a spokesperson for NPR said Musk was undermining their credibility by trying to pull them closer to the center. They like it just fine on the left and will find another outlet for their 'news.' And also, Trump still sucks.
Today I identify as King Charles, playing his favorite Frank Zappa tune: The Idiot Bastard Son
Non-Tornadic Activity
So I'm minding my own business, as most of these things start out, and my friend at the convenience store tells me we're getting another tornado, like last week.
Huh?
We got a tornado last week? I know I need to get out more, but maybe staying in wasn't such a bad idea.
We're getting a tornado tonight? Dammit, I really need to pay attention now and then. It's Easter this weekend? Dammit, this is a sign.
So I checked my phone's weather app: rain and clouds. Nothing different there. Hurricane Spotter: all clear. Driving: good day for a drive, low winds. So either my weather app is practicing Zero Population Growth or it's a distant relation of Darwin. I didn't even get those horrid BEEP BEEP BEEP messages warning of a kidnapped child, tornado, or that a politician got loose again. Wife said there were annoying BEEP BEEP BEEP messages from the Emergency Broadcasting Blather about tornadoes a few states south, but to the best of my knowledge, we were not a few states south. This is like snow warnings: there is snow in the southern portion of the US - PANIC. You are advised to go to the store and buy up all the milk and bread, especially if you don't use milk and bread.
The dog was putting on a prime demonstration of Canine Misbehavior, but we were not going to let her sit outside. So we battened down the hatches: Wife went for a nap, and I sat. It's a good thing I didn't wait at the window, because I'd still be waiting. This is one time when I was thankful for the 98% inaccuracy of weather forecasts.
As I left the convenience store, there was a note on the door that said they care about me. Ok, I think they meant all their customers, even the real assholes, and we should not drink and drive. Hmmm... they might have a point. What about drinking and shopping? Never mind - I was just flying high on the news that someone cares. AND that we were going to have a tornado. I wonder if we need to set out tornado favors.
Driverless bus service to start in Scotland in 'world first'
[1 month later]
Driverless bus service declared 'major failure' after the buses couldn't understand the riders and wound up taking all of them to the shoe store. Good news: female ridership was up 86%.
Apple’s first
India store, years in the making, is finally here
Apple expects gangbuster sales, as Indians get their first chance to Feel the Smug, with no caste discrimination (unfortunately only the upper caste can afford the products).
Mainstream or Pr0n
This is the exclusive ThermionicEmissions game where the reader picks whether the 2 movies or tv shows/books/games are mainstream or pr0n. No looking it up on the web - that's cheating.
This year's Concert Tour to See comes to the Tampax Stadium May 12th, when Ann Wilson's Heart makes their debut appearance. During intermission, Ann Wilson's Heart has a no holds barred grudge match against Nancy Wilson's Heart. The winner gets an overpriced keychain and a $12 cup of beer.
I've been scouring websites to see what concerts are coming up. It has been a severe disappointment, much like listening to the radio. Most of the events are tribute bands! I don't even like Billy Joel - why would I want to see a band playing his music? Not even if the singer is bald. Drag Queen Fight Night is actually a thing, although I'm waiting for the republicans to ban it. Badfinger is touring, with only the original towel guy. Foghat is on the Half Dead Tour, because half of the band is... dead. The other half has onstage air conditioners, guitar-mounted intravenous poles, and private nurses just offstage. Iron Butterfly (In A Gadda Da Vida) is out with the original gaffer (the guy who tapes cords to the stage so no one trips over them). Bachman Turner Overdrive (now Turner), is playing at some bar in Winnipeg. BTO quit by attrition: one Bachman left in the 1970s, one in the 1980s, and one just died). Their original name was Bachman Bachman Bachman Turner, but their manager couldn't spell it.
Forget a K9 unit, this police station has a
bunny
Officer Fluffy has done quite a lot to deter crime in kindergarten-aged children.
The problem is that all the regular police K9s want to chase and eat the furry rodent. This is expected to be corrected next year, when Officer Porcupine arrives.
