The Dog Snacks on Peanuts, the Service Elephant on Car Parts

 Your love is like  service elephant droppings

The Flying AIDS File

URGENT 

Shake-up reported at the CDC; two high-profile officials depart

But it's science - follow the science!

Before ruining millions of vaccines, Emergent failed inspections, raked in cash

When contract-manufacturer Emergent BioSolutions contaminated at least 15 million doses of Johnson & Johnson’s COVID-19 vaccine and millions more doses of AstraZeneca’s vaccine at its Baltimore facility earlier this year, the company had been collecting monthly payments of $27 million from the US government—payments intended to help Emergent avoid just such a manufacturing disaster.

CDC Director Dr. Walensky says it's 'possible' COVID could have leaked 'from a lab' and House Intel GOP publishes report stating there is 'significant circumstantial evidence' virus escaped from Wuhan

Today I identify as  binary. The old concept of only one and zero. Since I'm a man, that must mean I'm a zero, because women (one) are far smarter, more clever beings (and can have multiple orgasms).

Google employees call for company to support Palestinians and protect anti-Zionist speech

SUPERVISOR: how is that cleanup of android code coming

EMPLOYEES: that's stalled

SUPERVISOR: why?

EMPLOYEES: most of us are working on the demands for diversity and equality

SUPERVISOR: how is that browser rewrite?

EMPLOYEES: what browser rewrite?

SUPERVISOR: the one you were specifically hired for

EMPLOYEES: oh, THAT rewrite. It's dead in the water

SUPERVISOR: I'm sure there's a very good reason, right?

EMPLOYEES: Yes, we're all demanding the company support Palestinians and protect anti-Zionist speech

SUPERVISOR: how's that search engine promotion rigging coming?

EMPLOYEES: that... oh.... that's behind about a year

SUPERVISOR: favor me with an explanation, please

EMPLOYEES: Yes - we're all demanding Three Musketeers candy bars be removed from the cafeteria

SUPERVISOR: there are starving third world nations, and everything in the cafeteria is free

EMPLOYEES: Three Musketeers' makers said, ten years ago, that people should come to work and actually work. We are outraged and demand an immediate hearing on this unfair labor process.

• Obama Says Government Doesn't Have Alien Specimens, But UFOs Are Real
• Obama wasn't read into the project

There's trouble at the Miss Universe pageant....

What is it - did somebody break a nail? No.

Did a heel fall off?

No - it's cyberbullying.

Miss Cambodia was told she was "too small"

Miss Barbados "often heard feedback that I didn't look quite Barbadian enough"

Miss US was said to be "not US enough"

Miss Black US "isn't black enough"

Miss Scandinavia was also "not black enough"

Not to be excluded, the SJWs objected to the exclusion of any of the 237 other genders

There was also a very large contingent of off-world binary beings and organisms protesting the lack of any non-terrestial contestants in the Miss Universe pageant, or the name should be changed to the Miss Earth pageant, to better represent the candidates. 

The pageant organizers are flummoxed and are considering renaming next year's shindig the "Miss Mute Planet pageant"

*this story was carried in an information security magazine  

• We're on a work conference and hear this loud background noise. The boss apologizes - he's having his windows replaced. I said, "YOU MEAN WE'RE GETTING RID OF WINDOWS?'"
• general amusement, but no such luck

There's this tremendously cool clock that we found.....kinda like this... it has an LED display and gives you the time, the day and date, and Morning/Noon/Evening. It's great for everyone, especially people who have trouble with time, like the dissociative and demented. We had to buy one for my mom (see Dementia page) and Mrs. lefty loves hers.

But time is..... fluid..... relative.... outta sight.

And when I say outta sight, I mean you can't see it.

And when I say you can't see it, I mean you literally can't see it.

The cool clock looked great in the common area, at least until it jettisoned some part or fell down behind the 350lb behemoth Furniture that Will Not be Moved. So that's one down.

We have clocks in the bedroom.

And when I say clocks in the bedroom, I say so in the literal sense.

When I started relying on my phone, I went to unplug my clock radio, and was told "DON'T." It was definitely a painless request I could accommodate. Unfortunately it just blinks the incorrect time.

There's another clock that does all sorts of wonderful stuff. Well, the box said it does wonderful stuff. All I see is it rotating colors, through the color scheme. 

It, too, has the wrong time.

If I forget my phone, I will have absolutely no idea what time it is in the bedroom. 

Oddly, Mrs. lefty knows.

No, really... one says 9:43pm and the other 2:01am, and she knows what time it is. The Guiness Book people called, but she doesn't want to be bothered.

This morning I hear "WHAT TIME IS IT?"  I answered because it would take too much time and cause too much head pain to ask why, with two incorrect clocks, she didn't know what time it was.

I couldn't resist and asked. "Because there was no clock in the bathroom."

What she meant was "there aren't two incorrect clocks in the bathroom."

There is an oven clock that only she can set. The problem being that it insists upon sitting squarely above the oven, in the kitchen. There's a microwave clock which has the same problem. There's a coffee maker clock, which has never been set correctly since it came out of the box. There are wall clocks, shelf clocks, and ceiling clocks. The TV will always give you the correct time. I even put one on the roof, just in case.

"Honey, what time is it?"

"Don't you have 17 clocks?"

"I was digging underneath the house and left my phone somewhere."

The US Post Office is spying on social media.

I'll bet even the White House janitorial service is spying on us.

You know.... if the post office stops spying, they can divert manpower to getting letters delivered (SHOCK). Maybe it won't take $2.50 and 37 days to get a letter from the next state over.

• I never went to college. You're probably wondering why (not really).
• My best friend told me they take a urine sample and if they don't find marijuana, they won't let you in. I thought it was because I couldn't pass the drinking exam.

I'm hungry.

I know this because my stomach is growling.

I don't know why, but my stomach has recently changed its growl. It makes some of the most odd and sometimes obscene noises. Sometimes it sounds like a cat. Sometimes it barks. This really flips the dog out and she barks back. It's funny until I'm in an important corporate meeting. If I'm in an important meeting, it impersonates my boss.