down for what was going on inside, not outside.

They're at it again/still. Florida (of course) Governor Ron DeSantis, who is thought to be running in 2024, has decreed the same thing, citing the 1947 law. Their liquor license was threatened because it was 'injurious to the morals or manners of the people.' Last I checked, it's 2022. Things have changed, skeletons. Let's face it - the government needs to keep its incredibly large nose out of business and it can start with this one. What if it decided to close down convenience stores because they sold cigarettes and they're a health hazard?

Would I go to a drag club? No, but it's not about my taste, it's about the freedom to run your business free of interference. Or, heaven forbid, some Bible Belt wannabe presidential candidate. 

Heaven save us from people getting us into heaven. 

The more I hear about the Parkland shooter, Cruz, the more I wonder where everybody was, as he was growing up. He obviously has some sort of mental disorder, although what this has to do with shooting escapes me. Unfortunately it will escape the jury too, as none of them are psychologists. This kid said he wanted to go home and shoot up small animals when he was in 3rd grade. The school said he was attention-seeking. Even killers can attention seek. Nobody even thought to look into him when he was voted Most Likely to Shoot Up A Building, by his high school class. He made social media videos, where he stated plainly that he was going to be the next school shooter.  Another video mentioned the school, on the day he did it.  So it's not like there was no warning. It's not 'spying' on him to call the authorities because he's unstable (or LOOKS unstable). 

Most importantly, there was a substitute judge the other day. I miss Judge Hottie.

New York State wants to limit the speed of vehicles over 3,000lbs (7 liters French), as well as widen the field of vision from the driver's seat. STOP IT, Nanny. I'll drive as fast as I want to. If I get caught, it's my problem.

Notice that they want to pass this but other drivers still can't see around or through the massive vehicles. Demand that anything taller than a Volkswagen be see-through.

• The exact number of times you should be having sex each week to keep you healthy
• Take the recommended number and double it.
• But seriously, folks, any therapist will tell you, sex is very important for a relationship. It's communication and reinforcement of your commitment. Try it some time.

Everybody who has a dog has one of these stories.

Penny came in and brought me a present. No, not a left handed vintage guitar or even a really cold YooHoo. She brought me a dead rodent. This is a huge thing in Dogspeak. I wonder if I should have made a big deal about it. But if I did, would she bring me more 'treasures'? A friend received a bird wing. We also got a rabbit head once. I'd settle for a guitar pick. It's a good thing we don't have a horse.

Hold onto your socks, people, because this one will shock and baffle you: at the Ghana zoo, lions mauled a man to death. He climbed into the lion area, going over a 10' and a 20' (30ml Canadian) fence. I guess he wanted to play with the kitties. Who could have seen that coming? Certainly not the fellow himself. Either that or his wife was mad at him and he took the easy way out.

It requires something even bigger and more committed than Congress voting itself a raise to get me to take off work. But I went forth and got a day off, because we were going to visit Mom-in-Law to wish her happy birthday. Once I got past the fear of taking off (yes, another thing the doctors are working on), I realized this was a situation that had WIN written all over it.

1. It's nice to see my MIL - she's wonderful and (generally) doesn't bite
2. We provide a bit of a happier birthday
3. Points with Wife - I appear unselfish (for once)
4. there will be cake involved

Unfortunately there are no guitar stores on the way, but you can't have everything. I just hope I have some input into the cake.

As with any of our plans, they might will be subject to change. Nothing is ever as simple as it sounds. There are days off, somewhere to stay, will there be other dogs (or can Cujo come with us)? The flight plans got filed and we were ready to go. Heh heh. Wife got strangely sick and took most of the week off. Hotel got canceled. I told Wife I'd take her out locally instead. Wife said yes but has no memory of it, especially as she's telling me she's going to visit Mom just for the day (that I took off). I am rarely speechless, except at home, where I am often speechless. So as I understand it, we are getting up ridiculously early on a day I took off, spending hours on the road, singing happy birthday, spending hours on the road (in the opposite direction) and getting home. She will be full of energy, my eyes will be looking at each other, and the dog will be tired, but not too tired to go out back and bring me another (rodential?) present. Life is good life.

My in-laws are really nice - I don't have a bad word to say about them (and I have a bad word to say about everything). The first time I met them, Mom made me a Jewish apple cake. I had no idea cakes were Jewish. Wife had to gently explain that I'm not Jewish, and I'm allergic to apples. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was on purpose? Anyway, she was horribly embarrassed, so the second time I met them, she made a strawberry shortcake. I'm not crazy about strawberry shortcake, but at least my throat wouldn't close up from eating it.  I listened carefully to hear if anyone was disappointed that I wasn't allergic to it, but didn't hear anything. Wife finally explained that 89% of my diet is chocolate, so she couldn't go wrong with that. Or nothing - I'm fond of nothing. I often ask specifically for nothing. This is why I got pulled from the Christmas family pollyanna. First of all, I don't like the word pollyanna. It's just got nothing to say for itself. Polly anna. 'Many annas' in Norwegian. Anyway, because I'm apparently from a different planet, whoever got stuck with me had a hard time. I got a sports jersey once. Maybe the Flyers, I dunno. The salient point here is that I don't like sports. This is not exactly a secret, as when the family gets together, all the guys drink and watch sports. I'm with the ladies, searching for a Coke and a place to hide. So it was decided to pull my name from Many Annas on a permanent basis. There was only one other person to be pulled from Anna in the family history, and he was every bit as socially retarded as me. Actually I'm not socially retarded - I'm just far in the future. When I got my cell phones many years ago and played with them at social events, I caught a lot of crap. Now it's a rule that you have to play with your phone at social events. See - I was just ahead of my time. And socially retarded.

