We'll Have a Gay Old Time?

 Your love is like  an audience with a very unhappy Saddam Hussain

I'll bet you were so busy with your daily routine that you didn't know the Flying AIDS and Cancer were cured! They must have been: there are new iOS emojis and a Friends reunion.

Today I identify as  an old sunroof that leaks on everybody in the car

Bad business ideas: the pasta pillow

• In the You're Kidding department, a UN study indicates working a 55 hour week increases the risk of death
• Congress has taken this seriously and has shrunken its 45 day work year to 30

I just got done watching the 60 Minutes segment on UFO/UAPs. I was very interested to see what would be gone over, and perhaps, revealed. My immediate sense is that there was nothing new... however, it brought the current information to the public, who otherwise wouldn't investigate or care.  So I guess the purpose was to take away the giggle factor and continue to lay the groundwork for..... something.

Reminder: the effort to study UFO/UAPs is alleged to have started when Harry Reid got $22 million approved. In reality, we have been studying them since before 1947 at Roswell. The information is given to some agency, then disappears. The Harry Reid show is dog and pony. When we find out where years and years of information went, we'll know who has been studying it all along. The group is pretty well compartmented, when even the president and Congress can't get at it.

Continue to watch carefully and skeptically.

Remember MOVE, when a city literally bombed its residents and burned down the block?

Oops - remains marked for cremation were still around, from 1985, in cold storage. Philly's Medical Examiner office is very nervous.

• Eric Clapton lashed out at lockdown and vaccine propaganda, after his vaccine caused temporary paralysis of his hands and legs.

A self-driving taxi got stuck in traffic in Chandler, Arizona. When the service team showed up to repair it, it escaped and blocked a three-lane road. [Who wants to go to the doctor?] 

Told you so.

It's a great idea but it's Not Ready for Prime Time.

And the public is carrying a bullseye on its ass.

We can't let a week go by without more fascinating Tesla news. In this case, it's Tesla driver news. A man was arrested by the CHP for being in the back seat of his Tesla, with no one in the driver's seat. Shortly after being released from jail, he was pulled over for the same thing. Tesla is the modern day Darwin.

• US airlines may start weighing passengers at the gate.
• what could possibly go wrong?
• who could possibly be offended?
• stay tuned for the hilarity!

a Space Force lieutenant colonel was jettisoned after he made remarks critical of the US military on a conservative podcast. But at least we have those spiffy new uniforms.

• Acclaimed British author Richard Cohen's new book on historians is cancelled in the US amid backlash at him for 'not including enough black academics'
• Acclaimed British author Ignatz Dumbweezle's new book on the Apollo space program is cancelled in the US amid backlash at him for 'not including enough black astronauts.'  Dumbweezle tried to explain that the Apollo program didn't have a black astronaut, but they were having none of it.

In Montana, drug-sniffer dog Karma alerted 100% of the time. Some handlers refer to their dogs as "probable cause on four legs."  Local, state, and federal authorities have netted more than $68 billion in civil forfeiture, starting with a bad search. Think about that.

• Here's a nice nugget for your next party: did you know there is a Socialist Rifle Association?

The Microsoft board decided Bill Gates had to go because of a relationship with a staffer.

Still not punished for Windows 

• The most recent Saturday Night Live had the worst ratings ever (3.5 million)
• hmm.... why could that be?

Hugs are coming back. Not everyone is thrilled.

Why would they be? Huggers are the most annoying forms of life, aside from life insurance salesmen. Compulsive huggers should be forced to attend programs.

