Swimming with Little Plastic Computer Speakers

 

Your love is like  Dolly Parton's breast-reduction surgery

I don't like to go out in the rain.

So when do you go out?

I don't. 

Today I identify as  Michele Obama

The Consumer Electronics Show just passed us by, and all we can say is Thank You.

• It's not bad enough there's a smart toilet. Worse, there's an app that analyzes urine (of course there is). While we're not entirely sure what a smart toilet is, we want nothing to do with it, or its urinalysis. Not covered in the manual is what happens if the entire family uses the bathroom. (Your son has his period, Mom has something on her penis, and the dog's pregnant)
• As if that weren't enough, there's a $200 coffee mug, with batteries and a heater to keep your beverage of choice warm. Because they don't sell Contigos on your planet? But wait!!!! If you buy now, the mug comes with Find my iPhone support. Yes, it's the first battery-powered mug that tracks your location!
• There is a $699 cutting board. It sneaks around at night and reports on where you keep your valuables. No, not really.... it just has a screen attached to it, so you can watch cooking videos (or pr0n) while you chop. Be careful, though.... one wrong CHOP and it's another $699.
• A printer that will print eyebrows on your face. This follows up facial airbrushes. The airbrushes and auto airbrushes use the same paint, to save on costs and provide greater value. It's especially convenient if you want to paint your face Seafoam Green (and you know it's gonna happen). Much like your car, it requires a coat of primer first.
• The $2499 telescope that can determine what it's looking at (stars, not body parts) and send a picture to Instagram. Unfortunately it cannot be operated by humans: no eyepiece or viewfinder.

Moderna CEO: 400% price hike on COVID vaccine “consistent with the value”

When asked, the CEO said "Well, since we're not getting any more tax dollars, we have to feed our children somehow..." 

But when you do this, every other drug company will follow you.

They have to feed their families too: this is not collusion nor is it price-fixing.

Last we checked, your children all had butlers, mansions, Ferraris, and personal cooks. 

Would you deny your children the little things?

They each have their own stock exchange.

So?

It's located in their own states.

What are you insinuating?

I'm insinuating nothing. I'm directly stating that your naked greed is harming the country.

But what about the children? 

They have bathtubs full of $1,000 bills.

Yes, they keep the small currencies at home. The larger ones are in their banks.

How can you sell the vaccines for $19 everywhere else, but $130 here? 

Ah, that's easy. We're by far the largest contributors to Congressional funds. Congressmen don't own their own yachts, so we treat them to small vacations with hookers and blow. They work hard; they should play hard too. Do you know that Congress put in an average of 2 days per week last year? It's unprecedented. How else will they fill their slush funds re-election coffers? We perform a needed service. Then when they retire, we employ them as 'consultants'. It's a win for everyone.

Except the taxpayers.

Well, yes. There wouldn't be any winners if there weren't any losers. 

Do what we say, not what we do

A fifth of passwords used by federal agency cracked in security audit

CYBER: Hacking Digital License Plates

you know... plates with chips in them, so you can be identified quicker and easier... so you can do your civic duty by paying city and state fines.

• I think it rains for fun here.

New imaging finds trigger for massive global warming 56 million years ago

I don't have an opinion on global warming. Haven't bothered studying it, largely because my brain can only deal with so much study and this isn't my field. Might be worth a read for all of us.  It could have been aliens, but the jury's still out.

Conversations with my dog 

Me: I noticed you always sleep in our bed.

Her: So do you.

Me: It's my bed.

Her: Well, you want to sleep where it's very comfortable for you. So do I.

Me: Can you at least give back the Sleep Number remote control? And my pillow?

New UFO report shows hundreds more incidents than previously thought

Speaking of aliens.. or maybe not.

More than previously thought? C'mon. I know they think we're idiots, but this?

Perhaps the fact that it's being released is significant.

The reason that the number of reports with the military involved is rising is because they're no longer terrified they'll be laughed at or dismissed. OR that more of the incidents are finally allowed to be reported. All branches of the military, especially the Navy and Air Force, have come in contact with UAPs. On Christmas, NORAD tracks Santa. NORAD also tracks anything coming over the horizon, and has had UFO  reports on file for who knows how many years. Whoever runs NORAD knows where the reports are or where they go to. The Men in Black are not fictitious. They may be part of the group that collects the UAP reports from military bases. 

Again: none of this is new information. "We" have been collecting it since at least 1941, most likely before. Do you think Roswell just happened and the army never bothered to document it? It would be silly to think all this is new. The only thing that's new is the expansion of government agencies and some more information being allowed out.

Disagree? Leave a comment, with your reasoning.

Americans Rank Congressmen Lower Than Journalists and Car Salesmen for Honesty and Ethical Standards

Hey - there are 1 or 2 good journalists.

It's just amazing that Americans took so long to come to this conclusion. There will be no action on this until Congressmen are ranked lower than cell phone providers and cable companies.

New Zealand Supreme Court rules voting age of 18 is discriminatory

The case was brought by a group called Make it 16, with obvious intent.

Good God, can you imagine making the voting age 16 in the US? There are many who argue the age should be raised. After a great amount of thought (typing takes time) I think 18 is ok, but not if you're in college. If you're in college, you have to wait til you graduate (or stop going). College does something to your brain that shouldn't be foisted upon the country. Come to think of it, do you want most of the people around you voting?

Politico Reporter Exits After Tweet Slamming Pope Benedict as ‘Pedophile Protector and Hitler Youth Alumnus’

Wait, let me see if I understand this.

Pope was in Hitler Youth

Pope protected pedophiles

Politico reporter tweets this

Shitstorm ensues

Reporter leaves Politico

In America, we can't have reporters reporting the truth.

If there were a hell, I hope the ex-pope is there, in a loving relationship with Satan

He ruined lives.