It's expensive using the Turnpike these days. The last bill was $76, and we barely use it. You'd think getting rid of all those toll takers saved money and allowed them to charge less. Just kidding. It doesn't matter which road we use, there's always a traffic jam. Some idiot stopped to look at the police pulling over a car in the other direction, causing a major delay in both directions. Then there's people from out of state, who insist on doing only the speed limit. These people should be forced to take their test again or surrender their license. We don't tolerate even 10mph over the limit here. If the police catch you going under 90, they pull you over and beat you with one of those rubber things that doesn't leave marks. But there's always a jam. Even at 2am, there's a jam. It spontaneously happens, I think. And when Wife approaches a train intersection, the train shows up and the lights start blinking. The gate goes down, and stays there for 45 minutes, while the engineer reads a few chapters of War and Peace. There's a lot to be said about staying home.

Speaking of staying home, we hit construction here and there. There was frequently only one lane operating, so the Sign Guys were out. After waiting for 5 minutes, I realized we were in the middle of the Neighborhood Appreciation Project. This is where you stop, look around, and appreciate the neighborhood, as well as the level new street and the little particles of tar that are about to get into your tires. Just ahead is the Truck of Little Particles, where 23 guys (union) are standing around, 'helping' get the particles off the truck. Don't forget the Elephant Protection Specialist, who walks the length of the project, looking for elephants. The guy we saw had his 25 year pin: in 25 years on the job, not one elephant got in the midst of a construction project. The rest of the crew looks up to him, but this job is very hard to get. 

I was hungry. Yes, who would have thought this would happen on a long trip with no breakfast? Apparently not my wife, who had her thing to do and did it, dammit. I hinted that I was hungry. I told her I was hungry. Finally I had to raise my voice. Everybody else was hungry too. Wife had other things to do, but I did not dare ask what they were. I know it involved copious amounts of going through the house and out to the patio, for a cigarette. That's not at all different from home, except there is a lot less dust. After I finally got my point across, the debate started on where to get food. We were in a remote location, where they were thankful for getting electricity. Ok, I'm kidding - they were thankful for cable tv and internet. Once we decided, we had to find a menu and make individual decisions. I was first, which meant the process hadn't completed for 30 minutes. Have I mentioned I was hungry? Then the screaming started: Penny fell off the porch. No one knows why, but we rescued her. It's a good thing we did, because the place is a wildlife zoo. Chipmunks, squirrels, birds of varying colors, and of course, bears. Yes, bears. Like the one that got into my car last time and ate some cookies. Turned out he was a better driver than most of the people in the area. Most people get flies, bees,  or mosquitoes. We got bears. I suggested something helpful, like keeping the windows closed. Nobody seems to be upset about this but us. It's friggin' wildlife. We're not used to wildlife coming that close to us. One of them came up to the porch, putting him about 5' from me. This is not a recommended distance for a boy who grew up in the city, seeing bears exclusively in zoos. Since they feed the bears there, this was not an issue for them. Nobody bothers each other, except for my car. Worse than that, if you can imagine, is that they named some of the birds and chipmunks. "Oh look, there's Ralph." I'm looking for the neighbor and it's a damn squirrel. Let them laugh at me, but I'll be in the house, while everybody else is bear food.

This is why I don't get out much.

Well, this and my personality.

Best Sentence of the Week 

I have to give half the cake to the sewer guy.

I was just pleasantly surprised to learn we live in one of the top 100 cities to live in in the country. Great schools, low taxes, nice people. I feel kinda proud. I'd feel more proud if I didn't live right across the divide from the top 100 city. Oh well.. I hear crime is on the rise there anyway....

• I think I finally figured out the hatred for the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan. The royals are upset that she is very attractive and holds them up to an impossible standard. Seriously - Prince Charles, anyone?
• My British readers are going to murder me. Remotely.
• We send our best to the Queen, who, at 95, is experiencing mobility issues

Bad Pumpkin News 

1. Guinness World Record: Man rides 38 miles in giant pumpkin
2. Pumpkin Spice is back at Dunkin. RUN! 

Bad Faceyspaces News (like there is any other kind) 

1. Zuckerberg: Yes, Facebook kept Hunter Biden's laptop under wraps - Of course they did. FB, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit may be separate companies, but they all censor the same things. They control the narrative. This is why we need a free speech social media platform.
2. Meta offers $37.5m to settle location tracking lawsuit. Users may get around $0.53 each, Facebook would lose about eight hours of annual profit. Faceyspaces illegally harvested location data even when users explicitly denied consent. Told you so. Lord Zuck is evil and if you think the platform is for your benefit, I have a planet to sell you.
3. Speaking of narrative: Facebook Restricted a Planned Parenthood Post Telling People About Abortion Pills
4. Misconfigured Meta Pixel exposed healthcare data of 1.3M patients. This is for AD TRACKING. Think about this.

Remember: if you're not paying for it, you are the product. Your data.

The 1951 movie The Three Faces of Eve dealt with Multiple Personality Disorder. The main character was played by Joanne Woodward, who went on to play the therapist in Sybil. Worthless trivia.