Where is the Central Scrutinizer when you need him?

Your love is like  a cluster of kidney stones

The Air Force’s Drones Can Now Recognize Faces. Uh-Oh.

Isn't that nice? Technology helps the Spy State. But think of the satellites!

Today I identify as  a Girl Scout. Several Girl Scouts.

They say that during certain events, time slows down.

Turns out they're right. I noticed this the other night, attempting to ascend stairs with a large, damp load of laundry. A few steps up, time slowed down as I realized I was going to go backwards, down the steps, without touching any of them. Perhaps I was jealous of Wife's attempt to punish concrete with her head, so I took a shot at it.

I was aware of everything. I had a lot of thoughts, which is sometimes odd for me. Of course I can't remember what any of them were, but I'm sure they were pithy and worthy of thought. I did wonder what sort of damage I'd do to the concrete. I felt each body part hit the floor. Mostly I was worried I might not be around to celebrate Black History Month, which Work notified us of a few hundred times. 

As my adventure ground to a halt, I was pleasantly surprised my cranium did not attempt to damage the floor. A lot of my thinkin' goes on in there. Well, the thinkin that doesn't happen in my butt or my genitals. Mostly I was proud that I was still holding onto the laundry and had not dropped a single damp piece. Because you know that as soon as I brought it up, I would be told it's too damp - take it downstairs and run it through the dryer again. Barring any fatal future falls, I will be here for the entirety of Black History Month. Still no Left Handed History Month.

Which reminds me... my email filters at work seem to be failing, as I got a Black History Month email. Maybe because it was one from one of the Head Honchos. I have all announcements sent to the dump, perhaps by one person. It would be most unfortunate if she sent out an email titled FIRE FIRE - EVACUATE, and I didn't see it because all her emails go to trash. None of this has anything to do with my job, including Nepalese History Month.

Still no Left Handed History Month.

Hey, if you're a T-Mobile customer, here's some news for you:

Hackers Claim They Breached T-Mobile More Than 100 Times in 2022

T-Mobile admitted to 2 breaches, so that's about right.

I'd change to a different carrier if I were you.

"Come to T-Mobile, where our prices are great and our security... isn't."

I know you're sitting there, wondering if the Oscars will be safe for Chris Rock this year,  Worry no more - the Oscar people have put a security team in place for all emergencies. They've trained for all eventualities, except real emergencies, like earthquakes and the refreshment counters being out of Diet Pepsi.

This tool lets you see how much time and money is wasted commuting

It does not let you see how much time and money is wasted playing with the tool.

Every now and then I feel sorry for someone I can't stand or fail to get.

Today's person is Justin Bieber.

He's got some facial paralysis from shingles. He got shingles from a defective chickenpox shot when he was a child. Wanna bet the pox vaccine manufacturer pays for this? 

Because I feel bad for him, I won't even say anything about him desperately wanting to be black, but getting religion instead (because they're so closely related). The sad part is that he plays left handed. I bet he has less trouble getting guitars than I do.

Conversations with my dog 

Me: Why do you stand on Mommy's head in the middle of the night?

Her: to get her to take me outside.

Me: Do you have to go outside?

Her: Not usually.

Me: Then why do you do it?

Her: Just to see if she'll wake you.

Me: She doesn't

Her: That's why I sometimes sleep on your chest.

Kansas’ rights bill angers left with its definition of ‘woman’

The republicans are at it (again). This time they want an objective definition of woman, specifically to preserve single-sex areas such as public restrooms, school sports, prisons and shelters. Strangely, the measure is opposed by transgender rights advocates. Who saw that coming?

“It simply says that in existing statute or law, where there is a definition of sex, it means biological male and female as determined at birth.

Reps claim it's factual and objective. Cuz they're always looking out for us and making things.. uh... easier. Yeah, that's it, easier. Again, nothing better to do. If their work is done, send them home. The silliest argument from the Control Side is that trans people will go to the 'wrong' restroom and perform bad physical acts, not having anything to do with excretion. My last job, at the Twilight Zone, actually allowed this.The end result was everybody using their originally assigned restroom. Some of the women were worried. Your coworker is more concerned with his full bladder than anything you have in or on you. The most vocal opponents were the people who were... be polite... least likely to be 'assaulted.' I was in favor of women in the men's rooms. It would be pretty funny watching them use the urinals. As if one single female ever walked in that door, no matter how long the line at the ladies'. I didn't care who came in the men's room - it didn't affect the point of my visit. We had one lady who complained about something or other going on in the men's room. I suggested not looking in there. Sometimes the simplest solution is the best solution.

