Your love is like asparagus jelly
It's Women's History Month, as work reminded me. These emails are getting through my filters, then I get agitated, then I take it out on you, the readers.
Still no left handed history month
How, you ask, does one celebrate Women's History Month? Let me count the ways..
- pray for the next ridiculous month's celebration to come quickly
- bitch, yell, carp, scream, or complain at somebody, preferably a man
- talk about window treatments, new furniture, and the perfect flowerpot for that space
- take 4 times the usual number of minutes (hours) to get ready
- pretend you didn't notice your shirt is buttoned as low as it is
- when somebody cuts you off, don't scream at them
- when asked to take out the trash, tell your spouse not now, you have a headache
Today I identify as Lieutenant Columbo (deceased)
The Phrases are getting out of hand.
"Game Changer" has to be used at least once every 3 minutes, whether on tv or at work.
"At the end of the day" is quickly catching up.
The only good news is that "it is what it is" is falling out of favor.
We, as Linguistic Police, have a duty to knock this stuff out of the lexicon.
You're going to be shocked. Or maybe not.
But there are now babies born with 3 parents, currently only legal in the UK.
Apparently there are a few ways of doing this, but the easy way is always the best. It involves 3 or more people, a mattress, a donkey, and Alec Baldwin's 'stunt' gun. If one of the persons has a disease, you might want to go via genetic manipulation, which is considerably less fun, even though the donkey is still on the table. The 3 parent technique could create babies at risk of severe disease.
- So called 'normal' people want some time to figure out what's going on, because they blank out when someone says 'science.'
- Republicans desperately need something in there about killing babies so they can pass a bill against it.
- LGBTQ+1 organizations (the democrats) need something in there about killing babies so they can pass a bill protecting it.
- Religious organizations forbid it because the 3 parents aren't married and can't be married (but send the donkey anyway).
- What about the man in the street? People in the street should get to a sidewalk quickly, lest they become a statistic.
Of course it did. The clickbait headline neglects to mention that the courts are first deciding whether the 2 plaintiffs have a right to sue. In refusing, it gets kicked back to lower courts to make the determination of standing, then violation.
At issue for the Supreme Court was a more procedural question: Whether the plaintiffs, who attended the rally and alleged they were “aggrieved” by what they saw, were injured enough to meet the threshold for suing.
Huh? I don't believe you need to be a certain degree of 'aggrieved' to sue. A violation is a violation. I'll be back with more Backseat Legal Driving next week. The Supreme Court is moving to the side of religion lately. This issue needs to be monitored- it affects all of us.
Ancient Astronaut Theorists say this is proof that the pyramids were constructed by aliens because the Egyptians didn't have the technology or ability to build a corridor.
Regular Old Theorists say this points to there bring a big hole in the pyramid.
Archaeologists say they're pissed because they can't even get permission to look at the pyramid.
Biden FCC nominee withdraws, blaming cable lobby and “unlimited dark money“
The dog was chewing on something. Upon closer inspection, she had brought in a mouse. Or most of a mouse. Instead of dropping it on her mommy as a present, she decided it was too tasty to give away. After a brief but loud discussion, I was elected to remove it (or what was left of it). Part of me is revulsed, the other part proud. I will keep this in mind later, when she starts to lick my pillow.
- Oh yeah, she's also a lesbian. This fact made a certain political party very upset. I won't mention which one. Much mud was thrown at her.
- I remember the 2016 elections. The Log Cabin Republicans were a group of gay people voting republican. The R-tent looked very inclusive back then. Apparently the tent shrunk in the wash, only leaving room for certain republicans.
- Nobody mentioned Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.
Spokespersons for both parties preferred to emphasize the positive: they are in complete agreement with each other in many areas: higher salaries, larger government, less rights, and higher taxes.
Wife, returning from whatever it is she does in the morning, asked what I wanted for breakfast.
Apparently she didn't take me seriously when I said malt, bacon burger, or barbecue. After all these years, she still doesn't know when to take me seriously. I'll probably wind up with one of those disgusting breakfast things. The convenience store has Breakfast Burritos. Burritos are my favorite Mexican food, but Breakfast Burritos have things like eggs and sausage in them. Who eats this stuff in the morning? Or at all? Then I reminded her we probably still have Breakfast Burritos from last week. If we do, they're a lovely shade of blue and furry now. I suggested an egg, cheese, bacon sandwich, hold the egg and cheese, but she doesn't remember too good, so it's always a surprise; usually not in my favor. As least I can count on a Coke (unless Supply Chain Difficulties stopped all Coke products from showing up. Again).
