Wednesday, May 5, 2021

High Level Nap Planning

 Your love is like  ice cream and green beans


if you have an iDevice, update to 14.5.1 now.


BlueTooth toothbrushes

My buddy just got one. So I asked him the question that was burning my brain - why bluetooth?

He told me it keeps track of his brushing and gives him stats, as well as letting him know if he's ignoring one tooth.

Fascinating.

Plus his entire brushing history goes to Oral-B. Next year, his dental insurance won't cover tooth #16 because he hasn't spent enough time brushing it.   


Today I identify as the pollen that's turning my car green. 


  • a gamer was found dead, clutching his Xbox controller, after an all night session
  • 100,000 parents just came alive: "I told you if you do that too long, you'll be in trouble!" 


The neighbor situation where I am is pretty good.

Until yesterday, when I found a notice on my car. Somebody had reported it abandoned. I'm thinking the crime stats are really down locally, for the police to have bothered. It's nice to know the locals are protecting us from parked cars, though.

Well, given that it's 'abandoned' a few houses past mine, maybe it's not really abandoned. Maybe it's my 2nd car and I don't drive it much. Maybe there's a neighbor who needs his car computer reprogrammed to play "It's a small world after all" whenever it's started. Maybe the police should ask first.

Being the good citizen, I emailed the nice policeman, asking if it was ok to park my car on my own street. This should be interesting.

I have only had trouble with one neighbor, who took snow from her driveway and put it around and on my car, which was parked on the street. She blamed me for parking my car in the street. I'm not the kind of asshole who calls the police over nonsense like this. Sometimes, the snow plows dump a few loads into her driveway, though. Damn funny to see. Couldn't be me - I don't have a snow plow.


Prince Harry, Duke of Prunes, made an appearance at a Vax Live concert, to thunderous applause. I hope the prince doesn't find out what it's really like to be an American...they'll throw limes and teabags at him.

HEY HARRY!

What?

GOT ANY NAKED PICTURES OF MEGHAN?

No.

WANT SOME?


  • Portugal is opening the world's longest pedestrian suspension bridge
  • bridge workers are on strike already because they don't want to clean up after the bridge scares the shit out of crossers



Flying AIDS News 

Herd Immunity is not reachable, so it's not important. The virus will just become manageable.

President Biden cautioned America's Doctor, Anthony Fauci, that we're not vaccinating herds until J&J comes out with a cattle version. He said we're vaccinating Americans here, so we could call them lumps, glumps, Merkuns, or The Great Unwashed, but not herds.

Fauci said herd immunity is now out the door because no one can figure out what the mystical herd number is, so they'll just twist around some words and put them out into the public for people to repeat for a few months, until the next excuses come out.


  • New York's mayor Bill DeBlasio is calling city workers back to work.
  • The workers are not happy.
  • When have you ever seen a happy New York City worker?


Hollywood stars are testing for political runs.
Caitlyn Jenner is running for governor of California. After their current governor, earthworms would be better, but Caitlyn is the perfect choice for California. Think about it.... Jenner cannot expect a cakewalk, as the Gay Makeover guys are running as one candidate, as is RuPaul.

Animal, from Sesame Street, is running for Los Angeles mayor, under the "I couldn't be any worse" platform. Animals struggles with ADHD and ice cream are well known. Other candidates rumored to announce are Jared from Subway and Ghislane Maxwell. Their campaign managers say that it's wise to vote for someone who is already in prison, which saves the long trials.

Dwayne Johnson, is still working on his presidential bid, because being an actor is qualification enough.

Others include Ashley Judd, Kid Rock, and Matthew McConaughey. At least with Kid Rock, all of his affairs and dependency issues are already in the public domain. The only things the detectives will find is that he goes to church every Sunday, supports orphans, and volunteers at the soup kitchen.


  • Camden County College (New Jersey) held a drive-thru graduation ceremony
  • this was a brilliant idea, and will give them valuable experience for the job market
  • "I'll take two Big Macs...."


