At least there won't be any cyber-burgers
One of the Secret Service guys asked him if he'll still be running in 2024 and he said yes. Every morning he jogs .25 miles to the front door for the newspaper.
Regardless, he'll need some slogans...
- This was the best the dems could do in 2020. And now in 2024.
- Now giving away your money for EIGHT years.
- You thought taxes were bad now....
- Huh?
- Every bit as deluded as the republicans.
- 80 is the new 90!
- The oldest man in the... ummm... White thingie. House.
- Making cognitive decline a worldwide thing
- Another advertisement for the Libertarian Party.
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A dispute over Southwest Airlines' mask policy led to a passenger punching a flight attendant.
Incidents like these have been on the rise in the US, according to the Federal Aviation Administration. There have been 2,500 reports of "unruly behaviour" by passengers in 2021, says the agency, compared to 100-150 during a typical year. Most of the incidents were related to the federal mask mandate.
Gee, isn't that interesting. Let's get past the point that it's NFG to harm an airline employee. Attendants did not make the rules, although it might be more difficult to get into the CEO's office to smack him.
We're not happy about mask mandates. It shows up in the ridiculous rise in violence (by complete idiots). Dear Ding Dongs: there are better ways of venting your displeasure. Still, displeasure must be vented. I know some offices in DC that are ripe for your communication.... whether or not I agree with you.
I have never heard so many people saying they smelled a rat, when the Flying AIDS hit. Even people who swallow whatever is fed to them.
Don't forget - science tells us that stopping a Flying AIDS particle with a generic mask is like stopping a golf ball from getting through a basketball hoop. K95 masks will stop a particle. If it matters.
Just because we have a large slot machine in the bathroom doesn't mean we're weird.
Does it?
Some like to read, some like to surf. Perhaps some like to pull levers.
Why is there a tabletop slot machine in the bathroom? Is it a permanent fixture?
No, we have to figure out how it works. Since that's important, we put it where we'd remember.
Remind me to look in the toilet before I sit.
MOON LANDING?
The Japanese are landing the first private craft on the Moon. In the craft is their 22lb (357 litres Canadian) rover called Rashid. Rashid is the most common female name in Japan (no it isn't). The lander will be out of contact during its path on the dark side of the Moon*. This is a problem NASA and everyone else has dealt with in any Moon trip. Concast jumped in and said they'd wire the dark side of the Moon, so we're never out of contact. Concast will also be providing internet access to the Moon. Since the solar system is not currently wired for the internet, Concast will use its standard cost of $10,000 per mile to the planet, then $5,000 per block on the Moon. The distance to the Moon is 238,855 miles, bringing the first phase of the charges to $238,550,000, payable now, NASA. Things get more difficult with the $5,000 per block charge and all tasks will be halted until we determine what a block is. Concast warned ispace that the cable they're stringing to the Moon is fragile and vulnerable to breakage from space junk or any alien ships that might fly by. They want ex-president Trump to warn Space Force not to break the cable (again), on their mission, which nobody really understands but pays for just the same. The Pentagon also looked into the signal dropping on the far side of the Moon. The problem was explained graphically, with crayons, so they would understand that the Moon itself blocked the signal, so they were out of touch. The best minds at the Pentagon got together and solved the problem in under a year: blow up the Moon. If you send a few nukes to it, there will be no Moon left to get in the way of the signal. NASA saw to it that the Pentagon got party hats and extra ice cream sandwiches that month.
*David Gilmour was justifiably proud of his song being used as a theme. Roger Waters said it shouldn't be used because of the plight of the Palestinians. UC Berkeley hopes there are no Jews or Zionists on the Moon. Nick Mason, heretofore silent, said he's incredibly proud of Pink Floyd and Waters is just compensating for a medical condition called micro-penis.
The weight of the craft went off the scale because of the Space Lasers necessary to keep the Chinese from blowing it up. Although the craft would not land for 24 hours, the Russians claimed credit for the craft and said it already landed. North Korea says theyhave a weapon that will blow up the lander after it has landed on the Moon. The weapon is already in orbit around the Moon. America immediately went on alert, with the Pentagon demanding $125,000,000 for anti-North Korean Moon orbit weapons (ANKMOWs). President Giveaway said no(!) but the Pentagon ignored him and ordered the weapons anyway.
People still around from NASA's Apollo days are suspicious that ispace won't be able to pull it off. They cite the lack of technicians in the control room with ties, pipes, and thick, dark glasses. There wasn't even a single pocket protector. How can you land on the Moon without a protractor?
The lander is getting closer and closer to the Moon. The technicians assure us that this is very good, if one wants to land on the Moon. Otherwise it is very bad. Yes, the lander has... landed. What are those red and blue strobing lights? Shit - it's the Space Police. They said the lander is not displaying a license plate. They're asking for license, registration, and insurance information. What? They want to know if it's alright to have a look inside the capsule. No, Officer, there is nothing inside that you need to know about. Those panties are my wife's - they're a good luck charm. No, I didn't know I couldn't hang them from the mirror. No, none of us can walk a straight line: Moon gravity is 1/6th of Earth's. What do you MEAN the windshield tint is too dark? We're in space, we have to protect ourselves from the Sun. Look, Beauford, have your boss check with ispace. You'll find out everything is in order. OOPS, NASA has informed us that the aliens have pulled off another of their famous Space Pranks. Good one, Grays.
Despite English not being the first language of some of the commentators, they have managed to squeeze in "super good". Even the aliens referred to their joke as "super funny." The alien mission commander said they have to stop watching so much Earth tv.
The entire operation was on schedule. On schedule, that is, until the craft landed. If it landed. After it was supposed to land, it never got back in contact with its parent. Isn't that always the case? ispace assumes it crashed. Bummer.
I feel inferior.
No., wait, I always feel inferior, but this time I feel inferior as an American.
Let me explain:
- I have never sued anybody. I have failed the legal system, even though I've been sued repeatedly.
- I haven't found a single thing to be offended by. As a citizen of the world, this is unheard of, unknown, psychologically unhealthy, and downright icky (technical term). My short-term solution is houndstooth; it really offends, upsets, and aggravates me. Unfortunately this does not have the cache of being offended by a social cause or anything significant. I continue to work on finding something more significant to be offended by.
- My only real cause is Left Handed History Month and REPARATIONS for my southpawed bretheren and sisterethren. Although I work diligently, I don't have guilt on my side, so I can't make right handed people do what I want.
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