CSI: New Jersey

 Your love is like  xxx parmesan, left out in the sun for 3 weeks

Amazon’s Plan to Track Worker Keystrokes: A Sign of Controls to Come?

It's been days since the last report of Amazon's somewhat draconian effort to watch their workers. Today's is keystroke logging. This is where every single keystroke is recorded so Amazon can see what you typed. This is more a malware tool than workplace spying. 

Amazon will not stop there, no sir. It's cooking up some more schemes to monitor its workforce

• bathroom scales and timers, to monitor your input, output, and time spent producing it
• time spent not typing
• audio monitors to hear if you're talking to someone too much - AI to figure out who 
• rabid dobermans to monitor you making sounds and getting up too much
• urethral and anal catheters, to avoid nasty bathroom breaks....

Today's Olympic News: the Russian ladies ballet team was accused of beating up the Dallas Cowboys, as well as spying on all the other teams.

Apple defends iPhone photo scanning, calls it an “advancement” in privacy

Nazis defend concentration camps, calling them an "advancement" in fighting antisemitism

Biden administration defends multi-billion dollar tax hike as "advancement" in allowing people to keep their own money

Today I identify as  a 767, hijacked to Nebraska

• We'd just like to say hello to whoever now owns Afghanistan; probably the Taliban
• in 20 years of American deaths and payments to the Military Industrial Complex, nothing has changed

Collision limbo

I expected this part of the aggravation to be the least aggravating. This just goes to show you that the glass is always half empty, even if you decide to go with the half full explanation. They were in touch weekly, hence my ease with the process. Only now do I realize that they're just like the rest of the people we've dealt with lately, only they hired a very friendly phone representative to call me and tell me things are going well and on time. Only he stopped calling and giving me Finished By dates when we got two weeks beyond them. The last excuse was someone ordered or delivered the wrong parts, and somebody had to learn Swahili to get the parts exchanged.

This only makes me wonder what the next problem will be, because you know everything that happens to us will only become a struggle and wind up in limbo. 

"Oh gee, yah, we're really sorry, but we only have 3 tires on the car right now. We had to reorder the 4th tire because they sent us three car tires and one farm tractor tire, which winds up being a few feet taller than the actual car. We can install it temporarily, if you want, but you'll probably get pulled over by the police, because your tire obstructs 100% of the view on that side of the car. On the positive side, you'll never get caught in mud or snow.

I shiver to think of what would happen if I had to take the car in for a broken heater knob....

Dealer: Well, we fixed the heater knob - it was just a fuse

ME: a fuse for a knob?

Dealer: happens all the time. However....

ME: however?

Dealer: when the heater knob broke, it sent a spike up the electrical system and fried the car's brain.

ME: does that make my car... brainless?

Dealer: so brainless, it could work in DC

ME: and how long is THIS going to take?

Dealer: no prob, mon, we do this all the time. Should be a few weeks to six months maximum.

ME: SIX MONTHS?

Dealer: yeah, your car is special. It takes longer. Plus the chip shortage has hurt us all. Might even push it out to a year.

ME: I've owned the car for 2 years, of which I've driven it 3 months.

Dealer: yeah, that's how it works sometimes.

ME: hey, ya know that large check I'm giving you?

Dealer: yes.

ME: It could take 6 months to a year.

Dealer: Oh, here comes your car now. All done!

• the Feds seized thousands of fake vaccination cards
• it's great that the Flying AIDS has created income for so many - first Big Pharma, now fake jab cards

Tropical Storm Henri could be forming in an atmosphere near you. So far 16 countries have come together and refused to participate in storms until they're given proper names.

• President Giveaway II has boosted the food stamp benefits 25%, the largest increase in history
• Lovely. High unemployment benefits and nobody works. Will high food stamps cause people to stop eating? 

Couple caught having sex on Bondi beach cliff top in front of shocked sunbathers during Sydney lockdown

Now this is how you celebrate the Flying AIDS! Knowing Australia, they were thrown in jail and will never be seen again.

 The U.S. government has opened a formal investigation into Tesla’s Autopilot partially automated driving system after a series of collisions with parked emergency vehicles.

What could Teslas have against parked emergency vehicles? Are they just flouting authority? When will they start catching fire and exploding? Teslas are good at catching fire and exploding.

Surprisingly enough, Tesla is being demonized for its autopilot; not because of crashes (it's not supposed to be used as a true driverless car), but because it doesn't spank the idiot drivers enough when they treat it like a driverless car.  In other news, the Biden administration has decreed all forks produced from 2021 on must have engraved on them: WARNING - DO NOT STICK IN EYE.

• The Cure Bassist Simon Gallup Announces Departure From Band
• took 40 years to realize band's output was ....  bad 

At a certain point in my musical development, I developed a very large, very loud amplifier called a Marshall. It was 50 watts (British watts are louder than American watts) (no they're not) and had four 12" speakers. This was legendary for me and loud for my parents. As soon as I got going, I'd hear TURN IT DOWN. 

But Mom, the Marshall tube amp sounds better the louder you turn it up, due to the even-order harmonic distortion and power sag from the output tubes.

Mom was sympathetic, as she had to put up with me all my life, but it wasn't entirely relevant to her.

It was completely irrelevant to my idiot neighbor, who called the police. What could we expect from someone who painted their concrete steps? The nice policeman also failed to understand my electronic explanation of why the amp sounded better louder, so I explained using his toaster. It turned out he largely didn't care, and told us if he had to come back, he'd be upset.

  *this was a common Philly Police trick - intimidate the victim

Mom asked the policeman if the very large police station had any practice facilities for bands with loud amplifiers, also failing to impress the fine fellow.

Years went by. My brothers grew up. 

I got louder.

Now I pass cars that make my car vibrate with their sound systems. Without thinking, the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, "TURN THAT NOISE DOWN."

G-bus, I have become my parents.

Could be much worse...

• 80% of Pennsylvanians have received 1st dose of Flying AIDS vaccine.
• said the CDC, throwing around more random numbers 

So I'm sitting in the lefty office, feeling like Advanced Death, when the dog stops by. I'm impressed that she's sitting with me, trying to guard me. Until her mom walks upstairs, then she's off like a shot. 2nd place is better than last, I guess.

RIP Duane, Berry, Butch, and Greg