MOSCOW (BLOOMBERG) - Officials hailed Moscow's massive facial recognition camera network as a benign aid to residents that would enforce quarantine restrictions, catch criminals and even let them pay subway fares.

Now it's being deployed to crush dissent against President Vladimir Putin.

nuff said?

 

North Wildwood, New Jersey, has spent $4 million in state taxpayer dollars to bring in sand because of beach erosion. Now they want federal aid, like their neighbors on both sides.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your federal tax dollars are going to beach projects for rich people and businesses at the beach, in a different state. Do we get a discount for going to that beach? Hi, I'm lefty and this is Mrs. lefty - we paid to help fight erosion at this beach. We would like the Celebrity package, please. And don't give us any crap about dogs not being allowed on the boardwalk.


  • Google will ban deceptive marketing from Play Store apps
  • will also remove viruses by 2031


NYPD adopted, for the bargain price of $94,000, a canine robot. It was a really odd looking thing, which generated a ton of bad press and ill will. The robot was only used for seeing - it had no offensive or defensive abilities, per contract. The press was so bad, the $94k robot is being 'put down.' New York, home of all sorts of monstrosities, is considering other robots.....

  • a DMV robot: there is no word on if it curses at you
  • a City Hall robot: it actually works. Unions vowed a fight to the death against it
  • another NYPD robot: it only bites black people

Kroger grocery stores will begin testing drone deliveries. Will deliver to home or your phone location. For an extra charge, it will deliver condoms to hotels for 'business meetings'



Google is giving users incorrect information to the question "how long do porn stars live?" by citing faulty statistics from a Reverend who believes that working in the adult industry will bring down God's wrath on you.

That's about accurate for Google  

duckduckgo.com - the search engine that doesn't track you


Twitter ROCKS

--> Hi im a lesbian and i fscking love dick.  centering lesbianism around pussy is so fucking othering to trans and nonbinary lesbians jesus fscking christ

--> I love dick, I just don't like dick when it's attached to a cis man. But girldick or nonbinary dick is totally fine and I don't think that makes me less of a lesbian


The Post Office is admittedly not meeting its 1-3 day delivery for first class (.55 stamp) mail.

Solution?  Change the standard, so it can take longer. Your government at work. A very interesting and sadly revealing article.


Here are some Flying AIDS links. I do not vouch for their accuracy. They are being provided as information to help you decide what's going on.

EXCLUSIVE - Former Pfizer VP: ‘Your government is lying to you in a way that could lead to your death.’

MODERNA: “WE’RE REWRITING YOUR GENETIC CODE”


Freedom Becomes a Long-Haul COVID Victim


I bitched/observed about our lack of decorating/arranging/organizing abilities.

I wanted everybody to know that I took my first step today: I found a magazine with Frank Zappa on the cover and I'm mounting it on the wall in my office. 

Do I get a gold star?  

We visited a friend the other day. We have to make an effort not to notice the large, well-decorated and kept house, and the huge garden outside. It's something out of Better Homes & Gardens. We couldn't put together a single room that looked that nice. Oh well, different people get different talents. When I find mine, I promise to reveal it here.


  • Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced
  • He caught her using linux 
  • when asked for comment, Melinda said, "I cannot keep up with his level of evil."


A Tesla was hacked, using a drone.

Told you so 

Great if you don't have a Tesla, but it won't be limited to Tesla. I maintain that we don't need this level of communicative electronics in our cars. The bonus with this hack is they can turn the car into an access point, to hack other cars. 


  • Bored? Librivox has free public domain audiobooks
  • What are hipster germphobes up to? Take a look

I think it's National Pet Month.
Nobody has any idea how these things come about, or where they come from. I suspect people just make it up as they go along....   
  • Hey, it's National Scrotum Week, to promote scrotum health
  • I'm still campaigning for Left Handed History Month. Strangely enough, I only get 10% support
  • Arm Pimple Week
  • Spray Mop Thing week
  • National Vacuum week (bought and paid for by the vacuum lobby) - it sucks
  • and of course, Nose Hair Month









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