There are certain foods that are foreign to me because my mom didn't make them. Sausage is one. It's ok, as I really don't like it. I remember having the best popcorn of my life once, at a friend's house. After a bit of intensive detective work, it was discovered that Friend used butter, while Mom used margarine on our popcorn. We solved it amicably, by promising not to call Child Services if she used butter in the future. Have I mentioned we were complete bastards? Nothing changed.
Another thing that really threw me for a loop was people getting burgers with mayonnaise. No sane person where I grew up put mayo on burgers. Whenever we left the area, I had to specify NO MAYO on burgers. It was counter-intuitive. When I forgot, I had to give the burger to my brother, who hated mayo on burgers too, but I was the bigger brother and would maim counsel him if he did not follow my orders instructions.
Speaking of instructions, we went food shopping last night, reminding my why food shopping is not one of my chores. I will gladly do dishes and haul service elephant poop out of the living room, so long as I don't have to go food shopping. First of all, we have to make sure it's not more than the mortgage payment. I noticed the dog eats better than we do, especially treats. Her treats are more numerous and healthy than anything we eat. And more expensive. This is because there are more stringent regulations for pet food than human food. This is counterproductive, because if we die first, who will buy treats for the dog?
Never ask 2 people with little to no memory to go to the meat counter. Since there were only 2 people behind the counter and 2 people in front of the counter, they were completely jammed up. One was on strike and the other involved in deep conversation with the good looking blonde next to us. We noticed that nobody was actually slicing anything, so we used the electronic order thingie to order and we'd pick it up later in our trip. Hopefully the guy allegedly slicing the meat would be done with the blonde by that time, assuming a brunette hadn't shown up later. Later at home, Wife asked if I put the meat away. No I didn't, largely because neither of us remembered to go back to the meat counter to get our already-sliced order. Damned if we do, hungry if we don't. Next time we go shopping with an adult.
No blog entry would be complete without news of Tesla.
Last week it was rear seats turning into ejector seats. Like there's something wrong with that.
This week it's steering wheels falling off. This is a particularly good one. I wonder if you hit autodrive when the steering wheel falls off or just panic and scream your head off.
- There's a Tesla down the street. Every time I pass it I laugh and think of posting updates on it. I'd tape them to the windshield, but I'd be afraid it would fall out or spontaneously combust.
But we're not done with Elon Musk yet. The EU told him to hire more staff to moderate Twitter.
I'm not sure why his business is any of the EU's business and highly encourage Elon to troll the hell out of them on Twitter. Perhaps he can encourage the EU to fund their demand.
Yeah, we've run out of good and even marginally bad ideas. Now we're beneath the bottom of the barrel. Mental health gyms? It's not polite to poke fun at people with issues, especially considering my entire house has issues, including the dog. But you're reading ThermionicEmissions, where we poke at everything. Besides, what do you suppose you do at a mental health gym?
- Parietal lobe push-ups
- Cerebral Cortex chin-ups
- Frontal lobe fscking around
- Basal ganglia boxing
- Brain Stem Boogie -cool down
Volkswagen took some heat last month, when they were asked to track a car by the police. Volkswagen told the fuzz that they wouldn't track nothin' till somebody paid the bill to reactivate the 'connected car service.'
Volkswagen is very sorry they got caught and says it will never happen again they will not get caught a second time. The service has been made free so they won't get caught again. They are testing implants that let the police know what the driver and passengers are thinking. At this point, the implants are rectal, so when the state makes them mandatory, the driver can tell them to stick it up their ass.
It's International Women's Day. Or it was International Women's Day.
It comes in the middle of Women's History Month.
I dunno.... it looks to me like the people who come up with this crap are all female.
Every day is Women's Day. We love them. We worship them. They demand it.
It was just Valentine's Day. I never get a thing on V-day. Not so much as a piece of candy. It's all about the women. Roses increase from $12/dozen to $75/dozen. If you have a penis, you had better be prepared to bring the goods, whether flowers, candy, dinner, jewelry, or new cars. Maybe a yacht or a small office building. Perhaps a reversal of your vasectomy. Perhaps a vasectomy. You never see women rushing all over stores, worried and upset they can't find the perfect V-Day gift for their husband(s).
So it's Valentine's Day, International Women's Day, Women's History Month, Do as you're told year, and She Who Must Be Obeyed life. It carries you from birth to death, which may be hastened by failure to observe any of these mandatory holidays.
Mrs. lefty specifies there will be no presents on V-Day (not just for me). She forgets to balk when the flowers show up.
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