Only One More Day of Medicare Commercials!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Your love is like  a warehouse full of empty fire extinguishers

Our long national nightmare is almost over. The Medicare open enrollment period ends December 7th, also known as the day the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor  (United States). I am not enough of a historical buff to know if there is a causal relationship. I do know that if the country is subjected to one more day of Medicare commercials, violence will ensue. People who were non-violent hippies long before long hair will take up arms.

My buddy asked me to pass along a warning for you: take your antidepressants every day, or you'll wind up crying at tv commercials and inconsolable when you realize that your new shoelace will break some day. However, no matter how sad you are, you'll still become enraged when you see a Medicare open enrollment commercial. 

Today I identify as  the pointy bit of the bomb that explodes first

The Flying AIDS has put an incredible strain on marriages, with many unable to stand it. Divorces are up 70%, according to one law firm. In order to keep things calm and keep families together, here are a few things that might cause upset, so you know to avoid them:

• Spouse's girlfriend
• which way the toilet paper faces
• who hasn't shaved in 17 weeks
• if I see that t-shirt again....
• if they could only put a pot on the stove and open a can..
• do I look like their bloody maid?
• a highly unstable marriage to begin with(?)
• too many Medicare commercials

Philadelphia is known as a city of neighborhoods.

Well, it seems the Delaware County neighborhood just paid $500,000 ransomware.

Speaking off the record, the other neighborhoods were surprised the thieves asked for and got that much,

• What is Krampus, and is it related to the Kraken?
• do either have anything to do with Dutch Heavy Metal? Cuz it sounds like they should.

Another interesting bit of synchronicity...

I was typing some Ufo Stuff the other day. Today social media is atwitter (see what I did there?) about an object in a picture taken through an armed forces fighter plane. Although it's early, we'll see the Usual Circus, featuring the Usual Performers: show hosts screaming DISCLOSURE!, no comment from anybody who could shed any light on anything, the Denial Squad (it was a lenticular Chinese lantern), and maybe even a few cooler heads (this is what one of those weird balloons looks like and this is what the object looked like - make your own decision).

The thing that hit me first was that thing didn't look like it belonged there. It was kind of a triangle shape, with possible points coming out of the sides. It was odd to me that with all the millions of dollars of meters, sensors, and coffee makers on the plane, the picture was taken with the pilot's phone. I certainly have no idea what it is, nor should I. However... stretching the already faulty memory baaaaack a few years, there was an announcement of an aircraft (Air Force?) that was going up, but the purpose was confidential. It was a triangular affair, possibly unmanned, but might be able to stay up for a long time. Looked like a triangular wing that had put on a few too many pounds.

Or, you know... the aliens are messing with us again, sailing their drones in our atmosphere.

Back to everyone's favorite topic - the Flying AIDS, Pfizer's chairman said "We're not sure if someone can transmit after jab..." He said they were also unsure of side effects, but no one cares and no one can sue them for anything nyah nyah. The vaccine comes in 2 doses and was genetically engineered to be as painful as possible to receive.

Healthcare workers will be getting the stab first. This caused someone to worry about side effects, for what could be the first time. Think about this - healthcare workers may be sidelined due to side effects (screw the public). I can't find fault with the vaccine and expect patients lining up for the latest from Bill Gates to completely overlook green skin, zombie appearance, and dropping limbs from healthcare workers who have already received their shot. Remember KMart? Remember mild and meek old ladies going full Predator during a blue light special? Jab Days are going to make that look like a bad 8-bit video game. Oops - Pfizer slashed its vaccine numbers in half because certain raw materials didn't meet its specs. This surprised pharma insiders who feel the spec was simply showing up.

Idiot Governors and Idiot Mayors all over the country are coming up with wishful protections against the Flying AIDS, none that do more than interfere with your rights. California's Gavin Newsum mandated masks indoors, with double masking in the bathroom and triple-masking in the bedroom. This order supersedes Newsum's last order to wear masks indoors when awake. He is meeting with councils of governors all over the country to figure out new and more invasive laws that are just as useless as the old invasive laws. Don't count Gavin out, though - just when you thought he couldn't out-stupid himself, he rises to the occasion. Meanwhile, anyone going or staying anywhere must wear a bubble boy suit. Since more people=more Flying AIDS, families will be restricted to 4 people. If there are more than 2 children, excess will be quarantined in friendly Flying AIDS Camps and returned to their families. Eventually. This applies to 100% of California households, unless the house belongs to a politician, or unless the children under 5 are trans.

