Drive Responsibly - Over a Cliff

 Your love is like  rabies

The Super Secret Russo-Cuba Discombobulator Ray is back!  People in Washington, DC have come down with what is referred to as "health attacks," like those in Cuba in 2016. 

According to a government source familiar with the incident, the staffer passed a parked van. A man got out and walked past her. Her dog started seizing up. Then she felt it too: a high-pitched ringing in her ears, an intense headache, and a tingling on the side of her face.

We're talking dizziness, nausea, headaches, balance problems, ringing in the ears, nosebleeds, difficulty concentrating and recalling words, permanent hearing loss, and speech problems.  Russia is somehow involved too, with people in the American Embassy in Russia falling ill.

They're playing nasty. What is the purpose of this? If you're going to play dirty or make a point, don't do it destructively - shoot the ray that makes people grow another nostril or a trunk. Also, be aware, Russia, that we're not hiring the best and brightest, and occasionally they mix up the water pistols with ICBMs.

Today I identify as  a white shirt that gets stuff spilled on it every time 

Those little indicator lights on Microsoft Teams are practically useless, at least where I work. It is made useless by my coworkers. You can never tell when they're in or not. My boss has a habit of showing Out of Office, so no one will disturb him. Others have picked up on this, because any communication at all disturbs them. If I'm the first one in, how can a coworker's light say In Office?

I admit having my own problems.. if I set Busy or Out, I forget to put them back, so I just gave up. This is similar to coworkers, who just gave up (working). One particularly deranged person has Out of Office set and checks email while on a day off. This will be addressed at their next psych evaluation. 

I don't really like the colors - too predictable. If nothing else, we need blue. And puce.  Perhaps it would be helpful to have more choices in status lights too...

• at lunch
• wee wee
• #2
• arguing with spouse
• arguing with dog
• shopping
• boom boom break
• drunk (might just be assumed)

The dog won't get me a Coke. She just sits there, playing like she doesn't understand.

I'm expected to understand when she wants something, like going outside, food, or some of those nice bumblebee treats. Maybe a trip in the car - Dairy Queen will give her a little dish of whipped cream.

So I'm watching a UFO documentary. She looks up and me and says, "They're wrong, you know."

This came as a bit of a surprise. 

I spurted. I "uh'd". I made other sounds I can't spell.

All that time I was right... she fully understood what a Coke is. She just did an incredible job of making people think she didn't. All that sitting on the couch and dropping her toys was an act - she fully understood gravity. All those 'dumb dog' things she did. 

I asked why she hadn't bothered letting us in on the joke til now.

She said there was no reason to until now. And how about some of that Pupperoni?

At this point, I'm checking all my medicine, my wife's medicine, and all of the medicine in the pharmacy down the street. I've called my doctors. I've called her doctors. I've done a little research on canine speech on the net. I got nuthin. Nuthin except a dog commenting on a tv show.

I live in a 7 ring circus - why not a fully aware, talking dog? Like most Extremely Weird Shit<tm>, I decided to go with it. 

She tells me she's the former Undersecretary to the Oversecretary for Military Defense Secretaries. She used to work in the Pentagon (no wonder she had the stupid thing down so well). We're watching this show where ex-military and Pentagonners are flipping out because of what UFO/UAPs can do to our military and country. They're flapping their arms, trying to get some Congressional or Pentagon notice. Now let's face it (the dog says)... you can't get close to Congress without being on the level of Big Pharma. They also have no idea what's going on with the military budget, because the good stuff is hidden in black projects. You can't get near the Pentagon because the religious nudniks think UFOs are demonic and you can't even mention them. 

My dog is the smartest person in the room. Unless there are squirrels to chase.

She continues, telling me the show and the efforts lately are misdirection. I'm jumping up and down, agreeing with her. It's about time somebody finally got it. She tells me there are already groups that know about this, and have known for longer than we've been alive (her life being much shorter than mine). It's extremely compartmentalized, and very few know. All the tv shows and 'ufo research' in the world isn't going to help until the compartmentalized group gives it up.

We're agreeing with each other and giving High Fives, finally getting some sense into the topic.

Then I ask her about the little matter of the wet spot on the carpet.

She went totally silent and hasn't said a word since.

And if I tell anyone she talked to me, I'm going to look the fool...

Damn smart dog, Penny.

• Hey kids - here's your new spelling book: A is for Anus

Giant Ships Are Polluting the Seas With Thousands of Lost Cargo Containers

Oopsie 

Hey Bob - where's that container of condoms for the White House?

Somewhere between China and San Francisco 

• Did you know corporal punishment is still used in some schools?
• spanking is rough on children and harmful to the arms and shoulders of the spanker
• if you really want to traumatize the little buggers, misgender them 

Faceyspaces' Oversight board upheld the Trump ban

Also confirmed the ban on Mussolini, Hitler, and China's Dong Juan Ill

"We're committed to maintaining a safe space for our users, devoid of critical opinions, right wing opinions, bad words, and anything that may offend anyone at any time, truth be damned. We would ban God if he said anything bad about trans people."

Speaking of the Flying AIDS, the FDA reportedly plans to authorize Pfizer's vaccine for teens 12-15 in days.

Promises to authorize vaccine for adults within 10 years, which is roughly the normal time medicine takes to get authorized. 

Two 17-year-olds and a 20-year old died when their car crashed at 113 mph, because someone was playing with Snapchat. Was that the stupid thing? No. The US Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit ruled that the parents could sue Snapchat. That is the stupid thing.

These are the same three kids who sued a silverware company after they stuck their forks in their eyes, then Sears when their lawnmower cut their feet off after they put them in the blades.

Personal responsibility, anyone? 

If you work, or know someone who does, you might be familiar with Disaster Recovery and Continuity of Business. Disaster Recovery is a plan, developed and tested, to get everything back up after a disaster, or a Cardi B concert, whichever comes first. Continuity of Business is a plan to keep the business going after a Cardi B concert.

It is said that if you don't have a Disaster Recovery plan, your disaster recovery plan should be updating your resume.

Things are all higgledy piggledy, due to the Flying AIDS. Most people work at home, which puts quite a strain on disaster recovery and disaster recovery testing. There is a manual, written in stone, which must be followed in a disaster drill. These have to be adapted for home use:

1. scream
2. PANIC
3. look for the dog
4. consider looking for the spouse
5. go outside, quickly but safely, only running over the slower members of the household
6. make sure you're lined up at the right spots.... 1 by the car, 1 by the lawn, line up in size order
7. look for the disaster recovery coordinator - he'll have the yellow vest. If not, wait for the ice cream man
8. did you remember to take the fire extinguisher with you? Go back into the damn house
9. wonder what you're doing outside, when the disaster is inside and you're needed to put things back
10. there is a backup first aid kit. It's backup in the house
11. after the ice cream man leaves, file inside in an orderly manner. Do not drop your ice cream or there will be ants
12. sit there and wait for the next person up the command chain to call
13. it doesn't matter who calls because you have no power, so you can't get into work
14. play with the dog
15. hope that someone else on the team gets everything running ok. They won't, because nothing works out right, even if it tested 100% last week

Continuity of Business has two important steps:

1. make sure the paychecks are ok
2. see #1

Everything after this takes place at meetings, aka Let the Finger-Pointing Begin!

Remember to always have your resume up to date 

American schools' phone apps send children's info to ad networks, analytics firms.

Told you so 

Then there's the Chromebooks, which send directly to Google

Coincidentally, it's National Data Privacy Week.

So log into Faceyspaces and post away.

Do your taxes in front of Alexa and Ring

Dictate your finances to Siri or Google

and order yourself some adult toys from Amazon