The Darks are Missing, the Darks are Missing!
You know... clothes. Mine.
For about a year now, my dark clothes have been going missing. Away. Somewhere. Where I can't wear them. They start out in the hamper, on the way to the washer. Then they disappear. I am now down to 4 t-shirts and a pair of shorts. Shorts come up lacking in winter. We have no idea where they go. My mind naturally goes to aliens, or at least ancient astronaut theorists. Why they hang out by my washer is a mystery to us all. Why would beings that can blip through time and space want to hide my wash? It's a long way for a practical joke. Does my dark wash somehow affect the universe and time streams? I thought only the bad stuff that happens to me affects the universe. When I open the fridge and something leaps out at me, misses, and falls to the floor, creating quite a mess. I know that the universe could not continue unless that happened. Or Wife's car getting hit 12 times. I resigned myself to suffering silently, as I'm the glue that holds the universe together. Apparently the aliens have other ideas.
We checked all the usual places: the attic, the car's engine, inside my laptops, and the salt shaker, but there was nothing. It was like they disappeared into a black hole. It turns out they did. I am inadvertently much smarter than I look (I'd have to be). I can afford a few t-shirts, but this is getting ridiculous. If I tried to take them off on my taxes (because I work from home, so they're my uniform), I'd get another unpleasant visit from the IRS, which, as it turns out, has no sense of humor.
So I have no idea what to do. I don't want to complain, because the aliens don't abduct me or conduct any experiments with my caboose. Leave it to me to find the first Grays with a sense of humor. If I could get any video, the t-shirt companies would set me up for life!
33% of Open Source Summit North America speakers identify as female or non-binary!
I identify as CIS hetero male, left handed, Martian... where's MY excited headline? I need better whiny publicity people. Rest assured - I won't join BLM for a headline......
‘Jet packs’ and ultrasounds could reveal secrets of
pregnant whale sharks
Trust me on this: you don't want to ask a female whale shark if she's pregnant. If you're wrong, it will be a closed-casket funeral.
Songkran: Hong Kong arrests two for shooting
water guns at police
When asked why Chicago police respond with rocket launchers and armored personnel carriers. the mayor said it was "just a difference in policing styles."
Joe Biden, who is suddenly Irish, is going to visit Ireland, which has
everybody atwitter (except Elon Musk). The Irish are a very smart
people, and are fine with President Giveaway claiming to be one of them.
They figure he'll have so much fun, he'll drop off $25 billion in
military aid and another $24 billion just because.
While the
above is only partially true (the amounts are to be discovered), Irish
police defused a plan for the IRA to blow up a huge bomb during the
visit. I'm not Irish, but I thought the IRA had made peace and stopped
blowing up anybody within the radius of where they planted the bombs. I
guess, like everyting else, they're back in fashion.
It is
ThermionicEmissions' position that it's never in fashion to blow random
people up (unless they really really deserve it). This does not apply to
blowing things up, which is just clean fun.
While we're
in the neighborhood, Prince Harry will attend Jug Ears' coronation
without his wife (aka The Black Lady). In an unaired chat, Charles said
that Harry could sit up front 'with his real son,' but The Black Lady
had to sit in the back. For her part, Meghan was quite dignified,
apologizing for not being able to make it, because she was having her
pancreas shined that day. She promised to send a gift, then inquired
where one purchases anthrax these days.
The only thing remaining
is what Harry's role will be in the ceremony. For the Queen's Platinum
Jubilee, Harry didn't stand on Buckingham Palace's balcony; instead he
waved from the second floor Royal Loo. For the coronation, it is
expected that Harry will be checking the tire pressure on the
traditional carriages that will carry Jug Ears and his consort (Ho),
Camilla. No one is allowed to explain to Harry that the wheels are made
from wood and don't have tire pressure... Harry needs to feel important.
Before the queen passed, she gave Meghan a special name: Cwmnzzqykklu, which means "The Black Lady" in Welsh.
Mainstream or Pr0n answer
- Mom Comes First - pr0n
- Playtime - a movie
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