Biden asked Fauci to stay on as chief health adviser.

He also suggested the letter agencies "Continue to do what you do best"

and asked Trump to stay on as White House Communications Coordinator.

A little levity for you: there is a United Nations Committee on the Peaceful Use of Outer Space. Although it's difficult to get information, I can tell you the chairmen are John, Robert, and Ted Kennedy.

• The mayor of Austin, Texas, stressed the need to stay home. While he was vacationing in Cabo. The Elite strike again.

Dear lefty  

• What do I do when my 65 year old mother invites her 66 year old boyfriend, Melvin, over for dinner? Do I have to eat with them?
• While the polite thing to do would be to eat with them, the fun thing starts with piping in fart noises to the table. Set them off at just the right moment. Unless they're really weird, they will be terribly embarrassed. Then throw a little hot pepper in each dish. Finish up with the dessert you so kindly made in their honor: vomay soufflay. I guarantee this will never again be an issue for you. Or just go to McDonalds, cuz that's all you deserve.

We're fast approaching the most popular season on the calendar. We refer to it as such because working people get 2 days off, 1 week apart. Some spend their entire working year working up to this...

• What do you get a service elephant for the holidays? Iqbal is very quiet, shy, and happy to do his job, but I want to show him that without him, there'd be very little me.
• While we're at it, what do you get a wife for the holidays? No, don't tell me. I'm going to guess this year.
• Once again, as we ponder the Great Questions at this Great Time, we remember that in multiple personality disorder, sometimes some of them tell me what the others want.  Since nobody wants anything this year, I'll have to get really creative.
• Uranium reaches 'critical mass' at 25lbs, then goes nuclear, so to speak. Although the Science hasn't been done, it has long been suspected that shoes reach critical mass at 2,347 pairs. For self-protection reasons, I'm going with jewelry this year. There are entire turquoise (and anthrax) mines taking weekly video calls with Mrs lefty. That woman is the most popular person no one has ever seen.

Of course it'll be time to act social again too.

I've been excused from social activities since men walked on the moon, due to my tendency not to show up, but I'm really trying, for Mrs lefty's sake. Unfortunately, Mrs lefty's family has things set up in a rather.... complex manner. Since most of the family is in one area, most holidays are spent at the house of the 1 family member not in close proximity to anything (except the next state). When you drive there, you figure you have to have driven so long that you're 2 states over, but no.. you're in the same... state....

One reason I don't show up at gatherings is that I'm not like the others (no, really). Being the AntiSports confuses people and they sit there, trying to discuss sports with me. They're all very nice people, but they want me to drink, so much so that I guard my backside, lest they get too insistent and want me to take some home. There are a ton of those aluminum troughs, with the burners under them, to keep them warm. Uncle Bob also has a burner under him, but we suspect it's for different reasons.  There are more gray meatballs than sold in every convenience store up and down the east coast for the 3rd quarter of the year.  As if being the AntiSports weren't bad enough, they make fresh kielbasa and sauerkraut. I take one taste of it and say I really like the kind of smoked kielbasa I get off the store shelf. If that's not enough to get me dis-invited til next year, I ask for a coke or some soda that isn't diet. The entire house goes so quiet you can hear the carpet growing and I tell them it's ok, water is great. If we need to leave in a hurry, I ask for some lemon for my water.

The kids and I have an understanding: don't bother me and I won't bother you. Unfortunately their parents are nowhere near as wise. Bless them, they really do try to make conversation... "Don't you do something with computers? Aunt Ida has a computer. It'll be the death of her." "Which version of Windows is the best?" "So you're working at home now. How do you get anything done with your wife...."

Mrs lefty has a Theory: they will tolerate anything short of 1st degree murder, because I took her off their hands. And 1st degree is negotiable. 

Mrs lefty has another Theory, but I don't know how to document it in serious-looking symbols. Given 2 bathrooms, one will be located up a set of stairs that's physically harmful to ascend, to anyone with a back problem or who just likes saying they have one. Given these same 2 bathrooms, if one goes out of order, for any reason, it will be the one easier to get to. Given any bathroom out of order, bodily functions will get together to have a laugh at your expense, by requiring the use of the facilities NOW, instead of climbing 492 stairs. So keep your toilet(s) in perfect working order, lest you have to clean the steps too.

