We're Being Strangled by Wireless Cell Phones

Your love is like  eating some bullets

SIM Swapper Abducted, Beaten, Held for $200k Ransom

I think we have the way out of malware....

Today I identify as  an umlaut

 I was just hung up on in text chat! I didn't even know it was possible.

I have now been hung up on in every way possible. My life is complete.

A $6 charge appeared on my phone bill, out of nowhere. The page told me it was for making a plan adjustment. After waiting 20 minutes for somebody who was hopefully brighter than the chat bot, I was told it's a surcharge and was notified months ago. Yes, I'm being charged $6 extra for keeping my existing plan. But if I wanted to upgrade to their spiffy new 5G unlimited free Apple music Disney+ plan at a similar rate, everything would be ok and God himself would smile upon me. I'd become a rock star and actresses and models would throw themselves at my feet.

That's nice, but I don't want or need that plan. The amount I use my phone is laughable. I never even came up to the 1gig limit when I had a 1g plan. Then they forced me to take a 5g plan, of which I don't use 1g. I don't use half of 1g. But she keeps telling me I could upgrade. I keep looking around the room to see who is typing here, because I kept typing that I wanted a tiny plan with limited data. Between you and me, I think God was getting angry, and I don't blame Him. I was screaming and the dog was barking.

I decided to play their game and asked how much was 'a similar price.'  Are you ready? My already ridiculous plan was going to go up to $105. Or keep paying a $6 surcharge. So I figured we'd play my game and asked her would she pay $105 monthly for a phone she barely used. I had to ask her 5 times because she kept ignoring me and trying to sell me the 5g plan. Her training was excellent, and I told her so, but she wasn't listening to the customer. That's when she 'hung up' on me.

Did I forget to tell you who my carrier is?  It's the one that rhymes with Purrizon. I've stayed with them forever, for the coverage. Not anymore, apparently. To make matters more funner, my phone won't work on the carrier I'm looking at.

I'm not positive who regulates the cell phone industry, but we're going to have a chat about Purrizon, and the industry in general. If enough people complain....

Now, let's talk about a related matter.  If your phone plan is $60 monthly, you're paying $60 PLUS $30 in TAXES, state, and federal nonsense. Your monthly bill is now $90. And I'm pretty sure you're not paying for a $60 plan. This is obscene. It's not the fault of the carriers, unless they tack on other charges. This is from our state and federal legislators. You might want to look at your bill and have a chat with them.

And now, the final chapter of the leftys vs the Hospital 

"Hey, come get me - I'm being discharged," she told me.

Rushing to the hospital with glee (my pet attack cheetah), she said we're just waiting for some paperwork.

Hour 1.

Hour 2.

Hour 3. - I didn't want to interrupt lunch at 2:30

Hour 4  - wait... I think we see a doctor. Flag him down, with a flamethrower.

Hour 5 - "You're a free woman," said the nurse,

Doctors all suffer from some sort of temporal disorder. They have no sense of time, like the DMV. They'll get to it in an hour actually means any time between 5 hours and next month. The hospital process is completely broken in the first place, but the discharge process has jumped ship and took off for Uranus.

Food Delivery Robot Casually Drives Under Police Tape, Through Active Crime Scene

There is no better way to point out that self-driving vehicles are Not Ready for Prime Time than this. No one was mowed down, inside or outside the vehicle. The only thing that would make this better would be a 4 hour gun battle, with police shooting the robot full of lead. And the robot still delivering the food.

What actually happened was a nearby bomb hoax at a high school. While the hoaxers were waiting, they ordered pizzas. Sounds reasonable, no?

Bridgestone has put more than $100M into eco-tires made of shrubs

You must bring me.... a SHRUBBERY

Yes, eventually everything goes back to Monty Python.

Gates-Funded 'Green Revolution' in Africa Has Failed, Critics Say

When philanthropists spend vast sums of money on a project, jubilation and high expectations ensue. But money doesn't necessarily produce results.

A case study, according to critics, is the push for a "green revolution" in Africa, which has spent $1 billion to date, much of it from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

They write these headlines just for me. 

Well, what do you expect from the developer of a failed operating system?

We have been sending billions in aid to Africa, yet things never improve. Why is that?

I know that politicians had themselves exempted from spam laws. Yesterday I got a text from the NAACP, asking me to help get black people to the polls. The NAACP, as far as I know, isn't a politician, although this might tell me more than I wanted to know. I will tell the NAACP what I tell everybody: until there is a left handed history and appreciation month, I'm not helping anybody.

As far as I know, I'm also not black, if that's a requirement.

Of course it doesn't end there.... Google is launching a pilot program to keep political emails out of the junk pile. Not that having a gmail account is a good idea, but how about giving everybody a choice?

Don't want to get run over by a Ford car? There's a Bluetooth app for that

I keep banging the warning gong because self-driving software is just not ready yet, but is being foisted upon an unsuspected public, ready to mow down a few citizens. Ford has a Bluetooth app to keep you from getting run over by a Ford car. It's a great idea in a vacuum, til you realize you can still get run over by every other brand self-driving car. While an interesting idea, it's attacking symptoms instead of the problem. Have I mentioned the range of Bluetooth would require beyond-human reflexes and perhaps a small physics change to allow your safety?

Wanda Sykes used to work for the NSA. Uh-oh. Laugh at my jokes or I'll have you taken to a place where they will never find your bones. That aside, privacy and civil rights groups are putting on the pressure not to air Ring Nation, which will feature video taken from Ring doorbell cameras. They're normalizing surveillance. 

Footage from Ring cameras was used to track and monitor protesters who took to the streets, exercising their First Amendment rights, in the wake of George Floyd’s murder. These are not isolated incidents. Racial profiling and racist policing are core components of Ring’s business model, which profits off fear.”

Remember: Ring operates independent of the Fourth Amendment. It has become a huge surveillance network that works without warrants or oversight.

After news that an AI-generated painting won a prize, creative-type people are really seeing red, claiming AI is killing art. Hollywood is working on a statement and we have the draft: How the hell are we supposed to make millions for a movie, so we can walk around and say things, as if we were important and our voice somehow counted for more than the Ugly Americans? We will all have to get real jobs. How can we ever walk on red rugs, get trophies, pat each other on the back, and bitch because we deserved that, if we have to get jobs? It's not like we have the skills to work at convenience stores or gas stations. Society sends us to Hollywood because we have no discernible talent (and some of us are waaay better looking than the rest of you). 

I would never bolster their case, but we said drum machines and rap were killing music. We weren't wrong. 

The Department of Homeland Security (the Motherland) has awarded nearly $700,000 to help keep gamers from becoming terrorists. Security Theater has gone completely off the rails. More of your money will be heading to other known radicalizing activities and trades, such as plumbing, jump rope, sweeping up after elephants at the circus, and working at the DHS.