Amber Alert: Missing Aardvarks

Your love is like  liver. raw liver

No, really, I saw him on tv: he was black, with a swastika tattooed on his cheek. Maybe he was suicidal?

Today I identify as  a model with Golden Globes

RIP also Lisa Marie Presley (54)

There was no way she was going to have a normal life.

I know Amazon Privacy is an oxymoron, like Microsoft Safety, but here's a guide to some speaker privacy feature(s).

[Monday]

We need to make a shopping list.

Not again.

What do we need?

Soda, candy, pizza - the 3 food groups. It's so hard to remember anything else...

Ok, I'm writing it down.

[Wednesday]

I'm going shopping today - what do we need? I'm making a list.

Consult the list we made Monday.

Just tell me what you need.

Where's the other list?

I put it somewhere.

.... and you don't know where.

Do you want me to go shopping or not?

[Monday]

Do we need anything at the store?

Yes.

What? I'm making a list.

Will it go next to the 2 other lists?

I don't know. Maybe they're in the car. What do you want?

Make sure you hold onto this one. I'd hate for it to disappear before you reach the store. Oh, get some dog food - she's looking a little thin.

We've been out of it for a week so I've been feeding her hoagies.

How many electric car chargers is enough?

In March 2021, US President Joe Biden set a goal of adding half a million new EV charging stations by 2030. In 2022, President Biden followed up with a $5 billion plan to build DC fast chargers along the interstate highway network,

There is no project too big that President Giveway won't use your money for.

The money won't be spent on a federally owned and operated charging network; instead, it will be disbursed to the states to be spent by their departments of transportation.

What could possibly go wrong? 

An additional $2.5 billion will be made available through discretionary grants to build charging infrastructure in rural and underserved areas.

Of course there will be. 

He'll obviously be re-elected (not that we can afford this term) #Impeach

Flaming USB battery halts flight from Taiwan to Singapore

I don't want to say conspiracy, but someone should ask Musk where he was when the plane boarded.

 

Supermodel Tatjana Patitz dies at 56

This has been somewhat overshadowed by Jeff Beck's passing, but we must note it because any loss of a supermodel is sad and newsworthy.

I don't like to brag, but every now and then I perform some act that totally blows my mind....

We bought a new trash can for the kitchen, with some weird lid that wouldn't assemble and a high tech  system to keep the bag in and not falling in the can. It was so high tech that Wife had to perform Bag Duty because it didn't make sense to me. Just last night I managed to get the bag in correctly and it stayed there. I felt like The Man. I had accomplished something big, like finishing a book on quantum mechanics and understanding it. Like getting on a ladder outside and performing some kind of House Thing. Like designing and finishing an entire room. Like a task on the International Space Station.

This is another reason I don't brag.

Another thing to brag about is my extreme capabilities with the blog. Just this morning, I managed to completely delete everything I had in this post. Sorry - it may not be the same.  It also might be the fault of the fscking laptop. Each day brings another problem. Lately it's the Trackpad Nightmare, where the cursor jumps all over the place, just yesterday from the bottom to the top of a blog post. It randomly selects entire paragraphs and deletes them. Of course when I want to select entire paragraphs, it stops midway through or doesn't select the last letter. I should be happy - at least the keyboard works this week. Last night I lost an hour because the trackpad, which causes migraines, stopped working entirely. Ever try to use a computer with only the keyboard? You have to recall long-forgotten key combinations.

After spending a nice guitar on this thing, I am going to relegate it to Backup Laptop. For my health. Health? Yes, it sends my blood pressure through the roof and scares the dog. Since I had to pay double ransom to a county and the state on my car, the New Laptop Fund has been drained. Eventually I'm going to buy a used one and use it as my main laptop. Even though I have a real hot rod, only 2 years old, that just had all the plastic and display repaired.  I'm just too young to die. Wife won't kill me til the insurance is at a sufficient amount, so I need to eliminate Laptop Stress too. Even though this blog is the story of one man's descent into madness, I'd prefer the descent to be natural, not laptop-induced. 

Speaking of descent, some of the stuff happening lately would be really funny if it were happening to someone else. Someone a lot older. 

Me internally: I need to pick up the guitar and play some Hendrix

Me to Wife: I need to pick up the guitar and play some..... some... DAMMIT, it was just here.

lefty- who was that guitar player in Thin Lizzy then solo? Irish guy.

Oh, that was....  I used to be a classic rock encyclopedia. I can even see his face.

2:00am: GARY MOORE!

I gotta get some cereal and coffee. Make coffee. Pour cereal. Walk away with only cereal.

I'm not old enough for this shit. The only dementia I need is people telling me I'm demented. You know, in a good way.

Apple has promised to enhance disclosures about why it expels certain apps from its App Store, following claims that the tech giant’s secretive decision-making process threatens freedom of expression in countries such as China and Russia.

Huh? Freedom of expression in China and Russia? They forgot North Korea and Iran.

Natives in Tech, a US-based non-profit organization, has called upon the Apache Software Foundation (ASF) to change its name, out of respect for indigenous American peoples

Because they want to be positive, they included some suggestions for a new name: Spic, Wop, Nigger, Mik, Kike, and Google.

In unrelated news, Natives in Riding, a US-based non-profit organization, has called upon Indian Chief motorcycles to change its name, out of respect for indigenous American peoples

• Since Indian Chief went out of business in 1953, Natives in Tech demanded all of the bikes they produced be found or dug up and renamed.

Also on the chopping block was anything to do with horses, braids, feathers, arrows, fire water, fire, and black hair.

Australia politician Dominic Perrottet wore Nazi uniform at his 21st birthday party

He has gone on a National Apology Tour, explaining how sorry he is about his insensitivity at the party, 20 years ago. It has also come out that at age 5, he used the derogatory term 'Indians,' instead of Native Americans. His insensitivity continued unabated when, at age 12, he said that Kangaroos came from Israel and there are no poisonous fauna in Australia. At age 13, he wrote an essay entitled "Why Koalas Suck".   How did this guy get into office? 

Team Trans: The 'life-saving' ice hockey team backed by the NHL

It's certainly nice that they are doing their own thing. Odd that they aren't demanding to be on an NHL team. "I like that this is separate." Oh yeah, they are going to be denied admission to the SJW club.

There are certainly many advantages to playing on a trans team:

• very little spent on cups
• you're not allowed to call anyone a dick
• many personal days off for surgeries
• insurance covers hormones
• no periods - in the game or the players
• team stylist travels with them
• uniforms are unisex

The only thing I can't get my head around is what 2 trans lesbians together look like.

Sadly, they don't advertise where they're playing, for fear of harm.

ThermionicEmissions sends best wishes and good health to First Lady Jill Biden, who just had a cancerous lesion removed. Out of respect, I am not going to suggest it was Joe.

President Giveaway's classified documents were found at the Penn Biden Center in November, but somehow we only found out about them recently.

The 2nd batch (yes, Virginia, there's a 2nd batch) was found at an office he used after he was VP.

When asked for comment, Biden said "I don't remember that. I don't remember much of anything. I'm very old, but not old enough to be denied a 2nd term. Do I get ice cream now?"

Biden shows Camila he can get down and get funky