Your love is like things that rhyme with werpees.
- Olympic news: today is the 14th day of the Olympics
The CDC needs to stop confusing the public
- Bill Gates admits meetings with Epstein were a 'huge mistake'
- also apologizes for meetings with Mussolini, Steve Jobs, Henry Kissinger, and Hitler
Massena, a small New York town, has banned new bitcoin mines because they're 'unsightly'
all those damn hard hats, shovels, pickaxes, and explosives
- freeze-dried mouse sperm on a postcard
If you need to point out on someone's birthday that they're old, there are a number of ways....
- coffin
- walker
- coke bottle glasses
- nose hair trimmer
I have a nose hair trimmer, but it spontaneously disappeared. So all that's left is to braid it.
Today I identify as Greta Thunberg
If more of us identified as Greta Thunberg....
There would be a lot of Greta Thunbergs
Apple is going to start scanning your iPictures for child exploitation images.
They never asked you, did they?
Everybody is against child exploitation (except for the exploiters), right?
This is frequently the reason used to start accessing something someone shouldn't be accessing. It's for the children.
But if they can access your pictures, what else can they scan for? Why is this even an issue? Should they have the right to scan your pictures at all, say, for naked, perfectly legal pictures? And your documents.
The short (and long) answer is NO.
The government isn't allowed to do this because of the 4th Amendment (search and seizure).
Apple, being a commercial entity, can do what it wants, and fervently believes it leads the pack and knows what's best for you.
This is one of the reasons I don't use Apple devices personally: you don't own your music or data or operating system. While android has more eyes on your device than you think, it's not scanning and not clouding everything.
Think about it.... none of us have these images on our phones, but we have freedom from anybody spying on us.
The Universal Panacea
I'm talkin about coffee. Go juice. Brown liquid. Instant humanizer. Get movinger. That magic elixir.
You gotta wonder how someone figured out coffee... hmmm... beans.... I'll bet if I crushed them up and poured hot water over them, they'd produce a good-tasting way to get myself going in the morning (and the rest of the day). I also wonder about tobacco... hey, if I picked it, dried it out, put all sorts of chemicals in it, rolled it up and lit it, it would be pleasing (and addictive). Where do these ideas come from? Probably demented minds, one or two short steps from the Happy Place<tm>. The booby hatch. Rubber room. Laughing academy.
I had a friend without benefits once.
So early ways to make coffee involved those huge canisters, with the green plastic valves on them, that served small conventions. Then the one your parents used: the drip. This also described one or two of your friends. Their personalities were such that no one wanted to be around them. They sucked all the air out of the room, like someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. The drip coffee makers are still around, but you have to show proof that you're over 65 to use one. The drip method sometimes evolved to the drop method, depending on how wet your hands were, or your General Klutziness Coefficient.
Starting in the 70s (or 80s - too lazy to look it up), everybody got a Mr. Coffee. Mr. Coffee? As if some guy, probably dressed as a butler, came to your house and made you coffee - up to 12 cups at a time. And we saw that it was good. Plus 12 cups was almost as much as needed to get through the day. The only problem was that you had to keep it heated all this time, and by the end of the day it turned into some sort of brown sludge that never came off the pot and was only slightly suitable for human consumption. Due to Science, there was always coffee left over, no matter how many pots you made or how many people drank it. Worse was its use at work. No matter how many people drank it, and this includes the ones that didn't pay into the Coffee Fund, NOBODY ever cleaned it out. This either resulted in one person always washing it, or just sludge on top of sluge, until there was no more room for the actual coffee, it had a nice blue fuzzy sheen on the top, and coworkers would regularly vomit upon sight of it. The sheer genius of Mr. Coffee's manufacturer was that they used filters, at one per pot. So you'd have to replace them often (hopefully every pot).
Variations of Mr. Coffee also appeared, mostly the single and two cup varieties. These were for people who didn't require 12 cups. Single people. Sad little humans, who stopped using them when they discovered they would always have to clean it, regardless of anyone else. The ones that kept it clean you had to strenuously avoid because of grave personality defects and weird genitalia.
In the 90s (plus or minus 20 years), the Foo Foo stuff started to appear, like the French Press. The Bench Press. The Double Triangle, that used more filters than your car's engine. The Upside Down Triple Press, which was responsible for more burns in a single year than hot water and working on radiators combined.
These all had one thing in common: they brewed shitty coffee. No matter how you changed around the variables, it wasn't drinkable, except for certain salesmen at work, usually involving used cars and men with checkered suits.
