It was inevitable that I cursed thanked my fellow Americans for voting in 1 of the 2 thieves. You have caused taxes to go up. You have voted against your own wallet. And mine, unfortunately.
Your love is like another brand new Star Wars sequel!
Welcome to The Invalids - a new sitcom featuring the leftys.
Mrs lefty's back has been known to take vacations: this time it's really out. The entire family is aghast, as no one has ever seen her sit still for more than 4 seconds at one time. The other day she was on the couch for 3 minutes: we checked for a pulse.
lefty's ear is still having a hissy. The doctor suggested starting slowly, with hydrogen peroxide. My understanding is that this will bleach all the tiny ear hairs blonde. So now there's hissing with tiny blonde ear hairs. We tried other things like more peroxide, YooHoo, and drain cleaner, all with no change. The worst thing is that nobody will ever see my new blonde tiny ear hairs. Except the doctor, and if you've ever seen his scrubs, it really doesn't matter.
The doctor's office inspired confidence, 'fitting me in' within a week or 2. I nudged them ever so slightly, exercising my Tiny Medical Knowledge, and asking if maybe it might be prudent to see me sooner, given it's a semi-important bodily function: my hearing. If it were my heart, I'd wait. To put a point on my medical argument, I explained to the very nice lady that it was nigh impossible for me to procure that thing.. the Ear-O-Scope, and look in my own ear. That argument won her over.
I am not checking Butt Stuff.
Today I identify as fish
- Republicans: you better get started early... get out your hashtags #NotMyPresident and #Resistance and #Impeach. You'll need something derogatory, so call him President Huh?
RIP Alex Trebek - said he wanted to be remembered as a nice guy. No problem, eh?
- New nasal spray prevents Flying AIDS infection in ferrets
- How do they get them to snort it?
As the White House gets ready for its next inhabitant, things are expected to change:
- furniture moved far away from other furniture to avoid tripping injuries
- kitchen restocking with applesauce and Aricept
- Secret Service order to keep the president away from microphones and anything with a vagina
- quick shortcut from vice presidential bedroom to presidential bedroom, in case of midnight promotion
- rubber bedsheets
- condom and rubber glove dispenser... just in case Joe gets loose..
- defund the Secret Service and take away their guns
- I've fallen and I can't get up button for Joe
Dear lefty
- I didn't vote for the person who became president. What do I do?
- if the past 4 years were any indication, scream, obstruct, whine annoyingly, and start impeachment proceedings
It took quite a long time, but I finally saw a video with Queen and Adam Lambert. Freddie Mercury saw it years ago: he looked down from heaven and said, "Nope. Too gay."
How do you opine on someone replacing one of the finest frontmen in rock? There's no question that Lambert is a fine singer - hitting all the notes. But he's not Freddie. --> Oops.
Hence my problem.
He just doesn't do anything for me. Like another rock and roll great - Paul Rogers with Queen.
- a speedboat, upside down, on fire, on the highway. Who's going to tell the boat owner it doesn't work on land? Still -that's some class-A gawking there.
Portland, Maine has voted to each get $100 when cops, govt officials illegally spy on them with facial-rec AI, minimum $1,000.
This is the beginning of a great idea. Unfortunately, Portland is displaying its ignorance of government: government doesn't have money: it's taken from you. So every $1,000 fine comes from the taxpayers. Let's jigger things around for greatest effect: a $100 fine to come from the mayor's salary, minimum $1,000. I can guarantee Portland that civil rights will become the mayor's highest priority.
In related news, San Diego voted down this type of surveillance too. Unfortunately there's no switch to turn it off: the company shut off the feed to government.
Why Germans love getting naked in public.
To see other naked Germans?
The rift between the royal family and Prince Harry grows.
What hope is there for us when even the reptilians can't get along?
While viewing an apartment at a famed Hollywood building, a person leaped to their death.
Great - now the stress of showing a terribly exclusive apartment isn't enough... now the agent has to watch for jumpers...
And here is the lovely kitchen, with all modern appliances... no, Sir, the gas is not hooked up yet and there are no sharp knives. We have a world class balcony, which is locked for your safety, and you can't get at it until you sign the lease. You can choose between 2 and 3 bedroom apartments.. Sir, please stay away from the window. All trash goes down the refuse chute, which isn't wide enough to accommodate a human body. Your neighbors would be Elton John and Sandra Bullock, neither of whom will shoot you. Elton said blowing poison darts is out but blowing other things might be arranged. The entire apartment is bomb-proof and fitted with extra-strength sprinklers, in case of mysterious fire. The floor calls police when it senses blood and the Amazon Spy System knows when you're stumbling over your words and shares video with the local police. You're all covered for when you accidentally take 27 sleeping pills instead of 1.. please stay away from the picture window, Sir... and no, there are no medicines left over from the former resident... The ceiling is smooth as can be; no way of tying a rope up there. Sir, may I respectfully suggest this building might not be for you? Please stay away from the windows..
SJW During Flying AIDS
CBS pledges Survivor, Big Brother casts will now be 50% people of color
..as will winners
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