What do you suppose would happen if the bill went through and a man identifying as a woman was put in with all the men. I could see things going bad quickly. That's a genuine concern for safety. It also bothers me when women insist on being Boy Scouts. Yes, they won a lawsuit, giving them the right to be groped too, but you'll notice no suit allowing boys to be Girl Scouts. I'd go for that job, but they would want to alter the uniform in spots (even if I identified as female). Plus all the cookies I can eat sell. Sports? I don't want to see anybody get hurt, which essentially means football should be shut down altogether. I guess if there were no female team and the girl was of the same weight class. And she could give as good as she got, because there would be razzing/hazing.They definitely won't be making her wear her jock strap on her head. They'll have to have breast pads made, because she'll constantly be tackled from the breasts. On the other hand, she could completely divert attention while her team scores.

In any case, this is just another example of the religious party wanting to control everything. These are usually the people caught doing what they complained about. (see Television Evangelists). 5 years after the bill passes, one of the male sponsors will be caught, crossdressed, in the ladies' room. The worst part will be that he just didn't pull it off well; he made a very unattractive woman.

Reps/Dems - 2 sides of the same warped coin.

Speaking of which, the reps should be all over this:

Pregnant US inmate seeks jail release because fetus is ‘innocent’

Stupid and ballsy. You have to give her credit. She claims the fetus is being 'held unlawfully.'

The state should countersue because she put the fetus in danger when she allegedly murdered a woman.

This is like a soap opera. Court TV can cover it, with their highest ratings since OJ (has he found the killer yet?).  The father-to-be hired the attorney on behalf of the fetus. I don't know about you, but I want to hear the attorney's conversations with the fetus. Perhaps it will just take the fifth on everything.

Keeping firearms out of easy reach key to preventing military suicides

There's so much here, we'll have to break it down.

• Rather than dealing with the cause of military suicides, we'll hide the guns
• Hey, isn't the military supposed to be armed? Captain, our troops are being slaughtered on the battlefield. Why? Because we took away their guns so they wouldn't commit suicide. Wait, we took away their guns so they wouldn't commit suicide with them. They're free to commit suicide by running out onto the battlefield unarmed. Sir, something's wrong with this, but I can't put my finger on it.
• Recommendations included raising the purchase age to 25 on bases. So people under 25 will have to find a different way to kill themselves.
• a seven-day waiting period to purchase a gun. So they have to wait 7 days to kill themselves.
• another four-day waiting period to purchase ammunition. Because we're going to just disregard the 2nd Amendment.
• The levels this research went to were deep, and deeply flawed. When civilians try to suicide, we don't hide the medicines or steak knives. They get counseling. But I guess when you give people guns and tell them to KILL, stuff just happens. We only value our human assets while they're employed. Afterwards, it's their problem.
• VP Kamila Harris said that only people of color should be allowed to have guns on base
• UC Berkeley said they're not happy with guns, especially if Jews have them.

Like most things in life, there is a corresponding Monty Python sketch, which I can't find on video.

I'd like to leave the army, sir.

Why, Jenkins?

It's dangerous, Sir. 

Why did you join the army in the first place?

For the travel, Sir. 

One of the paltry few rock radio stations here announced their weekend program, which is Greatest Rock Singers. Hmmm... who are the greatest and what's the criteria - range, tightness of clothes, biggest bulge, most groupies? Ok, I'll take a shot...in no particular order, and you'll disagree...

1. Robert Plant
2. Gregg Allman
3. Joe Cocker
4. Freddie Mercury (Queen)
5. Paul Rodgers (Bad Company)
6. Ann Wilson (Heart)
7. Sass Jordan
8. Janis Joplin
9. Delbert McClinton
10. Susan Tedeschi (Tedeschi Trucks)

It should really be called Favorite Singers. If you haven't heard some of the above, check them out on YouTube. A great side effect of the 'contest' is that we can check out some singers we might not know about.

Dear Pennsylvania Voters 

You think I'm just a conspiracy theorist. Here's some solid information. I'll present it to you in order.

John Fetterman was Governor Tom Wolf's lieutenant, advocating lockdowns and arbitrary 'essential' businesses during The Flying AIDS panic. This alone should preclude voting for him.

Fetterman runs against Dr. Oz, who tried to blitz Fetterman about his poor health.

Fetterman said his health was not a problem, in halting stroke-affected speech.

People hated Oz so much, they voted for Fetterman. Or they hated republicans so much. Or both.

Oops, Fetterman was hospitalized twice in the 6 weeks since the election, one for lightheadedness, one recently on the recommendation of Congress' attending physician.

Fetterman has privately acknowledged that his health is worse than he publicly acknowledged.

In other words, he lied. And got into office. Usually the liars and thieves don't get caught this early in their terms. Impeach.

His wife, best described as his staunch supporter, defender, and pit bull, took the kids and went to Canada, as of the most recent hospitalization, perhaps to avoid the press. 

We wish him the best of health and hope for a full recovery. And we want him out of office.