Saturday, May 13, 2023

Life is a Series of Major Disappointments. Then Things get Bad.


Your love is like  beetle milk


It's rough being dyslexic. My friend says those marital arts movies are always disappointing.


Today I identify as  an irritant



Speaking of werk, my boss is out tomorrow. I suggested I run the daily meeting. Because I have absolutely no experience with the product, I am uniquely suited to run things.



Ukraine war: Leak shows Western special forces on the ground

Of course there are troops there. Biden learned well from Obama's No Boots on the Ground promise. Lying fucks. We will never get out from under the Military Industrial Complex. ---> We were warned.


Conversations with my Dog

Me: You sure sneeze a lot.

Her: Yes I do.

Me: Out of 4 dogs, you're the only one who sneezes. A couple of times a day. 

Her: Yup.

Me: Why do you sneeze?

Her: Why do you sneeze?

Me: Because your hair gets up my nose.

Her: Bingo!



Don't get me wrong: I love that it's getting warmer - maybe even sunnier (ok, less cloudy). But the sun makes the weeds grow, which means MOWING. The doctors can't figure out what the problem is, but I think it was a nasty incident with a mower when I was little. Maybe it was a Stephen King thing, where it came alive and chased me. It's not far from that now, metaphorically. I had to mow the weeds last week. I didn't want to because it would be setting the bar too high with the new neighbors. Although I suspect they already know.


 San Francisco fog defeats pack of Waymo robo-taxis

No, honestly, they're perfectly ready for prime time.

We're their beta testers, like Windows. 


Satan Clubs Should Be Allowed in Schools

I maintain that satanists are the best friend of the First Amendment. Whenever the rabid religionoids try to legislate (only) their religion, the satanists pop up. Rather than allow a satan club, the religionoids close up shop.
 On March 31, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) filed suit against Pennsylvania's Saucon Valley School District after it dismantled the "After School Satan Club," an after-school program sponsored by the Satanic Temple with chapters across the country, alleging the club failed to communicate that it was not formally sponsored by the district. The ACLU argues that the removal was actually motivated by the hundreds of angry messages the district received from local parents and the general public. 

Yeah, let's be serious here. It was the calls, of course. Religious freedom only exists when it benefits their religion. The court will decide, as they have in the past, that the Satan club has every right to be there, as do the atheists. 


Twitter claims dead celebs are subscribing to Blue from beyond the grave

Is there anything Musk can't do?


lefty Restaurant Review: The Azteca

You know that guy.. the guy who's always screaming into his phone because he thinks the person on the other end can't hear him?  He was 20' away from where we were sitting. His voice was LOUD and clear. If God, or one of his representatives (the official ones) made an announcement, they'd use this guy, whose voice carries to the next city. Naturally he wasn't the kind of guy who just sits there with nothing to say. No, he went on and on. Then went on and on. Nobody in the entire restaurant cared about anything he had to say and I was wondering what it would take to shut him up. The problem wasn't going to be around too much longer, judging by the sheer amount of paper airplanes, handguns, poison darts, and poison frogs that the other patrons were aiming.

While we were waiting to get sat, we watched about 10 employees walk around, none saying so much as a word in our direction. "Not again," I said to Wife. "These people have 5 minutes. Not to seat us, just to acknowledge our presence, or the pants come down." As we watched yet another employee pass us, I said, "4 minutes." Wife asked me if I was glad we waited, as a very attractive Mexican lady greeted us. She asked if we minded sitting at a booth near the bar. I said fine, provided she told everyone to shut up. Apparently she didn't hear me.

I don't want to say their girly frozen strawberry margaritas were potent, but it's been 4 hours and I'm typing this while hanging upside from the chandelier.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the food. It was really good. 


AT&T launches medical radar device that monitors older adults through walls

AT&T wants you to know that there is absolutely nothing creepy about this.


Study Finds High-Speed Rail Increases Happiness

The study found Chinese people were two percent happier on average living near high-speed rail

What have we learned?

  • the Chinese are easily amused
  • People are 25% happier with an adult store in their neighborhood. 


They're coming out of the woodwork - with guns
  • Two Texas cheerleaders shot after one gets into wrong car - the small 18 year old cheerleader looked dangerous, so he shot her
  • Kaylin Gillis: Driveway shooting suspect shows no remorse - police  - had no idea why the police where there, but didn't shoot at them
  • Then there was the girl who, with malice aforethought, rang the wrong doorbell. Yup, she got shot too.
  • Washington divided on how to stop mass shootings - Here we go: Gun Banning Theater. They have no idea how to stop it... it's all hot air.



Please Stop Crashing Trains So Much, Agency Responsible for Safety Regulation Asks Railroads

Now this is the kind of forward thinking we need in government. It's action. It's reasonable and it costs nothing. This advice would  have saved countless lives in Amtrak crashes in DC and PA.


North Dakota Senate Rejects Free School Lunches Then Votes to Increase Its Own Meal Budgets

CAUGHT!
But it's ok, we'll just vote the other party in next time.


Florida Democrats Troll DeSantis By Trying To Ban His Book
DeSantis signed a controversial law last year that makes banning books in schools easier.

That's funny.
Of course, neither party has anything serious to do at the moment.


Where in the world is Dianne Feinstein? 

Does even Dianne Feinstein know?
The 89-year-old senator has missed 60 votes of the 82 taken in 2023.
She's so old and forgetful, she might run for president



The show must go on

Laura Benanti: Actress says she went on stage while having miscarriage

#respect

This is not the only case of serious infirmity in theater...
  • Sir John Gielgud performed after his loan payment was late and they broke his leg
  • Lady Emma Thompson did Funny Girl nude. Not because it was written that way - because she wanted to.
  • Sir Barbara Streisand tried to do Funny Girl nude, but the show closed during the first scene. At least it took attention away from her nose.
  • The entire cast of Harry Potter performed after inhaling anthrax, thinking it was cocaine.
  • It has recently come out that Sir Paul McCartney performed a Beatles concert in 1967 under the influence of marijuana. Scotland Yard is investigating.
  • Sir Jimi Hendrix did a short tour opening for the Monkees. He was out of his mind with shame and regret, but performed beautifully. His tour manager is still in hiding, 53 years after Jimi's death.


BMW almost went broke, offering to put turn signals on their cars. It was initially a joke, because BMW drivers don't have to use turn signals. In the quest for Most Useless add-ons, Polestar has come up with a real winner: replacing the rear window with a hi-def screen. This way no one will be bothered by what's going on behind the 'SUV coupe.' Not to be outdone, BMW bounced back: in addition to the back seat 31" tv's, there is a 13" tv for the driver, on which he can watch anything he wants, except the road. Built-in Eye Watchers watch the driver to see if he mistakenly takes his eyes off the display and reminds him with a siren, then steel bolts in his eyes. The greatest accessory is the option to replace the tinted front windshield with a mirror. This way the driver can look at himself all the time, instead of bothering with all that nasty driving. BMW drivers hail it as The Ultimate Driving Accessory and have been standing in line for the upgrade. BMW officials are still evaluating a $10,000 battery option. This will replace the seats with batteries. The car won't be electric, but it will explode eventually. They're calling it the Tesla Experience. For people who don't want to spend $10,000 at once, there is a $5,000 per month option which will provide a 12 year old to hack your car whenever you're not in it. Minimum is 12 months. Its working name is 'The Hyundai/Kia Experience." BMW has saved billions on auto-driver software, because all cars automatically get out of the way for BMWs.









No comments:

Post a Comment