Your love is like sailing the yellow seas
In a non-peer-reviewed study, it was found that drinking any amount of alcohol causes damage to the brain.
Uh-oh
Study voted most likely to never see the light of day. Sorry, Uncle Bob.
- CDC urges against kissing, snuggling poultry in salmonella warning
- gives a new meaning to Chicken Fscker
Today I identify as certainly not a chicken fscker, that's for sure
Because it's been 23 hours since the last Important Flying AIDS Bulletin
I think we need to do a study on Fauci. Perhaps he drinks waaaay too much, wakes up and says the first thing that comes to mind, then passes out for another 23 hours. $400,000 federal salary, folks.
- Philadelphia just dropped the outdoor mask mandate for vaccinated people
- you still have to wear a condom, in case you get lucky
Authorized penetration testers went to work on the 747. It took them a while, but they got into the entertainment system. The system is run by Microsoft NT4. The problem here is that NT4 hit End of Life in 2005. Many IT people have never seen NT4. I joke about rebooting the plane in midair, but this is ridiculous. *this is the entertainment system only, and (in theory) is firewalled off from the plane's control systems.
Dating apps are teaming with the White House on vaccinated stickers
- It won't get hot if you didn't get your shot
- Ain't no quickie if you didn't get your stickie
- No Pfizer, no pussy
- If you didn't get stuck, you ain't gonna....
It's great to see that stupidity knows no race or religion: anti-semitic violence explodes across the US
No one explodes over the national debt, spending, or outright theft.
Victoria's Secret Shopping with Mom
I was dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the house. Not so much to see Mom, as discovering we were going to walk around a mall. This was a hobby before the Flying AIDS but I haven't been shopping since. I was not happy. This was sprung on me at the last minute, like being told I was going on a double blind date and mine weighed double my weight. I was not walking around with a breathing arrestor on - I was saving returning to shopping for the dropping of the breathing arrestor requirement. Have I mentioned I was not happy?
Right into the mall was a Victoria's Secret. In case you don't know what Victoria's secret it, it's how they get so many people to pay so much for so little. As we went to ward the store, I experienced only a slight panic, remembering I survived this once before. The only remaining shaking was coming from my wallet.
Mom wanted underwear. Fortunately Mrs. lefty was there to help. While Mrs. lefty looked for some panties, Mom looked too. So I'm not happy to be there, Mrs. lefty is looking for the correct panties for Mom, and Mom is picking up thongs. I heard something rip inside my head and it's going to put me back 12 years in therapy. The only thing I had to comfort me was that Mom had no idea what she was looking at. But still....
But let me say something positive: we were not molested by more than one Helpful Salesgirl. Perhaps they finally realized that constant Helpful Salesgirl helping makes people want to rip off their faces. Or they lost a few Helpful Salesgirls to customers who ripped their faces off. Either way, it was a pleasant surprise. In every other store, we were not molested by anyone, because there was no staff. This was explained to me after I observed, loudly, that one and a half cashiers in a major store on a weekend didn't seem sufficient. They made up for it by being incredibly pleasant - loudly so. I was of the opinion that being loudly pleasant did not make up for having way too few cashiers. It turns out there's a nationwide labor shortage. Apparently you can walk into Lowes and interview on the spot. Most stores had Help Wanted signs. It seemed odd.
Naturally the stores had Breathing Arrestors Mandatory signs too. The Great Unwashed did their best to help by not wearing them, or wearing them incorrectly. And if you expected to see people social distance by 6', you have never stood in a checkout line. It was Virus Theater. But there were people in the mall, among the closed shops and new little booths.
Mrs. lefty sensed my relapse to childhood and told Mom they have to order the ones she wants online. They each grabbed and arm and got me out of there. They held on until I proved I could walk a relatively straight line and speak a few syllables without drooling out of one side of my mouth. I gotta tell ya, it was more difficult that those police drunk stop exercises. You expect me to walk a straight line, put one foot in front of the other, then remember what I'm supposed to be doing? I don't drink, but you can go ahead and haul my ass to jail. My phone carrier's store had closed. They were probably afraid I'd stop in, instead of doing my business online. Every time I check, I have a few more gigs of time that I'll never use. I call them, hoping to lower the price and they tell me I'm already at rock bottom and here's a few more gigs for you. If I could roll them over, I'd be using the phone for 2 years past WWIII and the earth being bombed out.
Hungry, we went to Thank God There's a Restaurant. I noticed a sign that said Pennsylvania regulations state that they can only accommodate 50% of their restaurant. I grumbled. The nice hostess said there would be an hour wait. I said, "No there won't," and walked out the door. Impeach Wolf. Idiot Governor. Businesses are going under because this politician has decided to play Nanny State. We are old enough to make our own decisions.
We found another restaurant. There was a tiny section that wasn't being used... I guess that was their 50%. There was no social distancing and let's face it - no diners had Breathing Arrestors on. Virus Theater. Mrs. lefty got a frozen strawberry margarita. If you did so much as smell it, you would be over the legal limit to drive. Everybody sing: TEQUILA!
Just so I didn't feel it wasn't a normal day, I got home and ran the vacuum, which moved the dirt around, as usual. I really do try to explain to it that it's supposed to SUCK up the dirt, but it continues to taunt me so. I had to put it away because if I kept going, I'd explain it louder and louder and 9-1-1 would have to explain to the callers that it was only me, trying to vacuum again, and not Judgment Day, with a really pissed off Lord. The dog, bless her, is a sharing creature. She got hold of a candy bar wrapper, shredded it, then shared it with the carpet.
I swear to you, the moment Guitar Center drops the breathing arrestor requirement, I'll be in those doors like a shot. They miss me. I get emails and postcards from them daily. Plus there are a few shoe stores on the verge of bankruptcy because Mrs. lefty hasn't been there in over a year. When she walks into the stores, they all yell, "Mrs. lefty," like they yelled NORM on Cheers.
- headline: Dogs 97% effective in detecting the Flying AIDS in human sweat
- Penny is 100% effective in detecting Pupperoni
Do you realize what flying is going to be like? It will be a veritable SPCA, only you can't play with the animals. First will be the Flying AIDS dogs, then the money dogs, then the drug dogs.
Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey has signed a bill to allow public schools to offer yoga, ending a ban that stood for nearly 30 years. Christian conservatives who back the ban said yoga would open the door for people to be converted to Hinduism. But they still aren't allowed to say namaste.
Ah yes, Christian conservatives... doing whatever is necessary to take the fun out of life, because it might offend Jesus. Jesus needs to swat them upside the head and explain some stuff to them.
These are the worst, though. Yoga? Hinduism? These are the same people who insist on Christian prayer in schools. Hypocrites, no? These people have 2 eyes, like the rest of us - they just stare at each other all day.
- If they do Tai Chi, they might be converted to Asians
- if they read Harry Potter, they might be converted to SATAN
- if they say "Ola," they might be converted to Mexi-cans, tryin to get in illegally
- I know some kid who said "Shalom" and got converted into a Jew. Well, I don't actually know him, but my 3rd cousin's best friend's hairdresser does.
A man has been arrested due to an antisemitic assault outside of an L.A. sushi restaurant
This guy did a double shot: Asians and Jews!
A Las Vegas strip club is offering vaccines
If you show up before noon, you can also get a Chlamydia vaccine
"Bye Honey - I'm off to get my shot."
This, my friends, is capitalism at its best.
- The federal government puts out a ‘help wanted’ notice as Biden seeks to undo Trump cuts
- Government: BIGGER! MORE! EXPENSIVE!
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