I Got a Rock

Your love is like   a particularly toothsome bj

• lefty the food critic samples Pineapple Crush soda:
• lefty really enjoys Orange Crush. Even an occasional Grape Crush.
• However, the Pineapple Crush is to be strenuously and arduously avoided. It is a tremendous soda to find yourself on the other side of the world from. Pineapple held the promise of Mt Dew, but dropped it clumsily. This is not a soda to sit and quench - it is a soda to fire from rocket-propelled grenade launchers at Iran.

Today I identify as  dust. 27 years of dust.

Dear lefty 

• What's the greatest thing about watching pr0n at work?
• If your work VPN is set up correctly, you can't watch pr0n and have to use your personal system. 
• By the way, everywhere you go on the work computer is logged.

Now that Halloween's over, we're past the Halloween Boobies stage (although I doubt I'll be past any stage that has to do with boobies). Many many years ago, at my previous blogging platform, I got a bit free-associated and wound up with Halloween boobies, or something like that. All of the sudden, the platform sprung up with a new owner, unbeknownst to the bloggers. He got on a chat with me and made it clear he was not amused with Halloween boobies and that I'd never appear on the front page until I typed about Tech Stuff<tm>, like a good little blogger. The other owner agreed, to a non-assholic extent. Mind you, this was the first time anybody had said anything about my content, so I was a bit flummoxed. In fact, I submitted a sample of my content when I requested the blog.

Although I could have comfortably remained, never hitting the front page, collecting actual advertising money now and then, having a lot of dedicated readers and pull from the platform, it really got to me. I have never taken to that kind of nonsense in my entire life, and wasn't about to start then. So I once again shot myself in the foot and came to Blogspot/Google to make my home. I like it here. It's a good place for bloggers with tons of holes in their foot.

I never told the story, but it's been long enough. I believe the prior platform is completely dead now (and good luck to them). It probably failed because I left (and other fairy tales). Chief lefty talk big for blog with 25 hits per day.

Back of Chief lefty head itches. Not aliens this time. Chief confused. Chief want to be flummoxed but can't use word til next full moon.

• Look - I don't care what anybody says - I am not responsible for Emily Ratajkowski being knocked up.

As projected, there is a 2nd wave of the Flying AIDS

As you'd expect, there's a 2nd wave of supermarket hoarding

Not only are we stupid - we're incapable of learning.

More Philly 

The Philly DA mentioned the man who was shot by the police was in mental health crisis (while blaming Trump for it)..

Keeping in mind that I said non-lethal methods were called for, the man is claimed to have bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder does not make you wave knives at police, and is nothing more than slander on people who also have the disorder.

It's Review Time at work. Knowing where I work, it's probably mid-year review. They work on this bizarre concept of the employee doing the review, and the boss laughing deciding if it's correct. This is the 2nd review this month.

Reliability: lefty reliably frightens his coworkers

Communication: lefty never fails to communicate, mostly when he shouldn't.

Initiative: because some of his teammates are dead weight, whenever lefty does something, it looks like initiative. Some of them need to be awakened to clock out.

Thinking: lefty is a pro at out-of-the-box thinking. In fact, we keep trying to get him to think inside the box every now and then.

Overall Rating: Outstanding. It's outstanding that he manages to show up at 9 every day. Even weekends.

Team Status: we're referring to him as unofficial team leader, so we don't have to pay him any more.

Apparently, no one told her.....

We were off, visiting a cousin, in God's Country. A really sweet woman I wish I'd met sooner. I heard stories of her hospitality... she even sent food home sometimes. Mrs lefty is out walking Penny, and Cousin walks up to me with a bottle (vodka?) and a straw. Damn, that's hospitality. I felt bad, telling her I don't really drink. So I laid out a few lines thanked her and we chatted. Penny loves her house - she can look out the window and sometimes see deer. Penny stands on the back of the couch, looks out the picture window, and barks at the deer. During the few moments she's not barking, she looks like a statue of a dog somebody put on the window sill. Cousin has some physical difficulties, so when she walks Penny, Penny behaves. I've never seen this before.

Call for Service....

In this shitty economy, providing service is what can get you by. 

Mrs lefty is goin visitin' again, and I need service.  Wait.. let me fix that... I need servicing... no, that's not it.. I could use somebody in the service industry. Screw it - I need a babysitter. I'm home with Penny, I'm not that demanding, and I can cook.