We all have a personal space radius - mine is 20' in all directions. Having this radius breached should set off loud alarms; so loud it stuns the attempted hugger back to reality and helps them realize not everyone wants their clammy paws all over them. Just because I exist isn't an excuse for you to touch me. I may agree to a handshake, which is a start. Perhaps you can hold out your hand to see if I go for a handshake, then ask if a hug would be ok. Better yet, just assume no one wants a hug and go from there. After you get out of jail for excessive hugging, you should be forced to wear a large sign (or tattoo), that says "WARNING: Hugger" so people can get a head start on you. If you even get invited to parties, you have the effect of chasing everybody around the room because they don't want to be hugged. What kind of mental defect do you have that tells you everyone wants a hug from you, and that a hug is somehow a good thing? Right next to your Free Hugs booth is my Shots Upside Your Head with a Sledgehammer booth. It's not free... people pay me $1 to hit you upside the head when you try to hug them.

EDIT: if the hugger is Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones), forget everything I said

Credit where it's due: China just landed on Mars

Uh-oh: it gave the Rover the Flying AIDS

Target just joined Walmart, Costco, and Trader Joe's in dropping mask requirements for vaccinated people.  Each store will have a full staff of medical people to determine whether or not you got the shot and will put a tattoo on your forehead. They claim it's temporary. But who minds trading the mask for a bright new tattoo? At least you can breathe. If it is determined you lied, Security will throw you out of the store bodily. If you can't remember, they will check your medical records, do extensive blood work, and an anal probe. *The anal probe isn't necessary, they just like giving them, plus it shows you're serious about shopping there.

• CCTV footage shows the wife of Belgium's ambassador to South Korea assaulting shop staff in Seoul. She claims diplomatic immunity.
• Funny, that's what my wife says every time she slaps me.

As China and US population falls, what can they do to encourage people to procreate?

• why do we need more of them?
• state-sponsored alcohol or vouchers to bars
• Procreation Bars
• free state procreating facilities
• discount on alcohol over 2 pints
• billboards: Do Your Patriotic Duty - Fsck!
• Make a little tax writeoff now!

The world's first GMO mosquitoes were released in the Florida Keys. The idea is to mate with existing mosquitoes and render them sterile. There was a lot of pushback, but naturally, they were released anyway. Currently, they have zeroed in on their targets and are mating with alligators all over the area.

Ebay is banning hentai and closing the site's Adults Only section "in the interest of safety". 

I must be stupid, because I can't figure out what adult products have to do with safety.

Another one of those days. The only thing is, I haven't had them like this lately. Things have calmed down since I converted to the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. No, wait, maybe it was just staying in due to the Flying AIDS. Yeah, that's it.

It was Tax Time, and we linux users were screwed, as usual. For the past couple of years, I used a product that rhymes with BlurboTax. I had to run it in a Win 7 virtual machine because we don't do Windows. This year's edition won't run on Win 7, so screwed again. No choice but to do them online, via BlurboTax's website.

The thing moved quickly, but was disingenuously-worded and full of ads for their services. When I checked out, it charged me $40 for my state return, which I explicitly told it I didn't want done. I was not happy, and when I say not happy, I mean the dog freaked out and RAN. I talked to them on the phone, and the nice lady put me through to a supervisor. This should have been my first clue. She explains to me that the extra $40 was not for e-filing the state, it was for preparing the state. Nowhere on the site does it explain this. Further, the actual Windows version of their software does not operate like this. I honestly tried to hold my inner Satan back... it wasn't her fault and I don't abuse people on phones or in restaurants. Apparently the threat of Satan did something and they're going to refund me the extra. Of course it's been 6 hours and I haven't received the email......

Mrs. lefty came in from errands. SOME MF'ER HIT MY CAR.

It was a ding and a scrape. Naturally no one left a note... they just hit it and drove away.

This car is virtually new. For most of my life, I've never had a new, or an unblemished car. The last car was unblemished, for the first 6 months, then assholes started coming out of the woodwork to hit it. I kid you not - there were around a dozen accidents. The car was an asshole magnet. Now here we are, 4 months into this beautiful car and BANG SCRATCH. 

It's gonna take a lot of ice cream to salvage this day.

Ice cream and sex. 

I'll definitely get ice cream.

*Fun Fact: the income tax was temporary, during a war. Now the income tax is permanent, as is war.