You Ate my Table

Your love is like  improperly prepared rat

Scientists Have Solved a Mystery About the Most Powerful Object in the Universe

Guilt.

Today I identify as  Michaelangelo's penis

Ban all gambling adverts, say more than half of Britons

For the benefit of American and other readers, I will translate British to English:

"We are a nation of people who do what the television tells us, especially the ads. We abandoned all personal responsibility years ago. Please take the bad stuff away so we can get back to overfeeding our pets and life insurance commercials."

Freddie Mercury: Queen star's friend Mary Austin to auction his personal treasures

She's 72 and wants to put her affairs in order. Some of the proceeds will go to charities.

It's been 30 years since Freddie left. 30 years. The movie, although somewhat sanitized, gave an interesting look into the private and professional sides of Freddie. By the end, you almost knew him, as well as his relationship with Mary.

Asking the Big Questions: Freddie influenced and entertained millions. He left behind his music and all of his worldly possessions. Was it a good life? If you were Freddie, would you say you had it all and when you left, you were happy? What were you most happy about? Your legacy? Your fulfilled life? An effect you had on one person?

In the end, a person you didn't know will own your house. Another will own your stage costumes. Is there a lesson here? The problem, as I see it, is that we don't hear from enough dead people to help us put things in perspective.

Nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters to me.

I am proud to announce the new Cisco Internet of Things Firewall. I was privileged to work with Cisco on the project, and brought my love for my technology with me. Here is a draft of the instructions

1. plug in the Cisco and get the updates
2. plug your IoT network into the jack labeled IoT
3. plug the network you want to protect from IoT into the jack labeled LAN
4. pull the power plug from the Cisco

You are now protected from all issues the IoT will bring to your network.

Cisco recommends the No Wire option, where the IoT jack isn't attached to anything, in case some ass plugs the Cisco back in.

Cisco and I are collaborating on the CLOUD Firewall. It works the same as the IoT Firewall, but says THE CLOUD on it. This will satisfy the CEO and his buddies because his network uses THE CLOUD.

In the pipeline is the AI Firewall, because THE CLOUD is last week's buzzword. The current buzzword is AI - Artificial Intelligence. All C-level executives must use the buzzword at least once in every sentence. lest they be though of as out of touch. Even the janitorial staff asks the CEO how the AI project is coming along, when the CEO goes to the men's room.

Magna’s new rearview mirror cleverly integrates a driver-monitoring system

You need to check the mirror sometimes, but this mirror's always watching you. Ugh.

As sea levels rise, the East Coast is also sinking

Meh... I never liked New Jersey anyway

 

• I'm enjoying my new phone from werk: the iDevice. No wait. I didn't say that. I'm enjoying that I only have to charge it weekly. I'm still not sure how to operate it, but that doesn't matter. I just have to answer it when it rings, which I can definitely manage. It's a piece of werk equipment, therefore I don't play with it. I use it for werk.
• After not being able to get the last one to ring for a long time, someone made me aware of the mute switch, so I'm ahead on that one thing.
• Unfortunately I'm not so lucky with Teams, which I have to use. It's like they put it together to purposely annoy the users. It has a special feature: the further up the chain the messenger, the less likely Teams will notify me of their message or text. So I get DING DING all day when my coworkers post something stupid about their nose piercings, but nothing when my boss asks me to do something. I've often thought Microsoft hates me almost as much as I hate it.

Speaking of Microsoft, in yet another bid to piss everyone off, they're discontinuing accessories and making them only for Surface. So if you like the $59.99 ergonomic keyboard, you can have it for $129. Don't forget the cameras and everything else. The ergo keyboards and mice are the only thing I like from Microsoft. Wankers.

IMGUR breaks the internet:

As of May 15, 'pornographic' or sexually explicit images are not allowed, with the existing images deleted.  In their stated effort to be diverse, they will be diverse to everyone except those with adult content. No 'hate speech' either. The Right must've whined again. Meanwhile, content from the beginning of Imgur will be deleted. This will delete content from Reddit and all the other social media sites.

I read a lot of Robert Heinlein growing up. Even science fiction dealt with the circular nature of societies. We don't want to go there. Personal responsibility has gone out the window. If there is something we don't like, we're free to ignore it. Delete or turn the page. Stop forcing your issues on the rest of us.

The body being 'dirty' came directly from religion, to keep us in line.

I often say we are a nation of morons. Unfortunately it turns out we are a planet of morons...

Russian forces suffer radiation sickness after digging trenches and fishing in Chernobyl

Who saw that coming? 

 Maurizio Cattelan: Banana artwork eaten by Seoul museum visitor

 He was hungry 

Principal forced to resign over Michelangelo's David visits sculpture

Fired because the historic artwork had a penis. Parents were outraged, probably because they don't have a penis.

Man's viral worm dance at charity event wows Rita Ora

You laugh, but this Viral Worm Dance will usher in world peace!