We're back to the Vice-Wife call. If the president cannot fulfill the duties of office, the vice president steps in. If my wife can't fulfill her duties of office, the vice wife can step in. I find this a perfectly good, sound legal concept. Naturally, my wife has a few questions. Someone has to entertain me when she's gone (and sometimes when she's home), hence vice wife. I thought it could be a low visibility effort, employing Sofia Vergara, Vanessa Hudgens, Linda Fiorentino, or the wife of our favorite pizza guy... I'm not picky.

Thus far, I have not gained assent on the part of my wife. She thought she'd be a smartass and get a vice husband. Fair is fair - I told her go ahead.... the only task I'm unwilling to fulfill is mowing the lawn. If he can take out the trash too, he's a hell of a service.

So Penny and I are alone for a few days. Unfortunately, Penny takes Mommy's absence very hard. She will literally stare out the front window, pining for her mommy, for days. Since it has done nothing but rain for the last week, I'll keep the shades closed - maybe she'll think the window went away. I want to activate the vice wife, per above, but haven't gotten the necessary legal paperwork signed, so it's just the dog, me, and a developing case of repetitive stress injury in my wrist. Hey - I've got it... do I have any attractive female blog readers? I will hire you to babysit. If Wife complains, I'll tell her there was a blog contest and you lost.

Of course I could sit and surf the Black Friday deals.

Yes, Black Friday.

I'm telling you - next year, Black Friday is the first Thursday after Valentine's Day.

In both a happy and the saddest news, New Zealand is allowing assisted dying for terminally ill people. It's the most humane thing to do. My only problem is 'allowing'. Why does the state have sovereignty over your body? We're all adults here, we can decide what we do with our bodies, what goes into them, and when we check out, right? Do we really need our governments having control of US?

Octopuses taste with their arms.

Big deal - I can juggle with my... never mind.

A dream since man could fly has been the flying car.

Considering how well we've done with auto-driven cars, I'd wait a bit longer...

Mind you, those would be some spectacular accidents clogging traffic on the way to work. People would have to get personal helicopters, just so they could rubberneck. Costs could be saved on ambulances, cuz you're not getting out of that crash alive. On the other hand, things would be worse if your parts fell on highways... talk about traffic....  "Route 95 is at a complete stop this morning due to a flying car crash. The crash was at 2,000' but the parts came down like rain. Some idiots in their cars have stopped and are looking up, in case anything else falls, while the rest of them are out of their cars, looking at the bits of airplane and bodies that have fallen on the road. Yes, I'd stay off 95 til at least next week. Meanwhile, the NTSB is examining the wreck and there is an additional traffic jam because it's being filmed for Aircraft Crash Investigation on the Discovery channel. The NTSB is out of their minds because people are taking selfies with body parts."

Flying AIDS News

Speaking of flying, Alaska Air is doing a buy 1 get 1 free sale. Other airlines say fare increases are coming. And naturally, studies can't agree on whether it's safer to fly or not, studying the flying Flying AIDS. I'd love to take a vacation; perhaps not to Alaska. If we were to fly out to somewhere nice and sunny, we'd just be taking our masks to a nicer place. No thanks.

How are Americans catching the virus? Increasingly, 'they have no idea.'

Once again, nobody has any idea. Seriously? 'Modern medicine'? Huge health organizations?

But let's get away from the election and the Flying AIDS: there were 21 trans candidates!(I lied). A swordsman in medieval clothing killed 2 in Quebec (so much for a friendlier country). And in an outcome nobody saw coming, a man was mauled by a leopard he paid to play with.  He learned his lesson and will never do that again - that leopard was huge and strong. Next week he'll be playing with a Black Widow spider.

The dog has become a tv critic. Whenever she jumps on the couch, she changes the channel. I don't blame her, so I moved the remote. Now if she'd just stop moving the mouse.. she makes the laptop do things I can't make it do.

I realize this is going to sound odd, but if that bothers you, you wouldn't be reading this blog... ransomware thieves are targeting hospital and healthcare facilities. Folks, can't you stay out of the places where you can cause death? You've already killed one woman in Germany - why do you need to raise the stats? It's not reasonable for us to suggest you stop completely, but it could be your mother in the emergency room, being turned away because of ransomware. That's how the woman in Germany died.