Round about this time, Dunkin Donuts was going strong, for the people who went out because making coffee was beyond their abilities. They started carrying beans, at which time you discovered that no matter how you played with them, you couldn't make it taste like it did from Dunkin itself, like pizza and cheesesteaks. Then appeared [holy music] Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks: home of the bitter, overroasted, overcharged beans. You could even buy a pastry, for 4 times what Dunkin charged. These stores popped up all over the place, like a Flying AIDS epidemic, only without the masks. They were even in supermarkets and places that did car repairs, as well as fine clothing shops and eyebrow boutiques. They eventually realized they might've overdone it, so they closed the stores that were inside Dunkin Donuts. They had really good ice and cream drinks, but the rule was Don't Drink the Coffee (unless you were a pretentious prick, like some of the people behind that counter who referred to themselves as Baristas). You were not a Hollywood star unless you had a Starbucks cup in your hand whenever you were seen. This was eventually replaced with water bottles filled with vodka.
Then came one of the greatest inventions known to modern man: the Keurig.
For a ridiculously inflated price, you could buy a coffee maker. You'd stick these little plastic pods in them and hit GO. Even if the coffee was shit, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CLEAN IT. And believe me, most of the coffee is shit. But the ease of use is through the roof, unless you're still too confused and have to go to Dunkinbucks. You can't make more than a cup at a time, but it will go on forever. By the time your party is over, you'll still be making coffee. I'd still do it - as an introvert, I'm much happier pushing a button to make coffee than talking to people. I have the coffee pods trucked in weekly... it's my only indulgence (unlike SHOES, Dear). Apparently the used coffee grounds are good for plants. Either that or we've been the victim of a cruel and hysterical joke. Because we have the used pods all over the house, including bathrooms, so Wife can pull them apart and put the grounds in plants. She also puts bits of plastic, Drano, and handfuls of dust into plants; not because she heard it was a good thing.. but because she likes to.
This has also created a larger market for creamers, especially the flavored ones. There's coconut, Almond Joy, salted (naturally) caramel, broccoli, and 5W40 motor oil. In fact, the only creamer you have to order specially is the regular old cream. Don't get me started on pumpkin spice....
I have a cup a day, at least until my face touches the work computer, at which point a second cup is required. The only problem with the pods is that they won't make 2 cups at once. If I could do this, my work would improve greatly, avoiding the time needed to make the second cup. Maybe a dual-headed Keurig, which would look like some sort of sex toy used by people in Washington, DC, and New Old Swaziland (now called Iraq), where all forms of sex have been prohibited. If I make 2 cups one after the other, my mug has to be the size of a Volkswagen and even then it comes to the top. If I adjust the size of the Keurig's output, I can get two cups down to the size of the couch. This may or may not be sufficient to get my work done, assuming there are no cushions on the couch or loose change inside.
- If you have to ask "Are you awake?" -they're not.
I have Reverse Body Dysmorphia: I think I have defined arms, a flat stomach, and beautiful hair that doesn't fall out
Renterprise Strikes Again
Just when we thought we were mostly free of the rental debacle, we got notice of a toll fee of $25, which was a toll of $16 and a service fee of $9. In order to come up with a toll of $16, we'd have to do a day's driving to the boondocks of PA. As for a service fee, are you kidding me? I should get a service fee for renting one of their cars. Out of all the slimy stuff they pulled....
Used car salesmen running a car rental agency.
- Andrew Cuomo's top aide will resign amid sexual harassment scandal
- Cuomo says "It was her. Now will you all leave me alone?"
Truly UPSIDE DOWN WORLD
A lot of times, it's just downright goofy. This is the Stock Exchange, fer chrissake.
Firms on the Nasdaq, which include tech giants such as Apple and Tesla, will have to have at least two diverse directors, or explain why they do not.
The directors should include one person who identifies as female and another as an underrepresented minority or LGBTQ+.
Still no left handed history month.
- We know that Disney World (the Mouse House) sucks up money like Microsoft sucks up data, so it will not surprise you that at the new Star Wars-themed hotel, a weekend for two costs $4,800.
- bj from Wookie extra
Woman sues McDonald's for $14 after its ad for food forced her to break Russian Orthodox Lent.
- Car crashes into building.
- Gun kills eight.
- Pen stabs moron in neck
Check to see if you have one of these routers
If you do, contact your provider. There's a really serious bug that's being exploited now and things could get ugly.
One of the widely acknowledged Windows pioneers is pissed because while using Microsoft Edge, it spontaneously gave him a popup, advising him of an alternative.
In other words, his browser provided him with an ad
His browser - not a site, gave him an ad.
I wonder why a Windows pioneer is using a Windows browser. Use Firefox.
Remember: neither your operating system nor your browser should provide you with ads. An ad blocker will take care of ads from sites.
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