Yeah, you're not... you probably shouldn't.. don't get involved in... whenever you need to do something online....  

.... like Amazon, you put in what you want and I'll hit the ORDER button," said Mrs lefty. "In all the time I've had an Amazon account, I've never seen the trouble you had in the past week. Had I ordered it, it would all be here now, creating a trip hazard in the middle of the floor."

She's probably right about ordering.

She's absolutely right about the trip hazard.

I think I just broke the Amazon Delivery Uncertainty Principle.

The item that was going to be here Monday, then Tuesday or Wednesday, is now in some sort of Quantum Hole that exists somewhere between Sent and Delivered, only they can't tell me where. When I went to track it, the first thing I saw was a bold "Your package may be lost." Wow, honesty. But later on they allowed me to cancel it (even though it may still arrive); however, they cannot simply replace it. This is getting somewhat circus-ical. 

So I canceled. Have you noticed that your credit card is charged immediately for purchases, but must wait 3-10 days for refunds? Have you noticed that the entire matter would sit, wither, and die unless I researched it? Kinda like healthcare. i got another email, telling me a purchase would take an additional week, due to the Flying AIDS. Uh, folks... the Flying AIDS is almost a year old, and no surprise to even people in vegetative states. Why did it suddenly lengthen delivery for the English Cocker Spaniel tire jacks, after ordering them?

While this is going on, the AntiSports discovers an NFH team guitar strap. I wisely had Mrs lefty hit the ORDER button. There's one nephew off the list.

Target is selling Marshall amps. This is a bit odd, like Circle K selling sports stadiums. Since their inception in the 60s, Marshall amps have been sold at music stores. No one would even think of going to Target for an amp. Marshall amps are those huge, black behemoths, with white script lettering, behind bands serious about their tone. You can't miss them. Your ears can't miss them either - they have caused more deafness than hearing studies with naked mole rats.

But it's not always me. This week, it's Mrs lefty's turn. Wherever she goes, stuff falls off shelves or generally launches itself at the ground. The problem is, she's never touching any of it. It's like a whirlwind that sweeps up anything not nailed down and deposits it, very loudly, on the ground. Because of the screaming after the falling, the neighbors think we are fighting and throwing plates at each other. Nothing could be farther from the truth: the dog and I are hiding under any piece of furniture large enough to protect us from Angry Flying Detritus (AFD). She actually asked me to make her a cup of coffee, so all the cups in the cupboard didn't launch themselves at the floor and we'd have some plates left. It's getting bad. It started with stuff in the fridge and freezer launching itself when she opened the door. Now it's a free for all and we're doing our best to keep her out of the kitchen. Not that the phenomenon is confined to the kitchen. It also transmits by proximity: I was eating something and a piece of it flew off the plate, getting crumbs all over my clothes and everything else in its path. The 4 churches in the neighborhood have joined the 4 drive-thru beer distributorships in staying away from our house, out of fear and panic. We tried to sage the place, but the sage stopped burning and there was some particularly nasty laughing joining the normal particularly nasty laughing. 

And when I took a look in my Amazon recommendations, there were pink women's sex toys and home repair Stuff. I don't like pink and find the idea of home repair repugnant, distasteful, and way above my meager abilities.

So yeah, I shouldn't be pushing ORDER buttons on online orders.

Don't say a prayer for the atheist patron saint of ThermionicEmissions, Frank Zappa, who died on this date in 1993. The world will never see another.

During a week when I've had trouble with everyone and everything, I figured something out about Windows. First of all, Bill Gates should be branded a war criminal for vaccines and for Windows. One of the constant agitants of Win 10 is the shutdown process. Windows is the only operating system on the planet that needs to 'get ready' to shut down - all the rest shut down. We know when we tell it to just shut the $^$@ down, it will decide it wants to install upgrades. You cannot stop this. Last week I shut it down with the option to install updates: it didn't update anything and shut right down. This week there was no option to update (YAY!), so I just shut down. It then 'got ready' to shut down, first installing updates. The pure evil and cleverness of the exploit cannot easily be put into words. Sometimes you have to respect the work of your enemies (of humanity), and this is one. The other being, of course, Medicare open enrollment.

ThermionicEmissions bids a sad farewell to Bob the cat. Bob owned 2 of our friends far away. He was a somewhat large, very fuzzy black cat, with quite a great personality - almost doglike. He sat on your lap, stole things from the table, and seemed to be friends with everybody. Bob left quietly, in the arms of his people.